On the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration, he returns to Canterlot even though he knows he'll find nothing there but certain doom. He returns because he made a promise ... and nopony breaks a Pinkie promise.
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- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen May 20th, 2015
Donnys Boy
My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.
Donnys Boy
Joined 2nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Ooohh... this looks interesting. I'll read it after this episode of soul eater.
not entirely bad, just needed a little back story.
Ooof... that was heavy-hitting. I like the vagueness of the background to this - what exactly happened to the Bearers is never made clear, and that hint of Celestia's malice at the end... very well done.
Yes, I think that's about the way Celestia would go about doing something like that. Calmly and politely, everything thought out, with no malice. There's a certain awful cruelty to benevolence, sometimes.
It needed a backstory, and the ending wasn't as emotional as it could have been. Also, I loved how evil Celestia was in the end.
>:O
Pretty clever story. Would of liked more of a back story but I understand why you wrote it like you did. Well done :)
....I hate it when people pull the Celetia is evil thing, but I can say this story is well written.
Wow. I actually teared up at the end. Bravo.
This is clever concept, to be sure. I really, really loved how you portrayed Celestia's character here. While not evil, she radiates a very unapproachable, omnipotent vibe that makes her seem so much more malevolent. She was acting entirely in-character, and to me, her laid back behavior is so much more chilling as a result.
That said, I would have liked to see some more back-story and explanation to the events that are occurring here. The audience is pretty much just being thrown into a lake and expected to know how to swim, and that can either work well, or work very poorly. I can understand what you're trying to accomplish here, a sort of vague backdrop that the reader can make his or her own interpretations from, but the result feels slightly unfinished to me. Not 'bad', no, not at all, but in need of some fine polishing here and there. Still; I think you've done an overall lovely job tin the end
hmmmm...seems to end a bit abruptly. i guess that's just me...
This is so incredibly good.... Makes me want to try and finish my own story I got from there. Thank you for the inspiration to continue writing something that's really out of my comfort zone.
At first, I thought that the story were a little better than average, but not amazing...
Then I read the prompt, and I died at your ingenuity and creativity in the the whole thing (especially the characters) made me smile, and do the whole "slow-clap". Still isn't your best work, but the way you made the entire thing was great!
Oh, and that last sentence... DAMN.
Extremely clever writing project, but damn me for LIKING the 'evil' Celestia. For me, whenever a villain has less back story (other than what little is played out in a story), it seems far more sinister than what a typical villain would do (monolouging, etc) . It is a weakness of mine, I am afraid.
That said, it does make me interested to know more, thus the story is good by me!
Daaaaaaaaaaaamn. This hit hard and fast, but was a really enjoyable read. I wish there was a little bit more back story as to HOW the elements die, but enough is hinted in the fic to satisfy my curiosity.
My main comment has already been said a bunch of times - interesting and well written story, but a backstory - even if it's just hints as to what could've happened - would make it better.
To that comment I would also add a wish for a better description of Spike's size. At first I imagined him the size of the dragon from Dragonshy, but presumably, if that were the case, he would not be able to fit inside the palace. But he also can't be as small as the teenager-type dragons from whatever that episode with the dragon migration was called, otherwise he wouldn't need space cleared for him.
Other than that, good story, I enjoyed it.
You did a really good job with the prompt o.0
Yes, I agree that you should write a backstory as bonus.
I have to say I liked this story.
I particularly liked that everyone was in character (or at least a plausible character.) Every single action - even the "evil" ones - are entirely justifiable from that character's perspective.
(Seriously- I *can't* hate Celestia for what she did. It *is* the cleanest solution from HER standpoint. Of course - I was actually yelling at the screen "Spike - you dummy - NEVER accept a drink from the evil tyrant you've come to overthrow...
" before he drank.)
Thumbs up and a moustache in honor of the fallen!
Hmm, very interesting. Tell me, did they ever clear up the issue of Spike growing up? Seeing as I'm only halfway through the series, the last I heard of dragon metabolisms was the whole 'they get bigger as they get greedy thing', and for me that carried some pretty awful implications- that, if he was going to stay with his friends and not wreck Ponyville, Spike would have to essentially remain a baby dragon for the rest of his life. That would be an interesting dilemma.
As for the actual story itself: I liked it. I felt there was just enough backstory to let ye olde imagination run riot, and the idea of Spike developing and furthering his writing skills from his old days taking letters and biography-ing RD tickled a nice chord- a little bit of predestination, perhaps, a lick of irony that he gets to use the skills Twilight taught him through rigorous secretary training to strike a publicity blow against the pony he holds responsible for her death. A subtle but nice feature was the way Spike still identifies himself as an anypony at heart, rather than being a big, draconic outsider, even after the difference is pointed out to him by his grandniece- it really speaks volumes about where his loyalties lie. (Speaking of the grandniece, I'm getting hints of Flutterdash.)
