Lightning flashes and Cala sees her own body, but it is disfigured and horrible. She loses her limbs and sees scales in place of skin. Thunder booms and she can hear the sound of rain pouring outside her window. The thought of water scares her. A cry for help from her throat and a green unicorn torments her, reveling in the painful place she's in. A dive into the inner workings of the place she calls home and there's nobody around to stop her. A grounded seapony and new pet cat face the lonely city where humanity has disappeared and innocence becomes the death of her.
Part of the Ponies After People universe.
Chapters (27)
Interesting opening, I'm not sure why the toys were mentioned or if they were important, but I like the idea of this story so I shall read on.
Hmm... sounds like the storybook version of the seaponies. The ones that look like seahorses.
Seaponies have magic? Cool.
Not bad so far. Hopefully you can manage to continue this to the same standard.
Dayum. I like. So we now we have our Emotional, Logic, Random, Swag, and Helpless protagonists so far.
This has potential.
What? I do not know what is going on. I guess she knows this person somehow but you didn't say what relation they have to her and who it is. And why is everyone so calm? Wait a sec, is Harper her toy from the first chapter? I think some things need to be explained about Cala and this Harper character, or the readers are going to be lost while they read this.
While she'd struggle to survive on her own - I'm not sure how I feel about her being with another already. Unless that part is all in her head, which I doubt.
Eh, screw probability. It's still more likely than the fic I'm writing (i.e. the space one - you'll have to wait some weeks for it though unless I push out the first chapter early).
I know that this is more recently posted and stuff, but holy crap this is awesome!
Seriously, I never even would've thought about writing a story about a sea-pony. Really, really interesting. I love the imagery and the style, too. I don't really mind that there's another character right away; just because the character in Last Pony was alone for a long time doesn't mean that has to be a staple of every story.
Can't wait to see what happens next. Was bummed there were only four chapters.
6059483 Afaik, seaponies can only be the pony version of seahorses. That's what the name implies due to it being a play on words. The other two fish ponies I know of are merponies, which are ponified mermaids, and kelpies which vary due to their mythological nature.
6059585 Helpless. I like that. I hope you don't mind my using it...
6059611 Both Harper and the toy in the prelude are green unicorns.
6059778 Harper shows up in the third chapter, so that's where I brought it before submitting. One per day now.
Thanks for the tracks, eleven people watching! I'll try not to let you down.
Well this chapter was ridiculous. First bit of filler content. Don't worry, the next two chapters at least will be more story again.
Oh, somebody's a piscivore now, aren't they?
Makes sense for an aquatic sub-species.
Oh fuck.
She's a sea creature now, isn't she? One even called a sea-pony
And she just took a deep breath of chloride filled fresh water.
Interesting. So, is her sister actually there, or was Cala just seeing things in the fourth chapter? Hopefully she really is there or this misadventure in the pool might come to a sad end.
Chlorinated Fresh Water... Ouch...
And to think I complain when I get chlorinated water in my eyes...
All right, you already had me with this paragraph. A little piece of art! :))
Okay, this is brilliant. Oh look! I'm a cutesy seapony! Little girl taking the transformation in stride as a little girl would do. And was 'Harper' her plastic toy from the introduction? More!
6063771
6066608 Yeah, I think the greatest part of writing this is imagining how a little girl would react to all these situations. Of course she doesn't care what she does, it's not like anyone is around to tell her off about flooding a whole floor of a building.
Oh god the chlorine agagahhhhhnnnn!
Shame there wasn't a saltwater filtration system. That would've been so kind to the new seapony. Guess if the universe was going to be kind it wasn't going to take her legs away in a land city.
6066743
*Cringe.*
Of course the chapter after the arm and legless orphan so young she barely grasps what has happened to her took a refreshing dip in poison, that's when we get cover-art showing how heartrendingly adorable her new form is.
Seriously, dude, are you a long lost relative of Marquis De Sade, or something? That's just cruel.
6066819 I drew it myself
A sea pony with newly developed hydrophobia. This
couldwill be interesting.Oh... this is so well written... oh poor creature.
Yay for the cat though. Cats are awesome.
6067013
My, aren't you multi-talented?
Excellent job.
A rather odd and dark place to end act one...
Still, I'm quite curious where this story is actually going. Just a small observation that our tiny heroine has put near titanic effort into a hard to learn lesson about fresh =/= salt water, gotten a new taste in cat food, and a pet.
So... yeah, she rather summed it up herself.
6071424 At least in G1, the sea ponies seemed equally at home in both fresh and salt water. To say nothing of their ability to breathe air. I'm pretty sure Cala's trouble was entirely due to the chlorine in the pool, not the lack of salt.
6072726
True, but so far in G4 we've only seen them in the sea (and in one book, at that).
derpicdn.net/img/2012/11/20/158289/full.png
So could go either way, and it all depends on if you consider that one book to count or not.
Ouch, there goes the power.
6073493 Ha, that book looks awful. Don't worry, I don't consider... any of that, canon.
Not to say anything about the seapony that Cala is of course. You'll learn more about her physiology as the story progresses. But there was one heck of a lot of chlorine in that water, probably more than most pools.
