Of Age
Chapter 1
Dear Princess Celestia,
Rarity lowered her large feathered quill and stared at the paper in front of her. Was this really what it'd come to?
She slumped her shoulders. Yes. Yes it was. Rarity sighed her most dramatic, drawn-out sigh, even though she was alone in her shop.
It was just her luck that Twilight, the keeper of any and all books a pony could dream of, had no books on the life history of dragons. It was just her luck that none of the doctors in Ponyville, not even the veterinarian, knew anything about the growth rate of dragons. It was just her luck that dragons clearly had some odd method of maturing that made it impossible for her to figure out Spike's relative age to her. Er...to her and her friends, of course.
Rarity pushed the letter far away from her across the table.
It was just her luck that Applejack had to walk in on her and Spike's luncheon.
Now, they weren't doing anything beyond sharing a plate of hay fries, but Applejack had raised an eyebrow, and Rarity had known she hadn't heard the end of it. Sure enough, later that evening, just as she'd finished tucking away her thread for the day, Applejack arrived at the shop.
"Hey, Rarity."
"Er – hello, Applejack."
"Ah don't have long, so ah'm gonna cut to the chase. Yeh should really be careful. Yeh know. With Spike."
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"Ah mean, spendin' extra time with him, treatin' him special…yer gonna give that lil' guy ideas. He's so young, and yeh know how the kid feels about yeh."
Rarity lifted her head high, pushing the memory to the back of her mind. While Applejack's words cut deep as diamond, there was no use obsessing over them. She was already doing all she could to figure out just how much of a…er…"kid"…Spike really was.
The unicorn magicked the letter back over to her and looked down at it once more.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I am writing with an inquiry, rather than a report. Twilight was uncertain, so I was wondering, on the behalf of Spike of course, if you knew the growth rates of dragons, and the age at which they reach maturity.
Rarity let out a groan, dropping the letter on the table. No matter how innocently she tried to phrase it, her question still sounded like it was in very poor taste. For a second, she imagined Applejack somehow getting a hold of the letter, and her face flushed.
"Yeh know how the kid feels about yeh," Applejack's voice repeated in her mind.
Yes. Yes she did know how the…the…
Rarity jabbed her quill into her inkwell harshly. Applejack just couldn't be right. Spike wasn't a kid. Not really. He was older than Sweetie Belle, at the very least. And who knows how much aging is done inside a dragon egg, anyway? It's a well-known fact that different species mature at different rates, after all. Spike was obviously old enough to encompass the body of a fully grown, monstrous dragon. His birthday proved that. He couldn't have achieved that if he was truly still a baby. At least, not by the pony-standard definition of baby. No way. He…he…
The ink dripped off the quill, slowly falling back into the inkwell that Rarity hovered her pen over. She watched each drop fall, trying to use its steady rhythm to keep her breathing in check.
She wasn't really having feelings for a…child…was she?
No. She couldn't be.
Rarity jabbed the quill into the inkwell once more. Spike was…he was far more mature than the fillies and colts that ran around Ponyville. But how to prove that to the world? If somepony who knows him as well as Applejack couldn't even see it, how would anypony else?
The shadows in her shop got longer and longer until it was clear that the day had drawn to a close. Rarity magically lit several lamps, providing enough light to illuminate her immediate area and the letter in front of her.
She had to finish it. She had to know.
Taking a deep breath, she went back to writing.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I am writing with an inquiry, rather than a report. Twilight was uncertain, so I was wondering, on the behalf of Spike of course, if you knew the growth rates of dragons, and the age at which they reach maturity.
I will be honest in this letter, dear Princess. While I am asking for Spike's sake, I am also personally curious about all things dragon. Their culture, their biology, their behavior, etc. Anything and everything you could pass on to me would be most appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Rarity
There. That didn't sound so bad.
Rarity set down her quill. Perhaps she'd been worrying for nothing. Her wording was innocent enough. As long as Princess Celestia didn't do one of her annoying "see-right-through-what-you're-saying" things, she should be alright.
Now to send it.
Spike opened up the library door to reveal a dark evening sky and the beautiful white unicorn who stood in contrast to it.
"Rarity!" he exclaimed, unable to keep back a huge smile.
