Death usually brings more questions than answers.
"Why did he have to go?" "When am I going to die?" "Why is death even a thing?"
Grieving the loss of someone close, one unicorn tries to unravel the mysteries behind life, death, and those who defy both. After all, why can't every pony live forever?
Featured by Seattle's Angels.
Featured by Equestria Daily.
Page generated in 0.041 seconds
Total duration
988 users online
2,022,088 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That was amazing I wasn't expecting that. I like how the protagonist does a 180 by going from a normal everyday pony into becoming a master mind that controls the dead and tries to take over an empire.
It's a good story but it's missing one thing: dates (and maybe times) at the beginning of the entries. They would make it feel more like a diary then.
6246898 That was a stylistic choice for multiple reasons. Believe me, I thought about it hard. But it came down to two reasons. First, I have no idea how dates work canonically. I could just use our dating system, but I feel that could pull the reader from the immersion of being in a different world. Second, it's hard to say how much time has passed between entries, and how long the mental decline and whatnot would actually take. By not setting anything in stone, I let the reader autofill what they think to be the most plausible time passage
I'm still trying to figure out what the bold letters mean, if they mean anything...
6251071
I think the bold letters are meant to be where the characters' teardrops fell on the page and smudged the writing.
Great story! Certainly took a turn I didn't expect - that one line, about killing Seraph, left me dumbfounded and staring at the screen for several moments before I could read on. Love it!
*record scratch* Waitwhut?
This leaves some room for the theory that the journal was inhabited by some evil spirit, which has just switched host.
I like it.
The mind is a fragile thing.
6245828
He did take over an empire... he just failed to hold onto it.
Wow what a story. Looks like Twilight going to get started. Without help.
Pretty good. It did feel like it escalated a bit too quickly and it would have been nice to see a last journal entry of his villainous breakdown as the military barges in.
The emboldened letters really confused me, though. At first, I thought it was a classic dark magic influenced hidden message or some spoopy thing, but orbokewiebullyoadstreilyfulysponieedtobmetourn doesn't mean anything. If it is supposed to be smudging, I'd suggest just dropping the emboldening. It doesn't really make them look smudged and only serves to confuse readers. There's just some things that can't really be shown well in written form without adding images to the story.
That was fuckin' amazing. :D
7609654
So glad you liked it! I know Pinkie Pie and The Quest for Missing Smiles wasn't your favorite, but I'm happy to know that other stories can still please different readers!
Huh.
The transition between "normal guy dealing with loss" to "murdered my own sister. Meh." was remarkably sharp. It wasn't quite smooth.
Some parts were just a bit unclear. The first journal entries after he killed his sister, where he mentions that others are out back with his sister, I had assumed that he was writing that from jail. I didn't realize that he'd killed them until much later.
It's not quite enough to convince me that a fairly normal (but not quite) guy just up and decided to be evil.
7457306 your avatar scared me nearly to death
You can has review!