Story
A light knock on the door woke Celestia, dragging the young mare from sleep. A gentle voice asked, “Dear, are you up yet?”
“Yes Mom,” mumbled the pony from under the covers.
“Don’t forget that you’re taking Luna to school today,” reminded her mother.
Celestia sat up in bed, suddenly more alert. “I didn’t.”
“Come to breakfast, then.” The sound of hoofsteps retreated from the bedroom door.
The pony got out of bed, glancing out the window at the sunrise. It was the beginning of a new school year, and the weather couldn’t be nicer. The pleasant climate clashed with the gloomy expression on Celestia’s face.
In the bathroom, the mare gazed at the mirror and sighed. Her white coat was depressingly plain. In contrast, her mane was distractingly vibrant. It couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be green, blue, or pink. A warm yellow aura of magic wreathed Celestia’s favorite brush as the pony picked it up and dragged the bristles distractedly through her mane and tail. She regretted not getting them both cut to a shorter length. The first day of a new school year would be hassle enough without getting her long hair caught in something.
Celestia gently set the brush down and lifted a tube of lipstick. She examined it for a moment as it hung in front of the mirror. Deciding to go ahead with the makeup, the pony tipped her head to the side to get a better angle, her horn nearly brushing the ceiling. The shade of the lipstick was unfashionably bright, and Celestia knew it. Maybe it would attract attention away from her gangly legs and outsized wings.
When she looked ready, or as ready as she could be, Celestia ducked her head and carefully went through the doorway. There was a very real danger that she might punch a hole in something with her horn. It had happened before.
The pleasant smell of cooking pancakes met Celestia’s nose as she entered the kitchen. At the griddle, a pegasus was gently fanning smoke away with her wings. A unicorn sat at the table, reading the newspaper.
“Hi Mom, hi Dad.” Celestia carefully positioned herself at one side of the square kitchen table, folding her long legs awkwardly.
The unicorn took a sip of coffee and smiled at his daughter. “Good morning Celly.”
A dark blue filly pranced into the room. The mare at the griddle turned away from her work for a moment, one wing still tending to the smoke. She smiled at her younger daughter. “Are you ready for elementary school, Luna?”
“I sure am!” exclaimed the young pony. “I hope it’s double the fun of preschool!”
Celestia smiled to herself, remembering back when school was just school, not a popularity contest. She made room for her mother to place a serving dish of pancakes on the table.
The four of them began eating quietly. Celestia always seemed to be hungry, perhaps due to her abnormal stature. She tried to keep her near-constant appetite hidden from the public, however. They didn’t need any more things to whisper about behind her back.
After breakfast, Celestia collected her saddlebags and waited for Luna to catch up. The young pony appeared at the door, mother and father in tow. Her parents checked to make sure the blue filly had all the right school supplies and then wrapped her in a loving embrace.
“Come here, Celly. A hug before you go,” said her father. The tip of his horn only came about halfway up her neck. Celestia’s mother was even shorter. At least the young mare’s long legs could wrap around both of them at the same time.
Her father liked to joke that his daughters had somehow gotten the best of each of their parents, both wings and horns. It was still a mystery where the unexplained height had come from, and he had not managed to humorously explain that away without making Celestia feel awkward.
Once free of the grasp of their parents, the two school ponies went out the door into a beautiful Canterlot morning. Celestia’s head turned to the sky almost on its own. The sun filtered through the leaves of the trees growing nearby. The warm light on her face felt good. It had better. She didn’t have this stupid cutie mark for no reason.
The stylized image of a glowing yellow star on her flank was not a metaphor for anything. Her special talent was literally the sun.
Luna grinned mischievously. “Hey Celestia, do you think you could give us a few more minutes to walk to school?”
Her older sister shook her head. “I don’t think I should. Daylight savings time already confuses enough ponies without having the sun jumping around.”
“Just a little bit?” begged Luna. “Please?”
Celestia rolled her eyes and began to concentrate on the sky. Her long horn glowed yellow and the sun slid away from its normal path. It didn’t go very far, and the pony immediately put it back. Luna giggled as the shadows on the ground danced with the changing angle of light.
“You’re so good at this, maybe it should be your job,” said the filly.