"Hello, Spike," Rarity replied. A slight tremor colored her voice, and Spike furrowed his eyebrows, stepping aside to let her in. "I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"
"Anything," Spike agreed quickly. He trailed after her as she wandered farther into the library, watching her carefully. She seems nervous...but why?
"Is Twilight in?" Rarity asked, glancing around.
"Yeah, but she's busy star-mapping up on the balcony," Spike said. "I can get her if you want, but I don't think she wants to be interrupted…"
"Oh, that's alright." Rarity levitated a rolled-up parchment out of her saddlebag. "I really just came by to see if you could send this letter to Princess Celestia for me."
A letter. Of course. She's not here to visit me… "Oh. I see," Spike said, trying not to sound overly dejected.
As Rarity levitated the letter towards him, he noticed it wavering in the air unsteadily. It was almost as if…She doesn't have her usual magical control. What's gotten her so worked up?
"Anything the matter?" Spike had to ask.
"Oh, no. Nothing's the matter at all, Spike. Just sending a letter. Just a simple letter. Short. Concise. Just wanted to write the princess. You know…" Rarity trailed off.
Spike eyed her. "Yeah…" Something was bothering her. It couldn't have been more obvious if she'd had the word UNSETTLED written across her forehead. But Spike said nothing else, and instead just caught the letter out of the air from where it hovered.
He took a deep breath in preparation to send it, but as he did so, Rarity took a tremulous step forward.
"You're sure you want this sent?" Spike asked, looking over her way. She sure didn't look sure.
"Of course," Rarity replied, edging one corner of her mouth up in a forced smile. "Completely sure. Just…please hurry up and do it."
Spike shrugged. If she wasn't going to tell him what was going on, he wasn't going to ask, as much as he wanted to know. He inhaled deeply and breathed his green fire at Rarity's letter, sending it the princess's way. "There you go," he said, once it had fizzled away into the night.
Rarity's smile relaxed into a more genuine expression. "Thank you, Spike." She bent down and nuzzled his cheek. "You're always so quick to help out."
His world blurred and Spike temporarily forgot all about whatever weirdness had been going on with Rarity as he leaned into the warmth of her cheek. Rarity's smell wrapped around him and he had to struggle to stay upright on his feet. "Yeah…" he managed to say. "You know it's never any problem helping you."
"I know," Rarity whispered. She pulled back and looked down at him. The worry was back, Spike noted. Just barely…it was just a little crease in her eyebrows. "Spike, how…that is to say, if you were…that is, compared to…" The unicorn bit her lower lip, her hooves dancing slightly.
"Yes?" Spike asked. Half of him wanted to help her worry go away, but the other half was wondering how he could get a picture of her with that adorable expression on. Oh, the indecisions of love…
"Nevermind," Rarity said, stopping her hooves from moving. "It's nothing. I'll just be going now." She began walking back towards the door.
"You could stay, you know!" Spike darted after her. "Twilight's being boring tonight. I could use the company. I've just finished baking a batch of cookies." He cut in front of her, looking up hopefully.
Rarity smiled down at him. "Thank you, Spike. But I think it's for the best if I go home now. I, er, have a big day planned tomorrow, and will need my beauty sleep. Another time?"
"Aww," Spike didn't bother to hide his disappointment. "Alright. Another time. That's a promise."
She blinked fondly at him and Spike's insides scrunched up, gleefully flipping over themselves. "It's a promise," Rarity said. "Have a good night, my little Spikey-Wikey."
Spike stepped to one side and let her out the door. "Good night, Rarity." He watched her walk away into the night, and sighed to himself. How did I ever get so lucky? She could just ignore me, especially after I…His face flushed a little, remembering how he'd pretty much spilled his feelings for her back on his birthday. …well, after that whole…incident. But no. She doesn't ignore me.
She's even sweeter to me than she was before.
Spike stood at the door, watching the darkness for long after Rarity left, allowing the cool nighttime breeze to flow in around him. Owlowiscious hooted his annoyance at the cold from his perch behind Spike. The bird was finally awake, at least. Twilight had been asking after him for over an hour now. Speaking of birds, though…
"That's enough mooning over your crush for the night, Spike," the dragon told himself, heading back inside. "Peewee needs to be fed."
