Chapter 6
Fish flopped along the ground, directed by Fluttershy towards their brand new pond.
"Ah just don't get it," Applejack said, throwing her shovel to one side. Spike darted around, picking up the discarded shovels as Twilight finished filling the pond with water from the reservoir. "Water doesn't just stop flowing for no good reason."
"No, it doesn't," Twilight agreed. "But I think that may need to be a mystery we answer as we catch up to Rarity."
"Which we would've already been doing if somepony would've let us leave sooner," Rainbow Dash said, eyeing Fluttershy as she finished nudging the last fish into the pond.
Fluttershy, whose nose was already near the ground, shrunk even lower down. Spike winced, even though inside he agreed with the blue pegasus.
"We need Fluttershy with us," Twilight said. "And if she wanted to make sure the animals were safe before we left, that's her decision."
Spike set the shovels down in a pile by Fluttershy's cottage, trying to hold in grumbles about Fluttershy's priorities. One shovel clattered to the ground as he turned away, but he didn't bother going back to pick it up. They had to get going. Rarity and Sweetie Belle were out there. Couldn't we have just asked some other ponies to take care of this whole pond-digging business? But as Spike imagined that scenario, he realized it would've taken just as long.
"Now, once you've got the hole dug, you'll need to fill it up gently…no need to rush…too much water will hurt the earthworms!"
Spike could just see Fluttershy micromanaging any task that involved animals. Quietly, of course. He shook his head, walking back over to everypony by the new pond. What's done was done. At least now they could get moving.
"Everypony set?" Twilight asked, magically adjusting the straps of her saddlebags.
Fluttershy straightened up. "Oh, yes, thank you, Twilight."
"Whatever it takes to get you to come," Twilight said. Fluttershy nodded, and then they both turned and began walking into the forest, with the other ponies following.
Couldn't have said it better myself, Spike thought, hefting his bag over his shoulder and walking behind everypony else. He could hear Fluttershy mumbling to herself as they walked.
"Now, you've made a promise. Dragons or no dragons, Rarity needs you."
Pinkie Pie bounded alongside the pony lineup as they marched through the first paths of the Everfree Forest. Naturally, she was singing. "We're coming to save you, Rarity! Don't you fret or fear! We're coming to save you Rarity, even-if-you-don't-really-need-it-and-Sweetie-Belle-is-safe-and-your-secret-quest-is-taken-care-of-and-those-Royal-Guards-just-got-lost-or-something-we'll-still-bring-you-some-friendship-and-hopefully-some-CHEER!"
The pink pony gasped for air, her chest heaving in and out. Spike passed her, shaking his head. Applejack glanced back over her shoulder at Pinkie Pie.
"Better keep singin' to a minimum, there, Pinkie," Applejack said. "We don't want to attract any unnecessary attention in these woods."
An image of timberwolves flashed through Spike's mind, and he gulped. I hope Sweetie Belle caught up to Rarity. I hope, I hope, I hope—
"We'll be fine," Twilight said. "As long as we stick together."
Spike picked up his pace, barely listening to any more of the ponies' conversation. Sweetie Belle has to be okay. She has to be. And Rarity…she…she…
His small dragon brain couldn't even begin to process what he'd do if Rarity wasn't okay.
Air tore into Rarity's lungs as they surfaced. Sweetie Belle gasped beside her. Rarity grabbed for her sister, throwing a hoof over her to prop her upright on the raft. Her chest burned as she took a second, desperate breath.
Stef'an turned his head to face them and the gold plated raft caught the sunlight as it shifted, making Rarity wince. "They're still coming," the sea serpent said, gazing up into the sky. "We haven't lost them yet. We need to get farther from the forest."
"Rarity…no…I can't! Please don't make us go underwater again!" Sweetie Belle pleaded, quivering beneath Rarity's hoof.
"Stef'an?" Rarity asked the serpent as he swam them snake-style through the river. Her coat dripped around her hooves, and she was sure the food in her pack was ruined.
"I'm sorry," Stef'an said. His golden eyebrows creased together. "I'm afraid it's the fastest way I travel, and we need speed to lose those gargoyles."
"Gargoyles?" Rarity spun to look at the creatures flying after them. What about the dragons?! But no… The more she stared, the more she realized the beasts with the leathery wings weren't dragons at all. They were far too thin, and far too ugly.
…They were the same as the creature that had made off with her sister, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo the night before. Except now, there were more of them. At least six or seven, from Rarity's quick count. All headed their way. Oh my.
"Hold on tight again, please," Stef'an directed as the gargoyles drew closer.
"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle squeaked, scotching even more under Rarity's hoof and hugging her sister's body tight.
"Deep breath, Sweetie Belle!" Rarity said, sucking in her own.
Down they dove. Rarity's pinched her eyes shut, once again using her magic to cling extra tight to their raft and to her sister.
