Celestia who? That tall, awkward schoolfilly?
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totallynotabrony
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New totallynotabrony?
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First Muse, then reading.
Is this Beatles related due the title?
If so, then it might be relevant to my interests.
That was nice. So basically, you just wrote out a backstory... and... yeah.
I thought it was cute.
Teenage 'Tia is best 'Tia
This was amusing.
Strange. 7 dislikes and no negative comments. I found nothing wrong so I don't get all the negativity.
s'not bad. gonna favorite it whether or not it goes further.
Very well written and very good opening for something bigger, like you said. And you could definitely be qualified to write something. Even if you're not, you could do it anyway. Just because you can.
This is well-written and pretty enjoyable. Not sure where you could go with it, and the high school setting was a little odd with ponies, but I'm curious to see what else you come up with.
I see what you did there... Earth pony with Apple talent, Pegasus on the schools flying team... This is good though, you should keep it up!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxzEeKfpyIg&feature=related
I love the punny pony you added
The only reason for the negatives I can guess is because some people just hate anyone writing Celestia not as an all powerful, immortal, goddess.
It's complete? Aww.. I wanted to see more of this.
Eh, I reckon TNaB's got enough positive reviews to last a lifetime - he needs some negative ones to balance things out.
Also, Luna's good. Do some more Luna.
Lollestia
722128 I second that glorious motion!
asdf
This...is very original. Good work
This was pretty good, it should be continued.
Lovely story so far, another star have been lit in the sky.
keep up the great work and take all the time you need to make this story a legend.
:D
Delightful. Please continue.
quite nice, quite nice indeed
school filly! hmm why i would love to venture back in time to MY TREE HOUSE!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
It didn’t dim the Luna’s grin, however.
-Remove "the"
It was lucky she wasn’t an earth pony, because it was doubtful that her oversized hooves would be able to manipulate the lock.
-You wouldn't use your hooves for that generally, you would use your mouth. Unless that would mean she would have to squat down a lot because it is on the lower row and she is so tall?
At least it was history class, one of Celestia’s favorite subjects.
-Good for her, since unless this is a VERY alternate universe, she is going to be both living through and making a lot of it. Interesting that they seem to be growing at a mortal rate so far.
“Listen, hoofball season is coming up, and I hope I can convince you to try out for the team.”
-How egalitarian(unless it is a joke)... assuming the team isn't ALL mares, but given we have seen sports related cutie-marks mostly on stallions that seems unlikely. No obvious romantic interest, and it makes sense that she would be a good potential due to shear mass. Assuming wings and horns AREN'T allowed she should also have a good turn of speed with some training. Of course it would put her more in the public eye, but I would think it would turn out well in the end.
“I’ll talk to you again tomorrow.” Mrs. Ironshod walked away.
-Well, there is some more motivation for hoofball... OTOH leading the studygroup could be where she discovers her talent for leadership. Of course, both could happen.
At recess during her younger years, the unicorns didn’t want to play with her because she had the unfair advantage of wings. The pegasi objected to her horn.
-Which implies that BOTH might be allowed on the hoof-ball field, but still almost certainly not.
The standard rules applied – no flying and no magic.
-Not seeing what the problem was then. Maybe it was in a much earlier grade?
It had been sort of an instinctive reaction to save her teammate.
-Seems like her personality. Self-sacrifice is one of the personality traits of the classic white knight. Now she just needs to get down that "Make the other bucker
dieget turned to stone for HIScountryideals." part and she will be good to go.At least a pony with a dodge ball cutie mark had career prospects ahead of her,
-Actually, I would say that she COULD get a pretty good pile of bits for short-term contract work about two weeks out of the year (or three months out of a century?). I mean even Princesses enjoy a vacation from ALL their duties rather than just MOST of them. Which reminds me, the tweaking with the sun and then putting it right back is a very tea-troll thing of her to do. In any case it wouldn't be a career for her to PLAN on, but it makes a very nice short-term gig every so often.
“Hey, I saw what you did out there. I’d like to talk to you about student government.”
-I see that self-sacrifice as a trait of a leader is part of the culture. I wonder if she will take him up on it. I will also note that she is POPULAR by certain measures... she has had three requests to serve in a prestigious position in one day.
“You helped out Lucky and the team won. It was a sacrifice of yourself for the greater good.”
-Ok, so it is an idea in the society, but something Celestia hasn't really grasped yet or she would have made the connection.
It was the only chance all day she got to see her friends in one place.
