PERHAPS I ACTUALLY WRITE GOOD COMEDY THIS TIME
“So, did everypony have an awesome fun time or what?” Pinkie leaped into a chair at the dinner table where her sisters had seated, blankly staring at each other. Pinkie grinned excitedly, eager to hear what they thought about the Apple family. They all turned to her as she adjusted herself on the seat.
“Pft, that was a terrible Hearth's Warming and you know it,” Limestone hissed, rolling her eyes. “If they hadn’t put Holder’s Boulder back for us, I’d never let them on my farm again!” She slammed her hoof on the table. Marble jumped back at the sudden gesture, and Pinkie deflated. It wasn’t that bad, was it? The dinner had been wonderful, with rocks that never tasted better! And the obsidian was so well hidden, everypony must have had a blast looking for it. Sure, Applejack ruined the farm, but it’s not like they couldn’t fix it, right?
“It wasn’t that bad,” said Maud. Limestone’s eyes widened, turning to Maud, who simply stared back at her.
“Are you kidding? Those Apples were some lame excuse for -” Maud blinked at Limestone. “But they -” Maud tilted her head. Limestone sighed, turning to Pinkie. “Okay, okay. I know you wanted our families to bond or something, and I know you’re friends with Applejack. So, I’m sorry I got so pushy about it, okay?” Pinkie grinned, waving a hoof in dismissal.
“Oh, it’s fine. We had a rocky start, but in the end, we’re happy friends and that’s all that matters!” She was just glad everything turned out right in the end, even if the farm took a bit of a beating. Huh, there was confetti everywhere. She’d have to get that checked. Marble carefully brushed confetti out her mane, while Limestone settled on shaking them off with a whip of her head.
“How was the start rocky?” Maud asked. Limestone and Marble froze, eyeing Pinkie Pie.
…
Oops.
“I… I meant… It’s just… an expression! We started off rough…”
Blink.
“Uh… jagged…”
Blink.
“Bumpy?”
Blink.
“Bad! We started off bad! Not that rocks are bad. That’s not what I meant!” Pinkie nervously grinned, trying to read Maud’s expression. Was she mad? She couldn’t be mad about that, right? It was just a little expression from Ponyville she heard… Maud breathed in, then out. That was bad! Definitely bad! Maud was so angry with her she might-
“Mm-hmm. It was kind of bad,” Marble muttered, as if to herself. Limestone nodded in agreement, and Maud turned her stare to Marble. Pinkie sighed in relief, Maud’s anger redirected away from her. She wiped the sweat off her forehead, flicking it away. Limestone growled at her.
Oops.
“What?!” Marble burst out, panic on her face as Maud stared at her. Limestone forgot about the rain of sweat, surprised at her outburst. Pinkie sighed in relief again, pulling out a rock to wipe her sweat. “I’m sorry!” Maud simply stared as Marble took quick and shallow breaths.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know!” Marble burst out in tears, slumping onto the table. Pinkie glanced at Limestone, who shrugged. Slowly, Maud stood up and walked to Marble’s side, gently stroking her mane to comfort her.
Pinkie coughed.
“Oookay. So… that happened. Um… Oh, Marble, what did you think of the Apples?” Pinkie looked to her hopefully, an impossibly large grin on her face. Surely, she’d have something good to say, right? If anypony would have something good to say about the Apples… or at all, it’d be Marble! Marble slowly stopped sniffling, eventually looking up.
“I really liked that Big Mac. He was… uh, cool.” Marble blushed, looking away towards a display cabinet. Limestone snorted.
“Ugh, really? You actually liked that guy?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“You don’t have a crush on him, do you?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I swear, you two better not have been making out on my farm during the flag finding mission.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“You’re not listening to me, are you?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I get your dinner for the next week.”
“No.” Marble didn't miss a beat. Limestone grunted, muttering to herself.
“When did Apple Bloom get her cutie mark?” Maud asked. Pinkie blinked, surprised at Maud’s interest.
“Oh, it was a while ago, the Crusaders helped a schoolmate named Diamond Tiara understand her cutie mark, which I thought was super weird, cause’ I thought you earned a cutie mark by understanding what your talents were! But then Twilight said that apparently ponies could get confused as to what they’re supposed to use that talent for! I mean, can you even -”
“Diamonds are made of carbon. Carbon's a mineral. Minerals make up rocks.” Maud cut Pinkie off. Pinkie raised a brow. Maud stared.
