• Published 27th Jun 2012
  • 47,467 Views, 2,611 Comments

Why am I Pinkie Pie?! - Hoopy McGee



Why the heck did I turn into Pinkie Pie?!

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And so, I escaped!

And I bet you'd like to know how it happened, huh? Okay, well strap yourselves in... because this is going to be a thrill ride!

Or, maybe not, I don't know. It was exciting to me, at least!

I knew a little bit more about what was going on, now. Yes, I'd somehow inherited some of Pinkie's personality quirks along with her body, but I wasn't Pinkie Pie. I was definitely... whatever my actual name was. This whole thing had been done to me, possibly by that doctor pony, possibly by somepony else. And I had to find out who, how and why!

In order to do that, I needed allies. And, lucky for me, Pinkie Pie came with a whole passel of allies! Un-lucky for me, three of them were probably currently convinced that I was totally fruit-loops. That left Rarity and Fluttershy as the ponies most likely to listen to me before trying to turn me over to the authorities.

The little voice in my head suggested that I start with Fluttershy. She did seem like the most likely candidate to be my first ally, and not just because she shared the same voice-actress as Pinkie. The main problem with that is... well, I have no idea where Fluttershy's house is in relation to Ponyville! Heck, I don't know where the hospital is in relation to Ponyville!

But all of that was for later. For now... I had to get the heck out of this room! But I had no idea how I was going to do that.

Pinkie Pie would be able to get out, I knew. She'd do some wacky thing, like simply pop through the wall, or talk in circles around an orderly, or some similar crazyness to get out. But I wasn't really Pinkie Pie, and I couldn't do those things.

But... maybe I could. Maybe all I had to do was, somehow, tap into my own inner Pinkie Pie.

So, I meditated. I thought about parties. I thought about happiness, and joy, and laughter. I thought of my friends back home, and Pinkie's friends here. Cake and ice cream, parties with balloons and fun games... I didn't realize it at the time (because I had my eyes closed), but Pinkie's mane and tail were slowly curling back up as I sat there, deep in thought.

And then, suddenly, I had a plan. And the first step was to get out of this straight jacket!

It turns out that Pinkie's body actually has incredible flexibility. It's almost like she's made out of taffy, or something. There was some rolling around on the floor, a few choice curse words, a Pinkie Pie version of the Sweetie Belle scoot, and some frantic wriggling, but I finally got that darned thing off. Harry Houdini's got nothing on me!

The next part of my plan was fairly easy. I just needed to gather a few simple items. It didn't take me long to get a small pile of lint and pluck a few stray hairs from my now-poofy tail, and I was looking around for a Bunsen burner when I heard the keys rattling in the lock of my door.

Oh no! I was nowhere near ready! I still had to find a pumpkin, three candles, a jar of pickle juice and a propeller beanie!

The orderly opened the door, carrying my dinner on a tray in his mouth. He didn't notice me, at first. So, I decided to improvise!

"Plan B!" I shouted, jumping at him. He dropped the tray in shock, and I wrapped the straight jacket around his head. He pawed at it frantically to get it off, and when he finally did, I shoved a hoof-full of my dinner into his mouth.

I stared at him, filled with regret as he lay there on the floor of the room. He twitched slightly while he gurgled on the terrible taste of mashed peas.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, sadly. "But better you than me."

I left the room, closing the door softly behind me. Operation: Get Out of the Loony Bin was on! Any plan that succeeds is a good plan, and all that!

Of course, the next step was to get out of the hospital. Barking-dog pony barked at me as I walked past her room, but since she barked pretty often, I wasn't too worried about her giving me away.

I slipped into a nearby stairwell, hoping to make my way down to the first floor without being noticed. I'd just started my descent when my tail started twitching like crazy. That distracted me enough that I stumbled, tumbling head-over-hooves down the stairs.

Et tu, Pinkie Sense? Darned self-fulfilling mystic senses!

I was lucky that my fall was broken by something soft at the bottom of the stairs, something that went "Oof!" I got up to my hooves and looked down to see Doctor McLiar-Pants himself lying in a crumpled heap!

"Miss Pie?" he asked, woozily. I didn't give him a chance for a follow-up, running off while he was still dazed, my freaky earth-pony speed getting me quickly out of range of his even freakier unicorn-pony magic. Still, it wasn't long before I heard him raising the alarm behind me.