The river water rushed around them, though this time, there were no rocks hurdling past them. It seemed the gargoyles were at least out of boulder-throwing range. Judging by Stef'an's swimming rate, Rarity hoped they'd soon be long gone entirely.
She could feel her mane flowing behind her in the water like somepony had grabbed it and wouldn't let go. Same with her tail. She didn't dare open her eyes for fear that sand or river grime would get washed into them as they traveled underwater at Stef'an's, admittedly impressive, super-speeds. Gargoyles. Gargoyles. Why gargoyles? What is happening? Rarity's brain couldn't begin to think of an answer, perhaps from lack of oxygen. Her chest ached between her wasting lungs and her pounding heart. Adrenaline shook her whole body. All thoughts of gargoyles quickly vanished and the thought of breathing took over completely.
They needed to surface. It was too much. She needed air, and she needed it now. Same with Sweetie Belle. The little filly's grip was loosening.
Rarity used her last bit of energy to magically tug on the fin on the right side of Stef'an's head, pulling it upwards. He got the message, and swam back to the surface. Both her and Sweetie Belle gasped once more, splashing through to the top of the river.
As soon as she could manage it, Rarity spun to glance behind them. She couldn't even see the forest anymore, much less any gargoyles. She hesitantly allowed herself a moment of security. After all that swimming, she was pretty sure they'd done it. Pretty sure they'd escaped.
Sweetie Belle coughed next to her on the raft, and Rarity pushed her sister's mane away from her face, making sure her eyes and nose were clear. "Are you alright, Sweetie?" she asked.
"Yeah," Sweetie Belle said weakly. "Yeah, I think so."
"You're sure?" Rarity asked, fretting over the filly until Sweetie Belle pulled away, swatting her sisters' hooves back. "Er—right then." She glanced over her shoulder once again. Still no gargoyles. They were safe. Weren't they?
"We've lost them," Stef'an said. He slowed down his swimming to a more casual pace.
"We have," Rarity said, breathing a sigh of relief at his confirmation. Stef'an swam onwards, presumably towards a meeting spot for others of his species, at least Rarity could hope. She'd certainly lost enough time already on her mission.
"I just don't understand. Why are gargoyles attacking us?" Sweetie Belle asked, wringing out her mane with her hooves. The water dripped down onto the fancy raft, running off the sides and down Stef'an's scales into the river.
"The gargoyles have been doing a lot of strange things lately," Stef'an said.
"Last night a gargoyle wanted to eat us," Sweetie Belle said. Then her eyes flew open. "Do you think we weren't big enough for all of them? Maybe they've moved onto hunting sea serpents!"
Their guide shook his head. "I don't think they were going to try to eat me," Stef'an said. "Though I'm sure I'd be a delicacy." He put a thoughtful finger to his chin.
"Oh, indeed, of course," Rarity said, barely even thinking about what she was agreeing with as her brain turned over the facts. So now, not only are the dragons against the sea serpents, the gargoyles are as well? Or are they just a rogue group, doing their own thing?
"No, I think they were trying to keep me away from the Everfree Forest," Stef'an said. "After all, it was just a few weeks ago that they chased me out of there, rather rudely, too."
"Gargoyles chased you out of the forest?" Rarity asked, making sure she understood him correctly.
"Yes, and I wish I knew why," Stef'an pouted.
"Wait, so if they chased you out of the forest…" Sweetie Belle stared back upriver. "Maybe they were trying to take it over or something. What if…what if there's more of them? Rarity!" She spun to face her sister. "What about Scootaloo and Apple Bloom?! And Spike? Do you think they got out of there okay?"
Rarity's heart flipped in her chest. Spikey Wikey? It took all of her willpower to keep her facial expression calm and collected. "I'm certain they're fine, Sweetie," she said, as reassuringly as she could. A small whimper managed to escape her mouth, but her sister didn't notice.
Stef'an watched Rarity carefully, and deftly changed the subject. "I suppose that's a mystery for another day. We'll be at the sea and on our way to Sea Serpentia's ceremonial meeting isles soon."
"Oh dear, the meeting isles already? Well, we better prepare ourselves, then." Rarity refocused her attention. How are the sea serpents going to welcome an ambassador whose mane looks like something Opal coughed up?
She knew exactly what she'd need to do to pass the time between now and when they arrived at their destination. Her horn glowed as she began to tackle both her and Sweetie Belle's ragged coats. She could only hope it'd be enough of a distraction. She desperately needed the vision of an entire horde of gargoyles attacking her Spikey Wikey to disappear back into the far corners of her imagination.
Her hooves shook. Rarity narrowed her eyes in an effort to keep them steady.
Please just stop already, overactive imagination. Spike is just fine. He's safe back in Ponyville, where he belongs. Far, far away from any gargoyles.
"Well, I think we can safely say we've figured out what happened to the river," Rainbow Dash said, flapping her wings to fly up higher.
