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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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good job
Ya know it's funny you picked shadow for a name cause that was what I called my black cat. She was always in my shadow following me. If good ol sunbutt finds out about Al and Luna' s relationship then try to write it as her understanding why they got together rather than not. Can't wait for the next chapter bud.
Alrighty then.
It seems that a mysterious error has resulted in my comment being deleted, worry not though I am still living (kinda) so I can give you some more constructive criticism but alas it seems as though other people have already done that for me and more then often the error strikes them as well so I will leave you with this.
You can go far in fimfic with the determination and imagination you have however you still need to learn a lot abut sentence structure, grammar and spelling (I myself have trouble with sentence structure and tenses, while my grammar has improved it is helped by the fact that I have a grammar correction program on my computer)
No one is immune to errors and bad writing you need to learn to bring your characters into the 3rd dimension or the 2nd at the very least, but if you are unable to take constructive criticism you WILL not succeed, some people will overlook bad grammar, and cliche ideas but not many.
Remember when people post criticism they are trying to HELP you, I took the time to think out and write this to help improve your story I am not trying to attack you or discredit you I love to see new authors popup and create masterpieces even if they are a little ruff around the edges but if every artist out there refused to take criticism art wouldn't look good at all, criticism allows you to improve the areas that you are weak in, I know this myself I have trouble with 'talking head syndrome' ( it's where I focus too much on dialog and not enough of scenery, making the story setting more like a lecture rather than a story)
So there you have it, take what you will from it, I'm not attacking you and I'm not insulting you all I want is to help you ( as cheesy as that sounds its true)
If this message happens to come across the error that many others in the comment have faced, I'm done, you do not deserve help in that case. If you read through this entirely thank you for taking the time out of your day to read through my rant and sorry if it offends you.
Wow so rushed and it almost seems like english is the authors second language I hope he gets an editor soon to fix all the errors.
the bad grammar it hurts.
Yeah and police girls' name is spelled sera's Victoria, not Sears like the mall just to help ya
Stupid auto correct.
Hahahahaha Love it.
I think you should have named him Baskerville after Alucard's dog.
By the power of the leaf
Is English not your first language or did you write this drunk?
I write mine drunk then get my editor to fix it, he hates it when I send him my drunk ramblings lol
8664160
Yeah the leaf is so powerful...isn't it?
8733352
Second vote that......good god ~~"
called him alucard instead of roy several times, not really a big deal but its a bit distracting.
Hey, if your still writing this fic, can u not switch between alucard and Roy, it's giving me a headache
That's true. also Sharp*
This needs a remake, the story is good but Alucard or Roy is giving to much information for no reason. Having exposition for the sake of exposition makes the story feel unnatural and force. Why would you tell someone you just met all your traumas and problems? Or why would you tell them about your powers or even your intention of killing another being ?
BAAAM!!! Best Princess Waifu became his Marefriend!
♡
Wonder if Celestia and the Nobels will make problems I wish em luck
Alucard? Didn’t he introduce himself as Roy?
Why is it escalating so fast lmao
10138977
he did yes and i missed that name swap lol
(Haw do they know the name Alucard it was not said before this I’m so confused? )