Equestrian Fugitive

by AnonymousWriter

Chapter 1: First Time On the Job

Chapter 1: First time on the job
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It was the Royal Guards first time on the job. He had become a Royal Guard of Canterlot. His name was Night Guardian. Night had a blue coating with a moon crescent and two words crossing the crescent.

He was a unicorn with cyan hair his mane was a suitable length for being a Royal Guard. Night walked through the gate of the castle and then trotted through the big doors leading into the castle and eagerly strolled into the main doors of the castle.

He strolled down the hall and had a glimpse at the amazing art of the 6 elements of harmony that took down Nightmare Moon. He saw pictures in books on the Myth of Nightmare Moon who could have possibly ruled Equestria and taken over Celestia. The thought horrified him so he stopped in though and focused on something else. The story scared him as a foal and up to this day still gave him the shivers.

He felt a rush of happiness flow through him as he thought back about his brand new job. he went to the Employment Office where there was a mare, sitting behind a desk that was in front of him. "Can I help you?" The mare asked with a monotone voice and expression of boredom.

"Yes, please! This is my first night on the job! I am Night Guar-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it just let me look through the book." Night was cut off by the bored pony. She had an accent from Manehattan.

"Ok so you are Night Guardian, you are 24 years old, you are employed for the Night shift and you are from where?" She asked.

"On the outskirts of Fillydelphia." He replied with impatience in his voice.

"Just testing... Ok so you will be guided by the head of the Royal Guards to where you will start your shift." She said. She pointed to the Stallion with a blue mane and white fur. He was a unicorn and Night knew exactly who he was.

Night was walking down the halls with the stallion Night looked at him and said "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Shining Armour!" He said. Shining Armour kept facing forward but said

"You too, but don't get used to seeing me often. The other stallion is on vacation with his family in Las Pegasus. He will be back in a week." He said.

He was taken to a room where he put on his uniform and given a weapon that all guards get. It made him feel smart and powerful, and he loved that feeling. He then put on his helmet, which made him feel more powerful.

Then the pair of ponies walked into a prison like room where there were ponies that looked awfully grim. One of them looked wimpy and screamed "I WAS FRAMED!!".

Then a guard looked at him and said "Quiet, it's lights out. Go to sleep." Night was then taken to a cell with a pony that had a clipboard on the outside of the cell like the others did.
It read out: PANE CRUSHER, MALE, AGE 47, UNDER ARREST REASON: VANDALISM INVOLVING 30 GLASS WINDOWS OF RESIDENTS HOUSES. SENTENCE: 1 YEAR IMPRISONED.

"You will guard this cell for the night, make sure he doesn't escape or do any harm to you. Celestia bless you." Shining Armour said to Night. He walked off and left, leaving only Night, the prisoners and the guards.

"Are you guarding me tonight?" Pane had questioned. Night replied with

"Yes, now be quiet and go to bed, it is lights out.". The guard next to him whispered

"Good job! Keep it up.".

"Thanks." Night whispered back.

"So when did you start?" The guard asked Night.

"I started today actually." Night replied with stride and positivity, clear in his voice.

"So what do we do now?" Night questioned.

"We stand right here and guard the prisoners. That's it really.".

"Ok. So what is your name?" The Night asked the guard.

"I am Flash Sentry, you?" Flash asked back.

"Night Guardian, call me Night or Guardie." He replied.

"You can call me Flash." Flash replied. "Ok." Came back the reply.

The night had continued on like this. The occasional question was asked and then came back the answer and then things went on. Night had been thinking about how his job as a guard was not quite what he expected. He expected more action, but he was fine and could live with it. After all, a job is a job. And he would enjoy it. He could feel it.

The sun had risen over the hills and his shift was over. Night said his goodbyes to the guards. The guards said goodbyes and strangely, so did some of the prisoners but they were then told to be quiet.

Night walked outside of the castle doors where the two guards guarding the door told Night to have a good day and would see him the next night. He said his goodbyes back to the pair of guards and walked outside the royal perimeters of the castle and started walking. "I think that my first time on the job went quite well." Night thought to himself.

The morning was warm and welcoming and Night went to his home where his family greeted him and invited him in for breakfast. He decided to eat his breakfast and promised he would answer his family's questions when he woke back up. He went upstairs into his bedroom and laid down on his bed and instantly fell asleep on the couch. He was exhausted.

He had a dream about his family cheering for him at the Royal Guard Ceremony. And dreamt up until he woke up that evening for his second time on the job...

Author's Note:

I just want to say that these chapters will be posted at random times. And have a nice day :D

Comments

[Vitae]

I have flown over the ocean,
I have seen ships from distant lands,
I have visited a world not my own.
I am a traveler, forever bound to the sky, cursed(some say)to wander forever.
Never putting down roots,
I am one with the wind,
Drifting along like dandelion fluff.
Here I am, belly on the grass,
And the shadow of an elder tree on my back.
Tomorrow I will carry my song Elsewhere,
To distant shores,
To distant ears.
(Silver Glow; {Silver Glow's Journal} Circa~2016-2017)

Please be a bit slower with introducing things, it is quite jarring the way it is now.

I'd advise that you describe things such as the castle and its dungeons and paint a picture for us instead of trying to bullrush through it.

The dialogue was quite rough and lacked the ability to keep the reader focused on it.

Again, paint us a picture of the scenes, of the story itself in words.
Why did he become a Royal Guard?
How did he become a Guard?
Who is his family and why are they important at all to the plot?
Where is all of this taking place besides some drab boring dungeon in the middle of a cardboard cut-out of Canterlot?

[AnonymousWriter]

7879634 I was a little offended by your comment but thank you for the advice

[Vitae]

7879764
Offensive or not that person is correct, and very honest at least.

7879634
You mayhaps could have offered insight on what made it bad too?

[Iron Sky]

The sentences are all very simple, and matter-of-fact, like you'd read in a children's book with large pictures opposite the words. The language doesn't flow, or immerse the reader in the story.

You spelled everything correctly, and the grammar is decent. That puts you ahead of most new writers, in my opinion.

Keep writing. You'll get better.

[VexEffects]

7880594 you basically summed up what i was gonna say :p

Keep up the good work mister writer

[Earthpatriot117]

There was some typos, and you used to many of the same words in a paragraph.