FIRST READ THE WHOLE DESCRIPTION BEFORE READING
This story is about a boy. A brave boy. but also a brony. He was very happy he was kind of populair and had many friends.
Until...... until he admitted he was a brony. Cuz of, and ONLY cuz of that fact he was immediately put down.
He had one close friend left. Until he saw a blue blur flying across the hallway with a huge groep of students chacing it
This is his story...................
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A.N: this will be my first fanfiction:hope you enjoy (sry for the grammer im Dutch) :)
Chapters (13)
writing format is...odd, butt the story itself cdn.styleforum.net/f/f4/f4360c66_most-impressive-darth-vader.jpeg
You could benefit from someone else proof reading your material (Like I should be talking), but other than that not bad.
579991 Its very hard for me to write this, seeing im Dutch, and this is my first story.
I try hard. :)
579980 Thanks i try hard
580172
Did not realize that English was not your first language.
That probability explains a few things, ether way your story is good.
580172 and you are doing okay. But, you do need somebody to edit/revise. Would you accept my offer of help?
580181 Alright, just read your entire story. I really like the concept of it, it's good and all but:
1. Your chapters are very short. Try to stretch things out more.
2. You need an english editor. Then, they could go through and make sure you spell everything right.
3. You are making things way too easy for Jake. Make him have some challenges. The manticore? I mean, you could've made that fight a little longer.
4. You use the "" marks on everything. That is not correct, but I can help, if you want.
I can be your editor, and help you with your story, no problem! Just let me know if you want me to.
580285
I duno man I personally wanted my own made story thanks for the offer dow
580345 no, i don't change your story. Just the grammar. and spelling. and punctuation. That's all!
You write, but i edit. I understand if you still say no though!
580350 hey thats a pretty good idea!!!
YEA AlRIGHT!
580357
alright
so, before you go and publish your next chapter, you send it to me in a private message. I edit the spelling and other stuff, then I send it back to you. Then, you post it!
580304 i was planning an obstacle for him but good thinking
580366 ok
just send it to me when your ready
580363 okay i just finshed it so how do i put it in a private message?
580363 sry im new here
580397 alright, i can kinda explain
580397 what you have to do is click my name. Then, look for the envelope button. Click it, and it should show up.
580402 have you received it???
580417 yes
Epic story. You should make it so he finds a 2nd guy that is in to fluttershy and is shy him self
580432 sry but i already wrote hes smart and likes hanging out with Twi
but im waiting for my new awesome editotor to get out the grammer mistakes
sry
580285 i cant thank you enough
thanks
580472 nah man, no problem!
g'night!
im sorry it took me so long though. I just need to look over it really good ya know? Anyway, no problem, i would do it anytime. Except for right now, because i am tired and about to hit the hay. it is 3:50 a.m for me.
not bad ill watch +!
580464 It is ok
HMMMM.... HMMMm... Seems Legit XD. I await more chapters.
The writing style is a bit.. wierd
but the story itself is good! just remember when someone speaks use quotes
Example: i was reading the story "it's pretty good" i said. End of example!
something like that.. hope it helps
Nice story. I like how this story is way more energetic than most story's. Its nice to read a story that is a bit less serious and a bit more superawesome godmode powers in Equestria.
Also i'm still seeing grammer problems and i would like to help with those, at least if its ok with you and your editor.
But i gotta tell you that English is not my first language (i'm actually Dutch) but i'm pretty good with it. (thank you education)
583022 ja ik ben ook Nederlands en als je wilt kun je helpen!
581489 yea it kinda helped
the chapters are getting better just a few spelling mistakes but not much else so apart from that it's great
good story.. few spelling mistakes but overall aint that bad anyway..
y is there a big gap after SAFE
y is there a big gap at the end
whats with the gaps
Does any one else see a big gap
cute
584996 Im Dutch and this is my first story ever, but i try really hard so thanks
580472 if I had the money, I would pay you to have me revise yours
580472 If you need a Proofreader, I'd gladly help.
You need two things: a Proofreader, and longer chapters; maybe you could put two chapters together? And again, I'll help with the proofreading since i like helping others, and I have nothing else to do.
580304>>580828
If you want, I could help you guys with proofreading then pass it back to somedude or Faintfox(whether you're editing or not). If you want.
580304>>580828
If you want, I could help you guys with proofreading then pass it back to somedude or Faintfox(whether you're editing or not). If you want.
580304
580828
If you want, I could help you guys with proofreading then pass it back to somedude or Faintfox(whether you're editing or not). If you want.
580304
580828
If you want, I could help you guys with proofreading then pass it back to somedude or Faintfox(whether you're editing or not). If you want.
580477
I'm guessing you're Somedude's new editor? Good job fixing the grammar, but I found some words that didn't make sense, like 'evrybody' and 'gona' , you should probably tell somedude about it so he can fix it.
587992 yes, i am his editor. I know i miss some things, but I will try hard not to next time!
587992 I ment to do that "gona" thing but thank
Ok hope i wont sound too harsh.
Spelling here on first chapter is fairly horrible. Is it possible for you to write a new chapter with correct spelling and put up?
some where simply awful. "B(l)ue familiar, F(r)iend" they are in need of a change
otherwise this seems nice