Celestia sighed. “Queen Harmony has already got it covered.”
Luna shrugged. “She might let you help.”
“There aren’t very many job openings for ponies whose special talent involves manipulating the sun.” Celestia looked despondent. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life.”
“You could always get a job as a fashion model,” said Luna. “For circus tents.”
Celestia stretched out one wing and cuffed the filly lightly on the back of the head. It didn’t dim Luna’s grin, however. The older sister found herself smiling along as they neared their destination.
The trees began to thin out as more buildings appeared, and the dirt changed to a stone-paved path. There was a crowd of ponies outside the school. Friends that hadn’t seen each other all summer were busy reconnecting. Celestia wondered if there was somepony she might recognize. In looking around, she failed to notice a protruding cobblestone and tripped over it, plummeting to the ground in a tangle of long limbs and feathers. A chorus of laughter rose from the crowd. The mare picked herself up, face burning. She brushed some dirt off her white coat.
“Are you okay, sis?” asked Luna.
Celestia turned away. “I’m fine. Let me take you to your first class.”
Celestia had always been a little taller than her peers, before suddenly becoming a lot taller during her teenage growth spurt. It seemed that she was now done growing, thank Harmony, but she was still learning how to deal with it. It seemed like it would take years for her to learn how to move with any kind of grace.
Luna would start her first day of school in Mrs. Honeysuckle’s homeroom. Quite a few years ago, she’d also been Celestia’s teacher. The elderly mare peered through her glasses at the two ponies coming through the door, the much taller one ducking her head. “Hello Celestia, it’s good to see you again. Is this your sister?”
“Yes, Mrs. Honeysuckle. This is Luna.” The white mare glanced around. All the foals in the classroom were staring at her.
“My my, it seems like it wasn’t very long ago that I had you in my classroom, Celestia.” The older pony sighed. “Time goes faster when you get older, you know.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” promised Celestia. She turned to go. There was a colt sitting at a desk near the door that she vaguely recognized. Hadn’t he had some kind of brief spat with Luna? She shot the little pony a look and he quickly stopped staring her.
Her attention diverted, Celestia knocked over a mare in the hallway as she came out the door. It was Ruby, the cheerleading captain. Oh horseapples…
“Why don’t you look where you’re going?” demanded the unicorn, climbing back to her hooves.
“Sorry, but why didn’t you watch out for me?” After all, Celestia was both harder to miss and less maneuverable.
“Are you always so clumsy?” Ruby glanced at the white pony’s knees, dirty from when she’d fallen. “And what’s with the grime? Are you living in a cave, Trollestia?”
The tall mare gritted her teeth. She’d hoped that the nickname had been forgotten over the summer. Instead of sparring with Ruby further, she turned away and headed for her own classroom.
On the way, Celestia stopped at her locker to drop off the saddlebags she wore. Bending down to the lock, she eyed the dial and twirled it with magic. It was lucky she wasn’t an earth pony, because it was doubtful that her oversized hooves would be able to manipulate the lock.
After collecting her supplies, the white mare found her class and squeezed into a desk near the back of the room. Students responded as the teacher, Mr. Trotswell, began reading names from the attendance list.
“Arrow?”
“Here.”
“Butter Rum?”
“Over here.”
“Celestia? I can see that you’re here. Cloud Weaver?”
“Here.”
Celestia slid down in her seat as far as she could. She’d never had a class with Mr. Trotswell before, but it wasn’t surprising that he knew her name. No matter how hard she tried, there was simply no way for her to just blend into the crowd.
At least it was history class, one of Celestia’s favorite subjects. Mr. Trotswell began his lecture, occasionally punctuating it with questions. The pony squeezed into a desk in the back row occasionally knew the answers, but never raised her hoof for fear of drawing attention to herself.
When the period was up, Celestia returned to her locker to get supplies for the next class. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Blitz Buster coming down the hallway. The earth pony was larger than any other stallion in the school, teachers included. All the sports he played had toned his body to perfection. His face wasn’t bad looking, either.
Celestia returned to rummaging among her books, thinking that there was no way she had a chance with a pony like Blitz. There was a polite cough from behind her. She turned and nearly jumped out of her skin to find that very stallion standing there.
