Its been too long since I last read FoE, should really restart some of my favorites over again so I can remember them better and comment some more useful stuff.
Pretty nifty trick with the orange text by the way!

Nitpicks:
" quickening my pace to trot to catch up to our guard." Think you are missing an "a" here.
"She followed in silence as the guard led us through narrow walkways and and across swinging gantries" You have an "and" too many here.
"Beyond it was a thick Warren of flakboards" Don't know why you are using a capital letter here.
" switching on my pip-buck lamp" Had to look this one up, but the P and B in Pip-Buck is capitalized just like the I in Iphone.
" “Not even for a second." You lack a " to end this sentence.
"looking away.." You have a period too many here.
"Jerry nodded and her head whipped down to the pistol holster. She brought it back up, eyes locked on the door." Wait did she not say that she had forgotten her pistol earlier?

“For two, you have a gun,” I said, pointing at her holster. Jerry looked down and then backed up sheepishly.
“I… I forgot…”

I must admit that it have been too long since I last read this story, so I can't remember if she had a bigger weapon (that counted as the gun) or not.
Telling would spoil the fun, now wouldn't it? I would put this as a spoiler, as you can see is it a (semi) fun meta joke

11144672
Thanks for your help! I made the corrections with the exception of the pistol. She forgot she had one, she didn't forget the gun somewhere. But thanks. :)

Aww it saddens me that I only now realize that this story haven't been updated for 2 years :/

11783846
I hit writer's block VERY hard. I have most of the plot planned AND a sequel, but filling in the in-between gaps is the hard part. I did write a bit more of chapter 14 earlier this year. But then I got married. Then I was hospitalized. Its been a crazy year.

I am still slowly working on it though.