Spike's toes squished unpleasantly through the muck of the flooded forest. Ahead of them, the river spilled around a huge pile of boulders that had dammed the entire thing up. "It wasn't like this yesterday," Spike said, scratching his head. "I don't get it."
"Um, everypony?" Spike heard Fluttershy ask meekly. He'd let somepony else answer. He needed to figure out what was going on with the river, and if it would have affected Rarity and Sweetie Belle at all.
Twilight walked around the muck, examining the rock pile from every angle with Applejack. "This isn't natural," she determined, stopping in her tracks.
"Ain't natural at all," Applejack agreed, poking at one rock with her hoof.
"Ahem," Pinkie Pie cleared her throat. "From my professional opinion, growing up on a rock farm and all…" Pinkie picked up one rock to peer at it closely. "These rocks are definitely not from around here."
"Everypony?" Fluttershy asked again.
"You're right, Pinkie," Twilight said. Spike noticed she wore an expression of mild surprise at Pinkie's reasonable contribution to the conversation, though she hid it well from everypony else. "There are no cliffs around," Twilight continued, scanning the area. "No mountains anywhere close enough to have caused a rockslide into this very spot."
"Um…um…!" Fluttershy squeaked.
Spike hopped up onto one of the larger boulders to escape the mud for a few moments. "I mean, I know this is the Everfree Forest, and wacky stuff happens here, but random rocks?"
"Just. Plain. Weird." Rainbow Dash flew past Spike, circling the rocky dam.
"Everypony!" Fluttershy trotted forward to the middle of them all, her eyes darting about at the trees overhead.
"Yes, Fluttershy?" Twilight finally answered.
She flew up to cower behind Rainbow Dash, shrieking, "Up in the trees! There are…there are…d-d-d-dragons!"
"Dragons?!" Spike looked up so fast he nearly felt his neck snap. What? No! Impossible!
Above, glowing eyes glinted in the dark of the forest. Before anypony else had a chance to scream, they attacked. But as soon as they left the trees, Spike realized they weren't dragons at all.
They were gargoyles.
"RUN!" Twilight yelled. She didn't need to say that twice. They bolted.
There must have been at least fifteen, no, twenty of the gargoyles at their heels. Applejack did a barrel roll through some thick weeds, dodging as one swooped towards her. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew so fast their wings became a blur. Spike ran as quickly as he could, but he just couldn't keep up with his friends. A raised tree root tripped him up, and Spike soon found himself sprawled spread-eagle in the mud.
A massive roar sounded behind him, and he flipped himself over just in time to see a huge set of jaws flying towards his face. Instinct kicked in, and Spike blew out his dragon fire straight into the beast's mouth.
It shrieked an awful sound, like a hoof down a chalkboard. Spike threw his hands in front of his face and scooted backwards away from the gargoyle, accidentally smashing straight into a tree. The gargoyle flew away into the canopy, clawing at its mouth.
"You again!"
He looked up, just in time to see another gargoyle—a familiar one—dive-bomb him.
"Spike, look out!" Twilight screamed.
The next thing Spike knew, he was teleported several yards away. He watched as the gargoyle from the attack on the fillies smashed into the ground, where Spike had been moments earlier. It climbed to its feet, breathing raggedly. "That one!" the gargoyle pointed. "Stuff its mouth and eat it quick!"
Spike froze in place.
"Oh, I don't think so!" Rainbow Dash zoomed to a halt and spun around to face the creature. Then she flew straight at its face and punched it in one of its glowing eyes.
"Yeehaw, that'll teach'em!" Applejack cheered, rearing up on her hind legs. "C'mon girls, we ain't gonna outrun 'em, so we'll just have to out gun 'em!" She darted forward to join Rainbow Dash, bucking gargoyles aside like they were some sort of bizarre winged apples.
But as valiant as his friends were, Spike knew they were outnumbered. And he didn't have enough dragon fire to beat them all. He was just too small. Again.
"Get the little scaly one!" another gargoyle yelled, flying at him after he used his dragon fire to scare one of the beasts away from Fluttershy.
"Spike, get out of here!" Twilight yelled, right before teleporting him even farther from the battle.
"Hey, you said ponies would be easy food!" one of the gargoyles hissed at another as Pinkie Pie popped in and out from around the trees so quick that Spike was sure Twilight had to be teleporting her, too.
"They will be!" the other responded.
Spike's eyes flew open as one of the gargoyles heaved a rock straight towards Twilight.
"WATCH OUT!" Spike screamed, tearing towards the unicorn.
But then, a massive blast of fire burst straight past the gargoyle with the rock. And with it, a roar of epic proportions. What was THAT?! Spike knocked Twilight to the ground, which turned out to be entirely unnecessary, because the gargoyles had already scattered.
"Dragon!" they screamed. "Dragon!" "Fly away!" "Just you wait! Wait until we're ready, then you'll be sorry!" the gargoyles shouted as they flew through the forest branches, leaving their prey back in the mud. The forest went eerily still.
