And then I had my head examined.
"Hmm..." Skyggie said as she grabbed me by the jaw. "Hmm..."
She turned my head to the left, then tilted it to the right, and peered into my ear.
"Interesting," she said, then grabbed my muzzle to turn me to face her. She stared deeply into my eyes for a long time, an extremely serious expression on her face.
"Well." she said, finally releasing me. "There's no doubt about it. This here is a pony."
Everypony in the room groaned and slumped.
Wait, sorry, I should go back a little. I'm kind of skipping some things, here. Of course, that means that I'll have to tell you about Skyggie's Broom of Doom. Trust me, it deserves that name.
So, here's what happened, right after we beat the Queen:
"Get out of my house!" Skyggie shouted. "Trixie!"
"Yes, Skyggie?"
"Help me get these thieves out of my house!"
"But, Skyggie..."
Skyggie didn't wait on explanations. Instead, she waddled over to grab a broom from a nearby wall, which she used to demonstrate her displeasure towards us.
"Ma'am, we aren't thieves," Twilight tried to explain. "We're here because-" *whap!* "-ouch!"
"Consarnit, would you just-" *whap!* "-hey!"
"Knock it off, you nutty old loon!" *whap!whap!whap!* "Ow, hey, quit it!" *whap!whap!whap!whap!* "Will you just-" whap!whap!whap!whap!* "Agh, alright, I'm sorry! Aaaaah!" *whap!whap!whap!whap!*
Not a one of us was spared the broom. Well, except Rainbow Dash, who hovered near the ceiling, laughing her prismatic tail off, and Fluttershy, who was under a table while all of this was going on. Thank goodness, I can't imagine what might have happened if Skyggie had whapped Fluttershy with a broom! Skyggie probably would have exploded with guilt, or something. I know I would have, in her place.
I'm sure it was a comical sight. Trixie, pleading with her demented mentor, stood in the middle of the room while shouting at Skyggie, who was hustling after us as quickly as she could while we ponies all ran away. Every time she got close enough to one of us, she'd whap us with that broom of hers.
Somehow, she managed to corner me, in spite of the fact that this was a round room with no corners. What can I say? Skyggie is awesome that way. I huddled down and put my forelegs up over my head while she continued to visit bristly doom upon my noggin.
"Get!* *whap!* "Out!" *whap!* "Of!" *whap!* "My!" *whap!* "House!"
"Enough!" Twilight shouted, and the Broom of Doom was wrapped in a purple field of magic and lifted into the air. Skyggie went with it, holding on with a death-grip, rising up until her feet were just off the floor.
"My broom!" she shouted. "Leggo of my broom!"
"Not until you listen to reason!" Twilight said.
"Never!" Skyggie shouted defiantly, tugging on the broom, which just made her rock back and forth like a pendulum.
"Listen, if you just settle down, we can explain what's going on here, and you'll see that this is all just a misunderstanding," Twilight said with forced calm. "Now, just let go of the broom, all right?"
"No, it's my broom!" Skyggie replied stubbornly. "You let go!"
"Look... Oh, for goodness sake," Twilight said, as Skyggie and her broom began to rotate in place. The unicorn was forced to trot clockwise around in front of her, in order to keep herself in front of Skyggie's face.
"Listen, we came here to ask for your help. But, when we got here, you were being mind-controlled by the Dark Queen of the Faeries, who apparently took over your mind during a spell that went wrong. We banished the Queen, freed you... and then you started attacking us with a broom when you should have been thanking us. All right?"
Twilight, breathing heavily, stared at the dangling pudgy fox-person suspended from the household cleaning object (of doom). Skyggie blinked at her, then smiled.
"Well, why didn't you say?" She said, and dropped back to the floor. "Welcome to Castle Penumbra! Trixie! Why didn't you tell me we had guests?"
I was starting to wonder how much of Skyggie's previous foggy-headedness was due to the Queen, honestly.
Things calmed down after that, enough so that Fluttershy felt confident enough to come out from underneath her table.
Trixie was sent back to the entrance to get Doctor Creepy and Cinnamon Swirl while we explained what happened, and how we used the Elements of Harmony (which we were still wearing, by the way) to beat the Dark Queen. When I explained how she'd been zapped into dust, Skyggie just shook her head.
"The Queen of the Faeries isn't so easily beaten," Skyggie said sadly. "It may take her some time to recover, but she could come back."
Drat. Oh, well. At least the Queen is an idiot. That would make things easier, should she ever come back.
