Marble's life on the farm is simple and idyllic. She helps out Pa and Limestone, and in her spare time carves and sculpts rocks. She has it pretty great, she thinks. It cannot last.
Pa thinks it's high time she get married and settle down to focus on more important things, like family, and work. He doesn't see her sculptures as a way to make a living, and insists she visit the Pairing Stone for a match.
Reluctantly, she agrees.
She meets her suitors, but the Pairing Stone says all three of them are a good match. Marble thinks they're all equally unsuited. She refuses to marry any of them, and will go to great lengths to keep her freedom.
Chapters (6)
Wtf did I just read
8381007
Marble Pie becoming an arsonist.
I'm gonna power read this tonight.
Looks good!
I'm enjoying this immensely.
Wow. WOW. I might quibble over her descent being quite as fast as it was, and the end is definitely dark and horrifying, but this was effective and moving. It certainly evokes a sense of horror, especially towards the end. I suppose the one quibble that lingers with me is that Marble wanted to continue creating beauty through her art, and the way she ends things precludes that. Although I will concede that there's more than a bit of setup for that.
Overall though, excellent job with this!
8384080
It was a bit fast, yes. I tried to create pressure that would help push her down her path a little bit faster than you'd expect. Sort of a "Now or you'll be sorry!" kind of feeling. The speed with which Pa urged her to get married was there for that purpose, and to make you feel like she had been hearing it for a long time before this.
As for the ending, she has no home and no family anymore, but... I didn't say she died, now did I?
8384862
I suppose you didn't 100% confirm that she died. I feel like it's pretty hard to read the ending any other way, though. Certainly what she's doing reads as openness to suicide, even if it's not totally confirmed that that's how it ends up.
Nevertheless, I found this quite compelling overall, and a review I've written of it reflects that.
8385101
Oh, sure. That's the point of the ending. Interpret it how you like, because it's much more entertaining that way. I'm glad you liked it.
It... BEGINS.
Loving it. The slow start has set the tone nicely for this change to feel suitably... wrong. It is a bit abrupt, though, the drastic shift from general discontent to willingness to murder.
8384057
Thank you for the referral to this story. Candidate for backalley? If we ever get it off the ground?
8390623
Absolutely, and we should do that. Not just one of these days... like someday soon.
This was very compelling. I think it probably deserves a tragedy tag in addition to the others. The whole destroying what would have been your best chance at happiness because you've become obsessed with not letting others make those choices for you because they could possibly destroy your chances at happiness... It's reminicient of the Oedipus self fulfilling prophesy that you cause to happen by trying to avoid it, and when it happens, you rip out your own fortune telling eyes.
I think the pacing is superb to start, and superb once things get rolling. The buildup invested me in her character and her dilemma. I wanted to see her succeed. The downward spiral at the end is suitably death-spirally.
The only trouble I had was with the roller coaster transition. Slow buildup, followed by sudden drop can be good, especially if done a few times. Only problem is that there was only one drop, and it was a big one. I think her descent into madness might have benefitted from having a few plateau points. Like if she had been trying to only cause property damage with the first suitor, then being surprised to find that she was more relieved than distraught at finding out they had perished. Then, having reluctantly committed to attempted murder/murder for the second one, she finds them still alive and finds herself wishing they had died. By the third one, I think you were spot on for her having lost it, having killed so many already, and blinded/corrupted by her own actions. Note, that's just my opinion for a pacing fix, and it didn't spoil my enjoyment of the story, like I said, the pacing to start and spiral out of control were phenomenal.
You had me so invested in Marble's character that I actually wanted to yell at her to stop, that she had already done the unspeakable, that she had won. That's good writing. I don't get invested in characters easily, but Marble was easily understandable and relatable in motivation and conviction.
8390695
Aye, I would agree. There was no reflection on what she was doing, and that is a flaw in the story. I spoke with CoffeeMinion about it and he gave me some places where it could have been improved, so I will remember it for next time. I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the critique.
Good read! Not quite scary enough to land on my horror shelf, but definitely good enough for a fave. My only problem is the pacing issues others in the comments have already pointed out. Otherwise this is a very compelling read!
Damn, son.
The pacing was a little frantic nearing the end, to be quite honest, and I'm not really certain if the horror tag really fits this. Though I suppose the latter could just be due to my traditional view on the subject matter.
Other than those two things though, this is a wonderful story. I really enjoyed it.
Despite the pacing, you captured the descent into insanity, and her enrapturement with fire, quite well. It all felt very real, and to be quite honest, I became very invested in the character as the story went along. I was really rooting for her to win, to the point where I found myself silently cheering her on from behind the screen, and even sharing in some of her emotions. That's the classic mark of excellent storytelling.
I realize this is more of a personal preference, but I'd rather she went on to keep spreading her beauty and my muderboner
Again though, that's just me being invested in the character. I look forward to reading more of your works when I find the time.
That story was absolutely amazing.
I get the feeling Jagged really would have been good for her. But at that point she was too far gone. Though I can sympathize, at the same time I feel pretty bad for the poor guy...
You can has review!
Paul's review brought me here. Great work overall, my only real nitpicks are that, as he mentioned, the genre tags don't really line up with the content. And also, it's a bit predictable. Once Marble found the flower, I was sure she'd end up destroying everything around her with it. I even somehow guessed that she'd swallow a seed in the end.
This is what happens when you push bullshit "girls exist to be married off to men" shit in a world with magic. It's not okay to do anywhere but with magic the victim can bite back at you.
woah, I can relate to this feeling. if only I had that one special talent like rock carving that i'm certain is right for me