The Day Twilight Sparkle Passed Away

Everything seemed normal in Ponyville until the Princess of Friendship passes away

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Feel free to hate this but I was listening to some sad music for some reason and thought of this. Hope you enjoy!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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kabutteri

kabutteri #1 · May 4th, 2015 · 8 · ·

~ Twilight’s P.O.V ~

Never, EVER do this

Comment posted by Via deleted May 4th, 2015

Via

Via #3 · May 4th, 2015 · · ·

Who's spectrum?

Also...

wat

--SYA, The Horse

Rated Ponystar

Rated Ponystar #4 · May 4th, 2015 · · ·

Sorry, but this isn't a good fic. If you wanted to do a fic where a character dies you could have done a better then this. Sorry

CowgirlVK

CowgirlVK #5 · May 4th, 2015 · · ·

Oh Spec... Great idea.... poor execution. Once again, this felt more like an outline, than a story.

Shukawarioserfi

Shukawarioserfi #6 · May 4th, 2015 · · 6 ·

OMGFU?! TWILGHT DIEZ?!!!! DIZLIEK!!!

Calm Wind

Calm Wind #7 · May 4th, 2015 · · ·

Hmmm... as Cowgirl said. The ideas are there, but it doesn't really look or feel like a story, more like an outline.

As the first comment stated, it's usually not a good idea to simply state who the P.O.V. is currently with. Thats where the outline feel comes from, turning it more into a collection of ideas instead of a story.

Everything happened a bit too fast, and i see you included Spectrum, but it's going to be difficult for those who don't know you to know who she is.

If you wish to take the time and try to expand it a little, you definitely have many parts you could improve upon. As i said though, the outline feel will make most who look at it feel like it was rushed.

Keep working Spectrum, it's all a learning process Let me know if you have any questions i'll be happy to help you out, as always.

rail885478544

rail885478544 #8 · May 4th, 2015 · · ·

To make an immersive and great story, you have to have alot of different elements, one of those being subtlety and knowing how to make the story flow correctly. Being too blatant insults the reader's intelligence, and breaks the immersion. It could have been handled better.

TL;DR
I should not be told which point of view the story is being told in a blatant way, and i should not be forced to accept the quick shifts of the point of view.

WLPWolfgirl

WLPWolfgirl #9 · May 10th, 2015 · · ·

Um that was rilly good but I did see one problem in the first part at flutters whys pov were it says
"I asked in a quiet voice, “Twilight? No…” it should say I said in a quiet voice , "Twilight? No..." In my Veiw it sound better but that's just me.

King Shugoki

King Shugoki #10 · Jun 25th, 2015 · · ·

You people are blind to a good story. there are flaws, yes. but all you moronic people are doing is focusing on the bad stuff. it is a great story, nice work.

Aurora Steel