Spike headed upstairs to take care of his littlest charge, replaying his encounter with Rarity over and over in his mind. Especially the cheek-nuzzling part.
Why would she do that if she didn't care…at least a little?
Rarity wasn't an easy pony to understand, but Spike had allowed himself the tiniest of hopes of late…the tiniest of hopes that she might feel something for him in return.
After all, she didn't treat any of her other friends the way she treated him.
Rarity dropped a silk flower on the floor, startled as a knock sounded on her shop door. Spike walked in half a moment later.
"Good morning, Rarity!" The dragon sounded chipper.
"G-good morning," Rarity stammered, staring at the rolled-up letter he carried with him. She abandoned the hat she'd been working on and trotted over to the dragon quickly. Has Princess Celestia written back already?
"Got this this morning." Spike held up the letter. "Figured it was probably a reply to you, so I didn't open it," he said, relieving Rarity's biggest fear before she even had a chance to voice it.
Her shoulders relaxed. "Why thank you, Spike," Rarity replied. "Such a gentlecolt." She graced him with a smile, and watched him melt a little.
Then she frowned slightly, as Applejack's words came back to haunt her. She chased those words to the far corners of her mind. He's not a child. I don't care what anypony thinks. He might be a baby by dragon standards, but as far as ponies go…
Rarity snatched the letter out of Spike's grasp, perhaps a bit too greedily, as the dragon stepped back in surprise.
"Important, then?" Spike asked.
"Er…yes," Rarity said. No reason to lie about that, at least.
"Alright," Spike replied. "Then I'll let you get to reading it."
He turned to go, and a sudden panic rose up in Rarity. "Spike, wait!" she called out. What happens if I read this and the princess says…what if…what if…? She swallowed hard. "Spike, I…"
The dragon stood in her shop doorway, tilting his head at her.
Rarity winced inwardly. How could she ever put into words to Spike what she couldn't even sort out for herself?
"I just…I just wanted you to know that…I…you…" Rarity blabbered. To cope with the utter embarrassment she was feeling, a little part of her mind envisioned her smacking her head into a wall repeatedly. "I just want you to know that you're a good…friend to me, Spike," she finished lamely.
"Oh. Okay," Spike said.
There was silence.
"Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day," Rarity concluded. It might have been the most incoherent ramble she'd ever given, but confound it if she didn't finish it off politely. She was a lady, after all.
"Thanks," Spike said, "You too." The dragon turned and wandered back out of the shop, and Rarity had to exercise her full willpower not to rush him out faster.
As soon as he was finally gone, Rarity flipped the sign in her shop's window from OPEN to CLOSED and tore the ribbon off the letter from the princess.
Her eyes moved back and forth over the paper, taking in every word, and getting wider every moment.
"Why, that wasn't…that wasn't the point at all!" Rarity gasped, dropping the parchment. "What is this?"
The paper floated down gently to her neatly swept shop floor.
Rarity gaped down at the letter, steadying herself against the wall with one hoof. Staring back up at her was the following message:
Dear Rarity,
Thank you so much for your letter. You have impeccable timing. Few know of this, so I would thank you to keep it to yourself for the time being.
The dragons and the sea serpents are on the brink of war. Our Equestrian pony emissaries have all been turned away from the conflict by one or both sides. They simply refuse to allow us to mediate.
However, the sea serpents did mention that they would allow one pony to step in. Just one.
That pony is you, Rarity. I am unsure as to why they have requested you, or what you may have done to win their favor, but they seem to hold you in a high degree of esteem.
I was on the fence as to whether I should contact you and request your help, when your letter arrived. Your expressed interest in dragon culture and society was a clear sign that I could indeed rely on you for this important mission.
If you feel comfortable accepting this task, please meet with me in Canterlot tomorrow at noon. I will explain everything then. If you do not feel comfortable, please consider meeting me anyway, to gain a better understanding of this situation.
Thank you for your time. If you would, please send a response back via Spike. And please do not mention this to him, or to anypony else. This is a matter of utmost secrecy.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Rarity stared at the letter on the ground.
A matter of utmost secrecy.
