• Member Since 17th Jun, 2013
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Hopeful_Ink_Hoof


[He/Him] Just a writer who likes MLP and hopes to make a living off it: https://ko-fi.com/ink_hoof

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This story is a sequel to Rainbow Unicorn: Luna's Lamentation


Twilight Comet is a pegasus who likes her schedule and plans. So when an old face -- and one she is not too fond of -- shows up and throws her for a loop, she is now sure how to handle it.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 40 )

Nice start, but I found a very minor typo you may want to edit.

Next, she grabbed a bottle of juice (and made a mental not that she was going to have to get more), then made her way to the open loft door.

That should be "note".

A nice start. I certainly hope that this ends better than Griffon the Brush Off.

very good start, will be interesting to see the dynamic between gilda and twilight.

Ouch. Poor Twi. That HAD to hurt. Anyway, excellent job on the start of this new "Rainbow Unicorn"-verse story. The emotional content, action and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. As for the deal with Gilda, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess she used to bully Twi a lot in flight school, which is why Twi doesn't like her. Though, I have to admit that I too, hope this gets resolved a lot better than Griffon the Brush-Off.

At any rate, I will still be looking forward to more of this story as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

Personally, I hope Gilda is nicer than canon. *shrug* At least, to this Twilight Comet, under the dumb assumption that "dweeb" could have grown into Gilda's term of endearment to the Pegasus.

please let Gilda be friendlier to everyone this time.

Yeah. This is going to get worse before it gets better. Still, great job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I like the explanation concerning Twilight Comet's and Gilda's past. The "bully protecting you from other bullies in exchange for help on the schoolwork" makes A LOT of sense, actually. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

Ha! Well, interesting dynamic you've set up between Twi and Gilda there. It fits both their personalities well, and considering how different it is from the one between canon RD and Gilda, there's a lot of room to play around with it and has me wondering which way it's going to go. And now I've got to know what went down between Gilda and "Crabby Snack" too. :rainbowlaugh:

PS. As a huge Hero Academia fanboy, I've just got to say that Twilight Comet reminds me a lot of Tenya Iida.

Well, thanks again for getting this next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Nice little note concerning Pegasus Applejack and Twilight Comet knowing each other since flight school. I also liked Twilight Comet's little comment concerning Granny Smith's wooden spoon. At any rate, the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up were, as usual, quite well done. At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration.

Man, maybe it's because Applejack just exudes 'earthiness' even when she's depicted as a pegasus here, it took me a few minutes to realize "Oh hey, yeah, she would've gone to flight camp, too. She totally could have met Gilda and Twilight there." The way that this particular setting toys with how we perceive the cast while still keeping them solidly in-character really does continue to make for interesting dynamics.

twilight apparently is not the only one that has changed, it seems that gilda became more shy or something ... is very interesting as this is becoming totally different from the canon, the dynamic between gilda and twilight if it is very good.

Whoa. This is, again, a darn good chapter. Once again, great job on the exchanges, emotional content, humor and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Kinda serves Gilda right for underestimating Angel AND for trying to scare Shy went she has a Manticore for company. :-D At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

Before long, the two of them reached the path that split off from the main road and followed it to Fluttershy's cottage.

Wrong name.

Wait, did Gilda eat some of the animals around Flowershy's hut?

Flowershy doesn't have to worry about Gilda with Manny there, hahahaha.

Once again, you did an excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, emotional content, humor and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Whoa, Spike's crush HAS to be obvious if somebody he never saw before in his life spotted it that quickly. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

hope that punch twilight threw was a hay-maker, strong enough to knock out Gilda for a few minutes.

Just read this entire series today and I'm loving it! I love that there personalities are there with your own twist to em,

Looking forward to more.

Wow, Gilda's not faring too well in this version.

Not much I can say other than, as usual, excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. That was good of Twilight to let Spike down gently and even share a bit of her own experience on the matter of relationships. And I have a bad feeling about that letter at the end of the chapter. Still, I AM looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

Well, I have to admit, THAT was certainly unexpected - in a good way. :-D Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, splendid job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places.

I'm guessing the next story set in this universe (after this one is over) will be the Boast Busters adaption with the unicorn version of Lightning Zap, but I will freely admit that I could be wrong.

At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

I really, really don't envy Gilda at all here. Hope that she can at least reach out to Greta, and get her to loosen up a bit.

Loved the bit of background on Twilight's family too.

Maybe if they had gotten together Twilight would still be a unicorn.

Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the final chapter to this story up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, splendid job on the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the little bit of family backstory for this universe's Twilight. I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.

hello, as always a very good story this alternate universe I really like, I have quite curious about what you think do in Boast Busters episode. I am also quite excited to see how different is Scootaloo and perhaps even she wants to be the sister of Twilight Comet xD

7472407
Kind of a fusion of Iida and Deku for me personally.

as tight as and fast as possible

either move it after the and or remove it

Now for the aileron roll.

Ok... I know that that is the name of the maneuver... but they DON'T have aileron... It's jarring.

As she started to moved toward he

move

why Applejack was

hmm here you got bold half of the name, is there a reason?

climbed highe.

high or higher

expecting Gilda ditch the

Gilda to ditch

toward the rule of Equestria

ruler

combat, than most

then

like, love and

loved

that the did

they

the either beyond

other

I don't know if you are still checking this story, but I noticed a typo in the description
"So when an old face -- and one she is not too fond up "

Should be of

8505451

Now for the aileron roll.

Ok... I know that that is the name of the maneuver... but they DON'T have aileron... It's jarring.

Not only that, but they do have barrels which, coincidentally, are the parts of their bodies that are being rolled fastest when performing that maneuver.

I've seen a few ponyfic authors choose to use the "correct" term and end up making it less accurate and descriptive than if they had used the "wrong" term that most people already understand. It always takes me out of the story no matter how they try to rationalize it.

Why Ponies use foots for measuring?

11449276
The show was written in the U.S. mainly for the same audience, which uses The Imperial System, and it was easier -- both to write and for the audience to understand -- for the writers to use the pre-existing system children are familiar with, rather than either coming up with a new one, or using an actual one that is more obscure, both of which would need to be explained (likely multiple times) to the audience.

Comment posted by Sweetie Bow deleted Dec 14th, 2022

11449421
It's just, ponies don't have foots

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