Chapter Five
Rarity looked around the crowded area. Ponies milled about, walking into the pristine building, casually chatting with friends as they went through the buffet line outside, or talking to three young grinning mares.
“This is something,” Coco said to Rarity, taking in the scene as well. “Your sister and her friends really pulled it off.”
Unable to keep the proud smile off her face, Rarity nodded. “Yes, she did. She’s barely turned sixteen, and she already has her own business. I was still working out of my parents’ house at her age.” She glanced around the crowd again. Applejack and Pinkie were tending to the buffet table. Rainbow Dash was inside giving tours, while Fluttershy was in the back doing the same. She saw Sassy sitting next to Little Wing, both mares laughing, most likely comparing notes over how different the stores they managed were. “I’m glad the three of you could come.”
Coco laughed. “I don’t think any of us would ever say no to a paid day off, Rarity.” She winked at her friend, laughing again. “Still, I’m going to go see what they’re doing. We’ll talk more later, okay?” She walked away, leaving Rarity to watch over the crowd again. Her parents were mingling with the other ponies in the crowd, dutifully telling anyone who would listen that this was their daughters business.
Rarity’s eyes scanned the crowd for Sweetie Belle. Once the announcements and the questioning parents and foals had finally left to check out the facilities, the three business mares had been working the crowd, but she couldn’t seem to spot any of them. Now, where has she gone? Rarity stood and began walking, only to hear Sweetie’s voice calling her name. “There you are, darling, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Sweetie’s eyes held a mischievous glint as she smiled. “I’ve been looking for you, too. I need you to come over here for a moment.” Not giving Rarity time to move, Sweetie began pushing her sister in the direction.
“Sweetie Belle, is this any way to behave in public?” Rarity spun out of her sisters grasp, the younger mare stopping herself from falling face first into the dirt with a hoof. “What has gotten in to you?”
Scuffing her hoof in the dirt, Sweetie wouldn’t meet Rarity’s eyes. “I just really wanted you to talk to someone. That’s all.”
Still not trusting her sister, Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Who is it?”
Sweetie’s ears perked up and she looked past Rarity as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo led a pony over to them. Rarity looked behind her and saw the trio, turning back to Sweetie with a deadly look on her face. “You didn’t.”
With a slightly nervous laugh, Sweetie rubbed the back of her neck. Well, you weren’t saying anything to him, you know, and you should.”
Rarity filled her lungs and slowly released the breath in order to keep her emotions in check. “When I told you of my crush, I trusted you not to do something like this. I thought you learned your lesson already?”
“Yeah, but that’s why you aren’t getting anything but pushed together.” Sweetie smiled innocently.
“Miss Rarity,” came a voice from behind her. Slowly, Rarity turned and took in the mare standing before her, a casual smile on her face.
“Hello, Macintosh, darling. How are you?”
“Good. Apple Bloom insisted something needed tending to over here.” Big Mac looked around. “Everything seems to be fine.”
Rarity jumped slightly at a hoof poking her side, and turned her head to glare at Sweetie Belle. “If you girls would excuse us,” Rarity said, walking a short distance away.
“Oh, come on!” Sweetie yelled. “Seriously?”
One last glare from Rarity was enough to quiet her.
Big Mac looked confused, but said nothing.
Rarity sighed. “I might have said something to Sweetie the other day, and she’s just being foalish, is all.” She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. “It’s a rather nice day, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup." He took a deep breath, though not one of annoyance. Rarity knew Mac was always one to appreciate nature. Rarity was finding this conversation much easier than she had anticipated it being. Of course her stomach was fluttering a little, but the words were easy to say. “Once this is over, I was wondering if you would like to perhaps go to dinner?” Rarity resisted fluttering her eyelashes. Macintosh was not some colt to be wooed, he was a proper, rugged gentlecolt.
With a smile, Mac nodded. “That sounds nice.” he glanced around again before leaning over and planting a quick kiss to Rarity's cheek.
In the distance, Rarity heard Sweetie Belle yell in victory.
Late that night, soft knocks on her bedroom door barely roused Rarity from her sleep. “Come in,” she said, blinking as the door opened and shut quietly.
“Is Mac here?” Sweetie asked from next to the door.
With a smile, Rarity lit up her horn and turned the lights on. “No, darling, he isn’t. It was the first date Sweetie Belle.”
Sweetie shifted from hoof to hoof, biting her lip. “Good. I…I need to sleep with you tonight. The therapist says I should try to do it on my own, since I won’t always live with you, but…” she bit her lip again, looking down at the carpet. “It’s hard.”
“Well, come on then.” Rarity scooted over as Sweetie slid between the sheets. “You have needed me less and less, you know. This is the first time in nearly two weeks.”
“I haven’t wanted to throw up for a whole week,” Sweetie said as she snuggled into Rarity’s side. “I knew all those people would see me and I thought about how I would look and stuff, and throwing up or skipping meals did cross my mind, but almost like half-thoughts, you know?” She smiled. “The therapist says the thoughts will never fully go away, but that I can make them small enough to just ignore.”
Rarity brushed her hoof through Sweetie’s mane. “I’m so proud of you, little sister.”
With a happy sigh, Rarity snuggled next to Sweetie. Maybe the struggled would continue, but they would face it together.
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You're back in the feature box! XD
*Sincere Claps*
*Gives Pat on the Back*
*Thumbs Up*
*Favorites*
*Tips Hat*
*Walks Away Whistling*
It seemed kind of short. Like it was cut off short. Like it could have been longer.
But what you had was great.