Pinkie Pie broke the silence. "Dragon?! Where? Where?" she hopped around, nosing behind the trees in search.
"Dragon?" Fluttershy squeaked, but Rainbow Dash grabbed her tail before she could fly away.
"It's not a real dragon," the blue pegasus said. Her eyes narrowed. "Alright, kid, come out, wherever you are." She scanned the ground around where she flew, and Spike climbed to his feet to look around, too.
What's going on?
"I know you're there!" Rainbow Dash said, putting one hoof on her hip. "I taught you that roar!"
"Aww, come on!" a voice said from the thick of the forest.
"She's caught us, Apple Bloom, there isn't much else we can do," a second voice said.
"Apple Bloom?!" Applejack trotted forward. "Is that you ah hear in there?" Spike shuddered. Applejack's "stern-and-disappointed" voice could give Princess Celestia's "you're-in-trouble" voice a run for its money.
"Dang it, Scootaloo, couldn't y'ave disguised yer roar some more?" Apple Bloom and Scootaloo walked out of the woods, lugging with them their wagon. In it, sat a number of items, including a burnt torch and a huge empty jar.
"What are you two doin' here?!" Applejack demanded.
"Yeah! How dare you save us!" Pinkie Pie leapt over by Applejack's side.
"Er…that ain't exactly what ah meant," Applejack said.
Spike groaned. Of course Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had followed them. He was pretty sure he saw Applejack's lasso in their cart mixed in with their other supplies. Why Applejack had thought a bit of rope was going to stop these fillies, Spike had no idea.
"Girls, following us was a very dangerous idea," Fluttershy said, flying down and gently landing by their sides. "You could have been hurt! Or worse!"
They pair of fillies finally had the good graces to look ashamed.
"Just how did you make that much fire, anyway?" Rainbow Dash asked, flying over to poke at their cart of stuff. Pinkie was already digging through the whole lot.
"Rainbow Dash," Twilight chastised. "Now isn't the time."
"What? It was kind of awesome!" Rainbow Dash said.
Scootaloo beamed for a moment, then shook her head, as if clearing it. "You all don't get to talk. You were going to just leave us behind when our friend was in trouble!" Scootaloo said, glaring up at all the ponies, including Rainbow Dash. "You can't blame us for wanting to help!"
"Yeah, and without us, you'd all be gargoyle dinner!" Apple Bloom added, holding her head high.
They did have a point there, Spike had to admit. And it seemed the others were drawing that same conclusion, too.
"Well, thank you for saving us," Applejack said, grudgingly. "But don't think yer gonna get away with this misbehavior!" she warned.
The fillies smiled at each other, victorious. "So we get to come along now, right?" Scootaloo asked.
"Well, we did let Spike come, didn't we?" Rainbow Dash reasoned. "Why not these kiddos, too?"
What?! "Hey now! Don't lump me with them!" Spike protested.
Rainbow Dash gave him a playful punch in the shoulder. "Right, I suppose they did make a scarier dragon than you did! So how did you do that trick with the fire, anyway?" She turned back to the fillies.
Spike's cheeks burned. He could barely even hear the pair of fillies as they described the kerosene solution they'd swiped from Sweet Apple Acres. Two fillies made a scarier dragon than me. And somehow, I still think I can protect Rarity? Puh. Yeah, right. His shoulders slumped, and he walked away as the ponies continued to chatter amongst themselves.
Why am I even bothering to come along? I can't do anything useful. Spike kicked at a broken branch, sending it flying into a puddle from the flooding forest. Rarity doesn't need me. She never has. I've probably just been annoying her all these years. Now I'm going to show up, interrupting her special mission, with my uselessness. Tears welled up in his eyes, and Spike swiped at them with one arm. The other still shouldered his pack, which was now soaked with mudwater.
Gargoyles are afraid of dragons, but they're not afraid of me. I guess I wouldn't be afraid of me, either. I'm kind of a pathetic. I'm a dragon that won't grow big. That'll probably never grow big. All because I can't be myself when I'm that way. Spike leaned against a tree. Apparently, "myself" is pretty lame.
"Hey, there."
Spike glanced over his shoulder. "Oh. Hi, Twilight."
The purple unicorn walked up to him, putting a gentle hoof on his shoulder. "Don't listen to Rainbow Dash. You know how she jokes."
Spike looked away from the mare out into the forest and sniffed loudly to keep his tears back. "Yeah. Jokes."
"Hey," Twilight said again. "Hey. I know you. You're much more than meets the eye, Spike."
"Puh, yeah right," Spike said. "I can't even protect my friends. I'm supposed to be a dragon, Twilight. A dragon! You saw how scared those gargoyles got when they thought a real dragon had showed up."