“Hi, Celestia right? Can I talk to you for a minute?” Blitz smiled.
Her heart felt like it was going to flutter right out of her throat. “S-sure.”
“Listen, hoofball season is coming up, and I hope I can convince you to try out for the team.” The stallion looked very sincere, but Celestia’s heart suddenly felt like it had dropped into the pit of her stomach.
“What?” she nearly shouted.
Blitz took a surprised step back. “You’re the biggest pony I’ve ever seen. I think you’d make a really great linebacker.”
“Am I supposed to just stand there and intimidate the other team like I’m some kind of troll?” the mare demanded.
The hoofball player shrugged. “If you want.”
Celestia slammed her locker shut and stalked away. Blitz called after her. “Just think about it, please?”
The next class period was math with Mrs. Ironshod. As the students came in, she gazed at them intently, as if trying to pick out the weak ones.
“I’ll be giving a quiz to see what you all remembered over the summer,” said the teacher. All the students groaned, but their lack of enthusiasm didn’t stop the question papers from being passed out.
Celestia answered the questions as well as she could, but was still writing frantically when Mrs. Ironshod called for the quizzes back. The teacher leafed through the papers as she collected them, her face revealing nothing.
“Well,” commented the educator dryly. “I think I know where to begin.”
The rest of the class was a flurry of note taking. Celestia felt somewhat better about the quiz when she realized that she already knew most of the things she was writing down. As she was extricating herself from her desk at the end of the period, Mrs. Ironshod walked over. “Celestia, I want you to run a study group for this class.”
“Did I do that well on the quiz?” the young mare asked.
“I’m asking you because I know you don’t have any other extracurriculars.” The teacher didn’t sound like she was asking at all.
“I don’t know…” Celestia wasn’t sure she was quite that good at math.
“I’ll talk to you again tomorrow.” Mrs. Ironshod walked away.
The nervous student managed to get her legs free of the desk and left the room in a hurry. The next period was gym. Celestia had never liked physical games. At recess during her younger years, the unicorns didn’t want to play with her because she had the unfair advantage of wings. The pegasi objected to her horn. The earth ponies, well…
At least gym class was usually divided into teams randomly. Today the game was dodge ball. Celestia found herself in the same group as Lucky Catch, which was a plus considering the pony’s cutie mark was actually for dodge ball.
The teams split up and the balls began to be thrown back and forth. The standard rules applied – no flying and no magic. Celestia moved to the back of the court and did her best to go unnoticed. It didn’t work, but at least she wasn’t easy to hit being so far from the center.
A ball went rolling by with Lucky chasing it. The athletic mare had been carrying the team for most of the game. Celestia glanced across the court and saw three stallions lining up, carefully planning an assault on Lucky, who still hadn’t managed to retrieve the ball she was after.
As the opponents threw their balls, Celestia sidestepped and spread her wings, taking three shots meant for Lucky. Now out of the game, she walked off the court, head low. Why did I do that? She was no competitive player, but it would have been nice to stay in as long as possible. It had been sort of an instinctive reaction to save her teammate. At least a pony with a dodge ball cutie mark had career prospects ahead of her, maybe as a gym teacher or something. Celestia glanced at her own flank in despair.
A few minutes later, the game was over. Headed by Lucky, Celestia’s team had won. On the way out of the gym at period’s end, a pegasus named Due Process hovered up by Celestia’s face. “Hey, I saw what you did out there. I’d like to talk to you about student government.”
“What does that have to do with dodge ball?” asked the tall pony.
Due zipped under a doorway and continued speaking. “You helped out Lucky and the team won. It was a sacrifice of yourself for the greater good.”
“Uh…” Celestia stalled for an answer. “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“We’d love to have you,” Due called over her shoulder as she turned down a different hallway.
It had been a very stressful morning, but Celestia’s favorite time of the day was coming up. She didn’t like lunch for the cafeteria food. It was the only chance all day she got to see her friends in one place.
When she got to the usual table, a place had already been made for her. The ponies who waited wore excited smiles. The six of them hadn’t had lunch together all summer, after all.
To Celestia’s left sat a unicorn named Gemstone. She had gained minor notoriety in the community for her hoofmade jewelry. It was sold at low prices because she wasn’t in it for the money.