“Yes… they are? Uh…” Pinkie rubbed her chin, trying to think of something to say.
“So how’s your rocktorade coming along?” Marble asked. Maud considered the question.
“It’s very rocky.” Maud said. Marble looked to Pinkie, confused. Pinkie shrugged.
“And… Is that… a good thing?” Pinkie asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Maud asked. When her sisters didn’t respond, choosing to glance at each other awkwardly, she continued. “I’ve made a lot of new friends there. They really like my poetry.”
“You? Friends? That’s a bit hard to swallow.” Limestone chuckled, grinning at Maud. Maud blinked. “Hey, come on, it was just a joke!"
“No one visits this farm. You don’t have friends either.” Pinkie gulped at Maud’s response.
“Hey, one of us has gotta run this farm instead of running off and disappointing pa!” As Maud’s eyes slightly widened, Limestone bit her lip, instantly regretting her words. Pinkie ground her teeth nervously.
“You are the most qualified to spend the rest of your life doing labour,” Maud spoke mildly. Limestone's eyes flared at Maud, who stared back as if she hadn't said anything. Pinkie silently stood up from her seat and glanced at Marble, who seemed equally scared.
“Hey, you saying I’m stupid? I know sarcasm when I see it. Don’t think you can go and insult me!” Limestone growled.
“Sarcasm is a tone of voice. You can’t see it.” Maud responded.
“Mm-hmm.”
“You want a piece of this?” Limestone shouted at Marble, shaking a hoof at her. Pinkie quickly grabbed Marble, lifting her above her head.
“We’ll be going now! Have fun, you two!”
“But you’re supposed to jump in after the hooffight to stop us.” Maud said. Pinkie quickly shook her head, dashing out of the dining room and up the stairs.
In Marble’s room, she and Pinkie sat, listening to the growls and screams of the fight down below. Well, Limestone’s growls and screams; Maud didn’t usually express pain or anything.
“You’ve gotten a lot stronger.” Marble's surprise at her strength was evident, and Pinkie blushed, giggling.
“It kind of comes and goes. Bit annoying, really. I was lifting this huge rock one time, and suddenly I was like, ‘Oh, wait, this is too heavy’, and I dropped it right on top of myself!” Pinkie acted out her story, and the two burst into laughter. Marble’s giggles stopped when Limestone let out a particularly loud roar, which was suddenly cut off. The two sat there, waiting for any more sounds of fighting.
“At least they didn’t break anything.” Marble muttered. The sound of porcelain smashing into pieces sounded out. Pinkie gasped.
“You jinxed it!” She grabbed Marble by the shoulders, shaking her. “I told you not to jinx things!”
“Mm-hmm.” Marble admitted, blushing. Eventually, she stood up, turning to the door.
“I think we should check on them. Sounds like they’re done fighting.” Marble suggested, heading out the door. Pinkie quickly shook her head, causing Marble to giggle.
“I’ll go down and check, okay? I’ll tell you if it’s safe to come down. We’ve got some leftover soup.” Marble trotted out when Pinkie nodded, nervously watching Marble exit, who rolled her eyes at Pinkie on the way down.
Pinkie waited.
More waiting.
Wow, when did Marble get a rock collection?
Maybe she should go down anyway.
Marble and Limestone were lying on the ground as Maud sipped some leftover soup. Shattered fragments of a bowl were scattered near Limestone’s head.
“What happened here?” Pinkie asked Maud, cleaning the shards of porcelain with her mane.
“I killed them. Oops.” Pinkie suddenly froze from her cleaning. Maud glanced back at her, before sipping from her soup. Pinkie burst out into laughter. Maud sipped from her soup again.
“Omigosh, I never told the girls you had a sense of humor!” Pinkie rolled on the ground, laughing. Maud, took another sip of soup.
“What do you mean?” Pinkie stopped, hearing confusion in Maud's voice.
“You said you killed them.”
“Yea. Boulder helped.”
“And there’s your sense of humor!” Maud blinked. Pinkie grinned.
“They’re dead.”
“But… You… You’re kidding, right?” Maud sipped from her soup before responding.
“They’re dead.” Pinkie bit her lips, stuttering. She suddenly dashed to Limestone, screaming in her ear.
“Wake up! This isn’t funny!” She jumped to Marble, slapping her across the face.
“Get up! I’ll tell you where I hid your present!” Pinkie held her breath, waiting for them to respond.
...
“They’re dead.” Slurp. “Want soup?” Pinkie stared at Maud incredulously.