"When a real dragon showed up? Spike, I think they were already plenty scared of this real dragon," Twilight prodded him. "You totally took down one of those things with just one fire blast! Didn't you notice how they singled you out after that? You were the primary threat to them. Maybe not as much as a fully grown dragon, but still. They didn't give a hoof about the rest of us."
He thought about that for a moment, replaying the events in his head. He wasn't quite sure the gargoyles had been quite as focused on him as Twilight made it out to be, but it still perked up his wounded pride a smidgen. Spike looked up at her. "So you really think there's more to me than meets the eye?" he asked.
"I don't just think, I know," Twilight said. "And come on, when am I ever wrong about anything?" Before Spike could respond, she shrugged sheepishly. "Wait, don't answer that."
They both laughed. Spike began to feel better in spite of himself.
"Now let's get back to the group," Twilight said. "We have some missing friends to find."
Spike straightened up. "Right."
The ocean sparkled like one giant, gorgeous sapphire. Rarity had never seen anything so beautiful in her entire life. "Oh, Stef'an, your kingdom is simply lovely!" she cooed from the sea serpent's back. Sweetie Belle propped her front two hooves up on the fancy, shimmery raft, her little filly eyes wide.
"I never knew there could be so much water in one place!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
Stef'an beamed back at them. "Just wait until you see our ceremonial meeting isles!"
Rarity's imagination began to run wild, envisioning a lush, tropical locale, with white sand beaches, palm trees, drinks served in coconuts…
"Do you guys wear war paint there and stomp about and set things on fire?!" Sweetie Belle asked, hopping over to look Stef'an eagerly in the eye.
Rarity was once again painfully reminded of how differently she and her sister thought. "Sweetie Belle, don't be rude."
"What?" Sweetie Belle asked, blinking innocently. "What did I say?"
Stef'an was laughing. "Oh, Most Generous Rarity, your sister is simply adorable." He mussed up her mane again with one of his skinny little fists. Rarity sighed and went back to magically fixing Sweetie Belle's hair. "I'm so glad you decided to bring her along."
"Decided to". Right. At least in that moment, Sweetie Belle's mind seemed to be thinking exactly what Rarity's was, because the filly gave her sister a sheepish grin.
"Well, darling, let's carry on then," Rarity said to Stef'an, gesturing out at the ocean. "I'd love to see these isles of yours."
"Of course!" Stef'an said. "Of course, of course! I'm sure everyone there is anxiously awaiting our arrival! I've told them all about you. I just know they'll love you."
Goodness, I hope so, Rarity thought to herself, looking out across the water. Otherwise this is going to be a ridiculously perilous trip for negotiations that might not even take place.
They traveled on for another couple of hours. Rarity wrung out the rest of the river water from the blanket she'd carried in her back, and then magically hovered it over her and Sweetie Belle for sun protection.
"You need to be mindful of your coat in the sun, dear," she said, passing on what she considered to be some important, sisterly, sage advice.
"Apple Bloom says the sun's good for a pony!" Sweetie Belle protested.
"Well, it is if you want to live the rest of your life with wrinkles!" Rarity huffed. "Have you seen Granny Smith?"
Sweetie Belle sat down under the blanket. "Good point."
"Almost there now," Stef'an said after a while more had passed. "Look! You can see the isles in the distance!"
Their blanket dropped to the raft, as Rarity glanced up. Both her and her sister dashed forward to look out. Rarity's jaw dropped open when she caught sight of what Stef'an was pointing at. "Oh my," she said in a whisper.
Ahead of them weren't the sandy islands of paradise Rarity had been envisioning, after all.
Instead, craggy rocks jutted out of the water, forming a massive circle around a much bigger, central craggy rock nearly the size of Ponyville. Giant waves crashed repeatedly into the isles, spraying water in every direction imaginable. Each rock was naturally dark in color, but most of the surfaces had been form-fitted with golden plates, making the entire thing reflect the sun so that it was almost painful to look at. Sweetie Belle shielded her eyes next to Rarity.
"Wooooow," the filly said, peering closer. "Look at them all!"
She wasn't talking about the rocks or the waves. Rarity was certain Sweetie Belle was talking about the sea serpents that swam around the rocks and in the waves.
Dozens of them, each in different colors and sizes. Rarity winced each time a wave crashed into the ragged isles, fearing that a serpent would get smashed up against the rock, but they all seemed to know what they were doing. For such a flamboyant species, they were certainly formidable enough when in their natural habitat. And how exactly am I supposed to convince them—them AND the dragons—to stop fighting?
"Marvelous, isn't it?" Stef'an asked, his eyes misting up. "It's great coming home. Now, are you ready to meet my kin?"
Rarity swallowed. Ready or not, they were here. She squared her shoulders. "Yes. Yes, I am."
What are those gargoyles up to...
another awesome chapter!!
How are the sea serpents going to welcome an ambassador whose mane looks like something Opal had coughed up?
and I loved when they (Spike and Rarity) were both thinking about eachother's fate... that was rly
now can't wait for the next chapter... oh my...
