Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are excited. The day had finally come where they would travel together with Apple Bloom to Appleloosa to watch her big sister competing in the local rodeo.
Unfortunately, on the very day of their departure, Apple Bloom falls sick. Leaving her little sister in the care of Big McIntosh and Granny Smith, Applejack travels to Appleloosa with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle only.
Having arrived there, the two fillies are determined to get their cutie marks on this trip and to surprise Apple Bloom when they return.
But when a wanted outlaw threatens them, the events take a whole different turn for them and the two friends make a dangerous decision they might regret later on.....
Cover by luminaura on Deviantart.
Chapters (1)
i always thought tht Scootaloo would be the brave one and sweetie belle the scared one but ah well
5982962
It's an Alternate Universe. The different personalities are intentional.
5983160 oh okay i understand it more it a good story lol juss one question is this a ship story or something
5984330
It contains a bit of shipping, yes. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are no pair yet, but they're on the way there.
5986364 YES lol
it's funny the scootabelle stories i read it was usually scootaloo taking control if ya kno wat i mean it's kinda of nice to see it the other way around lol again good story
5986511
Thanks, I'm glad you like it!
You need to get this edited. I especially noticed a lot of sentences that needed rephrasing in the first half.
6065688
I won't let it get edited now. I never rewrite a story or let it edit by someone once I have written it down and published it, as every story I publish is a reflection of my current skill and this should be preserved so that I can look back at it later on and remember the times when I was less practiced and skilled in writing.
Thanks for your input, though, that's useful to know.
I haven't noticed that I constructed any sentences wrong while writing it, and neither the two times I proofread it, but lately, I have suddenly problems with sentence construction in english, so it's quite possible that there are a few sentences where I mixed up something.
Would you give me one or two examples for misconstructed sentences? I can then see where the issue lies and make it better the next time.
And thanks for favoriting my story despite the mistakes!
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6066604
Thanks for the examples! I can see that there seems to be something wrong with the second sentence, but can't quite put my hoof on what yet.
The first sentence, however, is right the way it's written, mostly. The commas create irritation and make it look like the sentence is ending with "Scootaloo was just about to make her move" and the rest of the sentence wouldn't fit as own sentence if the sentence would really end there.
What I did here is called an "interjection", which is used to intersperse quick actions or explanations. But actually, such interjections are separated from the rest of the sentence with dashes like this:
So, the mistake I made here is that I used commas instead of dashes.
Thanks for the input! If you hadn't pointed that out as example, it would have taken me much longer to figure out this mistake!
I'd like to see more chapters of this story like YES! Seriously, I think the "Appaloosa's Most Wanted" Episode should have been more written in an edge, which I feel is a division point which Troubleshoes is played better than he really is. The Simpsons equals with Sideshow Bob would be "Black Widower", but, I don't think animators have it in them to carve multiepisode arcs like multinight events, but if they did, it'd be a coup. And, speaking of lids, I don't think the Animation Ethic of the Family Guy is a good habit, when kids have never had any regular Looney Tunes, Bugs Bunny and Tweety. But, I feel what is off on an animation point is balance because so much of it is kids and family show.
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Thank you for your comment and the follow!^^ A sequel to this story is not planned, currently. But if I ever write one, I'll let you know about it!^^
I done did Review
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I finally have been reading your review of "The Searchers". It's, despite your high rating at the end, not a flattering one, but thank you for at least attempting to write a fair review of one of my stories. I advice you to take more time with stories you review, though, to avoid missing important facts. Actually finishing a review and not stopping in the middle of a sentence also helps.