- Member Since 1st Dec, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Dark Law
Control What Others Think About You. Free Space For The Free Minds.
Dark Law
Joined 1st Dec, 2015 ·
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I like it, can't wait to see what happens next. Also if you do decide to continue this consider getting a editor to fix the few mistakes you made near the end, but yeah this has really caught my interest.
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
And I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down
I'm in please continue.
First interessting crystal image, and I have to admit that I skipped some of the descriptions of the characters, since like some other said it once, if you are on this side, then there is a big chance that you already know those characters, but I don't really mind it either.
Sooooo beside a slow start, this is not bad.
Okay I admit I was interessted in another Draquo...whatever dating some other Mare, and I didn't expected it to be a Girl, but it is still interessting.
The only thing that is a suprise to me, is that now Discord is an option to.
Okay I like this character, and I hope it is really something like Human turned .....Draqouuu (next time I look at the word and write it correctly), and that he has more or less not memories or doesn't knows this world, it is just a bit more funny that way.
- Not sure what I should wish for right now, but as soon as I know which one is her happy Husband or Marfriend (interessting to), I could probably ask for more.
- I always like adoption, but I feel like this could be something for a sequel this time.
- hhhhmmmm her speaking a different language would be interessting but Discord could change that pretty quick I think. (I like language barrier too.)
- naaa I give up, I sleep first and then start to get better ideas than those I already have.
Well I like this story so far, and everyone that gave a downvote already has judged it to quickly. I only noticed a few wrong words, but I feel there is no need to find an editor to quickly, but it could help against small mistakes.
7609945
orig09.deviantart.net/20dd/f/2015/320/3/7/laughing_flowey_by_dalekolt-d9gxh8t.gif
Interesting, But how to apply a language barrier to a race of reality warping beings?
Meh i might think of something.
7610001 The only thing I could image is, that the former he, or she (the new Dragon girl), if she was Human before, just doesn't speak their language yet and can't do the magc quite right.
I already noticed some sort of rules they sometimes set for characters like Discord and try to make it so he can't do everything to solve every problem.
Or they just can't easily change the information the brain would need to understand that different language right away, but that doesn't really convince me right now.
Maybe they can't controll the mind/soul of another Draconequus?
Okay now I realy need my sleep.
7610035
I Actually have something in mind for the language barrier that will stir up a bit of trouble.
i.imgur.com/2Y7ZX3q.gif
Will there be more?
weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1325733801329294146.jpg
+1 Thumbs up
7610516
Most definitely my friend, most definitely.
i.imgur.com/RzmBafO.gif
It has potential
7610064 The picture doesn't seems to work, but I trust you with that.
7611296
38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m338ovOmxv1qfggsro5_250.gif
I am loving this story and can hardly wait for the next chapter!!!
Looking good can't wait for chapter 2. Keep up the good work!
It needs some proofreading, but it's not bad.
i thought it was going to be a guy from the cover picture im so confused good story though lots of detailing i like it
7621069
Well then tune in for the next chapter to find out.
orig02.deviantart.net/c5b7/f/2016/014/e/2/lasso_by_doctorworm1987-d9nxo0v.gif
i think i'm addicted to gif images.
>>Dark Law
I will stay tuned don't dissapoint me
7622619
.
I will endeavor to do so
I got super confused throughout this chapter.
um, right. Once I figure out what I just read I'll let you know what I think of it
honestly got fucking bored and confused so i skipped abunch of stuff n stuff and didnt really read the chapter sooooooo unlike?
ill keep it bookmarked though just in case i get bored and need something to read
You have my interest. Also, needs a some spelling tweaks here and there, but otherwise not bad.
It's okay but enjoyable I'd like to see where this goes
lets see the amount of jumps needed to get to our little horsy friends, and what skills he take from each world
I'm rapidly understanding why discord has such a creative imagination. I sense a dawn of sensible story coming soon.
Right!?!?...
7686585
7686562
media.tenor.co/images/e8eb4a450495ce4b7cf4a2e88403117a/raw
Good chapter
7686344 half of what you said goes for me as well, and I'm not sure if the really short parts before every timeskip helped that much.
This is probably going to be better when he is finally in a known part Equestria or the present instead of the past.
at first I wasn't sure if he got kidnapped by people that were talking in a different coutry, which is probably okay, but then again you probably wouldn't have needed to create full sentences for that.
Then well drug dealer or whatever.
After that a very short scene to tell that he was raised by two of his own kind until they got killed,...I was kind of sad for the female. In the short time you somehow made it look like the female Draqou.. ...(I have to learn to write that word) would be at least a little bit interessted in him. Then again I got the feeling she wanted to sell him to protect both or just her own life.
in the end I got the feeling the main Char started to get into a loveable parent/child relationship with the murder of his parents.
