There's one thing I learned last night...
Applejack snores.
Seriously, it's almost like the ground itself was shaking. Just thought I'd throw that out there, it has no bearing on anything, and it sure didn't stop me from sleeping. My anxieties did that all by themselves.
I did manage to fall asleep eventually, though. I don't think I slept very long, because the sun was barely up when I stumbled, yawning, from the tent, leaving a hatless AJ snoring in a puddle of her own mouth-juices.
Outside, a humming Fluttershy was briskly fixing up breakfast over the embers of last night's fire. The others were, apparently, still asleep. On the menu were some sort of pancake-looking thing, some dried fruit, and fresh apples. My stomach growled loud enough for the pegasus to glance over my way, breaking into a smile.
"Good morning," the angel of the campfire said, smiling while preparing the food. "It sounds like you would like some breakfast."
I laughed, and scooted up to one of the fallen logs that we'd been using for makeshift benches last night.
"That smells great, Fluttershy," I told her. "Why are you up? I thought it was Twilight's and Rainbow's watch last thing in the morning."
"Oh, I couldn't sleep, so I let Twilight sleep in. Besides, I wanted to cook breakfast for everypony."
Fluttershy, serving up heaping helpings of kindness and pancakes!
"Almost done?" I asked eagerly. They smelled fantastic, I'm not even kidding!
A small wooden plate with two cakes on it was passed my way, which I took in my front hooves and gobbled greedily.
"My goodness," Fluttershy said, wide-eyed.
"More?" I asked hopefully, holding out the plate.
"I... am afraid we only planned on a certain amount of food, and we're already stretched thin as it is, with the addition of three mouths to feed. Or... a pony, a filly, and a two-dimensional pony that apparently doesn't need to eat. You can have an apple or two, though."
"Aww..." I said, then relayed the unhappy news to my tummy.
Unhappy with such tidings, my tummy growled and grumbled in protest. Fine, then, traitorous stomach! Go on strike, you stupid digestive organ. See if anypony takes you in or gives you food when you're squelching around the forest on your own!
"Speaking of our guests," I said, munching on an apple, "where are they?"
"Oh, Rainbow Dash is keeping an eye on them, over there," Fluttershy said, pointing with a wing while preparing more cakes. "Can you take over for her, so she can come and get some breakfast?"
"Oh, sure," I said, though I didn't relish the thought of hanging around with the foul-mouth filly with the Harvey Fierstein voice. Hopefully he was asleep under the makeshift lean-to we'd made for them, like Doctor Needles undoubtedly was.
I approached what I liked to call "The Everfree Jail", because my sense of humor works that way. Rainbow Dash was sitting and facing the lean-to where our prisoners were being kept, but she was laying down and snoring lightly.
She fell asleep! I never would have expected... well, okay, it is Rainbow Dash. Her being asleep isn't that strange. But, still! Element of Loyalty, asleep on the job?
But that wasn't the worst part!
"Where the heck is Doctor Creepy-face?!" I shouted, just as soon as I saw that his little pallet-thing was empty. I heard a little "eep!" behind me from Fluttershy, and some grumbling from one or two of the pony-filled tents.
"Bleargh?!" Rainbow Dash replied, waking up, woozily startled.
"And where's Flats?! And the puffball's gone too!"
"No, I'm not," growled Cinnamon Swirl, who was, in fact, completely obvious now that I saw her. Or, "him". Whatever.
"Did the other two escape?" I asked her.
"Yeah. I woke up the Doc, and he and Terrace took off while the pegasus was sleeping," Cinnamon Swirl's voice grated.
"Whaz goin' on, Pinks?" Rainbow Dash slurred as she started to get up. She didn't make it too far, slumping back to the ground almost immediately.
I nudged Dashie with an elbow, saying, "Look what you did, miss napaholic!"
"Whazza?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Whoza... zzzzzz....."
Un-be-lievable. She fell asleep again! This was too much, even for Rainbow Dash!
Wait. This actually was too much, even for Rainbow Dash.
"What did you do to Rainbow Dash?" I asked the filly.
"Doc drugged her," he said.
"Needle to the butt?" I asked, and he nodded.
