I'll Be There For You
I love you. I know you don't love me. I know that your crazy for him and the way you love him reminds me of how I love you. And I know there is just no point in this, no point in forever hoping to grasp you. Never to hold you and never to kiss you.
I know I'm just daydreaming. I know this whole crush thing is silly. I know it's childish.
But it hurts. All of it does. When you speak of him it stings.
I just don't know. I'm confused. What do I do?
He better be good to you. He better love you. That's all I care. I try to stay strong and keep my head help up high, try to move on. Try to go somewhere else, try to escape the warmth you give my heart when I see you, how it's hard for me to speak to you, and I have to stop that, because if I continue loving you the path is going nowhere, it's basically running on a road that will never end. I can't chase roads with no end.
I look at the mirror. I'm a dragon. She's a mare. It's creepy to think of her loving me. It's creepy. I'm just not perfect. I want to be that stallion. I want to be her love. I want her to love me. To get that same warm feeling around me, to be pink faced when I talk to her. But those are my dreams. And dreams aren't real.
Welcome to the real world. Try to get used to it. It's been three years and I still can't let go! How can I let go!? How do I give up this worthless crush that leads to nowhere.
Twilight came into the door and she looks breathless. "Rarity is in trouble.."
"What!? Why?" I asked.
"She locked herself in her room." Twilight said taking shaky breaths. "She does not want any of us to come in.."
"What are you going to do?" I said.
"Read up on pony philosophy!" Twilight said using magic to get a few books from the shelf. "Maybe I can read up on it and find out how to react in this situation."
"I'm going to go." I said heading out the door.
"Are you sure? She isn't letting in anybody.." Twilight said.
"I need too, Twilight." I said closing the door.
The night was cold and frosty. I trudged through with the wind hitting my face with ice like breeze. It felt almost as cold in my heart as I felt. Fear also. What was Rarity up to? What was happening to her? What and why did it happen? I couldn't stand thinking of her depressed by herself not wanting to see anyone locked in a room crying. Crying salty tears.
I saw the Carousel Boutique and I paused before entering the door. Maybe I shouldn't enter, maybe she would get mad or something, maybe- I had to go in. I stomped my foot and went into the house. Applejack stood on a seat thinking, Rainbow Dash was with her, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were helping out Sweetie Belle who I could see was having a breakdown or worrying to her sister.
"Hi Spike." Applejack said not sure of what else to say.
"I'm going to try." I said.
Dash and AJ looked at each other and then at me and I knew there was nothing for them to say. I walked up the stairs.
Memories. Memories of me and Rarity. This whole boutique had memories of what Rarity and I would do with each other, and the fun we've had.
There was her room locked. And deep sobs came from inside. I knocked the door.
"Just leave me alone whoever it is!" Rarity screamed.
"Rarity it's Spike." I said.
"Just go!" She said.
I took a shaky breath, she was mad, what should I say what should I do without ruining our friendship. Then I realized. I couldn't be worried about that, I had to say what needed to be said.
"Rarity. Your sitting around moping and crying and your not willing to have people help you! I'm here to help your friends are here to help! What do you think we're here for!? Were here to listen! But if you just want to keep it in and cry about it go ahead! I'm always here and I'll be here if you need me. Please talk to me. We are worried and scared like hell. Please let us help you! We won't look down on you!" I said at the top of my lungs tears rolling down my eyes and biting my lips as a feeling of a mixture of anger, pain, and sadness filled my heart.
I heard no reply. No sobbing. No sound. She is ignoring me. I decided to head down the stairs. I could not convince her.
The door clicked. The door opened slightly. Her head peaked out. She was bruised and scarred with bite marks on her cheek.
"Come in Spike." Rarity said sobbing. "Please just you."
I came in. The room was a mess. She had a bunch of tantrums. You could see her pain as she emphasized it in her room. It made my heart swell to think of what she went through.
"I-I..." She said sobbing tears rolling heavily from her bloodshot eyes.
I messaged her back slowly and in a calming tone spoke. "You can tell me about it if you want too. Everything is going to be alright."
"No it's not. I did a horrible thing!" Rarity said slamming her hoof on the wall. "It's my fault!"
I remained silent. Scared. What should I do next? I should have brought the book on helping ponies through depression book.
"You know the stallion I was dating?" She asked.
I nodded my head. I hated thinking about it. He was an arrogant idiot but I never would let that show.
"Last night on our date." Rarity said softly. "He brought me to his apartment for dinner. And he forced me to have sex with him. H-h-he told me to have sex with him or else he would rape and kill my best friends and stuff you up if I didn't. I put you all at risk so I had sex with him all night.."
Pain. This stallion was hurting Rarity emotionally and on the outside. I had to stray strong for Rarity. The mare I loved.