Some days, Spike, you just can't win...Others, you make gargoyles go boom!
Wonderful as always, and I sense some foreshadowing I will admit, I thought it was a actual dragon at first, have the girls and Spike meet up with the opposing side, as it were. Also, I expected them to be somewhat hospitable, but the CMC, that was a nice twist.
Best line of the chapter.
Good job keep up the good work. Also I think it would be cool if you put in the dragon zord in this story.
Nice chapter again. I can't wait to see how will the meeting with the sea serpents go ; where will the other mares, fillies and dragon go next, and what are the gargoyles plotting.
Great story keep it up
This continues to be a pretty darn epic read. The plot just keeps getting more interesting every time, and the pacing is just right I think.
I agree with whomever else above thought that the others might meet up with the dragons, thereby having ponies talking to both sides even before Rarity gets to negotiating. I have to admire the fillies' dedication to their friend even if I completely agree this is no place for them.
eep up the great work & I shall keep reading.
Hmm, hard to tell what these gargoyles are up to. Enough of them all gathering together that they seem to be planning something. I'm guessing they're just kinda trying to see what sort of opportunities they can scrounge up while the competition is busy fighting amongst each other, but maybe they're mercenaries for the dragons.
This chapter has a couple good examples of Rainbow's tendency to be just a little bit of a jerk without actually trying to be mean. Oh, and Pinkie's song was amusing. Plus the "How dare you save us!" line was perfect. Fillies don't get enough credit sometimes.
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Trying to get back to New York from Avalon for an entire season.
This is he very first pony fiction i have ever read, and I'm glad it is! This is very well written an I can't wait for the next installment
I've had your story on my Kindle for a long time (the premise sounded really nice), and with the recent update, I took the plunge and started reading. Absolutely wonderful. You write Rarity well, and it is not easy to do Best Pony™ justice. Sparity is probably never going to be a favourite of mine (RariPie forever!), but you write it with great sensitivity.
The plot is developing nicely. I only hope that you will keep the two parties separate, giving Rarity (and her determined sister (what about her poor parents?)) a chance to shine. She deserves the spotlight after Season 3.
Looking very forward to having Ste'fan introduce Rarity at court!
I think you did a great job. This story seems almost like something that could have been made for the actual series. None of the characters seem overly exaggerated like in other fics. Also, I believe the use of Stef'an ( a character, of whom, I almost forgot) was very clever. Great work.
Love it! Following!
I'm loving the development of the plot! Between Gargoyles, Dragons, and Sea Serpents it's going to get interesting.
This is wonderful. I'm loving the Three Lines No Waiting (not linking to TV Tropes because that's evil) plot: (a) Rarity and Sweetie and Ste'fan; (b) the rest of the Mane Six (who aside from Spike, Twilight, and AJ seem way over their heads here, as they are not showing the proper attitude for heading into a warzone) going on their forrest safari; and (c) whatever is going on with the gargoyles.
Seeing how all three plots tie together will be very interesting. Likewise the Spike/Rarity bits are lovely, as another person noted, handled with sensitivity. There is genuine emotion here: the difficulties of cross-species relationships easily echo some real world relationship issues.
Oh, and while Sweetie, Scootaloo, and Applebloom are idiotic and reckless to the point they seem to have no regard for their own lives, that doesn't mean they're still not startlingly effective when they put some thought into it. Whatever else happened, the three of them chased off a herd of carnivorous gargoyles with nothing more than gall, wits, and sleight of hand. Trixie couldn't have done it better.
Am I the only one getting a bit sick of Applejack's attitude? That said, she's perfectly in character, but I've always found her "I'm right and too bullheaded to be convinced otherwise without extreme duress" character trait one of the most unattractive (in a non-romantic sense) things about her character. She's determined to equate Spike with a filly/colt, when she has no real basis for doing that other than size. Now, if she wants to run herself into the ground with her own bullheadness, that's bad enough, but seeing her try to impose her stubborn-to-the-point-of-ignorance* attitude on Spike and Rarity's relationship, which is doomed to not be easy anyway, is grating to the point it's actually started to make me angry.
By contrast, I love that Twilight is aware of just how capable Spike is in a fight. She may not like having him along (he's her little brother figure, after all), but she knows he's not a baby, either.
(I'm still steamed about AJ's first letter to Princess Celestia, which showed an amazing amount of arrogance and inappropriate gall. Can you tell? :P)
I'm going to be watching Fluttershy's characterization closely. So far I'm not liking how she's acting, though it's perfectly in character. Her neuroses are really not suited to the present crisis. Having an anxiety disorder does not give you license to be a coward. And that's what's so frustrating. She's not a coward. We know she isn't, because, well, Dragonshy, and the cockatrice, among other things. Seeing her act like this is just...she can be better than this. It's disappointing. She also needs to get her priorities adjusted if she forced them to stop to dig a pond in the middle of Rarity and Sweetie being missing. That was just stupid, and dangerous, and they could have been killed alone in the forest while Fluttershy was fretting over her pond. She's smart enough to know that, anxiety disorder or not. It felt like she was using it as an excuse to leave Ponyville, which, again, under the circumstances seems cowardly. She can be so much better than this. Maybe if her friends didn't enable her so much...
