Grimm
Joined 21st Mar, 2013 ·
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This was really good. Both characters stood in character throughout the story, even when Chrysalis had her somewhat conflicted thoughts towards the end.
I'm glad she ultimately decided to leave, so many stories feature the villains reforming after sex and its so tiring to see. I also love how it didn't get straight in to sex so we got some good context beforehand. Didn't drag on too long, but wasn't too short
This was pretty damn good lol
Good job man.
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Reformations don't usually happen all at once. This is just the first step; caring a hive that has rejected her. When she's not feeling forced into the decision, her mind may change, given time.
This is really strong. I'm glad she left, too; I've never considered her redeemable.
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My absolute favourite kind of villains are the ones that are offered a moment of redemption, and instead can't accept it and that ends up their undoing (see also: a whole bunch of Disney films). That said, Chrysalis is a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, the moment where she rejects Starlight Glimmer's offer of peace and flees is one of my favourite things in the show, especially with its penchant for redeeming its villains no matter how implausible. On the other, I think she's a much more interesting character if there's at least some potential for good there. Leaving the egg in this was mostly because I thought it added to her core conflict. She genuinely does care for the changelings, in her own way, and it would hurt her to leave them without any hope of survival.
But it's a tricky one, because I think if she were to ever actually be redeemed, she would immediately become less interesting. Worse, she'd just be another Luna. And I love Luna as a character too! We just don't need more than one of her. And so Chrysalis is stuck in this strange purgatory where I think she needs to have potential to redeem herself without ever actually crossing the line. And maybe in the end it will be her undoing, too.
Yeeeaaah, I’m often skeptical whenever Chrysalis pulls out this kind of backstory in fanfiction. Not just because this is a clearly very well written piece where Chrysalis and Thorax are excellently portrayed and in character and therefore I’m assuming the ponies (you won’t believe the number of Draco in Leather Pants Chrysalis pity party fics I’ve read over the years), but because, well, call me crazy, I’m reluctant to take the word of a megalomaniacal pathological liar with delusions of grandeur.
Truth be told, it would be interesting if there was some kind of deleted scene of Thorax getting the Equestrians’ account of their history (though without revealing Chrysalis being with them of course), if to see maybe there actually was some half-truth to Chrysalis’ self-victimizing story. That perhaps ponies’ prejudice meant their first interactions with the changelings could’ve been handled much better, but malicious actions by the latter under Chrysalis’ leadership only solidified/ justified said prejudices. It would be interesting to see whether or not Chrysalis ever did try and reach out to Celestia in earlier days (somepony who we know would have at the very least heard her out), but I have my doubts, knowing the former as we do. Like with most things in life, I wouldn’t be surprised if early Equestro-Changeling history was more of a grey area, leaning on the lighter shade.
So I take it Chrysalis will take the dominant role during sex in this story?
aww, Thorax is gonna be a good dad
Did you perhaps try NOT being a crazy ass pony-draining/killing monster, talking to Celestia, being diplomatic and honest? They wouldn't reject you so harshly out of hand, there's a reason, and one you provided. Hands down. I mean aside from the fact no one wants to invite parasites to live on their asses. Present yourself as an ally with... odd needs, and by now the Changelings would have been completely integrated and normal in pony society, no one would have hated them for ages. Even without the palette-swap (which, despite being in the minority, I actually like both forms).
Cough cough cookie cutter cough cough
Is there any chance of a sequel with this? This was taken in a bit of a different direction that I was initially expecting.
I’ll admit, I was kinda hoping for a darker end to this – Chrissy taking him with her away from the hive, using him as her personal pleasure slave, and later planning her vengeance against Starlight & co. after all. But this works pretty well too. She and Thorax were well depicted, they felt quite authentic to me. Good one.
She hesitated. Those considered unredeemable don't hesitate in their actions. I would like to see a sequel to this, she did uphold her end of the deal after all.
9407845 You just can't be nice nor satisfied, can you?
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There is nothing wrong with having an opinion. His is objectively wrong, of course, but it's his to have.
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I think Chrysalis truly believes what she says there, but whether or not it's the unbiased truth is a different question entirely...
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I haven't got any immediate plans for a sequel, although I did intentionally leave it open for one just in case. So maybe one day, but it won't be for a while at the very least.
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I do quite like the 'villain wins' clop subgenre, but it just didn't feel right for this story.
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Someone had some fun with the downvotes in here, hm.
I’d enjoy a sequel, too, but I’m fine with this being standalone.
Chrysalis may be a manipulative jerk unable to see past her worldview but she’s kinda right. Thorax really wouldn’t make a good ruler outside of the happy go lucky world of FiM.
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Luckily the world he lives in is suited to him, and him to it. So none of that actually matters.
9408130 Hm. Fair enough.
Who knew that his was how it ended?
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He'd end up as a figurehead being manipulated by his advisors, probably. He's not ambitious enough to be worth deposing.
If the alternative is breeding with ponies, that doesn't seem too bad... I think. Surely there are some ponies that would not mind.
Oh shit, a sequel would be nice if it ever came around. Would a new queen be easily indoctrinated like Chrysalis said? Or would she be headstrong and do her own thing?