"Oh look I'm a unicorn I think I'll stalk my panicking seapony sibling without telling her what happened and let her fill the goddamn bathtub all by herself. Look how helpful I am, knocking a drain plug off a shelf!"
is seapony gonna have to smakabich
y-you you you complete m- even I know that pool water kills fish because the water flowing over their gills is like inhaling chlorine gas, and I haven't even had a fish before that I didn't subsequently eat! And maybe cook!
ohhh... that's gotta hurt...
so she slept in a tub full of water, rolled through a rainstorm, flooded an apartment complex because wet carpet felt better to flop against, then got chlorine burns on her gills from jumping in a pool, and her conclusion is that
water
is evil
oh no, better not go out into the rain, you remember how awful rain felt the last time you did it.
and what's with the sadistic unicorn who's keeping her alive for no explicable reason other than amusement at her suffering? a survivor? where did he even come from?
6075823
woah, woah, no the IDW comic on seaponies, er, "mermares" was freaking gorgeous. you do not want to miss it.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/12/269142/large.jpg
though to be fair mary jane begin's expressions are a bit unsettling... okay a lot unsettling, and andy price did most of the pages (I think) so you see stuff like this:
derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/29/509298/tall.png
still not something lacking in merit though.
6075823
Actually, I've heard it's quite good for a children's book. It's just considered a bit of a mean tease by Hasbro by sea-pony fans since it's the only semi-canon use of them in the whole FiM continuity.
6077160 I sense your suspension of disbelief has reached a tipping point. Sorry you couldn't hold onto it much longer; this story is pretty crazy.
6077201 6077364 I'll take your word for it
6077709
I can dig the crazy, but it's leaning a bit too strong on the
weeaboowoobie aspect, I fear.If I had to make a seapony scared of water, I'd have her change on a sunny day, and just go straight for the apartment complex's pool, and then have the rainstorm the next day when she's hiding inside. That's a bit divergent from what you've already written though.
The poetic prose is quite beautiful.
6078798
'Weeaboo aspect', you say? I have no idea what that means. If you're saying this feels like an animé — or some cliché japanese thing... You're free to feel that way. But I take no inspiration from those arts, at least not directly.
I don't get the point behind what you're saying with the weather. By making the first day sunny, that'd be plot convenience, giving Cala a definitive reason not to go outside at the start of the story. It's one of those things that paves over avoidable plot holes; while it seems good on the surface, it restricts the sense of freedom within the story. One of the things I really like is not being able to see where the story takes the character next. By the end of 'Nextdoor', you have absolutely no idea where the story's going; Cala can do literally anything within her physical capability, which isn't much because she hasn't yet found any good way to move around. Taking away the water outside doesn't change her decision to visit the pool, because she has a solid reason for going there first, so doing that just allows the audience to predict that she would be staying inside.
Besides, I have other reasons to make it stormy for the entirety of the first part of the story. It creates an atmosphere and environment that I can, and did, abuse to set the mood for the story. It also establishes that this story takes place in Washington, which is infamous for being 'that state where it always rains' (as a Washingtonite myself that's complete bull, but I'll take what I can get). Finally, it allows time to elapse after the first part because Cala can't leave the apartment. Those are all plenty good reasons for why I started out the story this way, regardless of the hydrophobia arc.
Oh, and it creates the opportunity for me to push a fucking melting pot of irony. Bonus points if you can find it on your own.
*Raises his hand* Um... I have so many questions.
Author, I just want you to know I hate you for what you are putting this child through for your own twisted amusement.
I like happy endings
*edit* Has it been raining nonstop for a week? Is that normal for Seattle?
6079352 Thankfully, that question will be answered next chapter.
6079267
Unfortunately, I can't answer those questions; you'll just have to wait and see.You know what, alright, I'll dig. What do you have for me?I can't help but wonder why the hallucination? A spell? Psychosis from taking drugs and/or the trauma of breathing chlorine? Some sort of effect on the building from her flooding it?
Harper is a rather . . . passive aggressive character. It helps but at the same time does not. A little talk would have saved Cala a lot of trouble. Instead whenever Harper talks, it's to taunt. I would argue that it's almost as if the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing. Or in this case, the mouth is independent from the actions of the body.
Does Harper want to help, or just prolong Cala's torment?
...
As a giant nerd, I actually know what all those rather archaic five-dollar words mean.
And Harper needs to get put into a freaking blender if they imply what I think they do.
I mean, blaming the kid stuck as a sea-creature alone on land for being left behind when the 'blessing' hit? Or leaving the 'protection' of the rotting, empty house to find anybody else?
Either way you take that sentence, what the ever loving fuck is wrong with that mare?! That's bordering on pure fucking evil!
And using words most grown-ups don't know to rub it in? That's just wrong!
6086293
Not even a mare, really. An object, an 'it'.
...
OK, Harper is bonkers due to years of sensory deprivation.
And projecting that on Cala instead of her mom.
It doesn't actually make it better, but at least it makes it a bit more understandable.
...huh.
Up until now, I passed Harper off as being an imaginary friend. Not a bad thing, mind you. But not necessarily inherently magical.
Now, though... hmm.
The description of Harper sounds an awful lot like Lyra...
And of course, there was this:
May want to change the reference to Cala having wanted a "My Little Pony toy" if you want it to still be part of the Ponies After People universe that Starscribe began, however; he's stated that MLP doesn't exist in the universe.
6089400
You don't say...
*glances at character tags*
Wasn't aware of this. I'd assumed Friendship is Magic itself didn't exist, but the whole franchise? Could you maybe link to where he says this?
6089400 Exactly what I was about to say.
6089394
It's part Cala too, since she realized she was being ostracized when playing with the toy.
Then again, she is a YOUNG CHILD.