Man, that guy really like doing that. Poor Rainbow! I should have known she wouldn't just fall asleep like that! Now I had a bad case of the guilties for thinking Rainbow Dash had slacked.
"Sorry, Dashie," I said to the snoozing pegasus. "So, why didn't you go with them?" I asked Cinnamon Swirl, honestly curious.
"Because the Everfree is a dangerous place, Terrace can't help me when he's like that, and the Doc seems like the type of pony that knows that he doesn't have to outrun the monster, he only needs to outrun the slowest member of the group. And that's me, right now."
"That's surprisingly logical, for such a little filly," I said, having some first hand... hoof... experiences with the Everfree's welcoming committee. He glowered at me for saying that, for some reason.
"You may be an escaped lunatic," the little filly said grudgingly, "but you came back when you thought we were being attacked by a manticore. I don't think you're the type of pony that would abandon me in the middle of the forest."
Awww! This time, I really couldn't help myself! I scooped the bundle of adorableness up into a hug, while he struggled and kicked, bit and cursed.
"That's soooo sweeeet!" I cooed at him while I bled profusely from the nose after a particularly fierce hoof-kick. He got me a good one in the eye, too.
"Put me the censored down, you censored censored pile of censored on a censored's moldy backside!" he yelled, though obviously without the censored bits.
See? I remembered about the potential kids picking up on this, and censored the naughty stuff! Yay, me!
Anyway, the ruckus caused everypony to wake up, with varying degrees of annoyance. Except, of course for Rainbow Dash, who was still enjoying the thrills of drug-induced sleepy-times.
"What they hay is goin' on out here?!" Applejack grumbled as she staggered out of her tent.
"I don't know, but it looks like Pinkie is assaulting Cinnamon Swirl with unwanted hugs," Twilight replied, yawning and rubbing at an eye with the... wrist... thingy above her hoof.
"Um... I think, the doctor and Terrace got away," Fluttershy said, having been close enough to overhear a lot of what was going on. "And Rainbow Dash got sedated by Doctor... um... Creepy-face."
"Oh, the poor dear," Rarity said, exiting her tent and looking, somehow, immaculate. "Is she going to be okay?"
"Well, if my own experience is any indication, then she's just having some weird and trippy dreams," I assured the concerned ponies.
"Y'all reckon' we should go after 'em?" Applejack asked, finally getting her hat back on. Which was a relief to me, because she honestly looks a little odd without it.
"No," Twilight replied after thinking for a few seconds. "We really can't afford the delay. We need to get going as soon as possible."
"All righty, then. How about some o' them vittles, 'Shy?" I'll give you three guesses who said that, and it wasn't Rarity or Twilight.
"Yes, I have pancakes for everypony," Fluttershy said, smiling and handing 'round the plates.
Twilight started walking with the others back to the fire, when she turned to look back at me.
"So, Pinkie," she said. "How long are you planning on hugging Cinnamon Swirl against his wishes?"
What? Oh... I glanced back at the now-still filly in my embrace, who was glaring absolute hatred at me.
"Oh, whoops! Sorry!" I said, putting him down and patting him on top of his head. He batted my hoof away, snarling and cursing angrily. "Now, go get yourself some breakfast. You're just a little filly, and you need your nutrition!"
Oh, the things he said while stomping over to the fire! It would have made a sailor blush.
Anyway, I'd already eaten, so I helped Fluttershy wash up while the others ate. Then came the tearing down of the tents, packing things up, and getting back on the road! This time, it was Rainbow Dash on the makeshift litter, and I got to pull her. I suppose that's fair, considering how I'd spent most of the previous day being dragged around, myself.
It does make walking tricky, though. I was concerned for poor Dashie, being bounced down the road like that. I mean, I tried to avoid the bumps and dips, but sometimes it was unavoidable!
Cinnamon Swirl, more or less resolved at this point to traveling with us, was trotting alongside of the group and panting with the effort of keeping up with a bunch of full-grown mares. AJ nabbed him by the scruff of the neck and, ignoring his yelp of protest, deposited him firmly on her orange back.
So not fair. I wanted a pony ride!