Anyway, Skyggie got really distracted right then, because that's when Trixie came back, levitating the unconscious doctor while Cinnamon Swirl trotted along next to her.
"Oooh!" Skyggie cooed. "Wook at da widdle filly! She's so cuuute!"
Everypony in the room took a wary step back. Fluttershy plugged her ears with her hooves.
"Who's this old bat?" Cinnamon Swirl said in his gravelly voice.
There was a pause, then Skyggie looked at us curiously.
"What's wrong with her voice?" asked the Witch.
"Oh, he got into a patch of poison joke a while back, and since then his voice has been switching between the one you just heard and a high-pitched filly voice," I explained.
"Oh, poison joke? I can fix that right up!" Skyggie said happily, waddling over to a nearby shelf and pulling down a vial of something-or-other.
"You... have a poison joke cure?" Cinnamon Swirl asked, so excited that his voice cracked back and forth between the high-pitched and the gravel-voice at least three times.
"Next best thing!" Skyggie said, uncorking the bottle and passing it over to the eager filly. "Here, drink this up!"
Alarm bells went off in my head as Cinnamon Swirl eagerly started drinking the potion. "Um, what did you just give him?" I asked.
"Something to fix her voice," Skyggie said, smiling, then said to the filly, "I like that perfume you're wearing! It smells like the kind my good friend Zecora makes for me."
"Why haven't I turned back?" Cinnamon Swirl said, then realized something terrifying. "Oh, sweet Celestia's fuzzy fetlocks, what happened to my voice?!"
Oh, man. I hate being right sometimes!
"Why, it's just something that will restore your voice to normal, little filly!" Skyggie said, smiling happily and rubbing the filly on the head.
"I'm not a filly, I'm a stallion!" Cinnamon Swirl raged cutely, in a high-pitched voice. Poor guy.
"They make pony stallions awful small and girly these days," Skyggie replied suspiciously.
"That's what the poison joke did to me, it changed me into a filly, you ridiculous old coot!"
"Oh. Whoopsie-doodle!" Skyggie replied. "Well, don't you worry, when you take the poison joke cure, it will cure you completely."
Cinnamon Swirl just sighed, glared all around, and stomped off somewhere to pout.
"Oh, is that Doctor Needles?" Skyggie said, seeing the sleeping doctor for the first time. "He was just out here to treat my lumbago."
"That was over a week ago," Trixie said. "He was possessed, too."
"He stuck needles in my butt!" I exclaimed.
"Mine too!" Dashie chimed in.
"He's funny that way, yes." Skyggie noted. "Well, he musta cured my lumbago, because I feel great! Or, maybe it got fixed when I was hanging from the broom..."
"Look, can we focus?" Twilight said. "We still have a big problem!"
"Oh? What's that?"
"The Dark Queen swapped the mind of my friend Pinkie Pie for an alien's mind from another world!"
"Wow, what a crazy thing for her to do," Skyggie said.
"I know, right?" I replied as I flipped through some of the books on a nearby table. Mostly they seemed to be dream journals.
Anyway, we explained, and that's what led to the examination I was telling you about earlier. In addition to peering into my ear-holes, Skyggie also fondled my hooves (shudder), yanked on my tail, petted my coat the wrong way (that's really irritating, by the way!) and then briefly fell asleep while looking into a book.
I took the opportunity to ask Skyggie some questions. Like, for example: "Hey, Skyggie. What the heck are you, anyway?"
"I'm a Kitsune," she said, adding proudly, "We're renowned for our extreme grace and exotic beauty."
She smiled a shy smile and looked away demurely. I stared at her, the chubby fox-lady with a face like a furry red apple with gray streaks in it, and nodded sagely.
"I can see that much," I told her. Hey, we all have our illusions, right? "What brings you to Equestria?"
"Too much competition at home. New illusionists popping up out of the woodwork, over there. Yup."
After Skyggie reached her diagnosis of me being a pony, Twilight asked if there was any way to reverse the effect, to get me home and to get Pinkie Pie back.
"Unfortunately, this is beyond my current abilities," Skyggie said, shaking her head. Everypony groaned again. "However, you need not despair, little ponies! If you are able to retrieve for me the Mirror of Souls, I should be able to swap the two of them back, no problem!"
More quests! Yay!
"Where can we find this Mirror of Souls?" Twilight asked.