*Assuming ignorance is defined as the active refusal to admit when you're wrong and learn from your mistakes.
Finally getting around to my unread favorites.
I can't say anything that Lord Yellowtail didn't already put into perspective so expertly, so I'll just mention that the Transformers reference was neat. If there's any MLP character that tagline describes the best, it's Spike. Reciprocally, if there's any tagline out there that describes Spike, it's that of Transformers (and Kick-Ass).
Retribution for those guards... I'm waiting for it.
Oh man. You sir are one more awesome chapter away from being favorited.
This is great. You write the characters really well and pacing and plot flows smoothly. I'm really looking forward to the rest, though I have to agree with Lord Yellowtail that Fluttershy's stopping everything to take care of fish seems completely wrong to me and frankly, terrified of dragons or not, she should be steely enough to go rescue a foal in Everfree Forest, she showed the ability to force herself throug her fear like that before.
And if you think she is in a moral dilemma between saving presently dying fish and a potentially endangered filly, you could just remove that part if you ask me. It doesn't really add a lot to the plot.
And Ste'fan is great.
I'm gonna have to read the rest later. But good job so far.
Of course, more gargoyles. That explains things... a little. But are they just attacking for revenge of their hurt ally, or are they in league with the dragons? EDIT: Nope, not in league with dragons. In that case... star charts! Just throwing a guess out there, really.
Waitaminute, how big are these gargoyles? I clearly missed something, 'cause I thought they were a lot bigger than something Rainbow could fell with one hit or Applejack could simply buck away.
Ah, the tired 'Spike feels useless' trope. Been there, done that. Oh well, at least it's in-character.
Hmm, I do hope we get to see some revelations regarding sea serpent culture. I'm curious to know if they happen to all be like Stef'an.
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But Spike is useless.
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I am going to clear this up for everyone.
1. Spike is not a baby. most fanon puts Twilight as being approximately age 22 and she hatched Spike at the age of 5 which means at the worst Spike is a teenager.
2. Spike is not useless. As Twilight pointed out here, this is the second time in the story that he has taken on a gargoyle single-hoofedly and come out on top. He is also well known for being a generally awesome assistant (ignoring Spike at your Service because it's a generally bad episode).
Going to call it out as LUS, but only just. I suppose it kinda works because he's talking about being on the side opposite to the yellow pegasus... but still, could have just said "Rainbow."
or
"But I think that mystery can wait until we locate Rarity." 18 words vs 11.
Uh, random tab there. As for Pinkie's mannerism, seems legit. I mean, she and Rainbow could be a little more serious about finding their friend, but eh. She's sung in dire situations before.
Ew, caps. Italics instead, plz.
Redundant tag is redundant. Cut it.
Ouch. I mean it that time. Whether you intended it or not, you really made Spike out to be mentally deficient there. Isn't this story supposed to be about whether he's mature and grown up? Obviously you mean his brain is physically smaller than his present company's, but damn... a little more tact would have been better.
Superfluous comma.
Rarity*
another superfluous comma, and I think you meant "hurtling," not "hurdling."
It's too bad we've never (not yet anyway; touch wood) seen an underwater episode where the mane six visit the seaponies. A bubble-head spell reminiscent of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire might have been incredibly useful here...
She has more than one sister? sister's*
This was another "lol" moment for me. It's like she's trying to flatter him by suggesting he'd be tasty.
Pouted is not a dialogue tag. A period instead of a comma would fix this.
Hey, for all you know, they might take it as a compliment. Besides, darling, you do look good with a wet mane.
(SFW)
th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/330/2/f/relaxing_rarity_by_ostfront-d6afl0g.png
Spike... if I could slap you, I would. What good reason could you possibly have for ignoring a friend like that?
Oh, come now. Pinkie can be sensible when she has to be. Was this really necessary?
cut the "shrieking,". Not until after she's finished stuttering does it seem like she is.
Bad interrobang! Bad! *hits with rolled-up newspaper*
Bad ALLCAPS! Bad! *hits with rolled-up newspaper*
This should be spread-eagled*.
Aha! I knew we hadn't seen the last of him! thank you for not wasting the idea. These gargoyles sure seem a little underwhelming though. I mean, they outnumber the mane six and Spike by at least 3:1, are far larger, and have a predatory instinct. I can't see how they can get away from so many...
Ahhh, that's how. Dragons. Welp. Is this a "frying-pan-to-fire" moment, or are they actually safe?