Beside her was Racing Stripes, a pegasus stallion. He was on the school’s precision flying team, and had hopes to someday be the captain.
Across the table sat Apple Juice. She was dedicated to her family’s farm, and was known as a hard worker, even among other earth ponies.
Next to AJ was Punch, who was always quick with a joke. The earth pony was preparing to take on his father’s catering business when he finished school.
The last pony was a pegasus named Butter Toffee. Her twin brother was in Celestia’s history class. The two of them were planning to start a veterinary clinic.
And then of course was Celestia, the unicorn or pegasus or whatever she was that had no idea what she was going to do with her life.
“How are you?” asked Butter Toffee.
“It’s been an interesting day,” commented Celestia.
“Here, would you like half my alfalfa?” asked Gemstone. “I’ve got to watch my figure.”
“Uh, you don’t have to…” Celestia stopped short, as the food had already been generously transferred to her plate.
“My brother told me that Blitz Buster asked you to be on the hoofball team,” said Apple Juice, pointing across the table at the tall mare.
Racing Stripes’ jaw dropped. “Oh wow, really?”
“That’s unpossible!” exclaimed Punch. He thought for a moment. “Or is it?”
“It happened,” confirmed Celestia. “That’s not the worst of it, though. Mrs. Ironshod wants me to take over a math group, and Due Process asked me to get involved with student government.”
“Do you have time for all three?” asked Gemstone.
Celestia shrugged. “I don’t know. I know I have time for one, at least. I’m not sure I want to do any of them.”
“Hoofball has a lot of opportunities, honestly,” suggested AJ. She grinned. “You could hang out with Blitz. Every mare in the school wants him. Just seeing you with him would infuriate that nasty cheerleader Ruby.”
“But what about the math group?” countered Racing. “If you could get on Mrs. Ironshod’s good side, think how much easier her class would be! I bet a letter of recommendation from her would look good on a university application.”
“In student government, you could help a lot of ponies,” Butter Toffee pointed out kindly. “Think of the difference you could make in the school.”
“I guess after thinking about it, each option does have its merits,” said Celestia. “I don’t know, maybe doing something with the student government might be the best idea. It sounds less…selfish.”
“We’ll be loyal to any decision you make,” said Racing.
“Thanks, it means a lot,” said Celestia. She almost wished lunch would last longer, so she could be with her friends. Well, and maybe because she was still hungry.
“Oh, government!” said Punch. “I bet you’ll be the big winner at the school elections!”
The rest of them caught the gag and laughed, even Celestia. She was rarely comfortable with herself, but always at ease around her friends. They didn’t mean her harm, and she felt normal when she was them.
“Just remember the rest of us when you get some important position, okay?” said Racing.
Celestia laughed. “I’ll always take care of my little ponies.”
Author note:
This could be the introduction for a longrunning epic about Celestia and the "original" Elements of Harmony. They fight Discord and others. Over time, Luna goes through her Nightmare Moon thing and does something (i.e. murder) that requires Celestia to wield all the Elements herself, but through the memory of her good friends, she finds the strength of go on.
Or something like that. I don't feel qualified to write such a story, so I'm just going to leave this here and hope no one notices. Anyway, thanks for reading.
Cover art by Doctor Whooves
Editing by Fernin
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New totallynotabrony?
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...
...
First Muse, then reading.
Is this Beatles related due the title?
If so, then it might be relevant to my interests.
That was nice. So basically, you just wrote out a backstory... and... yeah.
I thought it was cute.
Teenage 'Tia is best 'Tia
This was amusing.
Strange. 7 dislikes and no negative comments. I found nothing wrong so I don't get all the negativity.
s'not bad. gonna favorite it whether or not it goes further.
Very well written and very good opening for something bigger, like you said. And you could definitely be qualified to write something. Even if you're not, you could do it anyway. Just because you can.
This is well-written and pretty enjoyable. Not sure where you could go with it, and the high school setting was a little odd with ponies, but I'm curious to see what else you come up with.
I see what you did there... Earth pony with Apple talent, Pegasus on the schools flying team... This is good though, you should keep it up!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxzEeKfpyIg&feature=related
I love the punny pony you added
The only reason for the negatives I can guess is because some people just hate anyone writing Celestia not as an all powerful, immortal, goddess.