"You can find it in the Caverns of Dread, in the Lost Treasure Hoard of the Great Emperor Zhing. To get there, you must first pass through the Plains of Torment, where the lacerating razor-grass grows tall and vicious. Then, continue on through the Bog of Eternal Woe, where the drowned corpses of the dead will try to feast upon your marrow and the wil-o'-the-wisps will lure you to a watery grave.
"If you make it through there, you will find yourself at the base of Mount Near-Certain Doom, and the entrance to the Caverns, which is guarded by an ancient dragon known as Milbrourioux, which is Ancient Centaur for 'Big Old Dragon'. Milbrourioux will ask you a riddle, and if you fail to get it right, he will eat you on the spot. Sadly, the only tongue Milbrourioux speaks is a peculiar dialect of Ancient Centaur, which nobody else spoke even before the centaurs went extinct a thousand years ago.
"Supposing you get past him, you will have to enter the Caverns of Dread. Just watch out for the Blade Bats, the blood-sucking Tunnel Worms and the Shade-wraiths, all of whom will likely swarm you the moment you step hoof inside. Make your way to the Hoard cave and defeat the twenty-seven deadly traps, any one of which will easily kill you all at the slightest mistake.
"Then, you must find the Mirror of Souls in the Hall of Mirrors. Don't take the wrong one, or your soul will be sucked out and sent to the Realm of Eternal Torment. Which isn't fun at all, I assure you. Get the Mirror of Souls and return to me, and I can perform the ritual that will exchange these two back, lickety-split!"
As we all looked at each other with wide eyes, Skyggie cleared her throat and continued with, "Or, I suppose you could just ask Princess Celestia if you can borrow one of hers. I think she has, like, six of them."
"Uh... We'll probably just ask the Princesses," Twilight said, backing away from the crazy fox-lady.
"You sure?" Skyggie asked, sounding almost disappointed. "The Princess is always so busy. Going to the Hoard Room of Great Emperor Zhing would probably be easier than getting on her schedule."
"I'm Celestia's personal student," Twilight replied, somehow managing to avoid sounding like a bragger. "I'm pretty sure I can get on her schedule easily enough."
"You're the Princess' personal student?" Trixie asked, mouth hanging open. "I don't feel so bad about what happened in Ponyville, now."
"Oh, well... It's not a big deal," Twilight said, blushing adorably.
It was just then that somepony decided to do something potentially really stupid.
"Wake up!" a girly voice shouted, and I looked over to see Cinnamon Swirl waking up Doctor Creepy.
"Oh, no!" I exclaimed. "Why would you do that?"
"He was mind controlled too," the filly said. "Remember? He should be fine now that he was hit by the rainbow."
The doctor woke up and looked around warily.
"Um. Hi, everypony," he said. "Could you tell me where I am and what I'm doing here?"
More explanations happened, which he had a hard time believing at first.
"I don't believe it," he said at one point.
See?
We eventually got through to him, and he completely failed to even attempt to ram a needle into my hindquarters, so I decided to trust him, at least provisionally. Not to the extent that I was happy about him traveling back to Ponyville with us to get the poison joke cure, but you know what I mean.
I decided to at least try to mend fences. So, I walked up to him and said, "Look, Doctor Creepy... er, Needles. I apologize for what I said earlier. You aren't the lamest villain ever. The Queen beat you by a long ways."
"Oh. Uh. Thanks?" he said, confused. He hadn't remembered anything past coming to see Skyggie over a week ago.
"Don't get me wrong," I said. "You're still easily the second lamest. It's just that the Queen had you beat by a solid mile."
"Thanks," he said again, dryly.
"No problem!" I said, then bounced away.
Anyway, plans were made. Now that we'd stopped the invasion that we didn't even know was happening, we could go back to Ponyville, then to Canterlot, see Luna (or Celestia, if she was back) and then get me switched back once and for all. Everything would work out fine, just as long as nothing went wrong.
I know what you're thinking. I was thinking it too, just as soon as I thought those fatal words. Because as soon as I thought 'as long as nothing went wrong', something immediately started going wrong!
It started as a twinge in my back left hoof, followed by a similar twinge in the others. Then my legs started feeling wobbly...
"Um, guys?" I said, only to be ignored.
"We should be able to return the same way we came," Twilight was saying. "It shouldn't take us long to get to Zecora's, and then to Ponyville..."
By this time, my legs weren't just wobbly, they were shaking. As was my tail, jittering back and forth as if it were possessed.
"Guys..?" I said, feeling a little frantic.
"I could just fly there tonight, and bring back some extra supplies, then meet you by the forest edge tomorrow morning," Dash suggested.
