Aldred, one of 100 mages in an ancient circle, and the youngest of them all, visits Equestria to steal back something that was taken from his family years ago- meanwhile, Celestia tries to make amends to him for an evil sin she committed towards him, but isn't doing a good job at it- and she may or may not be able to.
{Rated Teen for harsh language at times}
Edit: After receiving a rather unwarranted comment, I think it would be best to point out this is a human in Equestria story. If this is not your cup of tea, I respect that.
Chapters (11)
Intriguing.
I actually want to see this story unfold. (Backstory would be nice as well... maybe flashback segments or just a dream chapter.)
4231035
Well, let's just say that I had those ideas in mind...
Well, this is only getting better.
4256000
Is something the matter with it...? I'm not trying to make Celestia or Twilight look bad; just to show Aldred has the wrong idea/ is over-emotional about his past, don't hate me...
4256456 No, there's nothing wrong with it. Obviously Celestia shows remorse for whatever she did, Twilight is none the wiser about what has happened (as always, because Celestia does that to her in stories), and Aldred is only seeking justice for a crime committed against him; as far as he's concerned anyhow.
I never gave any implication that this is bad or that I didn't like it. The fic has only entertained me so far, truth to be told.
Though I would like to know how Twilight ended up where she was at the start of the chapter, but I'm sure we'll know eventually, yes?
Equestria has religion in your story?
4388622
I didn't even think of that one... It's just an phrase people say in general, regardless if your religious or not, so... yeah, I might change that. Other then that, what did you think of the chapter? It would help a lot.
I do like the backstory that was put up. It makes much more sense instead of that "He's evil because he was warped by his power" nonsense other stories have (the ones that actually have humans with magic or receive magic in someway that turn evil)
4510763
Thanks, man. What else do you like about the story? Also, thanks for stopping by and taking a look at the story- every view, like, and comment helps!
4513063 Personally... that "relationship" with luna sounds like it COULD be exploited in some way.... I mean in a way to make things go in either better or worse direction (out come wise for Aldred)
4513164 Hmmmm.... maybe... maybe not.
We shall see.
Not to mention the very RUMOR of it was exploited... and Aldred wasn't too happy about that.
call me paranoid but I have a bad feeling
celestia up to something
I just hope that does not betray Aldred
ps great story
4829040 thanks for the comment. It helps- what do you think of the story so far? What can you tell about Aldred so far, specifically? (It helps me get various points of the story across.)
So Celestia's reasoning is that anything stronger than her should be destroyed.... No. Just, no. With that kind of logic, mankind should march on the Gates of Heaven.
4388622 they at least pseudo-worship the Princesses in cannon.
All humans? Yeah, no.
4831635 img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130510190738/scribblenauts/images/b/bf/Cannon_SU.png
No, they don't.
I am slowly getting more and more confused with this.
4836843
How so?
great story
but not like celestia
there are always options she chose the easiest
and I delete an entire race
and only said that he had no options
and saying that she hopes forgave
It is a very pathetic and unacceptable apology
ps greetings and good luck
... Ah, I see what you did there.
... ah jeez... you weren't kidding about the warning... poor 'Tia.
Good chapter can you do more
6526812
Sure. What do you think of it so far? What do you like about it?
Because it a great story and you did a great job and you are a wizard
6529467
:p thanks.