It's complete? Aww.. I wanted to see more of this.
Eh, I reckon TNaB's got enough positive reviews to last a lifetime - he needs some negative ones to balance things out.
Also, Luna's good. Do some more Luna.
Lollestia
722128 I second that glorious motion!
asdf
This...is very original. Good work
This was pretty good, it should be continued.
Lovely story so far, another star have been lit in the sky.
keep up the great work and take all the time you need to make this story a legend.
:D
Delightful. Please continue.
quite nice, quite nice indeed
school filly! hmm why i would love to venture back in time to MY TREE HOUSE!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
It didn’t dim the Luna’s grin, however.
-Remove "the"
It was lucky she wasn’t an earth pony, because it was doubtful that her oversized hooves would be able to manipulate the lock.
-You wouldn't use your hooves for that generally, you would use your mouth. Unless that would mean she would have to squat down a lot because it is on the lower row and she is so tall?
At least it was history class, one of Celestia’s favorite subjects.
-Good for her, since unless this is a VERY alternate universe, she is going to be both living through and making a lot of it. Interesting that they seem to be growing at a mortal rate so far.
“Listen, hoofball season is coming up, and I hope I can convince you to try out for the team.”
-How egalitarian(unless it is a joke)... assuming the team isn't ALL mares, but given we have seen sports related cutie-marks mostly on stallions that seems unlikely. No obvious romantic interest, and it makes sense that she would be a good potential due to shear mass. Assuming wings and horns AREN'T allowed she should also have a good turn of speed with some training. Of course it would put her more in the public eye, but I would think it would turn out well in the end.
“I’ll talk to you again tomorrow.” Mrs. Ironshod walked away.
-Well, there is some more motivation for hoofball... OTOH leading the studygroup could be where she discovers her talent for leadership. Of course, both could happen.
At recess during her younger years, the unicorns didn’t want to play with her because she had the unfair advantage of wings. The pegasi objected to her horn.
-Which implies that BOTH might be allowed on the hoof-ball field, but still almost certainly not.
The standard rules applied – no flying and no magic.
-Not seeing what the problem was then. Maybe it was in a much earlier grade?
It had been sort of an instinctive reaction to save her teammate.
-Seems like her personality. Self-sacrifice is one of the personality traits of the classic white knight. Now she just needs to get down that "Make the other bucker
dieget turned to stone for HIScountryideals." part and she will be good to go.At least a pony with a dodge ball cutie mark had career prospects ahead of her,
-Actually, I would say that she COULD get a pretty good pile of bits for short-term contract work about two weeks out of the year (or three months out of a century?). I mean even Princesses enjoy a vacation from ALL their duties rather than just MOST of them. Which reminds me, the tweaking with the sun and then putting it right back is a very tea-troll thing of her to do. In any case it wouldn't be a career for her to PLAN on, but it makes a very nice short-term gig every so often.
“Hey, I saw what you did out there. I’d like to talk to you about student government.”
-I see that self-sacrifice as a trait of a leader is part of the culture. I wonder if she will take him up on it. I will also note that she is POPULAR by certain measures... she has had three requests to serve in a prestigious position in one day.
“You helped out Lucky and the team won. It was a sacrifice of yourself for the greater good.”
-Ok, so it is an idea in the society, but something Celestia hasn't really grasped yet or she would have made the connection.
It was the only chance all day she got to see her friends in one place.
-The other four who will join her against Discord? Or maybe their great grandparents, if you aren't compressing the timeline (since they aren't living under Discord).
The six of them hadn’t had lunch together all summer, after all.
-Ok, so it will be interesting to see if Luna is there, or if she won't be getting an element in this continuity. Or maybe Luna WILL get an Element, and one of the six is Discord (or someone whose death will push Celestia into hero mode to avenge them). Or maybe you just want to write a highschool drama about Celestia and five friends who represent the five "lesser" Elements, but who are never going to be action heroines (or there might be a stallion or two in the mix), and never are going to wield the Elemental Regalia.
Beside her was Racing Stripes, a pegasus stallion.