Overall, this was great. The decision to have Spike mature in character and lose a little bit of his childish, peppy snark kind of reduced my attachment to him, but the denouement still packed a kick despite it. Good job.
I still love this.
Heeeello, everyone. Thanks for all of the comments and thoughts, folks! It seems clear to me that there's a consensus that one of the big issues in this story (if not THE issue) is the issue of backstory. I have a few ideas where more backstory might be desired, but I'd rather ask than guess and possibly be wrong. So, if anyone is inclined to elaborate on where they'd like more backstory, I'd be appreciative. (Such as ... what exactly happened to the Mane Six, what Spike did in the intervening years, what exactly Celestia told the Mane Six, what exactly is in Spike's book, all of that, none of that, etc.?)
As GingerNutGin suggested, a good portion of the vagueness in the story is intentional, but if everyone feels like they're wandering lost in the woods, it's TOO vague. And for what it's worth, I don't see Celestia as necessarily evil in the story, and I'd hoped to leave room for varying impressions of her as a character.
568807 What happened to the Mane Six and probably what Celestia told them would be good. Like I said before, you could still keep it vague, but give hints as to different possible events that could've happened, instead of giving no indication other than that it got them killed.
Spike's book wouldn't really need elaboration if you did that I think; it would be obvious that it's an attempt to expose whatever Celestia did.
Another vote here for liking it vague. I mean, the back story could be cool, but I think this story captures the emotions rather then bogging them down in trivia. But there's enough fanfic to go around.
I thought it was great!
Twilight just soul-crushed Celestia from the grave. Twilight is victoryful.
Inb4 featured
I have to say that I liked the vagueness as well; the story is there to get to the big emotional impact of it all at the end, and bogging down too much in the details would just slow everything down.
Also, am I the only one who's vaguely curious about Spike's "grandniece" and wouldn't mind a bit more info on her?
I'll be honest bro, that was preety good, not great(sry, just my opinion) but good
Damn it - I know I should explode into a towering rage about this. I want to explode into a towering rage. But I can't. I don't have enough information. All I can say about this situation is that the loyalty displayed by Spike, the trust apparently betrayed by Celestia, and the dignity with which they conduct their affairs, all move me strongly. As does the dishonour Celestia does herself by defeating her opponent by secret means, but that's a different matter.
I also want to dig a little at Spike for not thinking that the tea would be poisoned (drugged is generally used when the results are anything _but_ death), but then again, he isn't exactly experienced at being suspicious, is he?
Huh. Tragedy isn't normally my cup of tea, but I really liked this :D Excellent work, as always!
I have to say, Spike accepted his end well. With calm acceptance and a last little sting (well, more than a sting). And I'd rather not know what happened to the Elements. Some things are better left unsaid, hm?
This is the Celestia I know. Well done.
Well I think that is a very nice story it was a little to short and could have gone into better detail about the back story like what it was that killed them or what things Spike mentioned in his book or even who exactly the pony he talked to was the descendant of. Other than those small complaints I had, I think that this was a fantastic story and I did enjoy the ending quite a lot.
...
...
...
...
What?
Hmm. Very interesting. It makes a lot more sense seeing how this story came about. That should not be construed to be a negative comment in any way, however. All things considered, it was pretty well executed, even if I have to say that casting Celestia as such without cause or reason is treading into dangerous territory.
Still, not explaining what happened was definitely a good idea. Going into detail would have killed the mystery, it would have presented me with the stakes, but instead I was left trying to fill the gaps, letting my imagination go into overdrive - always a powerful story telling tool. And after the story I just finished writing, I know that narrative device inside out and back to front.
I enjoyed Spike's character, and he felt like a believable progression of the Spike we know today. I can't say the same for Celestia, as I alluded to before, however, but you are not the first person to stray into that idea (a certain famous TwiLuna story springs to mind as another example of a fic using that premise). It didn't work then, and I have to say it doesn't work all that well now (albeit this is considerably better than the aforementioned TwiLuna story). I am not sure if you'd care enough for me to go into reasons why, so I won't, haha.
Other than that, very nicely done. Sure a few pieces of description or narration could have been tightened up a bit, but you (mostly) stayed away from telling, and kept the prose emotive. For what it was, it was short, powerful enough, and enjoyable.
Nice work, DB!
So, a few votes for "vagueness was fine as is," huh? *ponders* I shall have think upon this some more and then reread when I've gotten a bit more distance and ability to be objective about the piece, I believe.