"He had no right to do that!" I said.
"He was going to murder all of you." Rarity said in an angry dark tone.
"You should have escaped and run to the police." I said.
"I couldn't risk having you hurt.." Rarity said turning her head. "It's my fault for getting him attracted to me and looking pretty.."
"No stallion or mare has the right to have sex or control you.." I said. "You have the right to your own body. We'll call the police and have him arrested immediately on sexual abuse charges."
"Why was I so stupid!? Why am I so evil!?" She screamed stomping her hooves on the bed.
"Your never close to evil.." I said. "Your one of the most kindest mare I have known. He was attracted to you because your such an awesome and generous mare who cares about people and inspires people a pony that he wishes he could be! Rarity you change lives you give ponies the feelings of opportunity with your generosity! And no one can say that your not that!"
"Your just saying that.." A soft sobbing voice said in reply.
"No. That's why I fell in love with you.." I said not realizing what I said until I said it.
"Spike...I..." Rarity said taking a few deep breaths.
"Shhh..All that matters and all you need to know is that I'll always be there for you." I said holding her tight into a warm loving hug. "I am here."
"I needed this." Rarity said sobbing in my shoulders. "I care about you a lot too."
I knew she only cared about me as a friend. But I didn't care. I love her and I can't change that. It's just a fact. Maybe one day I'll stop chasing roads that lead to nowhere, someday I will be able too.
"Are you ready to see them?" I asked her.
"Call them in.." Rarity with a nod.
I went over down the stairs and I could hear a beautiful sound. A little laugh of joy.
"I'm ready.."
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That night roars of thunder and bright flashes filled the air the next day a scorched outline of a stallion was found in the street,
The Royal guard investigated
Okay... WTF is this? Rarity is blaming herself for being evil for sparing her friends being murdered? This seriously pushes the suspension of disbelief.
How in the world did she come to this conclusion? What is this?
Alright, so the victim blaming narrative aside, the story itself was decently paced enough for what it was, some spelling errors and missing words here and there, grammar wise had everything in place to tell the story and finally the characters were... enough, again for what it was.
The plot was off putting, to say the least. Rarity bars others from entry to her room with no explanation and refuses to talk to anyone, suddenly Spike comes in and she bears her soul without a second thought. The setting description was practically non-existent, the feelings were under developed, the tone was forced and Rarity acted a little too ashamed with the above quote.
However, this was a very short story, so it can all be forgiven.
As for the positives, the writing was tolerable, Spike's feelings of envy and his good will and concern for Rarity's well being are convincing, and his actions and reactions are well within reason.
we're
Also,
This started out great, but went downhill fast. It needs an editor and then the premise needs to be changed. Raritys blaming herself,the cartoonishly evil villian, the hackneyed dialouge all need a second look.
Poor rarity good job spike this was well written if you ask me will their be more
The dialogue in this needs a rework. I like this story but it fell off as soon as dialogue showed up. Spikes monologue was wonderful but the rest of the story was choppy and in all honestly felt like a first draft.
So Rarity was raped by her boyfriend because he threatened to rape and kill her friends? Umm a little confusing.
6030211 I'm with him. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far, and this goes well past it. Rares has PROVEN that she is not just strong and independent, but willing and ABLE to kick faces in if she needs to. This woman has faced down armies, eldritch abominations, and even a god. One stallion who is stupid enough to threaten her friends? NOT A THREAT. Given that among those friends we have the worlds fastest pegasus, a powerhouse of a rodeo champ, a freaking dragon, Pinkie Pie, and the princess of magic/friendship. Flutters may seem to be the most vulnerable, but her best friend is the previously mentioned deity. Any harm to Fluttershy would spell a horrifically painful death. And that's assuming Discord was merciful enough to kill the dumbshit. There are plenty of fates worse than death and I'm pretty sure the Lord of Chaos can pull almost all of them off.
This all adds up to the stallion's threat being laughable at best, and utterly asinine at worst. Even if for some reason Rarity couldn't fight him off directly, there is absolutely ZERO reason for her to take such a threat as more than "Wow you have to be the biggest dumbass in Equestria.". Given that we have canon proof of anti-magic affects, as seen in the Equestria Games, its very plausible that there are more portable anti-magic devices. Thusly it would be FAR more believable for him to have somehow subdued Rarity's magic and then threatened to kill her if she didn't submit than for him to pull "Fuck me or I kill your friends.".