So, in order to show my vast disapproval, I stuck my tongue out at him as he glowered moodily from Applejack's back. He didn't see me, though, since he was scowling at the ground. When he finally did glance up, I quickly snuck my tongue back into my head and pretended that I was extremely interested in examining the trees and bushes surrounding us.
The blond filly looked at me suspiciously, then asked, "So, what's your deal, anyway?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Doc says you're crazy, you smash up a bunch of stalls in town, escape the hospital, and now you're all traveling... where? And for what?"
"Why do you want to know?" I asked.
"Because I'm stuck with you while you go on this little trip to nowhere, that's why!" he said.
"Aw, don't pout," I said. "I'll tell you, but you have to use the magic word!"
He looked at me in confusion while he swayed back and forth on AJ's back.
"Abracadabra?" he said, finally.
"No, 'Please'. You don't know the magic word?"
"Fine. 'Please', then."
So, I filled him in, telling the story yet again. It was becoming routine by now: Target, lightbulbs, mirror, Pinkie Pie, Ponyville, etc. etc. I could tell the rest of the Mane 6 were listening in as I talked, even though they'd heard the story already.
"Huh," he said when I was done. "And these friends of yours believe you?"
"Sure," I replied jauntily, "they've seen much weirder stuff than that."
"What do you mean?"
"What? Seriously? You don't know these mares?"
"No," he said bluntly. "Why, should I?"
"The Elements of Harmony?" I said, receiving a blank look in return. "Seriously, what is with you ponies! They only saved the world at least twice already, and you can't even remember their names?"
"Saved the world from what?" Cinnamon Swirl asked, toying idly with a braid. Yes it was cute, but I was too annoyed to d'aww at it.
"Nightmare Moon, does that ring a bell?" I replied. "How about Discord? Not to mention Queen Chrysalis and the Changelings, though that was more of an assisted world-save than a direct goal."
"Woah, really? These are those mares?"
"A-duh," I said, rolling my eyes. That earned me yet another Glare o' Doom. "Well, enough about me. What about you?"
"What about me?" he asked, looking surprised.
"Why do you work for Doc Creepy?" I clarified, and he snorted.
"I don't work for him, I work for Ponyville. I'm a Ponyville police officer."
"Oh? And how long have you known the good Doctor?" I asked, honestly curious.
"We met that same day we came to get you. He showed up at the station and told us to come with him."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. "And does that happen often?"
"What?"
"You guys taking orders from average citizens."
"Uh..." he trailed off, looking confused. "Well, he was a doctor. Said he needed our help."
"And why are you here now?"
He glowered at me from Applejack's back.
"Because I'm stuck as a filly, you twit!" he snarled.
Twit? Twit? I don't even... nobody's ever called me that before! I didn't know whether to laugh or be offended, or both!
"No, I meant why did you come to the creepy forest of doom in the first place?"
He rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Well, obviously, we had to chase down the escaped lunatic," he said, voice dripping with derision.
"Yuh-huh," I said. "How many police ponies are there in Ponyville?"
"Two," he said. "Me and Terrace."
"So, let me get this straight," I said, preparing my excellent summation. "So, the doctor came to get you, somehow knowing I'd go 'crazy' in town before I actually did. Later, you and your partner, both police ponies sworn to protect the citizens of Ponyville, left the town completely without any police presence whatsoever, on the orders of a doctor you'd just met a few days before, to go traipsing around in the most dangerous forest in Equestria to find a single supposed 'lunatic'. Is that typical operating procedure in cases like this?"
Oooh, I so had him! His eyes got really wide, then he looked confused.
"It... it made sense at the time..." he said, sounding lost. "We... ordinarily, in situations like this, we'd spread the word to nearby towns to keep an eye out for the escapee, maybe check the roads."
"Mind control!" I shrieked suddenly, causing everypony within earshot to jump halfway out of their skins.
"What they hay you shoutin' for?" Applejack asked, annoyed.
"Cinnamon Swirl was mind controlled by Doctor Creepy-face! I knew it!"
"Was not!" he shouted back.
"Was so!"
"Was not!"
"Was so!"
"Was not, times infinity!"
"Was so, times-"
"Will you two please stop that?" Twilight asked, annoyed. "You're acting like children!"
