Charlie is dead. He is still dealing with this fact, but he's on the road to recovery. Of course, being in a land of talking ponies doesn't really help a man accept his own death, or in this case, undeath. Being a ghost is not easy, it's quite a bit of boring nothingness. At least, that was true, until one pony was suddenly able to see him.
Now he's got a new friend, but the whole ghost thing is still a pain.
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Seems promising will wait for update
I'm tracking the story and like it so far, but I felt that a first chapter would have been better if it included the first interactions. As it is, it was just setup because the character still didn't interact with anypony in it. The character's change of situation, if any, will have to wait 'til the next chapter. So it's a bit of a tease, which I feel isn't appropriate for a starting chapter.
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I suppose you have a point. This was actually originally longer, I just cut it off there because it felt like enough of a pause to justify a chapter break.
Yes, please continue! It's quite good!
Yes very good pls continue!!!
I can't help but think that if Pinkie sees him, Twilight would want to see and probably cast some type of six sense spell on herself. I just wanna see their reaction! I know Rarity might faint, Fluttershy silent in shock, and probably Applejack and Rainbow Dash might not believe what their seeing, and I don't know about Pinkie or Twilight.
I also hope that he could probably learn to move things or pick things up if he really concentrate. It'll be like Paranormal Activity in this town!
Interesting setting.
Looking good so far, I hope to see more.
So, Pinkie's like a Median? Interesting. I wonder if she'll be able to see and communicate with other human ghosts that find their way into Equestria.
Tracking for sure, mon ami, and have a splendid day!
I say yes, please continue. The setup here is good, and watching the mane six realize that there's something following them around, but they can't tell what, and try to figure it out, sounds ripe for comedy and a good emotional switch as the main character realizes that he can communicate with them, and vice versa.
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Chapter two is on the way!
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We'll just have to wait and see, now won't we?
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Well, Pinkie is certainly something alright.
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Just wait until they ask what he's been doing the whole time.
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Indeed she is. Probably some kind of reality warper from the stars. But I think that's why so many of us Bronies love her so much.
Do you remember A Ghost Story? That was a fun fic, too bad it was never completed...
I hope to see this one being finished, it look just as promising and fun!
this is cool
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I never read that one, but maybe I saw it and forgot about it because my story here is eerily similar... I hope no one thinks I am ripping that one off, it's all completely coincidental.
Also, don't worry, I have every intent to finish this story.
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You're cool
(No I did not forget to put this in my other reply comment. Shush you.)
Yes
Very nice, very funny, awesome stuff.
It's an interesting story. I'd like to see more.... soon plz
More please! :)
Welp Charlie, you got saved from one form of insanity only to be thrown into another.
Baaah!
Huh, im surprised this was updated after so long, and so soon after i followed it!
Charlie, face it... you're screwed
7785993 ikr
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Oh, you don't know the half of it.
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I'd like to pretend I did it just for you guys, but it's actually just some wonkiness with fimfiction. I uploaded the story in 2015, but only recently published it. And that's not even how long I've been sitting on it.
Nice, I like this. I look forward to more.
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I like it too.
Raised from the dead, this fic was.
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media.giphy.com/media/Kqp4CCYeveapa/giphy.gif
Bravo sir, bravo.
7792877 you should make pinkie show he is real by using a white board and when he is writing think of harry potter music
New chapter?!
I like the premise, but Charlie is kind of an idiot. He might not be able to consistently manipulate objects, but clearly he can interact with them. Though I'm unclear why he's able to knock apples off of trees, but unable to open doors. The handling seems inconsistent. Either way, since ponies apparently can't or won't walk through him even something as trivially simple as standing in a doorway should enable him to make it clear that he exists.
At the same time, he seems to have chronic case of "let's be unhappy about having this thing I wanted!" He was unhappily isolatedfor a year, he made a wish to be able to talk to someone, the wish was granted and he has somebody to talk to...why is he sulking and trying to hard to avoid her? "Oh, no she's pink!" just isn't very convincing. It comes across as if you, the author, are trying to write a wish-fulfillment story without it sounding like a wish-fulfillment story by having him acting unhappy about it. As if to say, "Oh, woe is me...these fun adventures being thrust upon me, how terrible! Oh no, my favorite pony....umm, no I mean that horrible Pinkie Pie, how awful that I get to have a fun sleepover party at her house." The delivery is not very convincing.