I give it ten out of eight.
I really did like it.
Especially this one bit.
Where Rarity talks to her mom and dad.
Though a bit sad,
that it was never explained why they were always gone.
Like most parents, they'd be back before long.
And that's the end of my poem song.
Okay, just a suggestion, but how about a sequel about Cutie Mark Inc?
6928186
There are stories with great hooks but little follow-through. This story manages to have a great hook and - even with the reveal, thus resolving what first started me reading this - it continues to be engaging. A different story would have simply petered out for me once the mystery was answered, but not this.
Sweetie Belle is a real star here, tackling her situation head on, bravely and honestly. She's been rather heroic, truthfully. Rarity is a fine leading character also, and you portray her well. She comes across as very sincere. All in all, there's a positive take on the situation without belitting the nature of it. Eating disorders have little connection with my own life, but I can well imagine that for some here, the subject is entirely pertinent, and the overall message of support, community, optimism and success are entirely welcome.
Onwards, to the final chapter!
Pretty certain this is wrong but given the context it could be wrong in so many different ways, but the sentence refers to Sweetie's actions in the past tense and is written in a present tense, it should be written in one of the following ways
"You have been coming in here less and less"
"You have been sleeping with me less and less"
"You have needed me less and less"
Alternatively it could be written with reference to the future tense as an ongoing action such as
"You are needing me less and less"
Very good. I liked this story very much! The best part was the style with which you approached the subject. I like your handling of characters, it worked well for the most part. I'm eager to see what's to come, whenever it does! Followed
This ending is a lovely gentle send-off to the story. It's fantastic that this thing, while becoming a part of Sweetie's life, isn't becoming a pivotal part - she has a life, whole and complete, seperate from and undefined by her condition. That seems real important. And, for all that - never wallowing - she still asks for the help she needs, when she needs.
There are a few typos to be tidied, and you totally dashed my cuckoo for Coco-ship hopes, but these are inconsequential things. This story - for me - started as a dispassionete riddle to be solved and became a warm and sweet and tender thing, and I've enjoyed reading it.
Good on you.
6929223 I saw! Thank you!
6929231 *smiles*
6929270 Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it.
6929301 I'll think about it, but honestly I have nothing even resembling a thought about that, so in all likely hood this is it.
6929319 Thank you! I tried to keep it interesting, even after the condition had been figured out. I'm glad it kept you interested enough to stick with it until the end.
6929328 Sorry, fixed now. Thank you for pointing that out.
6929345 Thank you, I'm really happy that you liked this, especially the characters. I worried about them.
6929362 Yeah, that was the point of the last two chapters, to show that you can beat whatever it is. Sorry about the dreams of Coco. I honestly had a hard time deciding who Rarity should get with, as I had no one in mind when I wrote the confession scene. I'm really glad you liked Sweetie and I can't thank you enough for the encouraging comments and support you've show this story.
6929491 Okay, but you should consider it, you are a great writer.
Awesome story
Very tastefully done. I absolutely loved it. Every bit of it.
Your story is going into my special folder, because it took me THERE.
I'it's over? I feel like there's more to do!
Why... is there a love confession in this last chapter?
It seems a little odd that you would devote a bit more than half of the final chapter to elaborating on a crush that was mentioned offhandishly during chapter 3.
I liked the themes and exploration thereof but... it just seems a bit off-topic to go into Rarity's love life like this when it's been a pretty solidly family drama until now.
6929515 Thank you!
6929550 I'm quite honored. I'm glad you liked it so much.
6929765 I mean, I could feasibly drag it out more, but I feel like that would just be tiring to everyone involved. Thank you for reading.
6930444 Two reasons. Chekhov's gun, and it is there to show that life is moving on for both of the sisters. That this problem that Sweetie Belle has faced isn't the center of their world anymore, and they are happy and still working toward a brighter tomorrow. Also, siblings are stinkers who do this kind of stuff. Other wise I would have most likely ended it with the final scene here last chapter.
If I'm honest, when Rarity said she had her eye on somemare then I immediately ruled out Rarijack. Because she did say she swore off cow ponies.
Next train of thought was 'Who does Rarity like?'. A trip to your page to look at your favorite stories solved that dilemma. Enchanted Library is the best, but I don't track it. I have it in a personal folder for stories that update slowly. Really, any stories that have a wait time of two weeks or more go in my 'not yet complete' folder.
6931945 Oh, that was clever. :P I have a folder like that, too, only mine is called 'waiting for completion'. Although, I tend to only include stories there if they take over a month to update.
6932040
If they update slowly, I want to read them all at once when their complete. That way I don't forget what happened last chapter.
Now that I finally have internet, I can catch up with things here, beginning with you (How're ya?) and this story.
As a story that focuses on Sweetie Belle growing up, as well as the unity of the Belle family, it's alright. It's nice seeing you publish again, and I hope to see more from you in the future!
6932246 NORTHY STARS HELLO FRIEND.
Yeah, I have a few other short things planned to really get back into the swing of things before I properly try to tackle a big project again.
6981470 On the show, that might be true, or not, I took the idea and ran with it, because I figured they just didn't realize they were doing it.
7036487 I swear I thought I had fixed that. Yes, thank you.
7219927 glad you like it.
This was really good - so heartwarming
! (Also, yay for RariLight *Squee*)
This was really sweet. I also love the way you write.
7519329 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
7532457 I'm happy you enjoyed it, and thank you very much for the compliment. I do have a few other stories as well, if you'd like to take a look.
Good story. I was expecting pregnancy, but your idea was much better.