Simultaneously, both Cinnamon Swirl and I stuck our tongues out at the startled mare. When I saw that the filly had her tongue out too, I giggled.
And so did he! A true, girlish giggle! With no gravely-sound at all! The poor thing clapped her hooves over his mouth, looking up at me with horror.
Sighing, I patted him comfortingly on the head.
"I know that feeling, man," I told him/her. "I really do."
"Dear Celestia," he whispered in horror. "I don't want to turn into a filly! What if this is permanent?"
"Oh, don't worry about that," I said bouncing happily for a moment before remembering, oh yeah, I was hauling Rainbow Dash and bouncing wasn't really a good idea. "It's just poison joke. The cure is an herbal bubble bath. The spa back in Ponyville can fix you right up."
"Really?" he asked me with wide eyes full of hope.
"Yeah. Heck, for all I know, Zecora went and gave me the cure already. She gave me a whole bunch of stuff in my saddlebags, for all kinds of emergencies."
Now his eyes got really narrow and scrunchy.
"You mean... you might have had the cure all this time, and you didn't tell me?" he said, his voice cracking between deep and rough and high-pitched girly.
"Didn't think about it. Tell you what, I'll go through the saddlebags at our lunch break, and see what we've got, okay?"
He tried ordering, insisting, pleading and ultimately begging, to stop right away and see if I had the cure on me. Applejack finally had to turn around and tell him to shush, which he did with bad grace. Up until the point where he started yawning, and then fell asleep.
Nap time for Cinnamon Swirl! He's ten times cuter when he keeps his mouth shut, I swear. We walked in silence after that, our only conversations carried out in whispers. I don't know why the others let him sleep like that, but I wanted to avoid any more cursing coming my way from a pint-sized filly. Having an adorable creature like that curse at you in a voice like that kind of harshes my Zen, you know?
About two hours later, Twilight called a halt.
"There's something up ahead," she said. "It looks like it's the second river."
"Yay!" I said, then "Wait, second river?"
"Ayup. We crossed the first one yesterday, while you were snoozin'," Applejack told me.
"Oh. Cool! What does that mean?"
"It means that we'll be out of the forest by nightfall," Twilight said, happily. "Also, it means that we're going to take a quick lunch break!"
Awesome! Food!
I'll get back to you guys in a little bit, it's time to eat!
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It's a two-fer, tonight. Another chapter going up in a minute
Awsome!!
too bad the doctor escaped...
i hope the 2D pony will be fine
YAY Food
Confound that doctor and his scheming!
1195634
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_bronymaster1.png
I felt the urge to do that. Don't know why, but I did.
Hmm. I think *Pinkie* Ought to comment about how without the poision joke cure, that he will have an awful lot of trouble convincing anypony that *she* is not actually a filly, and try to use that to help support her story.
On the other hoof, this is Pinkie, who is not known for logical thinking...
"See? I remembered about the potential kids picking up on this, and censored the naughty stuff!"
Or... you could just mark it with a higher rating like "Teen" or "Mature" if the need arises.
A Grizzled Veteran turned into a cute little filly DAAAAAAAAAAAAAW man just DAAAAAAAAAAAAAW.
You really packed in the cute in this chapter, which makes it even more disturbing condsidering the circumstance of the sourse of it all.
Well then off to the next chapter!
yeeeeeeeeeeeeees
1195584 You have just made my weekend
Way too many coincidences. I'm starting to believe the protagonist was right about this being an evil plan. I mean the body switch happens just about when Princess Celestia and several other important ponies go out for ambassador duty, thus making it harder for the others to demand Pinkie to be free? No way that was just a coincidence. This whole deal with the police also adds suspicion!
As for The Elements of Harmony being mostly unknown, I think that's understandable. The girls just want to live out their lives without having to worry about being bombarded with "hero status" (except maybe Rarity and Rainbow Dash). Still though, how does the police officer of Ponyville not know this? I mean that should be in the police's records considering all six live there!
don't forget to check your saddle bags for the possible cure while you eat lunch, oh and watch out for creepers XD -ssssss creeper-
It would serve Cinnamon (heh) right to stay a filly, considering as a cop s/he was a bust.
And now, after figuring out Pinkie, time to fix Dr. Creepy McLiar-Face.
