Hello everypony my name is Shadowblade or Shadow for short. Anyway I'll make this quick because right now I'm being hunted down at the moment. I received an email on my computer from some sick bastard and now I'm in Equestria four thousand years before the show My little pony even started. Celestia and Luna are hunting me down and are probably going to kill me or turn me to stone. Hopefully they will give me time to explain before I die. But Either way all I can say is "This is going to SUCK!!!"
Chapters (3)
Story has good potential, some little things that need fixing in my eyes.
Celestia and Luna seem a tad OOC, with how they troll Shadowblade, and how Luna wants to kill him without reason.
But other than that it seems pretty good.
6369428 Thanks I guess I will fix it up when I have a chance.
Update?
more please! the rage of princess tia must continue!
very good
glad to hear that an update is coming.
Oh great. An update on how there is going to be an update. Thanks.
what
6535368 What's wrong not what you were expecting
Well that kinda ruined it. I actually thought this was gonna be a story, not a troll oneshot. Disappointing. Oh well, goodbye to this story forever
There is a lot more to it the meets the eye. Like I said I have big plans in the future my friend. Stick around until Halloween comes and you'll see what I mean. But like I said before I didn't really have a huge plan for this story but more secrets about Shadowblade and his friendship with Celestia and Luna will be revealed in the Sequel and I am looking for editors and partners if you're interested PM me. And that goes for anyone else that is interested. But I only have two spots if you want to know what my sequel is about then PM me.
I don't like disappointing you guys but really I didn't have a huge long story planned for this and I did try but with the other stories I have been writing lately I couldn't continue so forgive me
6536334 Forgive me for not making this into some epic journey. Like I said I didn't really have a plan for all of this.
6535985 nope it was funny tho
6538240 Well boo
6538918 whaaaaaaa i said it was good
Well then glad you liked it. Hope you'll stick around for the next story.
What's the name for the squeal?
6547483 Well I can't tell you here. PM.
6547690 Gotcha
6541144 what really show me
6616652 Show you what?
6616765 friggin batman
Wow. That was bad. I'm not even sure what to say, so ill just list the story's failings:
1: None of the characters in this story had actual character. Like really, I have seen cardboard cut-outs with more character. Next time you should actually establish characters before having something happen to them, so people actually care.
2: Sudden jump WAY AHEAD in time without explanation. This is always a bad idea, unless it is explained later in the story in some way.
3: Why is the guy suddenly evil 4000 years later? Why was he there in the first place? Why is his name so horribly cliche? Why does the description have jack-shit to do with the story for the most part? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY EVIL?
4: Self insert? With a dull, OP, Cliche, boring character like that? U W0T M80? If you're gonna make a self insert, make the character interesting. It helps a lot.
In conclusion, this story is crap. Not horrible, nor irredeemable. Its has decent spelling, sentence structure is not that bad, and it readable. Hell, given more effort, you could make it pretty interesting. Sadly, that is only the concept, and the currently story itself is crap. It would take a complete rewrite along with a few janitors to fix this one.
I give it a Wattpad/10.
PS: SHOW DON'T TELL.
6659774 Like I said this is only a prequel to what is yet to come and I was going to make bonus chapter's for this cause everyone here is asking the same questions. Why is he evil? Why would someone just put him there without a good reason? Why so far back in time? How did he turn evil?
I said it would be explained in my Sequel. Check out The Displaced it's sequel to this story. Or just wait for the bonus chapter's to come out. And yes I know this is a crap ending to this and yes I had other plans for this in the past but as time went on I changed my storyline.
Spread the word that I'll be making bonus chapter's for this.
6659902 I understand that its a prequel, but that does not excuse the quality. And i see what you intended to do with the 4000 year skip, but with its poor execution, it just looks REALLY REALLY lazy. Also:
SHOW. DON'T. TELL. Its the basics of storytelling.
As i said before, the story can be redeemed with rewrites, or at least a bit of cleanup, so I would recommend looking into that. But hey, I can't tell you what to do, so as long as you are happy with what you have, carry on i guess.
Well well well well well well well well well, I think we found a really, cool, bill cipher.
Subtle bill cipher reference.