i.ytimg.com/vi/QCqmQdBLHeM/hqdefault.jpg

7928772 hahahaha the perfect reaction ive gotten so far

7928810

Well, I do try.

he sure fought like hell and won.

boo yah!

just us the dragonballs

7934652

Krillin: dammit roshie!

Roshie:shut up krillin

If you get it then yay!

7938683 Dude; 44 chapters, over 27 weeks, and nearly 318,000 words into a story and you still don't capitalize "I" when the POV character is referring to themselves?

I'm sorry, but after 8 chapters, I can't read this any more.

7942391 oh that makes since

7938683 This is going pretty good so far and I can't wait to read more.

This seems interesting enough, but I can't get 'into' the story. It feels like your skipping around plot development(I barely read up to chapter 5 so far). If I could make a suggestion; go into detail about how he really learns that he is death's son first. Just having his 'pops' tell him, should not make him understand all the details that he clearly understands already. Also, his abilities are showing up randomly and makes no sense as to why he can do them easily. Can you explain how he learns them?

Please. I really want to feel like I could dive into the life of rin, but the roadblocks I mentioned are stopping that feeling. Thanks for your time.

7843647 read it it's actually a good story if u don't mind the grammar

8134419 meh

8134432 The latest chapters are far more legible, though capitalization remains a constant flaw. You might not have the best execution, but you're not a shit writer. You've got it in you, it's just taking the time to do it.

OH ,PLEASE LTD CONTINUE THIS STORIE!!!!PPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!PLEASE LOVE IT SO MUCH

8398776
Get a beta to help fix up the issues so its a fluid read. For some people errors make it hard to focus and read through a story.

Hello are you and this story alive?

8402477
Im alive but im not sure about the story got another if your intrested though

8402481
Well you hit gold with this one for sure is up there with things like greffen the greffen as for reading the ather unless it like 50 chapters plus I'm not likely to go read it.

8404040
Well its still ongoing but alright

The terrible English is the issue, a Beta would fix that up right quick.

Wow can't wait for the next chapter.

So i decided to give this fic a shot. Ive read about 100 pages worth and i have to say please get an editor. I could ignore the grammar though in hope of it getting bettter. never the less a bit dissapointed.
(Spoilers)
As for what i got from the story, its completely wacko in plot development. From becoming mr. Edge lord himself to being the son of link. I either have a terrible understanding of zeldas herritage or this fic has got a rating of five stars in the random category.
Sorry if i went a bit hard, i do see some need of improvement in certain areas though i bet you could be great. Have a good day

8603020
I realized how random it was and I'll admit I winged it pretty hard so I stopped doing this story and I will not return, but I started on one of my old stories and it has done pretty well, their are some grammer issues yes, but I promised to many that I will go back and fix them. If you wish you may go read if not then I will not disheartened it is your choice. I hope you have a nice day, merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Also if you look through the comments, their are people who have said much worse, but I dont mind them.

8820822
Yes I do, but that doesn't mean I can't comment in the extra words section.

8821421
True, have at it I guess

*cough* why is the start of this story written like that? *cough*

When's the update coming up

8927281
Some? Basically the entire story. Just semi literate and turned gary stu. Complete rip off of a much better story.

I hope that this story will get an update, I don't need to add another dead story to my list

9510721
Sorry to say my guy, but its dead, ran out of ideas so I went to my other stories the savior and a new life

9510791
Thanks for telling me, at least I know now, I'll be looking forward to the other stories!

9536068
All the time my friend.

This story needs a rewrite and an editor I barely finished the first chapter and I have seen my fair share of bad writing

Are you ever going to finish this

9828902
Nope

Then why don't you put it on canceled then

9829726
True

9830677

10199514
Dang man cut me some slack it's been like 3 years

10199525
Yeah I realize that but dont criticize someone for their grammar/spelling when you can't spell right either

10199525
Think of it as like a pet peeve

9510721
I'll be taking over this story I dont know when chapters will be uploaded though so rest assured

8143274
Sorry about earlier but I think you'll be happy to know I am continueing this story and yes before I send the chapters I'll be going through to look for grammar and spelling

10217755
"We all make mistakes in the heart of passion,jimbo"

Just. Spell check. PLEASE!

I want to see more of this story

I'll... I'll just leave a link here for you.
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Dialogue
That's all I have to say.

11138417
Atleast you can see the errors and kept practicing. Thats the mark of a good author.

The beginning of the story hurt my brain

11361432
Read my other work startingthis new life, I winged it with this