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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Barely got this new chapter up on time. Glad I could manage it!
By the way 500th comment.
I hate you and FIRST FOR THIS CHAPTER! besides the author but why cooper crisp why do you do this to me I want to rip this story up because i love it so much!
The back and forth with these characters and their emotions makes my head spin.
760136 Jerk. I wanted that.
*ahem* Anyway, looking good. And Celestia, is it really so hard to look up a gender-swap spell?
760215 foor fella, that irst will get you temporarily banned.
as for the story, I'm not even sure where this is going anymore...it's all over the place- in a good way. but dat ending...good god.
I am glad to see sanctuary, Ties of hoofs giving recompense. Alas poor Ruby was never found. This chapter still though did astound.
760324 U mad?
come on RD just ignore the evil voice
Ooh is much going on. I think I am starting to lose track of it all.
doesn't help that I am reading others stories along with this one....
“What do I look like, a dictionary?” Sweetie Belle asked.
narwhaler.com/img/js/t/i-see-what-you-did-there-spiderman-jsTQbp.jpg
great chapter btw!
oh boy, i smell some huge emotional conflicts in the near future.
Definitely loved your Zecora, most of the rhymes worked wonderfully.
Another AMAZING chapter! Although, i did see some errors and it seemed a little rushed But dont get me wrong, i still LOVED it!
I'm begining to have a severe dislike of RD in this fic.
If she cheats on Applejack with Pinkie, i hope Pinkie snaps and gets all cupcakey
DOCTOR SHRINK?!
ISN'T THAT THAT WEIRD THING OUT OF ANIMAL CROSSING?! NOOOO!
Twilight's getting suspicious..... Here's hoping Spike doesn't tell her what happened or Twilight/Rarity is screwed.....
There is a mix up in the last lines:
"“Yes, dear, horns,” Luna said." Shouldn't it read "Celestia"?
Anyway, this chapter looks like a god starting point for all sorts of drama, can't wait to see where this is going.
To think this all started from a game of truth or dare, the game has secret powers that completely change your life after playing.
glad to see
and it looks like we'll never see again
"Were it up to me, we’d end all hate and learn to love and tolerate."
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Did Fluttershy just pay 100 bits for what amounted to like a 5 minute session? WTF Doctor Shrink! Why you taking advantage of her like that!
Great chapter, just one thing. Didn't RD already tell Pinkie what was going on back in Chapter 16? It kind of confused me that Pinkie was clueless about why RD and AJ were fighting when Rainbow had already told her...
There's so many storylines going on it's impossible to keep track of... I really hope you will keep AppleDash though, instead of turning it into PinkieDash.
Also: This may very well have been one of the largest in-one-go updates ever witnessed by human eyes!
Okay, there are 2 things I can't wait for.
1. Twilight to find out Rarity is a rapist.
2. You to explain sex to the CMC.
Also, if Rainbow Dash and Applejack break up. I will never forgive you.
"What did you, read one of Twilight's..." Um... that's a little confusing. It might look better if maybe you said "What, did you read one of Twilight's..." or "What did you do, read one of Twilight's..." the comma placing seems funny.
"What is wrong with me? she asked herself." Italics or quotations would be nice here...
Hadn't found time to read anythignt he apst weeks, but now I'm back up again. So let's get this interesting sh!t over with? (don't get me wrong now...)
First of all, this story seems to progress way beyond the magnificence I imagined, that with Rarity raping Spike. All of my inner sadism shivered with exaltation, beholding from words that women under the right circumstances can rape men. It pleases me to no end, I can assure you...
Now, there are still a few loose parts in the characters' way of speaking (but your Zecora was amazing!), but they are more faint now than before which is a good sign.
However, i must point out from my personal opinion (and that of a fellow author) that it was kind of clumsy to introduce the aftermath of Spike's date. The narrator revealed himself too much, which is something you in general should avoid unless the point of the story is to work like that. What I'm trying to say is that it could have been explained very clearly in another way just to keep it smoothly without breaking the ardor in reading.
Aside from the uncalled critic, it was nice reading five chapters in a row once again Brohoof and get back to work, you magnificent sonofabitch!