Not good! And definitely not part of the plan! I mean, the original plan was simple:

1. Get out of the room

2. Get out of the hospital

3. Fix everything

4. Go home

Being chased by orderlies wasn't part of the plan. Maybe I could add it in there, like a task 1b: get chased by orderlies, but then I'd have to figure out how to make room on the list. Which was in my head, so maybe it wouldn't be that hard, after all. Wait, why was I worrying about this now? I had other things to do!

Like, getting away from these orderlies!

Three days in a tiny room hadn't done much to hurt Pinkie's incredible speed, so I poured it on and pulled steadily ahead of my pursuers. I made it out the front doors and into the the early evening light outside, with the sun just beginning its descent. I saw Ponyville off in the distance, so I shifted into overdrive and left a dust trail behind me as I ran.

I heard various shouts of "There she is!" and "Get her!" and "Do we get paid extra for this?" coming from behind me as I reached the outskirts of town. I started walking as I passed the first buildings in Ponyville, because the last thing I wanted was a lot of attention.

I was still smiling, but this one was an honest and happy smile, compared to the admittedly freaky one I had on my face when I was chasing after poor Dashie. Ponies smiled back at me as I walked sedately through the town. Some even waved! Either these ponies have short memories, or nopony had told them that I was supposed to be crazy. Which seemed downright odd, to me.

Once I was a block or so in, I quickly dodged into a side alley and hid behind a convenient rain-barrel. The orderlies, along with Doctor Needles himself, all came running up and milled around in confusion, trying to figure out where I had gone. I had to put a hoof over my mouth to stop from giggling at the confused expressions on their faces!

Then I had a burst of inspiration for a little prank. I quickly slapped a fedora on my head, and then pulled on a trenchcoat and slid a pair of Groucho glasses onto my face. Once I was suitably disguised, I stepped out next to the confused hospital staff.

"There she goes!" I cried, deepening my voice and trying to sound gruff. "Quick, she's getting away!"

The hospital ponies looked at me, startled, and then the doctor shouted, "Get her!"

And then they all ran off in the direction I'd pointed.

Oh, it was so funny! I fell on my back, kicking my legs in the air and laughing so hard I got the hiccups!

Giggling, and occasionally hiccuping, I continued on through Ponyville. I figured that the orderlies and Doctor Creepyface would be looking for me here in town, so the sooner I got out of here, the better. Then I could look for Fluttershy's cottage! What I hadn't planned on was getting lost again, since I was still pretty unfamiliar with Ponyville.

Just as I was getting ready to start grumbling in frustration, I saw Fluttershy herself slowly walking though town. What luck! It was almost as if I had someone looking out for me, making sure things would go my way!

So, I got all stealthy-like and started following her. I mean, I didn't want to confront her in the middle of Ponyville, she might panic and call attention to us. My thought at the time was that I'd wait until she left town, then I'd follow her back to her cottage. At that point, I'd try to talk to her about what had happened.

If I could get Fluttershy on my side, then she could help me convince the others. One at a time, I'd convert all of Pinkie's friends to my side, and then we'd go take on the bad guy! Whoever that was!

I thought Fluttershy was shopping, but she was actually just walking through town. I kept my disguise on, following her stealthily. I hid behind a mailbox, on top of a light post, behind a wagon, and underneath a familiar brown earth-pony with a spiky mane and an hourglass cutie mark.

"Um, excuse me?" he said, giving me a startled look.

"Not now, Doctor!" I told him. "I'm trying to be all ninja-like!"

"Uh, I'm not a doctor. My name is Ti-"

"Ap-bap-bap-bap!" I said, sticking a hoof on his muzzle. "If your name isn't 'The Doctor', I don't wanna know about it!"

Grumbling, he moved off, leaving me without cover. So I dove into a large potted plant.

That's when I recognized the neighborhood. Sure enough, Fluttershy was walking up to the tree-brary that I'd had such a hard time finding on my first day here!

I approached the library myself and crept along the side of the wall until I reached a handy window. I peeked briefly through the window, and I saw the Mane 6 minus one all standing inside. The newly-arrived Fluttershy was being given a cup of tea by a smiling Rarity, while Applejack stood frowning off to one side. Rainbow Dash was hovering near the ceiling, her forearms crossed over her chest, and Twilight Sparkle was saying something.

I pressed my ear up against the glass and listened in.

"...even matter either way, is all I'm saying," Twilight Sparkle was saying. "Also, the fact that they won't even let us see her is... well, it's weird! And this thing about interrupting her therapy, well, that makes no sense!"