While the writing is excellent and the characterization for Spike seems to be spot on, the premise Rarity's portrayal kill everything good with this work. In all honesty, this is how what I would expect from canon Rarity should someone be stupid enough to try that. "Oh of course darling. Please do tell me which you're going to try that on first. The one who can fly fast enough to level a two story building without a scratch, the one strong enough to crush every bone in your body, the one who bends reality on a daily basis, or the one who breaths fire? Honestly I'm not entirely sure what Twilight CAN'T do to you if she put her mind to it, and Fluttershy... Well the poor dear might faint from such a threat but her dear, DEAR friend Discord, you might remember him as the Lord of Chaos that took over all of Equestria on more than one occasion, he might be a tad... upset if he even heard you say that. Now if you run along like a good little fool I promise I wont tell a soul that you have this terrible death wish. And honestly dear you NEED to get that looked at. Suicide is not the answer darling. Oh, and before you think that you even scare me, consider that I've done, the nightmares and monsters I've not just faced, but outright bucked IN the face without batting one of my fabulous eyelashes. And then consider that I'm here, and they're not... Goodbye darling, I shant have time for you again..."
6109680
I'm writing a story that focuses on Spike's journal.
Anyways as for the rest of you thanks for the advice I hope that my future edited works will be better.
6124406 I hope you keep it up
Hey there!
So...I'm here to review your story! I'm not the best reviewer...but I hope it helps!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story:
I'll Be There For You
Grammar score out of 10:
6
Pros :
It was nice to see Spike finally being gifted with some sort of independence and initiative! It was most certainly refreshing.
I like the fact that you acknowledged the species gap between Spike and Rarity; most people tend to simply...ignore it.
The best aspect of this story was how you took a taboo topic, such as rape, and handled it with grace and skill. You took an uncomfortable subject and managed to get an important message across without breaking your story and creating a massive impact. Very well done!
Cons:
Your grammar and spelling was a little out (for example, the "your" versus "you mistake).
This is entirely opinion based, but I think that Spike was a little out of character? It might just be me though, so don't take this one too seriously. :)
Be careful around accidentally repeating stuff.
I hope this helped! If you wouldn't mind reviewing my story, I would greatly appreciate it! It's a one-shot and not too long: "I Give You My Heart"
For those reading this.
This story's pretty bad. I really haven't mastered Rarity yet and the whole thing kind of falls over.
So sorry.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story:
I'll Be There For You
Grammar score out of 10:
7
Pros :
-I loved the fact that you addressed the species gap that is between them. Few people ever bring that up and I deem it very important that you should if youa re writing a spikexRarity fic, and you did it marvelously.
-Making Spike take an active role without the other main six pushing him to do so was brilliant.
-Twilight seemed spot on for the short time she was there.
Cons:
-I feel like the whole concept of her being raped was going a bit too far. It would have worked just as well if it had just been about a very rude breakup. As much as she loves to make a big deal out of everything, i would have bought that.
-Exactly how old is spike? Isn't he a bit too young for someone to talk about rape with him?
-Rarity seemed to get over it a little too fast.
I hope this helped! If you wouldn't mind reviewing my story, I would greatly appreciate it! It's called "Beggars can be choosers", and it is my second fic ever written and the first one with a co-writer.
In lieu of all these rambling and canon-comparitive reviews, I won't do the same to insult your own vision of the mane six. As you specifically fit the mane six interpretation to work with a very real and very grounded representation of harmful relationships, I'll be reviewing that.
I love the psychology that goes into this piece . Rarity is blaming herself for somehow not being able to prevent what happened. And that is common among victims of this very graphic crime she suffers. It's not happy or inspiring when someone goes through it, and not everyone is as strong as they think under pressure or ambush. And people don't usually take that into account.
The representation of Spike and Rarity’s bittersweet relationship is also something to be adored. It's not extremely sweet to the point of fantasy and feels like a crush. It'd unrequited and it doesn't help Spike as much as he wants it to, but he comes to terms with himself and the eventual reality of losing his feelings. He blames her at first but he understands that he's a better support for Rarity than a lover. When the ending comes to fruition, you can really feel Rarity’s eyes open at what she really had. And then, it satisfies the reader by showing how deeply the event connected them, one-sided crushes, lost feelings and resolutions included.
6161970
This is not your typical Rarity/Spike shipping! Not by a long shot!
Other than the all-too-common grammatical and spelling errors I see in so many other stories here on FIMfiction net I have to say that this particular story was handled with a beautiful level of delicacy and shows concern and appreciation for the feelings of those who may well have experienced such an event in real life and who, were this written in a less kind and gentle way, may have had their own memories triggered to disastrously painful result.
Finally, I love how you so obviously put so much of your own heart into this story. That, more than anything, is what makes this story so authentically moving and compelling.
Sadly, I can give you only 8/10 because of the poor grammar, spelling and composition.
Please do work to improve and perfect those skills because you hold the promise of becoming a truly great writer. May that day come soon for you.
6297784
Yeah the grammar's poor. I only looked over it once.
I hope my future stories will be of interest though!