“They… They’re dead! And all you can think of is soup?” Pinkie shouted. Maud blinked.
“I already said they’re dead. Three times. Want soup?” Tears filled Pinkie’s eyes, before she burst into sobs. Grabbing Limestone and Marble, she weeped.
“Marble! You were my favourite sister!” Maud blinked. “Limestone! You were my least favourite sister!” Slurp. “How could this happen to me?” Pinkie dashed out of the house, screaming for ma and pa.
Slurp.
“Got eem.” Limestone burst out laughing as Maud smiled.
“I can’t believe she fell for it! I told her we’d get her back for all those pranks one day!” Maud didn’t respond. Limestone sat up to see her prodding Marble.
“She’s gone. We got her.” Maud said to Marble. Limestone stood up, walking over to Marble.
“Marble?” Maud prodded her.
“You seriously think that’s going to work on us?” Limestone rolled her eyes, walking over to pour herself some soup.
“She’s dead.”
“Yea, no.”
“I’m not joking.” Limestone glared at Maud, who looked scared, gently shaking Marble.
Maud doesn’t look scared.
“Y-you’re serious?” Maud nodded, turning her attention back to Marble. Limestone rushed out the door, shouting for ma and pa.
“Got eem.”
…
“Marble?”
“Marble, stop it.”
Maud stood up, walking to her bowl of soup.
Slurp
Slurp
“Want soup?”
Slurp
Slurp
“Marble.”
It wasn’t like there was a plausible reason Marble would actually be unconscious right now. Maud waited, sipping on her soup some more.
Pinkie did hit her on the head.
“Marble, please.”
“Marble!”
…
Maud ran out, screaming for ma and pa.
…
…
…
Pinkie shot out from the living room, fuming.
“Are you serious? How’d you know I was waiting for you to get up?”
…
…
“Get up.”
“Get up.”
“I’m going to drink all of the soup.”
…
Pinkie gulped, before running out the door.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
“What in the name of Celestia does ‘got eem’ mean?” Marble stood up, rubbing her head. “Where is everypony? Ugh, why does my head hurt so much? Soup!” She jumped up, grabbing the bowls of soup and drank happily, forgetting about her headache.
Her sisters burst in with their parents, all panicking. She blinked at them.
“Uh, got eem?” They grunted at her.
“Want soup?”
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Walk in, expecting genuine heartwarming with side of funnies.
Walk out, amused but vaguely disappointed.
6567526
Well, that happened. The Pies aren't so bright, are they?
That got a little hard to follow. When you were writing, you stopped posting who was saying what, and putting in how others were reacting. It was not too much of a problem at first, but it started getting confusing at the argument of who was saying what. I actually had to go back and re-read it because I at first thought Limestone was calling Maud stupid.
This was so awesome! I was laughing so hard
6567967 Thank you!
It wa a bit on the confuding side. I wouldn't mind having seen limestone and AJ hoof it out in yard after holder boulder fell
Confusing at parts on who said what. Still, funny.
Not bad. Good slice of life elements.
But really needs some editing. Never be afraid of dialogue tags. The conversations were a bit hard to follow in certain parts.
6568221
6568067
6567603
I did some editing to make it more clear. Not sure if it's enough. Thanks for reading my story and leaving feedback!
A little hard to follow, and how was Marble suddenly downstairs and part of the fistfight? She got carried off to her room for safety, remember?
6570372 She went downstairs to check on them after someone smashed a bowl. Pinkie went down later.
That was fun. xD
It was a bit confusing at times. It was extremely difficult to tell who said what, and what exactly was happening at the end.
6576476 Hm, could you point out areas where it's hard to tell who said what? I've received many comments about this, and I've added dialogue tags to show who's saying what, but it's apparently still confusing, and I'm not sure where. It would be great help, thanks!
6576482
Here, for instance. The way the line is structured implied that it was Pinkie who spoke, when it was actually Marble.
6576516 Hm, I thought the fact that Pinkie blushed at a compliment would imply that said compliment is being directed at her, not said by her. But checking this site's writing guide, it seems action tags have to explicitly involve the speaker.
Thank you! I'll see if there are other instances I do this.
when they where doing the prank with playing dead it was a bit hard to recognize who was speaking. but otherwise good story
Great story.
Alright so Marble got knocked out for real then, if by accident. Even Maud thought she was in the next life and broke stoic nature and freaked out, that was kind of funny actually. XD