-The other four who will join her against Discord? Or maybe their great grandparents, if you aren't compressing the timeline (since they aren't living under Discord).
The six of them hadn’t had lunch together all summer, after all.
-Ok, so it will be interesting to see if Luna is there, or if she won't be getting an element in this continuity. Or maybe Luna WILL get an Element, and one of the six is Discord (or someone whose death will push Celestia into hero mode to avenge them). Or maybe you just want to write a highschool drama about Celestia and five friends who represent the five "lesser" Elements, but who are never going to be action heroines (or there might be a stallion or two in the mix), and never are going to wield the Elemental Regalia.
Beside her was Racing Stripes, a pegasus stallion.
-Ok, so fairly direct matches to the Mane Six, with some genderflips (I approve of the gender-flips). The direct matches... well, it is a bit of a lazy way to write, but everyone takes a short-cut here or there, and if the overall story is good, I am not going to complain.
as the food had already been generously transferred to her plate.
-I was about to say that the "watch my figure" line seemed out of place since I don't think of alfalfa as being high calorie. But since it was just an excuse, it makes sense.
“I don’t know, maybe doing something with the student government might be the best idea. It sounds less…selfish.”
-And so it begins...
“We’ll be loyal to any decision you make,” said Racing.
-Ugh... awkward word choice just to drive home a point the readers probably already guessed? I would change this if I were you. "Well, you can count on us whatever decision you make." might work better for instance.
This could be the introduction for a longrunning epic about Celestia and the "original" Elements of Harmony. They fight Discord and others. Over time, Luna goes through her Nightmare Moon thing and does something (i.e. murder) that requires Celestia to wield all the Elements herself, but through the memory of her good friends, she finds the strength of go on.
-Interesting method. I don't think I am the one to take you up on that (too much of a recluse in highschool to have a feel for the politics). I would say that having Discord kill one of the other five would be the best move... maybe they all get turned to stone by Discord and he smashes one of the statues to get Celestia to stop "pestering" him... and by "pestering" I mean focusing the sunlight for a few square miles directly onto him to no particular effect. Then Little Luna has to step up to fill the vacancy... Or just go with the highschool drama about Celestia growing from a awkward teen into a self-confident leader of ponies who isn't afraid to break some ribs when the situation really calls for it.
Whatcha talking about? You AR qualifyed t write this.
Okay, doubt I'll read it, but I appear to be the only one (that's responded) that thought of Rammstein's 'Sonne'
hier kommt die Sonne = Here comes the sun
Not that I've any idea how that song could relate to this fic XD
It's interesting to see how people think Celestia and Luna became the princesses we know today. Can't wait to see how you continue this.
This was just beautiful, I can acutally Imagine Celstia and Luna having actually normal lifes and concerns and at the pass of time the evlove into highly apreciated and loved political chancelors and advisors of the Queen untli she's brutally murdered by Discord, and after they had to defeat him by turning him into a statue, the already damaged country goes into a civil war of races Celestia and Luna try their best to end it into peaceful negotiations and fail misserably until the "hearthwarming eve" incident happens and the tale of the three survivors put everypony to think that this conflict is something completely useless and stupid, Celestia and Luna try again the negociations and this time the actually sign a treatey declaring the end of the war with no victor and the the re-unification of the nation that once was called Ponyland into something new and thus the founding of Equestria, then at the momment of electing a new head of state, almost all the ponies elect Both Celestia And Luna to be the next queens of the land but they at first won't acept, after some time convincing them and showing them that the ponies actually need their guidance they will acept... under one condition: They will be not Queens of the new country, The highest royality title they will take will be Princeess at most because if there was a true Queen of the Ponies that was the late Queen Harmony
This was pretty good! I can't wait for more
Celestia needs braces!
DENTAL PLAN
I was mucho enthralled by this interesting and unique idea.
...This needs to be an episode. Seriously, this could be a world builder type thing.
I'm sorry you don't feel qualified to do it-- I think that you could with time. This story is pretty good, enjoyable, and I didn't spot many glaring mistakes. Celestia was well characterized.
Not bad! :)
You are qualified to write this please continue the story.
The little school fillies who would be gods, and the six ponies whose descendants would wield the Elements of Harmony.
By the holy name of Faust I command you to continue this story at once!
i.imgur.com/wJAqs.jpg
All of my yes...
So you aren't planning any followups to this?
Continue this!
Um... that is, if you want to.
Finally I have time to read and comment!
The story: only one nitpick: the Sun thing. Celestia having a power with global impact SO flies in the face of the premise about her being just an awkward teen. Do make note that she only changes how the Sun looks like in the neighborhood or something.
