Go check out the sequel: After The Mistletoe
With Hearth's Warming Eve just around the corner and ponies out buying gifts for those held dear to their hearts Ponyville is abuzz with activity. As Pinkie holds a small party with a secret Santa Hooves
And a certain draconian resident of Ponyville found the wait for the holiday that before now had seemed out of reach.
Yep, Spike could tell that it was going to be a good day.
Edited by TwilightSparkleBestPony
With my lovely friend who help me write this Jade Crossroads
Chapters (1)
Okay, I'm gonna be the first to say this...
This story needs an editor. Within the first two paragraphs I found at least seven mistakes grammatically. Sadly I won't really be able to help you much since I have no internet at my house. All you really need to do though is ask for help through the description and somebody's bound to help sooner or later.
I won't dislike the story because of the errors. Those are easily fixed. In fact I want to like it; the concept seems nice and the writing would have been great. All this story needs is a little TLC.
This story has potential. I mean, it's an interesting concept, however the pacing and grammar seriously needs some work. If those were fixed, it would probably be a good read.
If I didn't know any better, I think you made a Spaceballs by Mel Brooks reference.
Am I correct?
6698862 Yes it is i just love that movie so much it one of my favorites and I hate that I can remember all the jokes it makes it harder to re-watch the movie!
6698911
Very true.
6698862 the countdown yes it is I remember that scene as well
6699641
What's YOUR favorite scene?
6699753 dark helmet surrounded by a holes! XD
I think you mean Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue, because she has First Edition autographed copies of all the others. Great story, though.
I was expecting a kiss on the lips.
"Wait! Six? What happen to seven?." Sweetie Belle asked.
'Just kidding, seven'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Loved the Spaceballs reference!
Second sentence
Later on
Good idea, horrible typos. Not the worst I've seen mind you , but being better than a French speaker without an editor using Google Translate is a low bar that I'm glad to say most people are high above.
So grab spike throw him out the window. And replace him with button mash.
This is a sweet story but I want to point out a few things, and I hope I'm not being too harsh.
First, it would be good to establish who is in the scene, which I was confused about in the beginning.
Second, I think there could be a bit of tension and build-up with the mistletoe scene.
Last of all, I have noticed a few errors such as repeated words, grammar, and such.
Keep up the great work!