"Good idea," Twilight said, nodding.
"Guys!" I shouted, and everypony turned to look at me as I vibrated across the floor, bouncing like a pink jackhammer.
"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, alarmed. "What's going on?!"
"Oh, not much," I replied casually, as the vibration of my legs started me spinning in slow circles on the floor. "I think I'm just having one of Pinkie Pie's 'Doozies', that's all."
That's when we noticed the humming sound. It had started low, at first. Low and quiet, adjusting upwards so slowly that we simply hadn't registered it until now. We were all looking around for the source, but it was Fluttershy who noticed it first.
"The mirror!" she gasped, pointing with a hoof.
We all turned to look at the gigantic mirror in Skyggie's main room, which was glowing with a soft light. As the sound increased in volume, so did the light in brightness, until the entire mirror was glaring with it, bright as the sun. We couldn't hear ourselves talk, we couldn't even see each other.
Personally? I was convinced it was the Queen again. She was coming back in her second form! I swear, only my temporary blindness and the complete lack of ominous Latin chanting kept me from bolting from the room. Not in fear, I was sure we could beat her again, but out of sheer annoyance!
Then the mirror exploded, sending deadly shards of glass through the room that completely failed to so much as scratch anypony. The sound dropped to a more manageable level, which is the only reason why I heard Skyggie's devastated voice saying, "My mirror..." in a tone of absolute shock.
There was a figure in the light, tall and sinister, a solid black silhouette in the bright glare of the light. It towered over any of us ponies, radiating pure menace. It stood there, almost as if posing against the light, and then stalked towards us, walking on two legs. As it got closer, the form became clearer, and I could start making out details, as much as I wished that I couldn't.
Tall and thin, it was wrapped in a brown coat. A similarly brown fedora was atop its head, rakishly askew. It was wearing black pants, thick boots and a pull-over shirt under the coat. But that's where the similarity to anything human ended, and the horror began.
The thing's hands were huge and swollen, the thick, jet-black fingers like sausages were holding a long metal rod that arced sputtering lightning and billowed with black smoke. The face was something like out of a horror film, an extended snout like an anteater hanging below two huge dead-looking insectoid eyes, glassy and black, reflecting the room around it as it stared out unblinkingly.
The rest of the thing's face was an expressionless black, with a skin texture like rubber. I couldn't make out any ears or other distinguishing marks, and it was completely hairless.
My spine was creeping with horror at the demonic apparition before me. Doctor Needles hadn't scared me. The Dark Queen? Pathetic. But this thing? For the first time since I came to Equestria, I was terrified. Not just scared, not startled, but down-to-my-hooves terrified of this creature.
It strode into the room, looking around with apparent interest, though it was hard to tell on that alien face. The light behind it blinked out, fading away to nothing, revealing the brick wall that had been behind the now sadly exploded mirror.
Even though I was still vibrating from the Doozy, my friends clustered around me as the creature discarded its rod of smoke and lightning, which hit the ground and then exploded for no apparently good reason.
"All right," a tense Twilight whispered to us, "get ready to use the Elements if this thing attacks us."
The demon paused, then looked at us and cocked its head to the side in an inquisitive fashion. It made some sort of noise, a mumbled vocalization.
"Mpphmph?" it said, walking towards us. We all shuffled backwards, and the thing stopped.
"Mpph mphh mph mphhmph?" it said, holding its hands out towards us.
"What?" Twilight asked. "We can't understand you."
The huge, sausage-like fingers came up and removed the fedora from the hairless head. Then, as I watched in nauseated horror, it pulled off its own face, which actually turned out to be a gas-mask of some kind.
A set of very human, very familiar features looked up and grinned at us. I stopped vibrating suddenly as it became clear what the 'doozy' was.
"I said, 'Are you my mummy?'," Pinkie Pie said in my voice.
Well. That was unexpected.
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Hurray, I'm done moving and have my internet back! No more surfing FIMFiction on my phone! To celebrate, have a new chapter
If you're not sure what the "Are you my mummy?" is from, it's from an extremely creepy episode of Doctor Who called The Empty Child. I can't recommend it enough!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yay. Waiting for Pinkie to arrive fooorever!
1337290 yay you watch doctor who
Dun dun duuuuun! DOUBLE THE PINKIE PIE!
I have said time and time again, if I ever get my hands on a gas mask that is the FIRST thing I am saying.
Welp. That escalated quickly.
Haha Doctor Who reference for the win!
So called Pinkie Pyro.