-Ok, so fairly direct matches to the Mane Six, with some genderflips (I approve of the gender-flips). The direct matches... well, it is a bit of a lazy way to write, but everyone takes a short-cut here or there, and if the overall story is good, I am not going to complain.
as the food had already been generously transferred to her plate.
-I was about to say that the "watch my figure" line seemed out of place since I don't think of alfalfa as being high calorie. But since it was just an excuse, it makes sense.
“I don’t know, maybe doing something with the student government might be the best idea. It sounds less…selfish.”
-And so it begins...
“We’ll be loyal to any decision you make,” said Racing.
-Ugh... awkward word choice just to drive home a point the readers probably already guessed? I would change this if I were you. "Well, you can count on us whatever decision you make." might work better for instance.
This could be the introduction for a longrunning epic about Celestia and the "original" Elements of Harmony. They fight Discord and others. Over time, Luna goes through her Nightmare Moon thing and does something (i.e. murder) that requires Celestia to wield all the Elements herself, but through the memory of her good friends, she finds the strength of go on.
-Interesting method. I don't think I am the one to take you up on that (too much of a recluse in highschool to have a feel for the politics). I would say that having Discord kill one of the other five would be the best move... maybe they all get turned to stone by Discord and he smashes one of the statues to get Celestia to stop "pestering" him... and by "pestering" I mean focusing the sunlight for a few square miles directly onto him to no particular effect. Then Little Luna has to step up to fill the vacancy... Or just go with the highschool drama about Celestia growing from a awkward teen into a self-confident leader of ponies who isn't afraid to break some ribs when the situation really calls for it.
Whatcha talking about? You AR qualifyed t write this.
Okay, doubt I'll read it, but I appear to be the only one (that's responded) that thought of Rammstein's 'Sonne'
hier kommt die Sonne = Here comes the sun
Not that I've any idea how that song could relate to this fic XD
It's interesting to see how people think Celestia and Luna became the princesses we know today. Can't wait to see how you continue this.
This was just beautiful, I can acutally Imagine Celstia and Luna having actually normal lifes and concerns and at the pass of time the evlove into highly apreciated and loved political chancelors and advisors of the Queen untli she's brutally murdered by Discord, and after they had to defeat him by turning him into a statue, the already damaged country goes into a civil war of races Celestia and Luna try their best to end it into peaceful negotiations and fail misserably until the "hearthwarming eve" incident happens and the tale of the three survivors put everypony to think that this conflict is something completely useless and stupid, Celestia and Luna try again the negociations and this time the actually sign a treatey declaring the end of the war with no victor and the the re-unification of the nation that once was called Ponyland into something new and thus the founding of Equestria, then at the momment of electing a new head of state, almost all the ponies elect Both Celestia And Luna to be the next queens of the land but they at first won't acept, after some time convincing them and showing them that the ponies actually need their guidance they will acept... under one condition: They will be not Queens of the new country, The highest royality title they will take will be Princeess at most because if there was a true Queen of the Ponies that was the late Queen Harmony
This was pretty good! I can't wait for more
Celestia needs braces!
DENTAL PLAN
I was mucho enthralled by this interesting and unique idea.
...This needs to be an episode. Seriously, this could be a world builder type thing.
I'm sorry you don't feel qualified to do it-- I think that you could with time. This story is pretty good, enjoyable, and I didn't spot many glaring mistakes. Celestia was well characterized.
Not bad! :)
You are qualified to write this please continue the story.
The little school fillies who would be gods, and the six ponies whose descendants would wield the Elements of Harmony.
By the holy name of Faust I command you to continue this story at once!
i.imgur.com/wJAqs.jpg
All of my yes...
So you aren't planning any followups to this?
Continue this!
Um... that is, if you want to.
Finally I have time to read and comment!
The story: only one nitpick: the Sun thing. Celestia having a power with global impact SO flies in the face of the premise about her being just an awkward teen. Do make note that she only changes how the Sun looks like in the neighborhood or something.
Comments to author notes:
First, decide: either Celestia's friends are Mane 6 with names changed, or they are a different set of EoH. The idea that every Element of Loyalty we know is a pegasus high-speed flier is really dumb.
