I was looking forward to the school tour for a really long time! We were going to the beach, and I love the beach. I love the bus trip as well, singing and talking with my friends. But then we drove into a tunnel. I've never really liked tunnels, but it's always been fine because my friends were there. We always try to hold our breath the whole way through the tunnel, which is a lot of fun.
Today, we couldn't hold our breath the whole way through, because the bus never came out of the tunnel.
Set in the Ponies After People universe, inspired by Starscribe's The Last Pony on Earth.
Chapters (2)
Sweet, dude! Very original
Original, but steadily got darker as you realized how hopeless the situation was, and how ignorant Clara and her friends were to it. Even the ending is a mixed bag of emotions. Still, it was fun, I suppose is the word, watching it from the kids perspective as the teachers tried to get a handle on things. They should be glad it was just a hundred years for their group. Having a diamond dog teacher (or diamond pup student) would have been a big help for them.
The ending is a nice touch. I'm not surprised Clara/Bright End turned to rescue ops. I see they got into using pony names though.
I don't usually expect too much when randomly clicking on a story, but I found this to be quite touching.
I knew I recognised the name JumpingShinyFrogs from somewhere...
Anyway, faved and upvoted, for what it's worth.
In fact, have a Double Favourite.
Except it would take a huuuuuge coincidence to have them all get back at the same time
Ayway, kinda good story, there was something with the narrative and pace that irritated me a bit, but for a "fun" (depressing fic like this hardly count as fun, do they?) litle one shot it was very bearable.
7114871 No, actually, because that's how Starscribe has said vehicles work. They don't come back until everyone on it is ready to come back.
Also, which part of the narrative/pace bothered you? I'd like to know so that I can improve in the future.
7115322 My bad then, I didn't remember that particular clause.
The narrative in general wasn't easy to read. The young girl's perspective was somewhere beetween an annoyingly naïve inner dialogue and something she wrote in a journal. I couldn't really adhere to that tone.
The pacing, well, all the time spent on game and so few on the issue at hand? It wasn't bad per se, but I think we had too much information on point that didn't really matter and to few on those that did. Heck, with her claustrophobia, your main character should've been far more othered by the situation, even with her classmates to distract her.
7116187 Ah. I think I see what you mean. Well, like I said, this is my first time writing from the perspective of a child, so your criticisms are very much appreciated.
I liked it. It's nice to hear how ponies get along in another country after the Event. Kudos to you.
This was a great read. You pulled off the child's perspective very well, and the story was excellent overall.
What? Why wouldn't they come out the other—oh, you are evil.
So dark. Almost depressing. Yet, I loved it.
I was a bit worried this was going to go all 'Thud' - or the oil-rig one. Enjoyed it.
Somehow this story slipped by my radar and I didn't notice it when it got published.
Finally sat down to read it now, at 4:20 right before bed. I thought I'd maybe get a few paragraphs, but didn't expect anything else really.
Holy crap was I wrong. I loved the whole thing, couldn't put it down. Absolutely masterful work: the writing was excellent, the characterization for children and the adults around them was perfect. The tension was real, the pacing was good, and the situation was believable. I'm positively thrilled you decided to write about a situation like this, since disastrous return locations are absolutely possible and the consequences are downright horrifying.
This is everything I could ever ask for from a PaP story. You captured the world perfectly, contributed the culture of somewhere besides the US (which I live in and like but dang is it a breath of fresh air to be somewhere else), and did some worldbuilding for what the future world might be like.
Keep up the good work, and have a well-deserved favorite.
7203311 Thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Senpai noticed me, yay!
Fantastic story. Just out of curiosity, what caused the ones who didn't make it to die? CO poisoning? Hunger?
7362499 A combination of the cold, damp, hunger, and low air supply. Aside from the hole, there wasn't any real air circulation or ventilation.
than we could say 'rescue dragon'.
Reminds me of chip and dale rescue rangers.
be ready for us when we get there.
Good sir(or ma'am), this story has amazed me. I tugged at my heartstrings in part, you demonstrated their reactions beautifully, without making them seem overdone, and just, just...beautiful. You have earned yourself another like and another fav
Before I read it, what is the Dark tag for?
And how bad does it get ?
7930621 It is tagged dark because it has dark themes throughout. And I will put a spoiler, which I recommend not looking under, characters die. There is no gore, however.
One question that I’d ask Bright End and all the bus crash survivors: “Just before the event, did you see any other vehicles in the tunnel?”
I somewhat regret reading this.
Not because it is bad; it is actually very good.
Instead the problem is that I read it about two hours before going to bed and now I can't sleep because I'm thinking about this. There are not many fanfics that I've found as powerful as this one is to me.
A bright end indeed. This was really excellent. :)
Well, except for this typo. :V
The two questions on my mind are, how did a whole bus of people survive together, and what took Mr. O'Connor? You did a good job with the limited narrator, but that also means there's a lot of details we're never privy to...
Brilliant work. You make the narrative voice work fantastically, letting the dread build up long before Clara was aware of it. The way the cute antics give way to the chilling reality was very well executed and paced. Glad I finally read this. Thank you for it.
The revelation of which world they're on really drives it home, and sells the setup very well. It's well written, and keeps the mournful pace right to the bittersweet ending. Masterfully written!
7130226
Pls explain
9703687
The bus reappeared far in the future, after the tunnel they were in had mostly collapsed, and it reappeared the same place it disappeared: in the tunnel.
9703687
I'm assuming they mean it metaphorically, "other side" as in dying. The protag and a few others are the ones that didn't go to the "other side"