Please send a response.
The unicorn sat back, her mind racing. "Opal…dear…how do you feel about spending tomorrow at Fluttershy's?"
Hee hee...you really cannot write anything that isn't Spike/Rarity, hm? Not that I mind reading more stories in that vein from an author proven to be really good at it. Keep it up.
Sounds promising. And I'm a fan of a little sparity thrown in
Nice start, looking forward to more!
849794
The Sparity fics she writes are awesome though! The best I've ever read on this site, it's like the author is the Sparity Queen or something.
This fic looks very promising.
I love it!
And my day is now complete. Great author, Sparity fan extraordinaire, writes another epic Sparity fic. Can't wait to bite into this. By the way when a story is unrelated to other stories but use the same characters their known as stand alones.
A man's mustache is his life. *pounds chest with fist and stares into the distance stoically*
Nervous Rarity sounds extremely cute.
I do love how Celestia was like "Screw your question! Come here! Save world!"
A Rarity centric Sparity fic is a nice change of pace, I like it.
Tracking.
850259 Hey what are you doing reading dont you have some storys to be working on?
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUR STORY I LOVE EVERTHING!
now I feel like pinkie pie
850509 Can't write clop with children in house and awake. Reading a everyone story though is still safe though. Anyways, I still have a duty as the contributor for the Sparity group to read everything Sparity!
850553 What? you have to read Sparity stuff? I hate you a bit I would love to have this as a job. You sir have made me a bit jelly.
850601 Well I'm not payed to do it, so job might be a bit strong of a word. But yes, ideally I have a responsibility to. One I'm shurkien on cause I'v still yet to read Of Laurels and Lace.
Wow what a great start to what will likely be another great story from you.
Can not what to see what happens next.
Keep up the great work andy can not wait until the next chapter is posted.
You have made my day! This was awesome!
I can't wait to see how this plays out!
Hmm, an epic Sparity? I'm all in!
Sparity? Good. Epic Sparity? Hell ya! Favoriting now.
But for some reason, this chapter reminds me of the metroid storyline, Metroid Zero, when samus gets a reply she didnt want and was forced to have the metroid dna put in her. I dunno why, but it feels like that.
Poor Rarity, the shit she has to do
Haha! I forgot you were on this site too! Now I don't have to worry about missing a moment more than after you post a chapter!
I loved it~!! This is my first fic that I've read off fimfiction.net, and it was wonderful. Can't wait until your next update
nice start ^^-
Has quite the quality in it, which kinda surprises me. I guess I'm used to the average, kinda rushed quality beginnings to adventure stories. I look forward to the next update.
Almost seems like a misunderstanding on Celestia's part... but I have to admit. This is one interesting story right from the start. Chapter 1 combined with the summary grabs people's attention and want's them to know more, doubly so with this pesudo cliff-hanger ending.
Rarity is obviously the protagonist of this story, with the story being completely from her view point. The fact that she is so nervous around Spike is rather cute I think, though a bit uncertain. Wouldn't Rarity be the boldest when it comes to such affairs? ... Then again, a relationship with Spike is an iffy one... Still, her eye for detail is there, as shown with the last sentence about Opal. Also, I love how you remembered Peewee, good to see the bird appearing in stories!
Ooooh~ Shiny new story from the author of my favorite Spikity fic.
And it's off to a good start too. You always write Rarity well, and I like how her inner debate mirrors the conversation within the fandom about whether or not it's a valid/appropriate pairing. Just a few days ago I was making some of those same points for how Spike's age/maturity level isn't as cut-and-dry as it would be for one of the CMC or such.
before I read I just have to say this
I just realized I've read 2 out of 4 of your stories without even realizing it was the same author, and it seems all you write are spike and rarity fics....I might need to become friends with you lol.
LMAO REALLY?? I hope theres a hopedate to this soon, because I'm already interested.
Its amazing though, they call spike a baby dragon, yet he's more mature than the 6 mane mares of the story...hell he's more mature than most ponies in ponyville. if physical appearance is the problem, than all rarity needs to do is make spike greedy again and bam full grown spike. I honestly thing spike doesnt need to practice greed, but needs to maintain a balance. Because if spike doesnt practice greed, he may stay in that baby form forever, if greed is the way a dragon matures, than he has to practice, but he needs to learn restraint.
