- Member Since 10th May, 2017
- offline last seen Last Thursday
The Gilded fox
Friendly neighborhood fox.
The Gilded fox
Joined 10th May, 2017 ·
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Yay, I can finally access the story :D
Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Gonna keep praying for a new chapter soon
Nice. Hope there is more on the way. If you'd like to borrow an OC for this story, let me know via PM.
Yo next part It sure has been a minute
I kinda forgot this was a thing
11306957
i dont blame you xP
very nice 🤌
Moar
It would seem this may have been abandoned. And I was actually enjoying it, too…
11580318
:)
I can't help but feel that Rage Of Dust by SPYAIR is pretty good for an opening for this story.
It lives !
Ok, I think I like this version better than the old one. My only complaint is that its not clear that they are using key blades or not. You have to clear that up. Also don't make the mistake of grabbing crap from 15 or 16 completely different mangas, cartoons and shows and shoving them into your story. Stick with one or two, maximum.
Fucks everything up. Perfect example of this is a displaced story about a guy who turns into a synth. Starts out fantastic, then he gets star trek phasers, and then star wars space ships. He gets droid troops, and there is star fox in there for some dam reason. It just devolved into a complete mess. It also turned his character into the worst Gary Stu, which is a shame because the story started with such great potential.
So don't make the rookie mistake of giving your character a mishmash of sci fi gadgets because thats what you want to be packing. I want a lightsaber, and a Borg personal shield, Draculas/Alucards revolver and I want to live in the spaceship Firefly. I mean lets be honest, as a reader we all know thats bull shit. You know as a reader that there is no logical way for that to even happen.
So pick your two franchises and stick with them.
Monk
“She was very good at assuming the worst, he always did that but she made him look like an amateur at it." -Arelak
11801000
I know exactly what story your talking about the main character is a protogen and I totally agree.
That being said this is a kingdom hearts fic so there will eventually be some crossovers in the future but I am focusing on Equis for a good while.
As for the key blades part, Mizuki has no idea what that is just yet so to her they're just oversized keys which is what I tried to depict in this recent chapter. Large keys the size of baseball bats, and I did describe them quite specifically.
11801042
Yeah...I just really don't think it came across well. The description's could be ....clearer. Look, I'm a 50 year old blind guy. Japanese cartoons, vidia, and manga, Im not real strong on. Playing vidia kind of requires you to see. Even my 50 year old flank, knew what a key blade was, but I wasn't really clear on if what you were describing was or wasn't. Rather than describe luna and the MC holding keys, in the beginning of the dream battle, I think you should just say "Keyblades" The size of the keys and what they were wasn't really clear. Just stop pussyfooting around and call it a Keyblade. Again, Ive never seen a keyblade in my life, but what I read from the descriptions, basically described key shaped axe like weapons with a short chain at the grip. I understood them to be sharp axe-like blades. So the description of a baseball bat really threw me as I was imagining a blunt club like weapon. (I did visualize barbed wire on hers.)
Just my thoughts. And keep up the good work. I like what your doing here.
Monk
"He really, really wished that he could say he was surprised by this whole mess. But that would be a complete lie. Stupidity was a universal constant, after all.” -Greatazuredragon
11801173
Alright so like... Most keyblades are blunt and round. Like an old skeleton key.
Hence i decided to describe the keyblades, from Mizuki's prospective, as large bat sized keys..
curiouscauldron.com.au/cdn/shop/files/magicskeletonkey1.png?v=1683423897&width=990