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Chapter 2473 words

Chapter 2

Sweetie stared in shock at her once big sister. Rarity looked into Sweetie's eyes and said, "Sweetie," But then noticed her voice was changed into a squeak. "What's happened to me?" She asked in shock.

"You're a 5 year old filly Rarity." Sweetie said. "You're only my age now. "

"NO!" She yelled, but then noticed her flank! "And my cutie mark is gone!"

"Must have been a side effect."

"But how shall I fix this?" Sweetie told her the only thing that was true.

"I don't know. Twilight knew how to make younger, maybe she can make you older." Sweetie said.

"Of course!" Rarity said. So they went down the path to Twilight's castle, and when they reached there, they knocked on the door. Twilight opened the door and said,

"I can see that you are MUCH younger now."

"Twilight, I took to many youth berries and now I'm a five year old filly, and I don't know how to change back!" Rarity yelled.

"I thought this might happen. Did your cutie mark disappear?"

"Yes."
"Here's what you have to do: If you re-earn your cutie mark within 7 days, you will change back into a mare. If not, it won't work." Twilight said.
"What won't work?" Twilight turned to see Spike behind her!
"Spike! What are you doing here?" Twilight said. Spike looked at the mare turned filly and said,
"Is that Rarity? Twilight, did you do some of your voodoo on her?"

"No! Yes! Kind of! Yes, that is Rarity, she took some youth berries, and they had the wrong effect." Twilight said. Spike walked up to Rarity, and then Rarity was shocked to find out that she was now eye level with him!

"How can I get you to change back?" He asked.

"I need to earn my cutie mark back, but I only have 7 days!" Rarity said.

"Well, if that is what you need, I will help you!" He said as Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and he walked out the door. " So what's our first stop?" Spike asked.

"The mine. I need to earn it for dress making, and what makes a dress more bedazzling and sparkling than jewels?" Rarity said.

"Ok, I had better bring something to carry the jewels!" Spike said as he walked away and came back with a bucket. "I know it's not very big, but it will do, I think." He said. So the three walked until they came upon the mine.

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Valen Machina

Valen Machina #1 · May 22nd, 2015 · · ·

"You're only my age now. "

The 'only' is redundant.

He said. So they the three walked until they came upon the mine.

Remove the 'they' in this sentance.

Other than that, you need an editor to help work on sentence structure.
Also the dialogue felt very forced and rigid, try to use more informal writing for when characters interact, keep in mind most people don't speak with proper grammar.
Go here to find an editor.

LOLMusatche