If you happen to cry, I will be there. If you happen to smile, will you do the same for me?
A failed attempt to conquer the Crystal Empire has left Queen Chrysalis, and a large part of her hive, stuck in pony form. As she plots her revenge, six ponies are captured near her hive. Each of them claims to be a disabled changeling, yet are they telling the truth?
Written for the 8th **** this prompt! contest.
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6731734 Sorry, sorry :( Real life always catches me unprepared :(
Rambling italics.
Ok. Wow. This is absolutely fantastic world building. I simply LOVE what you've done with the changeling kingdom, and the Queen's inner monologue. Have a like, my dear! And a fave!
6732388 Oh, confound it :((( Will wait till the contest is over to fix. Shouldn't be too long.
Sorry :((
6732389 :)) Thank you! Very glad you enjoyed :D
Changelings are always fun to explore :)
6732389 More like extremely convoluted.
Btw how does this even qualify as comedy?
6732677 I really liked it. It was very creative, and entertaining. So, maybe it was convoluted for you, darling, but I find it splendidly well done.
6732695 Maybe... But maybe you should re-read and notice how much of a clusterfuck of information it is.
And this is coming from someone who tends to overcomplicate and overthink things. Like "The Canterlot Invasion was a staged/controlled failure" levels.
This fic moves at a way too fast pace, and especially near the end I feel that besides the magical Mcguffins that this fic is filled with until that point... it feels rushed... Too rushed in fact. Not just from an editing perspective but from storyline and events as well.
This fic desrved double if not triple the length to establish the events that happened before and after. Especially the ending makes it clear that this fic was rushing to end if only to catch the deadline. I care/know nothing of the characters that make this fic a clusterfuck (sorry for my tongue). I have been in the same position in my first fic where I tried to introduce 5 characters at once.
Believe me they need their time otherwise it's going to be messy. And messy this fic is.
I however am not going to stop you from enjoying this. I would enjoy it as well but I feel like I'm served a delicious steak, but with the condition I swallow it... With the bone. So you can imagine I feel frustrated and confused.
I am sorry but I am disliking this.
A soy?
home.allergicchild.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/iStock_000004283522Small-590x410.jpg
6732826 Thats...fine. I really don't know what your trying to argue with me for. I liked it. You are allowed to dislike it, if you want. But your attempts to have me follow your hoof steps isn't going to work.
There's a good idea here, but as is this is just one-long debate with people shouting at each-other.
6732677 So sorry for misleading you :(
I thought it merited the tag, but obviously was wrong.
Will do a mass edit/rewrite when real life allows.
6733243 Thank you :)
Was extremely rushed, yes. The way I haven't been able to get things written lately, I decided to 'what-the-hay' it and go for it.
Sorry for the condition - will mass edit/rewrite end of this week or start of next (probably add 1-4K)
Real life could be weird sometimes...
6733237 I am not trying to argue with you. I am trying to justify my opinion based on what I read. I am trying to tell you this opinion of mine isn't just a childish one from someone who flails their hands around angrily.
6734151 That's not a problem. Anyway do it because you want to not because I said so.
My question was did the hive really have "evil ways"? I mean sure Chrysalis was evil but why should the rest of the hive be?
There are also a lot of questions as in how couldn't the changelings sense ponies among them? Why didn't Chrysalis just wait for the shape-locking spell to wear off... Where were all the originals when this happened? Because not all of them were outcasts or whatever. And why does the potion have 2 effects? After the reveal why did the changelings even stay/obey the false Queen?
See this fic I could make a Cinema Sins type of video about it. Keep it simple please... Its not like simplicity is devoid of being complex on its own.
1st read through: Wait...what?!
2nd read through: So Cadance was the Chrysalis in the hive, and the real Chrysalis was in the Crystal Empire? What? I'm so confused!
3rd read through: I think I get it. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I even know.
4th read through: It's official. I understand this story only barely.
5th read through: Oh... I finally get it!
*Looking back* Wow...I was so slow.
Interesting twist~
6734508 :)) It could be confusing.
(Another reason I wanted to get this out of my head :)
Really thanks for investing 5 reads in this :D
6734545 :D Everyone loves Twist!
6734590
Especially interesting.:3
6734589
Yep! One of the best stories if you don't get confused!
And soy-ponies' love doesn't taste remotely as good as the real stuff.
And Would It Matter If She Was?
Holy crap, this mind-screw. I had this wild idea that Chrysalis might be the actual infiltrator, but you had me thoroughly convinced otherwise by the end.
I had an inkling suspicion that something was amiss. Heck, one wrong turn could've ended up in reverse. Heck, there's even a darker ending where Cadance ended up as the new queen. etc. etc. But, as one who really, and thoroughly enjoys good endings, this was nice. I liked the mini-introductions, as well as the familial discord between the royalty. Very interesting idea, executed decently. ... Lots of typos though that made me chuckle.
i.e. the soy ponies, among other things.
(and now I'm imagining tofu ponies wandering around a big ramen bowl.)
6735064 Soys everywhere and not a bite to eat :)
6736818 Thank you :)
Indeed lots of accidents were possible... including a changeling revolution :) Then again, who would harm Cadence ? (Apart from Chrysalis :))
6738720 Slapstick pain. Goo pies, slippery slopes, ponies, changelings, furniture, the lost lost twin brother of the shmooze, the shmooze (no relation)....
I like the way this story is set up and the way the mystery is gradually uncovered. The reveal that Chrysalis is actually a mind-wiped Cadance was very well done.
But a few minutes after finishing it, fridge logic started to kick in and I couldn't help but grow increasingly confused by the ending. If Puparia and Chrysalis are in such good relations with the ponies that Shining Armour and Cadance are willing to trust them around their kids, then presumably this whole situation is a cooperative endeavour. So why on earth does Cadance need to go to such extreme lengths to infiltrate the hive to begin with? Couldn't Chrysalis have simply let her in?
Did I miss something obvious?
6801936 I would imagine so. Disabling spells + free source of love (and presumable a guard contingent) would make for a pair of rather cooperative changelings, even with Chrysalis' mood-swings.
6801936 Sorry for the late reply :(
Well, in fact they are not in good relations :) The plan was hatched out of necessity.
On a side note, I probably should find the mood to rewrite this adequately. Who knows, maybe make a changeling rock star. :)
6803704 Very much so :D
very enjoyable story
6813334 Thanks, Twi :D Sorry I saw the responce, so late :(
6955747 no worries!
That was nice. And Chryssie won't have to worry about food anymore. Heck, with some luck changelings could find work with the ponies.
7087572 :) Thanks!
That was the grand plan of things :) Also, rockstar Changelings sound sound so cool :)
7090685 Yeah! Or what I saw in some other fic, changelings as decoys for famous idols, singers, etc., allowing them to leave public events unmolested by fans and at the same time soaking up the monstrous amounts of adoration and love.
Woah. Did not see that coming.
Awesome!!!
7289657 :) Glad you enjoyed :D