Four Ponies & A Time Machine

by SkelePone

Chapter III: Back To The Future?

“We are always getting away from the present moment.”
― H.G. Wells, The Time Machine

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Well that was one helluva ride, eh, Doc?"
"Shut up, Porter."
"Okee then. Sorry for tryna lighten up tha mood. Mister Grumps."

Time Turner was once again at the controls of the time machine, working away noisily. Carnegie Porter was sipping on a new flask of bourbon with equal volume. Derpy Hooves was over in a corner piddling with some empty bottles, trying to keep the others from seeing that she was really trying to desperately fix her walleyes. Roseluck was checking her mane in the mirror propped immediately beside the sealed door. Time Turner had sealed it after Carnegie's little excursion earlier that morning. He didn't trust the drunkard enough to leave it unlocked.

Now it was approaching the noon hour, and they were no closer to getting home than they had been before.

Carnegie Porter had apologized many times when he was in his dreary, depressing semi-sober state, but then would immediately transform into an overly optimistic stallion while in his re-intoxicated state.

Derpy Hooves had been a worried mess, concerned for her adopted daughter, Dinky, and for the Ponyville Post Office where she worked. She was the only one actually moping, her muzzle down and her walleyes wracked with worry.

Roseluck was impassive about the whole shebang. Or at least she seemed so, lounging on the seats in the back of the time machine drinking several martinis that Carnegie had mixed for her. The only thing that she and Porter seemed worried about was their rapidly depleting supply of vermouth for cocktails. But of course, there was still hundreds of bottles and dozens of varieties of alcohol to support them.

Carnegie Porter had offered to go out and look for supplies that were not stolen from a farm, but that simply elicited a dangerous reaction from the already steaming Time Turner. So instead he moped, or tried to. Porter found moping to be exceedingly difficult when one was drunk. And drunk he was. Singing pub songs and swaying to and fro, Carnegie Porter felt especially happy when he was supposed to be sulking. Of course nopony had joined in on his singing, but he didn't mind.

Anypony around him while he was drinking rarely joined in on any of his festivities, unless they too were drunk.

So on Porter sang, with not a care in the world.

"Here's the first!
Sing,
'hup fol-de-rol la la la la'!
Here's the first!
Sing,
'hup fol-de-rol la la'!
He who doesn't drink the first,
shall never,
ever quench his thirst!
Here's the first!" He paused to take a mighty swig of porter.
"Sing,
'hup fol-de-rol la la'!"

The entire machine lurched, and Carnegie Porter burped in surprise, splashing his drink all over his front.

"We have enough energy to make a short leap forward. All we have to do is... there. Currently we are in year 2500 Before Celestia. We can make a leap hopefully up to year 2000 B.C." Doctor Time Turner announced.
"And then what? We'll still be thousands of years in the past-" Rose began, before being interrupted by Carnegie.
"WHAT I wanna know is this. We're in a time machine, right?"
The Doctor nodded hesitantly.
"That you built yourself."
He nodded once again.
"And this is the first time it's ever flown... or driven... or did wibbly wobbly timey wimey... stuff?"
"Just get to the point." Time Turner snapped. He didn't have time for Porter's shenanigans.
"I'm askin' if we're the first ponies to ever time travel without magic."

Doctor Time Turner gulped, brushing a hoof through his dark mane, then straightened his tie. The idiot was right. They were the first non-magical time travelers. None of them were even unicorns.

Time Turner spun around, grasping a stunned Derpy in a hug, twirling about. He was laughing merrily for the first time since he had woken up.

"Derpy! Do you know what this means?!"
"That you're really happy?" Derpy bubbled, laughing with him.
"No! We're time travelling!"

---

"So Derpy. Tell me." Roseluck said slyly in a hushed voice, leading the pegasus away from the chatting stallions as they worked (or well, Time Turner worked, Carnegie Porter just drank more beer and watched with mild interest).
"Uh huh?" The grey mailmare asked, her crossed eyes full of innocence.
"Do you, ah, fancy Time Turner?"

The pegasus blushed brightly, hiding her smile with a hoof.
"Well... um... yes... he's really handsome... and really nice, too..."
"Well, I like him, too."
Derpy looked at Roseluck with wide eyes, once again filled with worry. Roseluck swore she could hear the little gears turning in the pegasus' brainless noggin.
"So you see, there's kind of a problem here. We can't both have him. I'm a beautiful mare and a florist. What are you? A single mom that works at a post office. Now, I'm sorry," Roseluck whispered to Derpy, not looking the least bit sorry, "but let's be honest here. Who is he really gonna want as his marefriend?"

Roseluck hushed up, still leering at Derpy as a cheery Carnegie Porter approached them.

"'Ternoon ladies. Whatcha talkin' abou'?"
"Oh nothing," Roseluck purred, "just mare stuff."
"Well, ya better buckle up an' grab a beer. We're about ta jump a few hundred years. And this time we aren' gonna be anywhere near as drunk as before."

They got up, each taking a seat at the rear of the chamber. Time Turner remained at the controls, pulling levers and assessing wailing alarms. Suddenly, a klaxon sounded and Porter hugged a large bottle of his namesake, the dark beer already beginning to slosh around.

"Make sure your asses are still on, ladies and gentlecolts." Time Turner announced, "This trip's gonna be a bumpy one."

He flipped a lever and slammed a large button with his hoof. He gripped onto the handrails around the controls with his forelegs, holding on for dear life as the machine started to lurch and shake. Last time, they had all been drunk, as Carnegie had said. Now they were all (minus Carnegie) sober.

To nopony's surprise, the brewer was having the time of his life.

"WHOOOOO!!! Faster faster faster!"

Derpy's eyes spun about their sockets, Roseluck's teeth chattered, Time Turner's entire body shook. And Carnegie Porter chugged beer and hollered for the machine to go faster.

Then, as quickly as it had started, the machine was still again. Derpy unbuckled quickly and flew straight into Time Turner, tackling him in a hug. He patted her back in comfort as he looked to the others.

"Everypony okay?"
"LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!" Carnegie shouted, grinning from ear to ear.
Roseluck nodded, unsure of whether to unbuckle or not. She looked a bit green.
"What year is it?" Rose asked. Time Turner glanced at the date on the dashboard.
"1970 B.C. We've shot a little bit over what I had been expecting. That's good. But now here's the bad part."
Derpy looked up at the Doctor with wide fearful eyes.

"What's the bad part, Doc...?
"We have to go find some fuel."

Comments

[SkelePone]

6361907 One, I'm a bloke. Two, thanks. Three, Carnegie Porter is a ponsona made for me by a friend. You sure you want to kiss Porter?

[StarHorder]

6362019 yes.