Many thanks to everyone who's left comments since my last reply, by the way. I'm getting a lot of pretty detailed feedback, and I know that takes some time and effort to write. I appreciate y'all doing so.
568874
Much obliged! Really appreciate you expounding a bit.
568724
Nah, there hasn't been anything else much on the dragon growing up process. Fanon has an answer, though, that not all dragons grow like Spike did in that episode--that regular dragon growth is different than "greed growth." (And yay! I'm glad it came across that Spike still saw himself very much as an Equestrian and as a "somepony.")
569222
(Though I do always appreciate when folks express their opinions politely vs. "This is the worst filth I have ever read, and you should go DIAF!")
You don't have to apologize for thinking it's not great. You could think it totally sucked, and you still wouldn't have to apologize. Everyone's allowed to like what they like and dislike what they dislike.
569273
Huh! I didn't know the "drugged" vs. "poisoned" distinction, but then, thankfully I have no direct experience with either. Thanks for letting me know!
571606
Heh. This actually strays a bit from my own preferred interpretation of Celestia (though I tried to keep her as close to that as I could while trying to make the story work), but I'm glad you liked her.
Also! I still owe you a one-shot. If you actually want one, that is.
572172
For what it's worth, I included the info in the author's note as a "thank you" to v-dub and the other writers, as well as some perhaps interesting background info, and not to try to make any excuses. Either the story stands on its own merits, or it doesn't, is what I feel.
If you wanna go into reasons re: Celestia, by all means, do. Though I can guess, I'm sure--this isn't my preferred interpretation of Celestia, either.
572391 I agree with you, and you get respect from me for saying so. Every story has its own merits, and nothing else. Or at least, that's how it should work.
As for the Celestia thing, that's an interesting one. The idea that Celestia is evil, cruel, manipulative, cold, etc, etc, etc, is not inherently bad by default. The real problem that lies with the idea is that people do not provide proper context for her behaviour. As a reader, we have to see causation between a character's actions and their personality - particularly when dealing with established characters - to be able to believe them.
Ironically, this means that for shorter stories, this is a far harder task to complete. Longer stories have room to establish motivation, character depth, and progress. Short stories do not have this luxury, and this problem (dramatic shifts in character personality without cause or explanation) are systemic in them as a result. It leaves a bitter taste when we are given an established character and expected as a reader to accept a complete 180 in personality.
In saying all of that, this story was nowhere near as bad as what the comments I have made above allude to. Celestia was not textbook evil or completely over the top, but the point still remains that her actions (justifying their deaths as a sacrifice for the nation? Yikes. That's some cold stuff there), are too distant from the Celestia we know, and there was never a platform or believable character foundation for that.
And now it's gonna seem like I'm whining and complaining!
I really did like the story! Haha. Please believe me!
572428
*nod* Yeah, that all makes sense, and I think that's probably the one single element that could benefit most from expansion/explanation/revision.
576835 Well if you do revise it, be sure to chuck a blog post up about it or pm me or something. I would be very interested in seeing how you change it!
576846
Oh, absolutely! Any and all revisions (excluding stuff like removing typos) will get a blog post mentioning them. *nod* Though I tend to apply lessons forward to future writing projects more than to revise former writing projects--if only because, otherwise, I could see myself just revising and revising and revising the one lone story, over and over again.
The vagueness adds to the story's setup's somewhat ethereal nature. To fill it in seems somewhat needless at this point. Wondering just how the Bearers were lost and just how necessary their sacrifice (whether it was their own, or Celestia's of them), just how long Spike has been in hiding given that his friend's children have had children, and the unclear nature of Celestia's actions (how much could have been avoided, was there another option, is she evil for preserving the safety and stability of her land and people?) gives the story a tone that a full backstory seems like it would damage. Well, I mean, in my opinion.
581616
Always good to have a counterpoint. I'll probably leave the story alone at this point and just hope its merits outweigh its flaw.
An opinion I appreciate, thanks.
good story and concept but i wished you'd let spike burn her alive or something to where celestia gets killed
I don't get it
Very late to the party, but this was amazing.
This is painful to read and dammit I like it
I liked the vagueness. It left so much up to the imagination. I think Spike had made up his mind, to confront Celestia, knowing that she couldn't let his books' contents be known. He knew this would be their last meeting, but now he could finally be with the ones he loved.
By the way, your cover picture, kind of makes Spike look rather stupid. That is not the impression I got from his character, in the story. I saw a very noble character remaining loyal to the memory of his fallen friends. You may want to choose a better picture.
Promises are important.
Gah, this is so sad...
I honestly wanted Celestia to die here, too...Dammit.
This was really well-written, and I loved Spike's character
But so sad...