Second, IMO involving such overt elements as the EoH would ruin the potential a continuation may have otherwise. I mean, let me show some ideas as to what the storyline could be like:
Discord is basically crying for attention by acting out. Look at me, I'm so funny! Look at me, I'm so random! Look at me, I'm a cruel evil mastemind. I'm the bucking Spirit of Chaos, look at me!!! Downscaling him to mortal level is trivial. He's a delinquent, possibly drop-out or gang leader. Trixie's asshole older brother*, except he opens his act with turning people's hair green, while she only does that when you critisize her performances. And of course, his name isn't Discord, Spirit of Chaos, he just wants people to call him that. Alicorn, or some uncommon hybrid like part-dragon or part-goat, forther humanizing him by giving him a relateble reason to have turned out the way he did. Maybe throw in a gang of similar outcasts.
* Not necessarily actual brother, I'm just illustration the point.
Luna's thing isn't hard either, but murder doesn't fit. She could be depressed and lonely. She could try to get attention by using her power to summon the night sky whenever anyone expresses the slightest interest. She could fall in with a bad crowd, Discord's gang, and join their... "performances". She could be jelous of Celestia's perceived popularity, be angry when Celestia doesn't help her escape attemps when she's grounded, but stops them instead.
And of course her betraying Discord would be essential to him eventually getting carted off to jail/corrective facility. After a lengthy campaign and escalation of conflict, of course. Oh yeah, to include her you'd have to make her older, as far as I can tell she's in first grade here.
Chrysalis impersonates ponies, seduces their boyfriends and ruins their relationships. No team-up with Discord. Or not include her at all, whatever.
Third, I don't think anyone would actually buy this as a prequel to the canon. High schools are modern. Canon is steampunk. There is 1000 years between canon and any prequel involving Luna. It just doesn't add up. Just have a high school AU with some events mirroring canon or presumed struggles One Thousand Years Ago.
This was really interesting, I like the idea of Celestia going through the gawky phase of high school and honestly I wouldn't mind maybe seeing some more. Maybe Luna gets in a fight with a classmate about Celestia and she has to help defuse it? I think seeing her go into the student government too could be fun and perhaps help her come out of her shell and become more confident with herself. Even if you disagree with your talents I think you could do a really great job with the idea of making this a longer thing.
five moustaches outta five
845490 "Third, I don't think anyone would actually buy this as a prequel to the canon. High schools are modern. Canon is steampunk. There is 1000 years between canon and any prequel involving Luna. It just doesn't add up. Just have a high school AU with some events mirroring canon or presumed struggles One Thousand Years Ago."
1,000 years before cannon is when Luna was banished. The two of them could have been around for thousands of years before that. The civilization that teenage Celestia is in could have been as advanced or even more advanced than our own.
As for what happened to it... Could have been their equivalent of a nuclear war. Using both technology and magic.
Wouldn't be any trace left of their civilization after that. Eventually the survivors rebuilt, but at a primitive level then. Stone knives and plant clothes.(plant clothes means taking plants and wrapping them around yourself then)
Then -much- later you have the events of Hearth's Warming Eve. The ponies creating their land. Then Discord showing up.
Princesses fight him off and get the job as rulers. Celestia does her best to suppress any learning of things that could lead to high-magitech. She does not want the war happening again. Luna agrees with her. Magitech learning is hidden.
1152774
Point the first: look at the date of the post you responded to. Yeah.
Point the second: read the author's notes in the blog, I was responding to to those here. The idea was that those mane 6 expies were the ones who helped send Luna to the moon.
Haha, this is very nice. I'd totally watch you if you continued it
So Celestia had her own Elements of Harmony team?
Mind=Blown
And this is where the name Trollestia was born.
Story has potential. It reads well. I think it would be better to focus on the school years and end it with her coronation as Princess rather than taking it through to the elements and Discord.
The official canon is inconsistent with itself. No need for you to be consistent with it.
Could u...make, like, a sequel were it goes through Celestia's school year? llike, i really enjoyed this! and when i finished readin i wanted more
I'm really sad to see that this -
A) hasn't got that many likes and
B) is ending here.
there is so much potential here to become one of the best stories on the site, it makes me sad to hear that potential will never be realized.
1846871 Nothing's stopping you from writing it.