I really like how even in your Porn-tagged stories you combine it with some really strong storylines. Great work here, Grimm.
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Thanks, glad you liked it!
It's almost a problem of mine, to be honest; I can't help myself. This was supposed to just be a short, smutty little thing and then somehow I was five thousand words into it and still hadn't gotten to the clop yet. But hey, it's what I enjoy writing, so as long as people enjoy reading it too then I suppose there's no problem at all.
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The Clearing is sorta like that lol.
Bad Ending especially
It seems like most of those stories that have good concepts for future chapters always seem to end after one chapter
its a great story but i feel it ended too soon...
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Yeah, I get that a lot. I really like short stories and open endings, and so I guess that's not surprising, but I generally think that leaving a lot up to the reader's imagination is more interesting than filling in every blank. With this, ending it where I did is an attempt to put the reader in Thorax's shoes (hooves?). Watching, waiting, and there's no way to know what's coming next.
I also think a lot of my stories would become something different if they carried on past where I end them, like this would be a very different story with very different core conflicts and that's not a bad thing exactly, but would be better in a potential sequel than muddying this one.
And this is how Ocellus was born. 💖
This has to be one of the best stories I've read on this site yet. I mean everything from the setting the structure even the lemon was amazing. Everything. And that has to be how Ocellus came to be because she's the only other female Changeling we know about yet. And it would also explain how and why she was chosen to participate and represent the Changelings in the school of friendship episode. That she is Thorax's daughter and in ensuring that she would be a benevolent ruler like he hopes she will be, has her go there, secretly knowing and not telling her that she's his daughter and Chrysalis is her mother.
I know its meant to be opened minded on what could happen next but it feels like all the pieces of the puzzle are pointing towards Thorax and Chrysalis being Ocellus' parents. For that I love this story even more and Ocellus is one of my favorite characters of the series.
Thank you for this story truly thank you for it.
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There were a couple female changelings in to change a changeling my dude
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnaeIAEp2pU
An interesting set up. If you come up with a sequel I'd be happy to read it.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Well, I guess Chrystalis wanted to prove that while she rejects the ideas that Thorax is following, she still cares about the future of the changelings as a race.
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I can agree with you.
Opened for Crysalis,
Read for the "plot,"
Stayed for the geopolitical interspecies diplomatic relations.
The Hive must have a Queen!
Also I found the political stuff more titilating than the sex bits...
as long as Equestria and world doesn't have any trouble as long as he doesn't have to choose between friends or species survival he golden.
I love a good back story of the queen past like this one I read it had a dark implication of a possible problem the new changelings have and the struggle of being a sapient hunter needing sapient prey loved chry and Celestia in that one where else would i go, your royal highness?
I hope there can be more interactions between them the queen and this overkind king
just how many time she had to make a hard chose compared to him? she was like the origin {or that acorn was an emergency spell for survival}
Deserves a sequel honestly. Great work man.
This was great, I really enjoyed this and would love to see a continuation if possible!
What would happened if Spike bit Chrysalis and mark her?
Interesting.
More so than i thought it would be.
Defiantly more to it than i was expecting.
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He never once calls her "mom".
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/141/361/704.jpg
9411261 Headcanon accepted!
I like this theory. There are other females, but the fact that Ocellus is so young is significant. And her trial in the cave in the episode, 'What Lies Beneath', finding herself to be 'the queen' is too good of an omen to ignore.
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no not really .but the comment was harmless,
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There actually were a couple mentions in an earlier draft, but I didn't like it and took them out. They felt very forced. I think, given how I've set up the way they breed and given Chrysalis' nature, that she would emphasise herself as a monarch among her drones rather than a parent. She should be regarded as their Queen far more than their mother, in her opinion.
Although she still absolutely is his mother in this, biologically speaking.
I think a good metric of a fic is to make you consider pairings or situations you would never think about before and pull them off so well that it's stunning. I don't hate Thorax, but on a roster of MLP he wouldn't be my first choice to pair up with Chrysalis. His character is by necessity milquetoast to contrast the new changelings against the old ones.
This story though, it really drew out a splendid picture of his character along with Chrysalis. All of this fic is so very sublime. The nice clash of world views. The
catbug and mouse banter. The kaleidoscope of feelings Chrysalis experiences. I particularly liked when she was mentally gloating and one stray thought strikes a 'off-note' in her stream of consciousness.Very impressed, it's one of the nicer treatments of these two I've seen.
And oh yeah the sex was incredibly hot too
Very good story; especially the plot itself.
Good work!
If I'm allowed to ask: Is there an planned sequel? The open ending would certainly allow it.
Edit:
Shouldn't the name of the story rather be "Chrysalised", since she kinda tricked/mind-controlled him?
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Glad you liked it! The title is based (like a lot of my stories) off a song, in this case 'Crystalised' by The XX, a song about how love can sometimes make you feel trapped in place. It felt fitting as is, although I'll be honest and say that I came up with the play on words for the title first and the original plan was for something involving crystal ponies. It's now a bit more metaphorical than literal, but I still like it.
As for a sequel? That sits firmly in the realm of 'maybe one day' at the moment. I have some ideas for one and left the ending open intentionally, but it's nothing concrete and if I do ever do a followup it won't be for a while, most likely.
Hm.