Comments to author notes:
First, decide: either Celestia's friends are Mane 6 with names changed, or they are a different set of EoH. The idea that every Element of Loyalty we know is a pegasus high-speed flier is really dumb.
Second, IMO involving such overt elements as the EoH would ruin the potential a continuation may have otherwise. I mean, let me show some ideas as to what the storyline could be like:
Discord is basically crying for attention by acting out. Look at me, I'm so funny! Look at me, I'm so random! Look at me, I'm a cruel evil mastemind. I'm the bucking Spirit of Chaos, look at me!!! Downscaling him to mortal level is trivial. He's a delinquent, possibly drop-out or gang leader. Trixie's asshole older brother*, except he opens his act with turning people's hair green, while she only does that when you critisize her performances. And of course, his name isn't Discord, Spirit of Chaos, he just wants people to call him that. Alicorn, or some uncommon hybrid like part-dragon or part-goat, forther humanizing him by giving him a relateble reason to have turned out the way he did. Maybe throw in a gang of similar outcasts.
* Not necessarily actual brother, I'm just illustration the point.
Luna's thing isn't hard either, but murder doesn't fit. She could be depressed and lonely. She could try to get attention by using her power to summon the night sky whenever anyone expresses the slightest interest. She could fall in with a bad crowd, Discord's gang, and join their... "performances". She could be jelous of Celestia's perceived popularity, be angry when Celestia doesn't help her escape attemps when she's grounded, but stops them instead.
And of course her betraying Discord would be essential to him eventually getting carted off to jail/corrective facility. After a lengthy campaign and escalation of conflict, of course. Oh yeah, to include her you'd have to make her older, as far as I can tell she's in first grade here.
Chrysalis impersonates ponies, seduces their boyfriends and ruins their relationships. No team-up with Discord. Or not include her at all, whatever.
Third, I don't think anyone would actually buy this as a prequel to the canon. High schools are modern. Canon is steampunk. There is 1000 years between canon and any prequel involving Luna. It just doesn't add up. Just have a high school AU with some events mirroring canon or presumed struggles One Thousand Years Ago.
This was really interesting, I like the idea of Celestia going through the gawky phase of high school and honestly I wouldn't mind maybe seeing some more. Maybe Luna gets in a fight with a classmate about Celestia and she has to help defuse it? I think seeing her go into the student government too could be fun and perhaps help her come out of her shell and become more confident with herself. Even if you disagree with your talents I think you could do a really great job with the idea of making this a longer thing.
five moustaches outta five
845490 "Third, I don't think anyone would actually buy this as a prequel to the canon. High schools are modern. Canon is steampunk. There is 1000 years between canon and any prequel involving Luna. It just doesn't add up. Just have a high school AU with some events mirroring canon or presumed struggles One Thousand Years Ago."
1,000 years before cannon is when Luna was banished. The two of them could have been around for thousands of years before that. The civilization that teenage Celestia is in could have been as advanced or even more advanced than our own.
As for what happened to it... Could have been their equivalent of a nuclear war. Using both technology and magic.
Wouldn't be any trace left of their civilization after that. Eventually the survivors rebuilt, but at a primitive level then. Stone knives and plant clothes.(plant clothes means taking plants and wrapping them around yourself then)
Then -much- later you have the events of Hearth's Warming Eve. The ponies creating their land. Then Discord showing up.
Princesses fight him off and get the job as rulers. Celestia does her best to suppress any learning of things that could lead to high-magitech. She does not want the war happening again. Luna agrees with her. Magitech learning is hidden.
1152774
Point the first: look at the date of the post you responded to. Yeah.
Point the second: read the author's notes in the blog, I was responding to to those here. The idea was that those mane 6 expies were the ones who helped send Luna to the moon.
Haha, this is very nice. I'd totally watch you if you continued it
So Celestia had her own Elements of Harmony team?
Mind=Blown
And this is where the name Trollestia was born.
Story has potential. It reads well. I think it would be better to focus on the school years and end it with her coronation as Princess rather than taking it through to the elements and Discord.
The official canon is inconsistent with itself. No need for you to be consistent with it.
Could u...make, like, a sequel were it goes through Celestia's school year? llike, i really enjoyed this! and when i finished readin i wanted more
I'm really sad to see that this -
A) hasn't got that many likes and
B) is ending here.
there is so much potential here to become one of the best stories on the site, it makes me sad to hear that potential will never be realized.
1846871 Nothing's stopping you from writing it.