Ooh, excellent opening!
883683 No promises, but the next chapter is coming along nicely, and I hope to have it ready within a week.
In general with this story, I'll be posting new chapters every 1-2 weeks. I can't promise extreme consistency, however, since I'm "cheating" from working on my actual novels by writing fanfiction. When I need to concentrate on my novels, fanfiction takes a backseat for a few days. So while I can't promise exactly when each chapter will be delivered, I can promise that this story is planned out and will definitely be completed...just perhaps not quite as quickly as HTWYLINES was. Hopefully my readers will be patient with me! Trust me, I could toss up a chapter right now, but it wouldn't be of high quality at all. And with this being a Rarity-centric story, low-quality just won't cut it. "Going for perfection, here," and all that jazz.
Did you consider tying this in with "How to Woo" at all? Because I can definitely see this as a follow-up to that story.
892748 Nope. This story is its own thing. A "stand alone" piece, as I have been informed it to be called.
HTWYLINES won't have a real sequel. I don't plan on doing much beyond possibly a few one-shots as follow-ups to HTWYLINES, because I feel like that story is complete. Not everyone feels that way, but I do.
So this is a brand new story, unrelated to any of my other works. This time around, I wanted to explore Spike and Rarity's developing relationship from Rarity's side of things and also provide a true adventure for our little diva. So there will be a different feel to this story. Not super different, but a little bit different. I'm also finding it to be more challenging to write than HTWYLINES because of some of these differences. That unfortunately means it takes longer to perfect each chapter, but I'm hoping will also mean that this new story will be highly entertaining and interesting. I guess we'll all find out together.
I've always thought that spike was of some special breed of dragon. We've seen other dragons that were bigger than spike, but not nearly as obsessed with possessions. What I figure is spike's breed is very closely related to magic. Think about it: he's hatched from his egg by magic, he's able to do the teleporting paper thing, and both times he's giagantic he both grew and regressed in the blink of an eye. I always assumed that the second time his concience basicly said "if you're going to act like a dragon you'll be one as well"... I wonder if I'm over analyzing again.
wooooooooooooooooow this is soooooooo awesomeeeeeeee as your other fics X3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A very interesting start, with a question I've sometimes asked myself. I like that you write Rarity as having feelings for Spike, it not being entirely one-sided like so many others.
There's something quite charming about the way this is written. I like it. Easy, and even fun, to read. I can already feel for both Rarity and Spike. Their relationship is certainly a tricky one; I've stayed away from fics like this until now. Glad I gave this one a try. Great synopsis on EqD, by the way. Sucked me in.
I just.. I mean.. I dont even..
I all excited and stuff! This is gold!
Wish I wrote this good..
Hah! who knew that giving a sea serpent your tail would get you drafted as an emmisary.
wait so there's soarin'dash and dislestia and twidash what's spike and rairty is it rike or spairty
But all I have to say is this is a awesome story and I just love love love it.
And yet... I can't help but wonder what a Pony/Dragon hybrid would look like...
Question: did any your other stories occur before this one?, I.E. are they canon with this fanfiction?
Trollestia strikes back!
1077711
- Dragon+unicorn, It's a kirin.
So I had this story on my "read later list".
Then I read the first chapter.
Then I took the story OFF my "read later list"...
... added it to my "favorites" list...
... and gave it a big ol' "like".
This one's a keeper.
Intriguing start, that's for sure. I think I can guess what the "favour" was that got Rarity singled out.
Before I start critiquing, though, I want to make it clear I'm not doing this to denigrate your work. On the contrary, I quite enjoyed it, and will gladly read more. Think of this as me giving back something after receiving your work (and liking it).
I'll start with just a few pointers about grammar, formatting, and style, and then move on to general issues such as pacing and characterization. Please note that most of this comes from someone who doesn't usually read romance stories:
"Large quill" would be sufficient. Everyone knows they're made from feather, so adding "feathered" is as redundant as describing a "ceramic mug" or a "paper book".
Ellipses end with a space, like this... this sentence should have a space before "to".
