I'm a ordinary guy at school, nothing special. As I moved into town, I had to go to Canterlot High school, where I met the most wonderful girl, Sunset Shimmer. There is a jerk named Flash Sentry, and some other five awesome gals. But what I want to do the most, is protect this girl.
At a ordinary day in class, Cheerilee signs up a task that involves two people to pretend to be a married couple and experience the feeling of how tough it is to be in a relationship with another person. I got to team up with my new crush, Sunset Shimmer. As I continued to hang out with Sunset more often, something more sparks between us.
Story edited by Seventh Heaven
Chapters (8)
My crush is Sunset. Or rather my waifu. Continue along.
Sunset Shimmer, you are awesome. I also have to say this story is similar to TheNewYorkBrony's Oh Baby! story. You should ask him for permission just in case you get accused of ripping the story off him. And if you already did ask, make sure you put that in your description so people won't accidentally frame you for idea snatching.
It's good so far, but this isn't second person point of view.
This is first person, using "I" and "me." Second-person uses "you" and "your."
Hmm. This chapter felt kinda rushed.
I really like the idea for this story, and I believe this is a good start. The only problem is that you're constantly switching from 1st and 2nd person perspectives. You already stated that this is a 2nd person perspective story, all you need to do is change around a few words to fit the 2nd person view and this 1st chapter would look great!
Comma in title is unnecessary. If there is a pause, then make it the triple period. Just a tip :D
This is just a suggestion, but I think you should change the title to 'Married (kind of) to your crush' . It's a really good story though!
I think he should still believe this is all an elaborate joke. I wouldn't believe it if my crush told me she was a talking horse with a horn.
This is a bit fast paced and everything seems to be happening way to fast and you kind of just dumped all your exposition all at once and he bought way to fast, I say you need to slow down and add a lot more build up before your pay off
Just like jidbrony said, this seems a little rushed. Other than that the story seems interesting.
6382321 Okay. The story was inspired by a disney show, though.
6384040
6382342
6382472
6382536
6382579
6382751
Thank you. And Thanks for the tips and advice.
Looking forward to reading more of this, my friend.
you sir are awesome. I love that episode of suite life on deck!
i.qkme.me/35m2pn.jpg
this is come along nicely, a little fast paced but that's fine.
6384933 Yes! Somebody Finally got it!
beacontn.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/victory.jpg
6385512 i'm surprised nobody picked up on it. when I first realized it was that episode I automatically that maybe spike would be given out as the child. that would've hilarious in my opinion. and also
I believe it's pronounced "brian surg-eon"
I'm fairly certain that I've been drawn to this story like a moth to a flame, like quite a few others.
I do like the set-up idea, but I agree with some of the others. It'd be a bit more enjoyable if it were paced slower. Give time for details and time to drink in the environment, heheh.
And I noticed a few errors in the chapter, though I'll probably be back to point them out. If you ever want somebody to look them over, I'd be happy to! I tend to do that for people anyway, hyuk.
But hey, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this story'll go! fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/336/5/7/13860064636854_by_blknblupanther-d6whl0i.gif
I like the story, but it seems pretty skeptical that the guy is pretty much believing everything Sunset is saying. If my crush told me he was a talking unicorn with a magical butt tattoo, I wouldn't believe it. I think it should go more into him thinking Sunset is a liar, and more afraid to be around her since those rumors are true.
Other than that, the story is pretty good, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
A few inconsistencies but other wise it needed to be longer. Even I was puzzled how quickly he understood about equestria . It needs a pacing restructure. Story so far has a reasonable foundation. I see stories as buildings if a story had a bad foundation it fails. But, seeing how young the story is it needs just a bit of editing and nuturing. But, if you continue to make these mistakes your building will have many missing joints and the weight of details will collapse the building. This is not a issue at the moment this is a warning don't repeat the same structure twice every floor of the building is different therefore needs to be handled differently depending on where you want to go and what you have done. Hopefully you understand.
6403742 Yes, I do understand. Thank you.
6382579 Heh yeah, thank you.
6382536 Thanks for being honest.
I'll have to work on that. 
6382472 Uh, such a idiot I am.
Flash stalking Sunset?
… I'm scared.
Might wanna run grammar check for the first couple of paragraphs. And Sunset's name is used instead of Rainbow's.
hmmm not bad of a start. I can't wait for sunset to tell him the truth a bout herself (being a pony from a parallel world) that will be something ells
First things first: Flash, you're being a dick, and second, great little chapter. Can't wait to see more.
in my opinion, flash is totally screwed. the reason I say this is that I have a feeling that the main character is hiding something, in the sense that he is a lot more of a badass/fighter type than he lets on. so I curious to see how this pans out
if someone did that to me, this is something i'd do, but not before catching them red handed like they did.
cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMy05OTMyYTVlNWVlY2IxYTdj_517a782a0f9ef.png
6415307 I can piss fairies.
Yep, yep. Uh-huh. Indeed.
Certainly.
6416029
New episode reference.
6417878 Where? I don't remember making one.
keep it up good stuff
6418193 Thank you.
Rainbow wasn't the one who gave them the dare, and since Rarity never specified, Sunset and him didn't have to kiss on the lips.
But excuses, excuses, they wanted it.
Many grammar errors and very rushed.
Otherwise, great job! Here are errors I noticed (red is incorrect):
Expect should be except, and unless this is set in the Friendship Games, it's five friends: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy.
Nothing much, you just need to turn that comma into a semicolon (;).
Uicorn should be unicorn.
Okay, you have a few other minor ones that I didn't mention in this comment, but I'm going to make this the last one. The comma after "species of ponies" needs to turn into a colon. Also, the u and e in unicorn and earth need to be capitalized because you are referring to them as a proper noun. And lastly, the shameful mistake we all sometimes make, the a before alicorn needs to be an an. (You see what I did there?)
Overall, this is a great story, and I hope I helped! Can't wait to see where this goes!
"Tough", by the way, not "tuff".
Also, Rarity, even if you're a big romantic and all, stop stealing Cadence's job.
great chapter and this is why I stopped playing truth or dare with my friends. that actually happened to me once and lets just say I arrived sober and left the next morning not remembering much. from what I remember, my friends knew about my feeling for one of the girls we used to hang out with and they took advantage of the situation.
6418422 Thank you very much!
Fantastic.
6419627 wow, thanks.
6412133 thank you very much!
I Knew sunset was a frisky type of girl XD
God I love comedy romance in the light of the sunset. This is my fav sunset fic at the moment.
40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzm6m4dq2Q1r8f79so10_500.png Fantastic! Again.
6424831>>6425133
I only read the first chapter of that, but I thought it seemed a little bit familiar…