"Regardless of what she did, it's obvious that they are overreacting," Rarity said.

"I'm really worried about her," Fluttershy said. "Locked up in there, all alone..."

The sensitive pegasus started to cry, and Rarity patted her gently on the back.

I wondered briefly who it was they were talking about. Sounded like somepony was in trouble!

"We just gotta bust her out of there," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, yeah, she freaked me out, but she's my friend, and I'm not going to just leave her in there!"

"Ah'm worried about this 'alien' thing," Applejack said, frowning. "If she really believes it and it ain't true, then okay, she needs some help. But if it is true, then what happened to Pinkie Pie? We need answers, and they ain't giving us any."

They were talking about Pinkie? Oh, that's me! Well, sort of...

"We can't just go rushing in there, though," Twilight said, frowning. "There are rules and procedures for a reason. Let me write to the Princess, I'm sure she can help us."

"It's been three days. We don't have time for red tape!" Rainbow asserted. "Let's just rush in there, clobber anypony who tries to stop us, and get to the bottom of this!"

"You rock, Dashie!"

"Hey, who said that?"

Oh, whoops. Was that out loud? I whipped off my disguise and popped my head up to see everypony looking at me with expressions ranging from confused to even more confused.

"Hi, everypony!" I said, waving. "Guess who busted out of the hospital?"

A strange and hectic few seconds passed as I was hustled into the library and plopped down into a chair.

"Pinkie Pie! How did you get here?" Twilight said.

"Like a sneaky ninja!" I replied.

"No, I mean... Nevermind," the unicorn said, giving me her 'dealing with Pinkie Pie' look. "Look, first of all... Are you okay?"

"Yah-huh, I sure am, Twilight!"

"That's good. And... are you still claiming that you're an alien?"

"Yup! Though, I know it sounds crazy."

Twilight sighed, and rubbed her temple with a hoof.

"There has to be a way to figure out if she's lost it, or if she's telling the truth," Rainbow Dash said.

"I agree that this is a bit of a conundrum," Rarity said, breaking out the big words. "However, after all we've been through, it's definitely possible that this is true. Remember Discord?"

"I really am telling the truth, you guys! I Pinkie Promise!"

"Yeah, but if you're crazy, you could think you're an alien without actually lying!" Rainbow Dash pointed out. Which was surprisingly astute for her. Must be all the reading she's been doing.

"Oooh, good point, Dashie. But I know I'm not crazy!"

"Please stop using the word 'crazy'," Twilight said, sounding irritated. "I'm going to examine you, Pinkie Pie, or whatever your name is. Is that okay?"

"Sure thing. And Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for being willing to try and believe me, even if you're still not sure," I said, smiling happily. Twilight hesitated a moment, and then smiled back.

Then she tapped me lightly on the head with her horn, and this purple glow surrounded me, which was all tingly! After a minute or two of that, Twilight stepped back and looked at me, all thoughtful-like.

"Well?" Rainbow demanded. "Is she an alien or just cra... er... nuts?"

"'Nuts' isn't any better than 'crazy', Rainbow Dash," Twilight pointed out. "And... I'm not sure. It feels like something is off, but... I can't tell what it is."

"She sure seems to act like our Pinkie Pie," Applejack said, doubtfully. "Ah ain't sayin' it ain't true, Ah just thought an alien would act... well, different."

"I may be an alien, but I'm still using Pinkie's brain," I pointed out. At least, that was the conclusion I'd come to, for why I was acting the way I was.

Twilight flinched at the thought, and Rarity murmured a brief consolation. Fluttershy gasped in apparent horror, covering her mouth with a hoof.

Rainbow, however, just laughed.

"How's that working out for ya?" she asked, snickering.

"Eh, it's interesting, at least." I said. "Look, why don't I just tell you my story? Maybe that will answer some questions."

Eveypony agreed that this was an excellent idea. I asked Twilight for some snacks before I began, eliciting shudders of horror from the other ponies as I briefly described the food I'd been eating for the last few days. Before I knew it, I had a plate full of cookies, a couple slices of cake, a loaf of crispy bread, and a large salad all sitting in front of me.

About twenty seconds later, I leaned back with a happy sigh, patting my now-full tummy in satisfaction.

"She eats like Pinkie, too," Rainbow Dash said, looking at the empty plates in front of me with something resembling awe.

I grinned at her, and I began to tell my story, starting with...

Hey. Wait a minute. I just realized, where did that disguise come from?!