It would probably be more elegant to phrase this thus: "No matter how innocently she tried to phrase it, her question still seemed to be in very poor taste." Normally, when you describe what something sounds like, you're describing the quality of the sound, not the way speech comes across. I could be wrong on that last one, though, so take this with a pinch of salt, but it did throw me a little when I first read it.
The general advice I know concerning this word was to write it as though it were two words in all circumstances: "all right". However, I acknowledge this is increasingly a matter of personal taste.
For some reason, the space between these two paragraphs is missing.
This is a stylistic quibble, but I think the word "sure" is being overused here. The one I'd cut would be the second one, so that the last sentence reads thus; "She didn't look sure." If you need to emphasize it, I'd recommend italicizing the word "look" instead. It does the same job just as well.
Again, I think there's a word here which is normally written as two ("never mind" instead of "nevermind"). Unlike the former, I don't think this is one of those words whose form you can ignore.
I think this is one of those "telling instead of showing" problems. Granted, it gets across Spike's feelings, but I think it would be more natural to have him describe briefly what Twilight specifically is doing (e.g. "writing endless reports" or "rescheduling for the fifteenth time") and have Spike say it in a way that indicates his boredom (for instance, have his voice drop or have him sigh at the end). It seems small, but I think it makes the writing in general more evocative if this technique is used.
What's a silk flower? A flower made of silk, or a species of flower, either being used in decorating dresses? I confess I got distracted briefly at this moment, so this might be something to address.
Story-wise, I felt this was a bit of a clumsy moment. I don't understand what exactly is achieved here. If you wanted to portray her reluctance to confess her feelings and her interest in him simultaneously, you could have had her call him back, and then have her stream-of-consciousness rush through things to say and discard them all, only for her to dismiss it and let him go on his way. Having her call him a "friend" seemed inappropriate and slightly insensitive, given what that usually means in a boy-girl relationship. Since this is set after Secret of My Excess, it also seems unduly harsh given that Rarity appears to be perfectly accepting of Spike's feelings, and Spike has more or less confessed he regards her as more than a friend. I also think Rarity would be more sensitive to how Spike would interpret such a response from her, and I consider it more likely she simply would not have gone there in the first place. I hope you see where I'm coming from here?
I don't think Celestia would write in fragmented sentences. Her station requires her to follow the "proper protocol", I would think.
"They seem to hold you in high esteem" would be more concise. I feel the long-winded version you used is a tad ungainly.
Also, I understand that Celestia would not notify most of the population about a potential war happening elsewhere, but it seems strange of her to leave out Twilight and so on. Come to that, I'm not entirely sure what is to be gained by keeping things secret. True, Celestia's proven she'll keep the cards close to her chest at times, but I doubt she'd try to cover up every last trace of a potential international incident, especially not from a trusted student like Twilight at least. Nothing in the episodes suggests she outright imposes a state of secrecy during every potential crisis.
Another case here of failing to leave a space between paragraphs.
Overall, the plot seems to be progressing fairly well. I do think it was probably a bit too soon to drop the "there could be war" bombshell on Rarity; indicating that the two sides were getting restless would probably have been sufficient, and then you could save the "war threatens to break out" issue later on for dramatic impact as things go from bad to worse.
Characterization is acceptable, but not remarkable. It's probably because of the role she's playing in the romance side of things, but I felt her character traits were a little subdued. Tiny hints of her personality could have brought a bit of spice to the proceedings; for instance, you could have her absent-mindedly tidy things or use her sewing machine while she thinks, or have her become overly fussy about her own appearance, or worry about a decline in her creative output and on her not being as generous with others as she thinks she should be. They don't have to intrude on the story, but they do stop it from tending towards the bland end of the characterization spectrum.
Pacing was fine, though mostly because I'm familiar with the episodes and characters referenced (in an original work, I think more time would have to be spent on fleshing out the characters and giving a bit of backstory first, but since this is fanfiction, I'll let it pass). You introduced the two main characters and brought in the dragon-sea serpent conflict after a decent amount of set-up. So well done on that front.
Besides the issues I pointed out above, I found your prose easy enough to read. Granted, nothing particularly vivid or creative springs to mind, but I'd rather the prose did its job of telling its story than that it should become a vehicle for prose-poetry, so hats off to you for that.
