Traveling to Applewood through the San Palomino desert, Trixie is sweaty and tired. The town she usually stopped at on her way through was missing, and she feared it had been abandoned. When she finally sees a town, it's not the one she remembered, being almost a fortress of sorts.
The town is seemingly abandoned, save for strange mirrors in every home. When she finds out what they're for, she also discovers the town isn't as abandoned as she first thought.
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That was pretty spooky. Good job with creating tension.
Awesome creating tension but now I must know. What were those things?
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Slimy things that live in a mirrored world. That's all, and that is terrible enough.
Oooh, this was pretty nifty. Not all questions were answered, but then again, horror rarely indulges us. The unknown is far spookier than the truth.
I fear for what happened to the villagers and to whatever poor pony stumbles across this town next.
Trixie, a word of advice. Some doors are meant to be unopened.
How, ahem, lovely.
I can honestly say that these are the creepiest eldritch abominations I've ever read.
Well done.
What I really liked about this story is how intelligent or genre savvy both Trixie AND the monster were being. They both knew what was up, which added to the tension believably.
Really cool fic! I love the atmospheric work, and your characterization for Trixie was spot on. However, the story does suffer from too much fat. There is a ton of repetition all around, and a lot could have been cut. It would have made the whole thing that much more impactful.
Good job actually creating terror while showing the monster. Those things were horrifying! (What's with that conglomeration of characters at the end?)
This isn't the only thing I found, but the tense shift in the narration stands out.
At least all they did was reverse her mane style, lol.
...
No... wait... if they got her eyes and brain... she might not be able to read anymore, all “normal” writing will be backwards! I guess she can learn to live with that though.
Very spoopy. I love how you tease with some information, I have a burning desire to know if later entries in the journal revealed more, like if ponies started vanishing as well. And the mystery of what happened there is tantalizing.
Somepony covered the mirrors and banished those things back into the mirror realm. Somepony piled all writing in the village into the one house. Unlike some horror where too much is explained away, we’re left with a mystery that nopony in their right mind would want to solve. This makes it very Lovecraftian.
I just got to say, I have absolutely love your stories, this and Octavia’s final stop, both are great, it makes me sad they don’t have as much attention as they should.
(Obvious spoilers doi)
I love how descriptive you are about describing scenes and the environment, it is very well done, helps with the immersion, and imagining the world around the MC, and I always believe that is important for storytelling, but that’s just my opinion.
I feel you did a amazing job with Trixie, I love her as a character, slightly self-absorbed, but confident and smart, definitely has her street smarts about her. I loved her traveling through the desert, with the description of the heat, and her routine of traversing through it. The scene with thunderstorm was quite poetic, IMO. The way you described the thunder and rain, was quite nice, I loved the word choosing. Definitely felt like a little slice of life story in the beginning, which I greatly enjoyed it being from Trixie’s perspective. (Just my IMO again, because I haven’t read any stories centered on her yet, so it was a nice change, on a personal level lol.)
Stumbling upon the town was certainly interesting, with the description of its design, definitely reminded a bit of Our Town, in a environmental sense. I liked how she went about it, believing it to just be a place to perform and trade, it felt very real. I liked how she slowly went about investigating the town, then deciding to scavenge it.
The story has good pacing, I like how it’s a slow burn, with finding the mirrors and the realization about them. Definitely fuels the intrigue and mystery. The mirror situation was interesting, when she noticed somepony staring at her from the door frame was disturbing, and creepy, especially when she realized it was only in the mirror world. It was so unnerving how it just sat their, staring… I had a creeping suspicion something was off about them tho. Later on with the situation with the monsters was certainly creepy, the way you described them was scary, and how they are just so unnatural as creatures, and how they displayed some sighs of intelligence was interesting.
The ending definitely left some questions as to what it meant for her now, but alas, they will always remain unanswered, and thats one of the aspects of what makes horror, captivating. The mystery of the unknown, which this story does a constant job of maintaining. Once again I loved how Trixie’s character and personality were portrayed in this story, definitely is entertaining.
(Now that this comment is too long lmao)
Overall I found this story very good horror wise, I loved this one, was very interesting, captivating, mysterious and scary 👍 Similar to Octavia’s final stop, I wish this had more views