I'm a girl who is a fan of MLP:FIM and is a MAJOR FLUTTERCORD SHIPPER/FANATIC...And other things too :3
After Meeting him, Fluttershy becomes friends with Discord, a new student at Canterlot high, he seems nice enough, though chaotic at times, when he starts to fall head-over-heels for her, what will happen then?
(Story also has the characters Adagio, Aria blaze, and Sonata dusk Dazzle, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Sunset Shimmer, and a bit of Angel bunny)
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Zero likes, three dislikes,....But I won't let it stop me
7937381 maybe that means you should work to improve your writing. Not all the dislikes are haters.
Problems with the story so far:
Chapter 1: Several errors in the first few sentences alone. A giant redundancy in the description, as we can see character tags. There is a part where a character is shocked that a new student is a boy, even though students are either boys or girls. The prose and grammar are atrocious, Pinkie Pie freaks out after she already sees the student who introduces himself and makes a not-joke which results in Pinkie Pie having a nice giggle, and my favorite part of all shipping stories: instant-love (just add water
). It also seems that
sentences are given new lines
even though there has yet to be a period or even a paragraph.
Chapter 2: Some of the same problems in Chapter 1. Also, it's impatient, and should be "she muttered impatiently" or "she muttered, growing impatient". Inpatient: a patient who stays in a hospital while under treatment. Another trope I love, all cap words, because italics do not show emphasis in dialogue. Also, generic evil plans of evil, because God knows, focusing solely on Fluttercord would be too gosh darn diddly hard.
What you gave us is nothing new. This is the same trite Fluttercord story we get 1000 times over, and it isn’t even good. My advice? Get an editor, get a pre-reader and read articles on how to write a story.
As I said before, I'm not a big fan of EQG, but, I am curious about your premise. Though, I gotta ask, does Sunset know about Discord? Let me explain. Sunset in the first movie knew what would occur if she brought the element of magic from Equestria while Twilight didn't. So, you could say she learned about Discord before Twilight did as well. But I'm just theorizing here. Good luck on your writing.
write more please!!!!!!!! i love this!!!!!!!
7937552
Hey, give me a break, It's really hard for me to write these chapters with school crap in the way
daw!!!!!! so adorable!!!!!
I'll admit, I always thought that Sonata was the most likely of the sirens to reform. Mostly because she was fairly likeable and not super serious about being evil.
Hmm, the Dazzlings using Fluttershy is an interesting idea. But even the Dazzlings don't know about Discord? Then again, I guess you can argue that he only took over Equestria shortly after their banishment.
This sounds pretty good. I can't wait to read more.
so, they're going to kidnap fluttershy. that'll end well.
7943904
Well not exactly kidnap, they just want to try to persuade her to join their trio
7944708 yes, cause she'll join the sirens.
Why'd you call Sonata Dusk Sonata Dusk Dazzle?
7946329
Dusk is her middle name, their all sisters
I like it when discord treats fluttershy different then the others I thinks its adorable
*whisper-shouts* kiss!!!
Not too bad, but, I don't like how Pinkie keeps yelling out Discord's secrets for all to hear. Doesn't she know what personal/private matters mean? I do like how Adagio offered Discord offered to help him (probably having ulterior motives) and I kinda hope that he accepts her offer, only to face the consequences afterward. It'd be pretty interesting to see.
7989910
*Cough* this guy is really bald *cough* Quote *Cough* *Cough* Pinkie Pie *Cough* sorry, had a little something in my throat
, anyways I think it will be really surprising when you see the results
Um HELLO? Have you even SEEN "A friend in deed"?
I'm hopping for something diabolical to occur in the next chapter.
7994615
oh it will, oh, it will
EEEE!!! This is great! I can't wait to see what happens next! I hope you update soon.
Wait a minute, where did Adagio get the elements of harmony? Did she go back to Equestria and steal them from the tree or something?
7999593
oh yeah, I probably forgot to put that in, silly me
thanks
7999602
Okay. I look forward to your next update.
rainbow?! you were one of my favorites, too.
The ending felt a bit rushed and anti-climactic. But, you did a good job on trying to build the relationships between characters. Keep practicing, and try to take your time with your plots/endings.
8001260 i agree, it was a bit rushed, but i like it anyway. they kissed so happy *fangirling intensifies*
8001260
Yes yes I know, but I just didn't know how to end it so I just put it out there
Our heroes thaught this was an end but the thing they don't know is this was just a beggining
I ship Sonata and Pinkie.
Discord just tell Flutters you love her!
FLUFFLEPUFF!
Nice story. You should do a spin off with Pinkie and Sonata
I love that band !
It's my favoriete band.
And the chapter was great
B-but the g-g-goatee l-...
8619776
Fixed it XD
8619967
Yay!
Jealousy?!?!!?!!??!!
Every MLP fan ever.
Fluffle puff and Queen Chryissie!
Woah
8824184
YEP :p
8824177
Well how would you feel if you wanted someone to pass you something YOU wanted and said no, then your friend asked them to pass THEM something and they said YES?
7937954
Ya, be nice! I thought it is a good story so far. Good job so far!
9364797
Thanks, and btw your avatar pic is ADORABLE
7942528
8144525
7938996
Agreed
9667706
Nah, probably the same person who made Spike's Rarity doll
I was acctually hummin during her song