Overall, I think the story promises to be a rewarding read, and I congratulate you for putting in the effort. I'm faving this one.
2520648 wow...lately ive taken to writing critiques of my own, but i usually tend to get emotionally stoked about what im writing. when authors make mistakes representing a character in a story, or fail to exploit every scenario to its fullest extent, or simply get lazy while writing, it pisses me off to no end. usually that spills over into my comments.
...yeah...ive made an ass of myself on more than one occassion...
but reading you, its differrent. you tend to take up more space, yes, but it doesent come off as inflammatory. i write critiques out of a love of storytelling -any kind- and out of a desire not to see good stories be ruined by stupid mistakes. but when authors make those mistakes, i get pissed off. then i usually write an... emotionally charged... response to go along with my critique and the logic behind it. and when authors fuck up big time--or are in the process of fucking up big time, based on the directions theyre taking their stories-- it sometimes can degenerate into an all-caps rage with me not making much sense or effectively communicating what i have to say. but reading your critique, i can tell that this author can completely destroy his story, and the only change in your responses to it would be that they would be longer to accommodate the long list of errors that led to the story's destruction.
my question is: how do you keep emotion out of it? everytime i read something, i let it resonate with me on a personal and emotional level. as a reader, i involve myself emotionally with the story--hence why i get pissed off if the author messes it up. i see great potential in the story, and if the author fails to exploit that potential, for some reason, then i get disappointed. how do you make a review a completely impersonal experience? because ive so far made a total of 4 popular authors--and a large portion of their fanbases--possibly hate me due to my inability to keep it impersonal.
2520648 btw, cool username.
1904072 ah! ki-rin! there's a book series called "the tapestry" that features a ki-rin, but it never gave any context...so, thanks for that.
919393 no, no, it is impossible to overanalyze something so long as you can back your points up... hmmm. well, dragons grow in direct correspondence with their hoards, no? maybe the other dragons we saw were not able to amass large hoards for themselves, probably due to the fact that they were lower-ranking in dragon society. but spike was free to take as much as he wanted from ponyville without much consequence. he didnt have to deal with fighting another dragon over a "claim". he was able to take as much as he wanted, as fast as he was able to take it. the other dragons were probably limited by the fact that if they wanted to take something, they had to give first dibs to their higher-upsor maybe they didnt have as much opportunity to take things for themselves. and if they stole fom another dragon, then they would probably be killed. staying in a society of creatures who are all fiercely greedy and jealous and vicious like that DOES have its consequences...kinda why dragons are always portrayed as loners who live in caves and sleep, or guard hordes alone. a society so based on the relentless pursuit of inividual wealth through the means of stealing could never stand for long. hell, the individuals in the society would be too busy fighting to even form a society. kind of a sore point i had with the whole "great dragon migration" episode.
wait a minute, why would sea serpents want a pony as a mediator. Further more, why Rarity? Has rarity even met a sea-serpent. I don't think she ever-
Oh.... woah. I remember. the friggin debut of season 1. Steven Magnet. damn, nice tie in.
Well....I think I had this in my Read Later list since I joined the site... then today - thinking that now it would probably have enough chapters to give me something to read for some time - I realise it's complete ...
first chapter was a great read .... I think I'm going to enjoy this
This is great! Looking forward to finishing it at a time that isn't 2 am.
This is item #154 on my RiL list. So glad to finally be getting to it.
One of the first things I always launch into in a story is plot flaws and poor character reactions. Which is why this first chapter miffs me; there aren't any. It's highly encouraging, and I find myself unable to criticize... well, anything.
Aside from that, this setup is about as perfect as can be. Sparity has always been a more 'cutesy' thing to me than a serious relationship, but I'm not at all above the idea of it becoming one. And, truth be told, I've never actually read a story where these two are seriously put together (despite how common and obvious it is), so this will be a nice first step into that territory. Well, hopefully.
There's no question why Rarity is trusted by the sea serpents, but I will be watching this topic very closely. While the setup is obvious, the delivery could crash and burn.
I should probably apologize in advance. I comment on every chapter of every story I read, so I'll be really filling up your comments section.