Twilight has been having trouble sleeping. As Princess of Friendship, it is normal that she leads a busy life, but when she starts waking up at night for no apparent reason, things get serious. Although she insists she is fine, Twilight has also become prone to sudden bouts of sadness, almost as if something has been taken away from her.
And that isn't the only thing she has started experiencing...
NOTE! The poem referenced is Antigonish.
Not needed to understand the story, but I strongly recommend you check it out.
Written for the Weekly Prompt (Lost) of the Hazardous Writing Materials and Challenges group.
Chapters (4)
I liked this. Have a mustache
6371199 Thanks :D Glad you enjoyed :)
Interesting concept. I like it!
6371524 Thanks :D
Really like using Greek myths :) (especially since mlp has so much of them already :))
Short and sweet, just what I like. I hope this makes its way into the featured box, so it can get the recognition it deserves.
For Ikelos to have revealed himself to you, you must have waned something quite a lot."
wanted
Each time woke without a reason, she was actually letting Fancy enter Equestri.
she awoke, Equestria
"It alright." Twilight felt a sudden urge to cry again. Her pain was deep, and it would take time to heal completely.
It's
"Well, maybe a bit at first," she ruffled his mane. "But I'll get to it.
used to it.
Easy enough fixes, should only take you a minute or two, have a nice day!~
6371587 Flutters! :))
Very glad you enjoyed, and thanks for spotting all those :D (maybe I should follow Spike's advice and sleep more... :))
Noon! Sorry, I pressed the wrong button :(((
Writing here, while I try to fix this mess I made :((
BBkat was kind enough to point a broken tag... And while trying to reply I deleted the comment :((( (sorry again, BBkat, and really thanks for the find :))
Very Good, thinking outside the box. A very unique story. If you wanted, you could turn this into a longer serial story.
6371777 Thank you :)
It's always possible, although have my hands full at the moment.
Who knows, maybe at some point <spoiler-spoiler> might appear elsewhere as well :D
6371725
Ah you're welcome.
And I'm not to worried about the deleted post, shit happens.
6372459 :))) Thanks. :) Twice :D
I... Wow great read. The fun part is imagining twilight introducing her however I'd son to her friends and family. That and possibly finding someone to give Fancy a sister or brother.
6373521 :) Thanks.
That definitely would be interesting... Or scary :D
Technically there might be a new CMC :)
6373593 ... A cmc with dream abilities..... Oh lord.....
6373631 :) And knowing Twilight, she'll also insist on school :) And that allows for all sorts of possibilities.
(I love creating theories way too much... O:))
Holy crap, this was brilliant.
6374410 Thank you :))
Happy you enjoyed :D
My gosh. It's beautiful.
Okay, you've successfully combined elements of mystery, touching on concepts of the dream world vs wakefulness, a lot of emotion building, a nice story path, and a truly interesting character. Nicely done!
Only negatives I can see are a few formatting issues. Here are the ones that I can quickly recall:
Chapter 1 has a spot that starts thing off well with what it's doing, but stumbles with where it's going.
(Replace doing with going)
Also in this chapter, there is a mystery about a Mr. e that was replaced with an r.
(Replace r with e. Also, with a minor formatting change, the lines should look like this)
But these are few enough that they don't take away from the tale. I still recommend an editor/copious re-readings if you self-edit.
For the tenderness and emotion present in the piece, the like is earned. For the originality in the concept, as well as possible future developments, you've earned the favorite!
Looking forward to more.
6375355 Thanks :D
The myth did most of the work for me :) a Glad you enjoyed :))
6375862 you're welcome.
6375526 Thanks for finding all those :))
Currently I attempt to self edit (especially for training/contest prompts), though there are issues with that O:)
This was originally meant to be a one shot, but grew a bit :) (tend to create lore/backstory elements a lot, even if most of them don't end up on paper/screen :))
Very glad you enjoyed :D there might be a sequel at some point in the undefined future :)
(Insert 'I liked that. Another!' Meme here.)
That was amazing. You couldn't just guess at the plot and the characters reasoning were sound. Maybe we could get a sequel or a prequel...PLEASE AMAZING AUTHOR PLEASE I NEEDS THIS TO BE A THING. That is all.
6377498 :)) Thanks :D
Sequel... Maybe somewhere, sometime O:)
Prequel - two words: "Prince Blueblood" :D
I'm speechless. SERIOUSLY! This story was so moving!
6378057 Thanks :) Very much appreciated :D
Glad it resonated with you. :) As every other story, on my part, it's pure experimentation O:)
6378097 Oh? Well then, keep on experimenting! Who knows what may come out in the end?
6378102 :D I never know before it happens :P
6377715 *narrows eyes* eye don't know what you mean by prince Blueblood
)
(Did you see what I did there
6380300 Weeeell, it was mentioned he is related to Celestia in some way (canon I think?)
So, how did that happen? *dramatic music* :)
6380340
omfg I need this to be a thing.
Well, Lisa your fanfics are starting to improve. However, I love this story. I like the concept of dreams v.s reality.
Here have five mustache.
6384369 Thanks :D It's definitely thanks to all the comments and advice I've been getting :) (and reading great works here :))
That's a massive number of mustaches... :)
6384484 Yay! :) Thanks for the kind words.
You're right about the climax. Could have made the reveal a bit longer, but at that point started messing things more by ad didn't, so decided to stop it there O:)
Love creating worlds though :) From he that to be the best part of creating the story :D
This was very well done, Lise. It began with me genuinely afraid for Twilight's mental state, and ended with implications that we could ponder for a great long time. Spike being so worried about Twilight and bringing Luna was a nice touch. Thank you for sharing this work with us.
6385260 Ah, thank you :)))
Being the first person to welcome me to FimFiction, means a lot that you enjoyed :)
Indeed, it leaves a lot of open possibilities. Hopefully someday will develop them further :D
This was a very great story. Imma have to post a blog about this fic. Because this needs more attention
6385396 Wow, thank you :)
Very glad you enjoyed :D
6378104 I know this wasn't supposed to be an actual story but a one-shot but it would be nice to see a sequel to this story as it was captivating and was something I have never seen of before, so it would be really nice to see a sequel.
Kind regards, Lord_razor
6385396 you know what I think I may do the same thing as this does need more attention than what it's getting.
6386807 :) well I've jotted down some notes, but really shouldn't promise anything.
Currently still working on getting another promised sequel going, and keeping up with training prompts (my writing was a mess before those O:))
Notes that include: School, the CMC, and a crush :)
No idea when will return to them, though :(
I kinda thought that was what was going on, but I'm glad I don't have the whole story yet.
Along with the missing plural, you might want to change that to "can get". There's some bits of dialogue in this that just don't sound quite right, and that's one of them.
Interesting use of mythology there. :)
A really strange concept, but I like this story. I'd suggest learning ways to slow down your pacing, though, because the last two chapters especially feel like we're rushing through the narrative.
6401018 Wow! Thanks, Perfect :D
Honored you enjoyed the concept :) (Ikelos sounded like a perfect fit :))
Very guilty about the pace rushing (and mistakes) :( Tend to do that on practice shorts in order to get some experience and improve in the process (thus the hits and misses).
Many thanks again for reading this and hope to be able to catch your eye with a future work sometime :)
I'll save my comments for the end, but here are a few errors I noticed:
"caused"
Repeated
6401431 Thanks for the catch :)
"Lots of lots of" was deliberate :) (though not sure if it's still used... o:))
Hope you enjoy :D
"thought"
"forming"
As someone else pointed out, "artists can" would fit better.
"thought"