Grimm
Joined 21st Mar, 2013 ·
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>grimm wrote my otp
Man. That was actually pretty depressing. Ending hardly assuaged the feels of Soarin's perspective, I still hate Spitfire.
Not that I shouldn't, I don't quite think one chapter can suddenly turn that around. Just feel unsatisfied, I guess.
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Yeah, the ending wasn't meant to suddenly change everything. Those issues run way too deep to vanish after a single morning, but I think it's an important start. It's Spitfire beginning to realise that she's made mistakes, and trying to do something about it if it's not too late.
Not a redemption, and not exactly a happy ending, but I like to think it's a promise of one.
I don't know what, but there's something about this clopfic that makes it different from other clopfics. It makes it...more passionate, deep, and depressing.
Whatever it is, it was enough for me to want to favorite it! Good Job!
But they still need to say it.
6309984
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
6310051
I'm sorry, I don't follow. What did they need to say?
The only time it is too late to mend bridges to close gaps is when one side of the divide is dead. Until then you just have to try.
Though Sorian really should tell her how he feels about her actions. Spitfire doesn't have as much to say, but she should tell him how important he is to her.
I love these "both sides of the coin" type stories. There needs to be more of them.
The sex scene was nicely done as wel, both times we saw it. Me thinks the lady might be more submissive than she let's on.
This was an excellent read. You could really feel the emotion of it all, and that last chapter was excellent - by the end of Soarin's chapter I honestly thought that it was going to go the same way as the rest of their encounters. But it didn't, and in a very believable way as well. As you said, these issues don't just get cleared up overnight.
All in all, an excellent piece of fiction!
You know I actually wouldn't mind seeing this story continued. It would be very interesting to see how their relationship would play out with both of them coming clean with how they really feel for one another, maybe with some bumps along the way. Though I do understand that the story is supposed to end in the manner it did, with an ambiguous outcome by hinting at a change for the better.
But that's just me. It's really hard to find really well written SoarinFire stories.
6310712 Confess their feelings.
9/10
6311153
Ah, I see. They do, but I don't think that'd be something they're just going to come out and talk about after so long. Whether or not it all works out in the end is kinda left up to the reader.
6310814
You know, someone says something like this pretty much every time I publish a oneshot. I can't tell if it's a compliment in that people want to read more, or if I just suck at writing satisfying conclusions... But I always like leaving the endings open, so that the readers can fill in the blanks themselves the way they want to, and so I can go and do something completely different without spending so much time that I burn out on an idea.
6311441 Regardless of 'rutting time', they'll never step up and pony up to say what they feel
I hate to be that one guy, but. . .
Link to the cover art please?
6312545
I'm afraid it's NSFW, or I would have put the source link in, but the artist is drbdnv. Shouldn't be hard to find it on derpibooru as long as you have the right filters on.
My god, your execution of this story was absolutely spot on. Even with the ending, it makes me wonder... what happens next? I love it when a mature story actually takes the time to develop a point.
10/10 A+++++ will read again
6312619 Ah, alright! I'm actually not old enough to view mature content, anyway.
But I always get excited when I see Soarin and Spitfire stories getting featured, considering they are one of my favorite pairings.
Is this a body swap story?
6313983 Nope! Just good ol' fashioned love making!
....
Ok, that's how you handle a sex scene maturely.
Sharing this with Freelania, 'cause she wanted advice on this stuff...
I was not expecting grade 'A' storytelling when I came here. Spot on.
Well, I was uncertain at first but since this is a "mature" tagged story I will stick to my original plan of opening my comment with a series of profanities, please enjoy
Holy fucking shit, this celestiadamn piece is probably one of the best clopfics I ever layed eyes on. People always claim that you can't have good storytelling in porn and then comes a beauty like this around the corner. Suddenly we have porn that isn't just mindless stupid fucking for fucking's sake, but a intresting story, told from different points of view with strong feelings and an ending that manages to feel real while foreshadowing a true happy end after the story.
Fillies and gentlecolts, this is clop done right. And you know why it is? Because you can't seperate it's parts. You have a story that is the reason for the sexy time to happen and the sexy time isn't just there so we can wank to our heart's desire, but to drive the feelings and the plot forward.
This story deserves far more praise than I can give it, but you Grimm wrote something truly remarkable and this is one of the few clopfics I will proudly add to my favorites for all of fimfiction to see.
I hope you have a great day
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Thanks y'all, it means a lot to me. Truth be told, I expected this to be a bit too heavy for most of the usual clopfic crowd, and so I'm glad to see that's not the case at all.
6314475 If anything this is the only sort of fic of this maturity that I enjoy. Things with a point and a vision. You did a superb job.
Finally a story that really stands out, and the fact that it's so short, but sweet really accentuates quality over quantity. Superb work. 10/10, was not expecting feels. derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/3/29/588031__safe_animated_screencap_lyra+heartstrings_hub+logo_doctor+whooves_time+turner_hubble_hub_silly+pony.gif
6314069
But we could have THAT and a body swap!
Wow I...I was not expecting such an emotional fic. You manage to start it out so deceptively, it seems very cute and playful. But as it goes along I start feeling the empty and longing Spitfire has but won't admit and I found myself tearing up and feeling pretty sad at the end of the first chapter...than Soarin's chapter broke me. That was not an easy read, such raw emotion on the page just bleeding through the words. With out a doubt I'd of been an emotional wreck had it not been for the epilogue, giving just that ray of hope for these two and would could maybe be.
Really fantastic work!
*Looks at title and chapters*
...