Oh my god. I've been reading this since yesterday and this has definitely become one of my favorite fics. You don't spare on the conflict and the shoebills is just so appealing that I await for the next chapter!
So many love conflicts I dont even know. Since AppleDash is mah fave shipping I am secretly rooting for it the hardest. And.. I want to hug Zecora. Why can't more people think like her? Oh well.
Fave, watch, thumbs up, all my internets!
I want to kill Rarity. Bitch.
760127 Never fear! You don't need to worry about deadlines on this site. Take your time.
I have a bit of advice, now. I'm in that mood!
When you have a character speaking inside of their head, like when Rainbow Dash was talking to that voice, the general rule people follow is to put that internal monologue in italics. It separates the thinking from the narration, since there's no quotes to do it, and is, to be honest, really the thing people expect to see and are familiar with. It would be great for you to do that in the future, it really can improve those moments of thought.
“'Thank you, Fluttershy,' Doctor Shrink said. 'You may go.'” That... big... dumb... MEANIE!!! Oh! thank you for permission to go, Doctor! I'm so glad you're allowing me to leave my therapy session!.... RIGHT AFTER I GAVE YOU YOUR PAYMENT.
"'Suit yourself,' said the doctor." Again, "suit yourself" sounds a little rude. Suit yourself is generally used in a sarcastic way, not in an positive way like you tried to play it out. "Suit yourself" really isn't a pleasant term in society. I get you were trying to make it mean something along the lines of "Go for it!", but I think it still sounds rude to the readers, who I'm sure think of the Doctor as a nice guy. "Suit yourself" and "you may go" make him sound like a jerk, however.
I also have to say that you could have played out Dash's characterization a little better. That first scene with her and Applejack arguing/making up was entirely mature, completely honest, and straight-forward. Rainbow Dash, to be honest, is not the best emulator of those qualities (straight forward maybe, but that's not important to my point). Remember that Rainbow Dash is the kind of pony to hold a grudge, she's the kind to jump to conclusions, and she's one that thinks with her feelings and not her logic. At this point in time, she honestly (for the most part, the greatest point being Applejack's "you're a cunt!" outburst) seems to be the more mature and well-mannered of the two. Unfortunately, that should probably be the other way around. Anyway, I'm starting to sound mean, which believe me I'm not trying to. I just wanted to point out areas to improve. :unsure sweetie:
Good job, though~! Despite my complaints, I'm happy to see a new chapter out. Keep up your great work!
P.S. in b4 Gilda is why Dash has commitment problems
I love Zecora in this chapter. She respects lesbians!
Yes this is turning into a Soap opera and Im loving it
As per Rarity I think that she feels horrible about what she did to poor spike . I feel bad for her although I dont like what she did.
I dont think Twilight will forgive her for what she did but poor spike will end up messing up his relationship with that cute dragoness ...
I hope the therapist doesnt mess up Fluttershy
Maybe Dash could go see him
you make me so sad with all these characters and ships falling apart
when appledash got back together i thought but now rainbow wants to get with pinkie then the best of the pairings twirity fell apart. BUT I NEED MORE OF THIS STORY
788234The Twirity had BETTER work out, or I'm literally going to kill somepony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I-I-I... Want to say something, problem being, there are too many things screwing with my head... All i know is the awesomeness of this
I find tis hard to follow but it is very good and i love all the sex and stuff i feel like im in the right area when i read this stuff...... i think its time to get laid soon lolz
God...damn...it...rainbow...dash...
I think that the shipping madness is finally getting to my head. Regardless, I shall read on! The conclusion to this story is still a total mystery to me. I have no idea how it will end or how it will get there. Only one way to find out!
I can understand that Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle don't know about sex. But Apple Bloom being a farm filly she should have learn about it long ago while taking care of the animals.
scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtp1/v/l/t1.0-9/12654379_987335421356658_3818115149288002131_n.jpg?oh=0de1c395cf9ecbae4b1b4d7712bd5647&oe=57526DEF that. that is the worst.
You know, relationships based on sex are doomed from the start