When a pony calls Rarity old, she takes some berries that will make her younger, but the results are not as she planned.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 13th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 16th, 2016
Tiger Lover
Hello, I'm Tiger Lover. I love cats and tigers, and I love MLP. Luna is the best pony.
Tiger Lover
Joined 13th Dec, 2014 ·
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An interesting concept, but you really shouldn't put emoji in your story unless it is going to be a consistent theme of the story. In the case that it will be a consistent theme using it once per chapter is nowhere near enough. However, if it won't be don't use them at all as it makes your work seem amateurish. Other than that a pretty good start too early to thumbs up or down, but this story has potential.
The 'only' is redundant.
Remove the 'they' in this sentance.
Other than that, you need an editor to help work on sentence structure.
Also the dialogue felt very forced and rigid, try to use more informal writing for when characters interact, keep in mind most people don't speak with proper grammar.
Go here to find an editor.
This is a great idea! Author, please continue!
6005735 Thanks for pointing out my mistakes! I'll fix them!
6007038 Thank you very much.
when sweetie belle was 5 she was a bobble head pony.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140324161037/mlp/images/thumb/1/1f/Sweetie_Belle_%22finally_I_was_perfect%22_S4E19.png/1000px-Sweetie_Belle_%22finally_I_was_perfect%22_S4E19.png
6127071 This is AU, so everyone is younger.
If Rarity now 5,then she younger than Sweaty, coz she in 12.