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Sunset Shimmer has been keeping in strong feelings for Twilight Sparkle. And she feels like it's the perfect time to confess them to her. It's a quite night when everyone is sleeping, and they both are all alone. Today is the day when Sunset confesses her true feelings to Twilight.
Reading of this Fanfiction by violentlyirrelevant
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So...do you plan on writing more chapters for this story?
6185500 Oh my mistake, I forgot to add in that This is already complete.
6185781 lol its alright, but you should write more chapters, show how their relationship went during the battle of the bands and afterwards
6186024 Alright, thank you.
Hey, I've noticed the need of proof-reading for this story. Syntax and pacing in stories is my forté. PM me if interested.
This is adorable.
6208966 Sure!
My advice to you as an author is to try and avoid the temptation to delete comments- it rarely reflects well on the story, regardless of its quality.
6240423 Well, It was a lot of arguing, So i decided to delate them.
6240448 Ah, fair enough then, sorry for assuming otherwise.
It's soooo cute adorable and cute
6251300 Thank you.
Aaawww sunset is in love with twilight . That's so sweet.
And for any a holes who hate this comment or story is nothing but a troll. Get a life you troll's.
Why did I get tears? Seriously, WTF eyes? But In general, It was a nice story. Though there are some spelling mistakes...
But otherwise, TEN OUTTA TEN!
6257164 Yeah!
Thank you. 
6257802 Yes, I have some spelling problems, since English is only my third language!
But Thank you very much. 
6259048 your welcome.
6259051 No problem
love itNot bad. Some errors here and there but all in all good story. 8/10
6299746 Thank you very much.
6273487 I hope you don't mind me asking, but what?
6310355
I love it. I just write with the slash through. Sorry if it confused you all.6310355
It really depends on my mood though.6311541 Oh, Sorry then.
Good story overall,
Of course it needs work.
I advise you to get an editor and a proofreader
Or I could just download it and make it into a doc on my kindle and change the errors and fix the places where capitalization was not necessary.
6324366 Thank you.
You would do that?
6324403
I would.
It's always nice to help growing authors like some others do the same for me.
6324409 Wow, Thank you.
6324418
No problem.
I'll go and edit it ASAP
And when im done I'll PM you
Did a reading of this fic, it can be found here:
Hope someone enjoys!
6325476 Thank you so, so much! I feel honored.
Been meaning to get to this one, and it was Totally worth the wait.
Amazing job on one of my favorite ships.
SunsetXTwilight 4 life!
6347940 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
That was such a sweet story.
6324437 Hello, will you still edit the story?
Oh my, this is cute. I like all the EQG kind of stories, especially one's about Sunset. I give it a thumbs up cause it's a short, cute, little ship, but there are a lot easily spotted mistakes. Your capitalization is all over the place, and the dialog itself seems like it's very quick. I'd think a convo like this would have gone in different directions at different topics, it also felt jumpy and anti-climatic when Sunset finally "confessed."
I am not a good writer, but my advice is to make the scene more evident. It's late at night, everyone's asleep, the downstairs is cold and Sunset is the only other person downstairs; we get that. What we don't get is the nervous choke Sunset feels as she's about to give Twilight the blanket, or even the awkward scene of Maud walking in on Twilight and Sunset wrapped in a blanket together in the kitchen. (I dunno, it could've been funny.)
You should also work on the dialog structure. It feels too bland. One minute Sunset is obsessed with Celestia, the next she's obsessed with Twilight. Twilight should've mentioned Celestia, and then Sunset would act like she doesn't care. Twilight would wonder and ask Sunset if there was anyone she cared about and now Sunset is posed with an embarrassing question. If she answers no, then she's a insensitive prick. If she answers yes, then Twilight's gonna ask her and Sunset's gonna stumble over her words nervously like a drunk trying to read Shakespeare, because that's the moment she has to "confess" to Twilight, and explain her reasoning. That's the climax of the story. I'm no great writer, just brain storming here. I like the reasoning behind Sunset's confession, being that Twilight was the only one to forgive her was a pretty solid foundation. I think you just need to give the scene a little more thought.
6374905
yeah, sorry. I just got caught up with school. I'm in 8th grade and i've got a test coming up for my Strings class.
6380562 Oh okay, that's fine.