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A hilarious Hearth's Warming Eve story of the first gift Twilight Sparkle gave to Princess Celestia.
Made just in time for Christmas.
I enjoy people giving me feedback, so do give me some if you can.
Note: This story has recently been rewritten. And the original chapter has been deleted and replaced.
Proofread by kalash93 (a very special thanks to by the way).
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story has recently been rewritten. And the original chapter has been deleted and replaced. So sadly all past comments have been deleted along with the recent chapter.
My greatest apologies to everypony who commented.
Daaaaawww. Filly twilight is best filly.
That was so sweet.
7616379
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
I hope Dr Wolf makes a dramatic reading of this at Christmas time. That'd be so awesome.
Hhhhhhmmmm I guess while it is not my favourite story, I can't help myself but admit that this is a really nice piece.
, something a story bearly manages.
I nearly got the feels again
7958228
That's wonderful to know.
And I hope you got a good laugh too from what Twilight did, and with Celestia giving the prize of best Hearth's Warming gift to Twilight and her family for it? LOL!
This was really funny Christmas story
Nice job!
7966661
Thank you. I hope this even gets seen by fan fic readers like Scribbler or DRWolf001, and get a dramatic reading. Or even better, get seen by Hasbro, and be made into an episode.
BTW Thank you for adding this story of mine to your favorites.
7966929 No problem! It would be neat to see Drwolf read this I might send it to him and see if he does read it.
7967671
I've always wanted to see my stories being turned into a dramatic reading, especially by dramatic readers like Dr Wolf.
If you could, that will be awesome.
BTW Thanks for the follow, and for adding my other story, A Pop Star, a Princess, and a Prisoner to one of your lists.
7967692 I haven't finish the other story but I was tracking it since it started and forgot about it for a while. And then I finally notice that I wasn't following you so I had to because I like both of these stories.
wearing a diaper with pink bunnies on it.
Uh, oh. I know where this is going. Leave a part of yourself, huh?
Err, review coming up. I just wanted to keep track of spelling errors here, since there are a bunch but not too many.
1. then walk out of the nursery, (walked)
2. little daughters (daughter's. The ' is always needed to indicate possession. Without it, the word would mean there are several Twilights.)
3. as to why Twilight was wearing a different Diaper, (diaper) [well now that you mentioned it three times I have no doubt anymore that I was right. Being more subtle would help here]
You also have to watch your punctuation. You don't do enough commas (although this is generally better than doing too many!) One specific flaw you repeat is to end the first part of a split direct speech with a dot instead of a comma. Whenever the part in between speeches is not a full sentence, like here “Oh, thank you.” Twilight Velvet said. then a comma is the way to go (after the 'you').
Edit: Alright, here's the review.
7994675
I just corrected the errors.
Also, I just read your review. 13/100? That is just cold!
7994884
Sorry... but it is the Blunt Review Group. This is kind of the danger of submitting fics there.
I also tried to make it clear that the biggest problem was that I don't like the emotion this story tries to make me feel – for others who do, it could be much better.
7995802
I know. But at least I'm learning from it.
BTW I did some adjustments to the description, and to some of the punctuation at the start to where Toddler Twilight presents her gift to Twilight Velvet. I didn't do too much at the risk of making it worse than before. If it's not too much trouble, you could check it out.
I'll also comment on the review soon to give other information.
A pile of shit.
That was the Best gift.
*laughs*
But I your story, not shit, it is very good indeed.
8011282
I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks.
8011755
Hey, what can I say but you're welcome?
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/211585/reviewers-caf/thread/308771/reviews#comment/5847011
8013758
You know, you're the third person that has reviewed this story. And you have almost the same response as the others before you. I don't mind criticism, but what really irritates me is how they say it has rough spots, and grammatical problems. But none of them, including you say how. You don't say what are the rough spots, or what and where the grammatical problems are so that I may be able to try and fix them, especially since all those times I looked at it and corrected all and any misspellings.
I don't want to sound like I can't take any criticism, but how am I supposed to improve and fix anything if I don't know how to and where to look?
8013851
Alright, patsan, PM me the fic and I'll give it a proofreading myself.
8013888
Uhh...okay.
Review: 10/10
Simple, short, nice, funny, charming, witty.
good grammar, simple plot, (even for children).
Good job.
You get a cookie.
8027159
Do I get a cookie?
8403006
No
8403867
Aww...