Yeah, Spike would know this from experience. I wonder how many times Twilight or he had messed something up while under Celestia's tuition and overwatch. Also, great job on the subversion—I was not expecting that at all.
Superfluous comma.
Sweet Celestia, Pinkie is becoming my favourite character in this story, and it's not even centred on her
Redundant tag.
This one too.
Superfluous comma.
Format error.
So pathetic you can't get your words right?
Or, y'know, "She" would also suffice.
Twilight... you may not be best pony in my book, but you do know how to cheer a friend up with logic.
Tee hee. Sweetie the pyromaniac.
Period on the inside, darling.
This just occurred to me: you mentioned food before, that was probably spoiled. Aren't either of the sisters getting hungry? Or, for that matter, seasick?
Format error.
Oookay then! We're finally at the isles. Great imagery there, by the way. Love what you've done with the place. Overall thoughts on this chapter: I do like the action we've had with the gargoyles. But I wonder what purpose they'll end up serving. Surely you invented them for more than just giving our heroes a challenge to overcome? I feel they're going to be more important later on; in fact, I'll be disappointed if they aren't.
The Rarity/Sweetie bonding is rather adorbs, too. I like their dynamic.
If I have one major complaint (ignoring the style and grammar issues), it's Spike. For the main character, he's not exactly taking much spotlight. That, and he has an awful lot of angst going on over his apparent weakness. I might like him more if he were more confident. It's just as well that good ol' Twilight is there for moral support. Indeed, I really respect her in this story—she's being level-headed and supportive, which I guess is a good thing to have happen in any fanfic based on characters who embody Harmony.
Now, back to the islands...
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"Most fanon"? Would you kindly point me toward some examples? I personally believe that Twilight is about 19, and she was 8-10 when Spike was hatched. So going by my beliefs (which are no more valid/invalid than anyone else's until we get direct show confirmation of the characters' ages [something that won't happen]), that would put Spike at roughly 9–11, no older than any of the CMC.
You cannot "clear something up" by way of inserting your own headcanon. Nope.
You never have too many cute and adorbable Sweetie and Rarity moments, and here is one of them. I love their dynamic, but most importantly I love watching the moments where we see Rarity's big sister instincts kick in. Gone is the mare who is ryng to work on a project, and here is the lay who is goign to fix her sister up nicely and most likely woul'v drowned for her if she had to. I thinkit was also cool to give s such visual detail about the island, as it sets them up as a different culture and sets them up as their own species.
Appleblom an Scootaloo also have moments to shine here. As they reveal that they can be as hard headed as their siblings when it comes to their firned. They ran hea long into danger and are willing to help as much as they perform a really cool save.
Spike has an interesting point here, and one that I think I can see for him. This fic is doing it best to remind us that he isn't useless, that h has his own skills and talents. This is true, but Spike is also realizing something else, he is a dragon in the middle of a bunch of badasses. ITs kind of like being the boy character in the group of magical girls and only Caleb of W.I.T.C.H is able to pull that off well. He's being the Steve Trevor in a minset of, "I want to protect...WONDER WOMAN!" ITs interesting to watch him wanting to be this brave knight and now coming to realization that, she doesn't need one. How he deals with this will help to sell his growth.
You've got a great story here, and even though you're finished with it at this point, I'm just getting to read it now and I'd like to throw in my two cents. There's one thing that you keep doing over and over again in this story, and it's starting to drive me a little crazy. I'm talking about your overuse of the word "magically."
"Rarity magically lifted her hairbrush"
"Rarity magically fixed Sweetie Belle's hair"
"Twilight magicked the lights off," etc.
Can you see how that isn't very descriptive? It's just sort of lazy writing, to be honest. You need to give the reader something to visualize here. You're assuming that your readers are familiar enough with the show to know what you mean when you say someone "magically" did something, but you're kind of killing the mood of the story with your repetitive use of that word. Tell us what kind of magic is being used. Tell us when someone is using telekinesis and when they're performing some other spell. You know that unicorns each have different colors associated with their magic, so when Rarity picks up a hairbrush, her horn will light up with the blue glow of her magic, and the brush will be surrounded in the same blue aura. That's a nice little detail that is missing from this story.
So basically all I'm saying is...be more descriptive. Paint us a picture of the scene with your words so we can really visualize it, instead of just telling us that everything was done "magically," with no further explanation.
Do you want the list, or should I just show you a few episodes?
You're my favorite pony, Twi, but that's not a great question. Guess it worked, though.
Bad Rainbow Dash!
Go sit in the corner!
Ha classic Pinkie Pie, never gets old
Nice to see you got your priorities straight Rarity
...What
Ouch...that hit rather close to home
Oh oh I know this one...Since It has multiple options I'll go with Lesson Zero
Ok this Chapter was really good so far this history has not disapointed me at all
Is he a...robot in disguise?
Heh. Transformers joke.
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Nice. Here's a mustache for you.