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/22/606868__safe_ponified_spoiler-colon-s04e22_trade+ya_bioshock_bioshock+infinite_lutece+twins_robert+lutece_rosalind+lutece_artist-colon-9centschange.png
Loved this. Good characterization, but the structure was great. Giving basic signs of a lesser problem, then the hint of a desire for resolution just in to hit us with the harsher chapter that shows it as a deeply unpleasant trap was very nice. Third chapter almost seems optional, as a potential way out for anyone who doesn't just want to leave depressed, but even without it it feels very complete, and deliciously bleak at that. Might even qualify as a small-scale tragedy. One of the better examples of using sex to tell a story I've seen in a while.
Nicely written.
Not exactly positive... but from the last chapter, it seems like things are about to at least start getting better
I was not expecting feels from a clopfic. Masterful work as always.
I would love to see this continued, but I like the ambiguous ending. Gives us some hope, at least, and that's more than I expected after Soarin's chapter.
Fun fact: I've been in a relationship like this... It's a kind of torture.
I was Soarin. Even without the jealousy it's hard, seeing someone you know would be perfect for you, getting to screw them senseless, being told honestly that you're among the best lays they've ever had... and then being shoved back down to friend status while they go screw the next guy.
Honestly I think not being jealous of the other guy makes it worse... But it's her choice, not yours that matters to her and it would be even worse if she forced herself to be with you when she didn't want it.
Dude, this is good. Like, really really good. This is exactly what I like to see in clopfics. You're telling a story, but it's still undeniably a clopfic. There's actual meaning and context.
Really good job! Hope everything is moving along swimmingly in your life. Always great to see more stuff from you.
6331484
Hey, thanks a bunch. This was actually a story I've wanted to write for ages, but I always gave up on it whenever I tried since I never felt my writing was good enough for it. I almost threw this in the bin about halfway through too because I didn't think I was doing the concept justice, and I'm kind of blown away by how well it's been received. Glad I stuck with it in the end.
Just ask her to marry you.
If only I could edit this soarin fucking telling that spitfire changed
Fun story, but I still want a sequel were they swap bodies.
Pure greatness!
I'm impressed not only in the concept, but that you managed to pull it off so well, giving each of them different and interesting motivations to explore.
And I really enjoyed how the ending resolved things better than I expected them to be resolved, nicely reversing some of the negativity that had grown during Soarin's part.
My only advices would be to maybe merge the last chapter onto the end of the second -- which I think would give the story more symmetry, especially if you added a bit onto the beginning of Spitfitre's that wasn't in Soarin's. And, there was perhaps too much delving into backstory and motivation during the fucking, which distracted from the here-and-now a bit too much, in my opinion.
6417412
Funnily enough, the last chapter originally was the end of the second, but I didn't like how it cut into the symmetry of them. I took it out and debated having it as an optional extra in the author's notes or something, but that didn't give it the right closure. In the end I put it back in as the third chapter because I felt that losing the symmetry of two chapters was the lesser evil compared to losing the internal one between them. I don't think extending Spitfire's chapter at the start would have really fixed it, since the first sentence/paragraph being almost the same is vital to quickly showing the reader that it's the same point in time from the other perspective, as well as setting up the different thoughts from each character, and I really wouldn't want to lose that.
As for the backstory thing, it's a fair enough complaint. I wanted to keep it as simple and short as possible, and the only way I could find to explore those properly was to do it mid-sexing. In some ways it was kind of meant to take the reader out of it, especially in the Soarin' chapter. The fact that all that was running through his head during their lovemaking was the crux of his side of the story, and how even as he tried to let himself be swept up in her it kept pulling him out of it. Maybe I could have done it better, but I wanted to avoid as much exposition at the beginning and end as I could. The fact it ends so abruptly on both sides was another intentional thing, and I think delving into the backstory there would have weakened it somewhat.
> chapter 1
"You love him. You really should pay attention, Spitfire."
> chapter 2
"HE LOVES YOU TOO, PAY SOME GODDAMN ATTENTION, SPITFIRE!"
> chapter 3
"...okay, Soarin, you're hurt, and well within your rights to be upset with her. You need to talk to her, now that she's paying attention."
> chapter--
"Wait, that's it?!? Goddammit...Oh well, it ended well enough."
That ending was a nice bit of closure. Really enjoyed the story.
Finally got to this one (stupid job not giving me nearly as much reading time as I used to enjoy
) but this was well and truly worth the wait.
You did a beautiful job of melding the story with the sexual act and then using the act itself to push your story further still. That's not something easy to do, nor is it one that most authors can pull off with this kind of skill so you should be proud of what you've accomplished here.
I felt the inevitability of Soarin's chapter coming in the little touches shown during Spitfire's PoV, but the true weight carried in it tore bitterly into me as I felt such incredible empathy with his situation as it unfolded during the second chapter. It was a masterful bit of catharsis then when the final chapter appeared to be setting itself up to simply continue the unending cycle these two had fallen into when that one line gave my own heart pause and hope as well.
One line, and yet it carried so much weight that had been applied to it earlier... well done, so very well done.
6514246
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I actually didn't intend for this one to be so emotionally heavy at first. Originally I just wanted to test myself and see if I could write the same scene from each side while keeping it interesting and fresh. That pretty much required there to be some kind of dichotomy between the two characters, and it quickly became what it is now. I know you're not the biggest fan of sadder stuff, but I'm glad you got round to it in the end and still enjoyed it.
This remains magnificent stuff, four years on. Looking through the comments, I seem to be on of the few siding with Spitfire here.
I've read this story a few times since it was released, and I keep discovering new points of relevance as I grow older.
Perspective is something that can't be taught, but this story has so much of it. The issue for me was, I wasn't ready to see it.
This is a completely different story to me than it was when I first read it. It's haunting, enlightening, and empowering.
Cheers
9935662
I'm glad to hear this one still resonates with you. It's one of my favourites, too, even though I feel like I've 'grown past' a lot of my other older stuff.