I guess the timeskips and the cofusing language was worse than everything else and made me skip a few parts.
However like I said, I guess it get's better later, but I hope not every second chapter is going to be interrupted by some sort of "lord evil guy", I just like a good amount of slice and life before shit happens.
some of this writing is well
pinkspotvapors.com/images/detailed/1/Jamaican-Me-Crazy.jpg
7688004
Sad to say I can't fully deny that.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1831-twil.gif
Okay, I'm kind of running short on time to carefully read the whole chapter now, but a few things I noticed:
Write names always with CAPITALS at the beginning.
Be aware that words like apples aren't names and thus there is no need to use capitals - this one wasn't that recurring.
It should actually be "Pinkie," begun Rarity, "What in...darling."
In direct speech, always use a comma ( or question or exclamation mark etc.), not a full stop. Also, it's still inside. The next sentence then starts with small first letter.
Also, reader can get confused by the lack of description. Just like when the mane 6 enter the castle. I know that it was a complete chaos in that moment, but when there is 'Fluttershy replied:...' out of nowhere, it's like "The hay? She was here from the beginning?" But if you wrote: "Fluttershy came from behind AJ..." or Fluttershy peeked out the door..."
You can gave each of them an individual (chaotic) entrance, yet still keep the reader informed
Good luck!
7704058 Thanks for the advice.
7686312 yeah but i am a genius and shall tell you what i got, he died, reborn, had farther that was just like a teacher with no love for five years, had mother use him as a reason she should live, failed, both parents died, got banished to another dimension because of being a basted child, got trained in ninja, got sent to soul eater world. = AWESOME.
7771907 You're spot on there, well except the bastard child part you're half right with that.
7772612 cool.
You do realize that anarchy doesn't necessitate disorder, right? It just means "without rulers". Even the poster boy of violent anarchy, V from "V for Vendetta", agrees to that, and calls the wanton destruction and rioting and whatnot that follows his plan not Anarchy, but Chaos. It is completely within the realm of possibility for a society to have no rules or rulers without descending in chaos... provided that society isn't comprised of idiots or assholes.
Kunai:
Picture of an actual kunai knife
7809434
Interesting point and very true, anarchy does not necessitate chaos and it is possible to have anarchy without chaos, but more often than not chaos is never without some level of anarchy, wars are fought because one side refuses to accept the rules and/or rulers of the other side, storms are chaotic because heat naturally causes air to favor the laws of buoyancy over the law of gravity, life is chaotic because despite the odds against it, life refuses to succumb to the laws of its environment and changes in order to further deny natures tempts to extinguish it and render it inert. So while not chaotic on its own, anarchy is often a requirement for chaos.
7809457
Close but not quite, less sharp edges with more soft vulnerable skin. More along the lines of orig09.deviantart.net/9caa/f/2013/316/e/4/shiny_ralts_global_link_art_by_trainerparshen-d6tzp6k.png
with a choker.
7809903 Well buddy, you throw out a few ideas there, but you're using chaos kind of broadly. And it kinda doesn't help that the examples you give are, if you think about it, a bit more. Do storms have leaders? No. Where does the anarchy enter into things? They don't. Storms just happen. Do leaders and agendas and rules disappear when a war happens? Of course not: if they did, why the hell would everyone keep fighting? Presumably, for the joy of hurting others. And at that point your dealing with a whole different kettle of fish. Is life answerable to anything? No. Neither is nature, for that matter. (Except in Equestria.)
Harmony within anarchy is easy to achieve, but as I said it requires people to not be idiots or assholes. Think about it like this: if you and I made an agreement - let's say that I agreed to provide food on the condition that you cook it and then clean up after it - then where exactly does a ruler need to enter into the equation? Do we need a town to make that happen? But we can extend the principle further to include a town, maybe. It's a silly, idealistic idea... but so is MLP.
7810073
Well i guess it's subjective to some extent, fanfics are a fantasy world and this is more or less is how i decided to have this world structured, so while it's customary (in this case) for draconequus to have names that are chaos related both directly and indirectly as well as vaguely and exactly it's not strange for one to have a 'normal' or pony sounding name.
Btw is it cool if i use your argument in the story?
7810106 Well, you do you, guy. I just wanted to drop my two cents. As for using my argument? Go for it.
Great chapter
Ralts indeed though I thought that she would be a Kirlia at the very least.
7809912 I read there was a raltz character, just forgot who was who
oops
7810607
Inconspicuous Whistling
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