I demand at least a brief concrete explanation for Human Pie wearing the antique gas mask and bearing the Amp. No vague "it's a crazy story" answers.
i.imgur.com/cxSgl.gif 1337290
Muuuuummy, muuuummy? Where have you gone mummy?
Unexpected indeed.
1337290 That particular episode forever changed my perception of gasmasks. What was you favorite part?
Hooray for Doctor Who references!
Oh my god, that was some EPIC entrance and shotout too.
WHAT A TWIST!!!!!
Aw, I wanted them to go to the Caverns of Dread, in the Lost Treasure Hoard of the Great Emperor Zhing...
That would have been neat!
Oh god. That episode of Doctor Who. Pinkie has a disturbing sense of humor.
Why the hell is Pinkie Pie a Pyro
Oh, I remember that episode. Where we first meet the dashing Captain Jack Harkness.
Doctor who Reference!!!
Last sentence sums up what I was thinking.
Please do continue!
DOCTOR WHO!! YEEEAAAH!!!
But... Then you leave us at a cliffhanger!!
MOAR!!!!!
Please?
I only saw the climax of that episode, and I was still freaked out. I hate you for that. Great chapter, though.
PINKIE'S BACK...YAY!!!!!!
This fic...just keeps gettin more redicilous with each chapter...and in this case the level of ridicioulesness is equal to the level of awesomeness, so keep it commin!
I remember Empty Child all too well.
Ok, so who gets the element of laughter now -- Pinkie Body with Human mind who actually used it before -- or Human body with Pinkie Mind for whom we do not know if the element would work or not? And this also means our protagonist does NOT necessarily have to return home.
Cinnamon Swirl's conversion is now complete! All that's left is for an accident to happen to make it permanent!
------
Data ending.
820126
who lives in an old dumpster near kfc?
blackbob nigger pants?
is it correct? i think 4chan may have been lying to me when they said this was the original
> But, when we got here, you were being mind-controlled by the Dark Queen of the Faeries, who apparently took over our mind during a spell that went wrong.
Is this supposed to be "took over your mind"? It makes more sense that way.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Indeed
umm is that pyro from TF2
1337364
"Gosh, it's amazing, guys! I was there, and now I'm here! Anyway, let's talk about something else and never bring this up again!"
No worries. Next chapter is all Pinkie's story. Well, not all. Most of it.
1337379
I can't say, because of spoilers, but it was near the end. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about
Still, great chapter! The Pinkie has been doubled! This is going to be really interesting from here on out
1337482
Thanks for the catch, and fixed
Well, that was unexpected. Good chapter, looking forward to more.
Oh gosh. Pinkie Pyro and Doctor Who all at once.
Now this is a doozy!
Awaiting further releases.
1337348 I concur my good fellow.
First thing come to mind.
1.bp.blogspot.com/-4kf3KIfC3dY/Tzl0Gisnd_I/AAAAAAAACNI/EeFJKzBlqFI/s1600/pinkie+and+pyro.jpg
A very good chapter. This story gets better and better!
1337586 Indeed.
But, beware of the temple guards that inhabit the trees! The choices are yours, and yours alone!
Ah, Nickelodeon, you had such fun game shows to watch as a kid.
♪ ♪ Do you believe in magic, in a young girl's heart? ♪ ♪
[/pinkie pyro]
Can't... stop... laughing...
And then Erin walked through the mirror and the fanfic crossover of the year happened! And then she explained where she's been all this time while we've gotten two pinkie guy updates.
Anyone else can't help but think of Fallout Equestria: Pink Eyes right now?
So I'm guessing this brony's personality has been affecting Pinkie in the same way and so she watched a marathon of doctor who before finally seeing this story as pinkie guy mentally posted it online through inter-dimensional wifi reception, and found a way to reverse the polarity and get the hell over to save them all from the evil horrors of the fairy queen chihuahua.
First though, s/he had to find David Tenanant, who is secretly the docotor for real, and then go on a tag-team, pan-dimensional adventure with Doctor Whooves and Leonard Nimoy where they saved a world of sentient candy people from their inevitable salty doom.
Did Pinkie just basiclly screw the protagonist over, I mean, now both of them are in Equestria, so how is he gonna get back to Earth? Also, looks like Pinkie may have had a better experience than he did, atleast a lot less hectic.
creepiest episode of Doctor Who I've ever seen, so of course it would show up in some fic
1337727
No, the weeping angels have that beat by a mile
I have a feeling that Pinkie Guy has no chance at getting back to his normal life now.