And Big Mac would look odd without his yoke
, Apple Bloom would look odd without her bow 
and Granny Smith would look odd without... uh, I got nothing. 
On a different note I'm unsure of the association between sailors and cursing.
1195912
He wants the help from kids as well.
Wow he can do that whole story thing in the middle of a journey now. Also, I'm seriously worried about his psyche going full Pinkie sooner or later. Please, please, don't let that happen to the poor guy.
I’m disappointed you didn’t put in a part with somepony saying, “Wait, her name was Chrysalis?”
Two chapters at once? You are too kind, Hoopy, too kind!
Geez Cinnamon Swirl has such a potty mouth, I think Rarity or Fluttershy should teach him some manners!
i love the banter between pinkie and cinnamon, pure gold
> Cinnamon Swirl, more or less resolved at this point to traveling with us, was trotting alongside of the group and panting with the effort of keeping up with a bunch of full-grown mares.
"Resolved at this point" doesn't really make sense. Perhaps you mean "resigned"?
See? I remembered about the potential kids picking up on this, and censored the naughty stuff! Yay, me!
^ I am calling meta on that
I was laughing all the way through; this story really cracks me up!
(Read this in Pinkie's voice and it's soooo much better!) 
1199733
Pinkie knows no meta...
pinkie sees no meta...
Omg doctor Mc. Creepyface is on the loose!
1199396 You can never beat a Sicilian in a game of wits...
Some ponies are totaly clueless, I personaly think that gorup of national heroes, especialy those who saved kingdom if not entire world, deserve respect, popularity and trust.
Meaby if Celestia would do more than simply congratulating tham in her castle and put tham on window as decoration, than mane 6 would have so much easier job to deal with police and royal guards and even citizens in case of emergencys, hehe.
1266058 Seconded.
Pinkie pies mind is transforming the other dudes mind! I love it!
This is my third time through this chapter, and I still crack up over parts of it...
A masterpiece, this is...!!
1195632 Don't worry. Paper Mario will be fine.
This. is. AWESOME!! CAN'T STOP READING.
Take a watch and a like...and maybe even a mustache.
hes got to believe pinkie now! i mean she actually made sense!
2428494...doesn't that kind of tell you, she crazy?
What a deranged doctor.
He's no Doctor Whooves
I read this in Pinkie's voice. Whenever a certain character speaks, I read it in their voice. If it's an OC, I do a variation of my voice. It's a habit I picked up on ever since I was a kid with other stories. I love it as it puts me in the story as a narrator(omnipotence) and character(first-person to third-person views).
The cursing 'harshes your Zen'???
I LOVE how you worded that! And you said it so matter-of-factly. Well done, that put a genuine smile on my face.
Uppsa loopsa found something.
Might want to correct an mistake there.
Isn't it just adorable when your enemy tuckers their self out?
Yes, cursing upsets my Zen too.
3475795
In most accents, herbal is pronounced with a silent h. So technically "an herbal" is correct, though it may depend on your regional accent.
3561943
I wouldn't say most, but around half'ish, yeah. Though I never noticed that 'an' fits with the silent H.
3507514 Eeyup!
I am seriously praying to God right now that the poison joke is permanent. Adult police stallion Cinnamon Swirl? Do not want. Adorable filly Cinnamon Swirl? ME VERY WANT!
Pretty sure that last comma shouldn't be there... I can't think of any reason for there to be a pause.
Great story, by the way.
The thought of a stomach going door-to-door asking for charity is hilarious and gross in equal measure.
3475795 herbal is pronounced with a silent h
I'm thinking the villan wants the EoH, or wants to make sure they can't be used.
mind control, changelings? Or some villan with a hidden agenda.
5564045
I'm sorry but... 'Merica...
Also, if the doc has mind control like we were told, and he's out there in the forest with Terrace (who can't talk but possibly has razor-sharp everything), what if he rallies a bunch of Everfree creatures against them in order to do... Whatever it is. Also, it's been proven that he will wake and fall asleep whenever told to do so, what if he can go without sleep as long as nopony tells him to?
5691034
More likely than not, he has the worst case of insomnia.
We got a crazed butt-stabber on the loose!
I mean yeah