Speaking of which, you've got some kind of weird characterization going on here.
"I realize that it is odd that someone like me would willing be near a pony so, well, pink."
...uhh, no, actually. Nothing about this guy makes me think he's such a "manly man" that feminine things are somehow beneath him. You have him whining about losing his girlfriend, you have him terrified of the pink pony talking to him, you have him hyperventilating and freaking out, you have him brooding like an emo, you have him being pushed around and not standing up for himself, you have him using the door as an excuse to leave rather than deciding for himself what he wants to do...just kind of everything about the guy makes him seem like a fairly weak, effeminate guy who wants other people to make decisions for him so he can simultaneously enjoy having what he wants handed to him while denying responsibility for the outcome and complaining about it.
Go re-read that sequence leading up to the party. If he were really "The Man" he's claiming to be, he would have decided whether he wanted to go to party, and whatever he decided, that's what he would have done. Instead you have him brooding about it all day long, terrified of the "oohhh, scary prospect of having to talk to people." You know, the thing that he just wished to have?
So you've just given him what he asked for, and now he's acting all mopey about it. So he tries to run a way, but is too scared to. So he goes to the party anyway...why, exactly? If he didn't want to go, all he had to do was not go. It's not like "leaving town or attend party" were the only choices. But he goes to the party anyway, On the way you have him talking to some random pony he knows can't hear him solely so he can have an excuse to feel offended.
Eventually he arrives at the party, and the moment he sees the door, "oh, well there's my excuse to not be here, I guess i can leave now." Seriously? And the moment he tries to leave he ends up being roped in and lets Pinkie Pie decide for him so he can be unhappy about it.
Everything about his guy comes across as the worst gender stereotype of dumb girl behavior. Imagine Pinkie asking him where he wants to eat, and him telling her that he doesn't know, even though he knows full well exactly where he definitely wants to go...but he doesn't say it because he doesn't want to be responsible for the decision. He wants somebody to make the decision for him. So she somehow magically guesses right, and takes him to exactly the place he most wanted to go but refused to say...and then imagine he complains about it anyway.
That's absolutely something this guy would do.
Charlie reads like a deliberate gender-reversal stereotype of the worst female personality traits.
Don't get me wrong: it's a valid characterization, and you're being very consistent and doing an excellent job of portraying him this way.
But are you doing it on purpose?
Updates speeds like this make me feel less guilty about taking breaks from my own writing once in a while.
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The way you described him reminds me of these wives:
Its alive!
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You do make some valid points about Charlie. Honestly, yes, he's kind of refusing to let himself be happy. As such, there are a few things I keep in mind when writing him.
One: He's been alone for over year. Even though he tries to interact with ponies and pranks them and such, he has no real interaction before the story. As such, he's both A: gone a bit loopy, and B: gotten used to a status quo. It's not unlike being stranded on an island and finding it hard to settle back into your normal life. Not exactly like that, but similar.
Two: He's a ghost. I know it seems like he's just supposed to be a normal guy, but he's not. He's a ghost for a reason, not just because that was the contrived premise I came up with when writing this story. Because he is a ghost, he is subject to ghost lore, in particular that he is not entirely himself anymore, merely a spirit stuck on the world instead of moving on to the afterlife.
Three: Tying into the ghost thing, he died. He remembers his death, and all the circumstances leading up to it. This had a profound effect on his character, and that will be revealed as the story goes and his backstory is explored more.
Four: He honestly kinda has trouble liking ponies. He's trapped in their world and has been alone for a long time. He knows they didn't do anything wrong, he just is predisposed to not like them because of his situation. That's why he enjoys insulting them, it's kind of a way of working out aggression.
Five, and last: Yeah, he's indecisive and doesn't know what to do. Pinkie Pie is the only living thing he has spoken to while trapped on a foreign world after his death, but at the same time he can't stand the idea of her for reasons not yet explained (see number three). He wants nothing to do with his surroundings, but is forced into them anyways. Most of the time he winds up doing what others (That is, Pinkie) choose for him because he just doesn't know what to do on his own.
I know that technically if I have to explain why something is the way it is in a story I haven't written it well enough, I just think that in the format of it being incomplete, sometimes things can seem bad when the explanation just hasn't come yet. I can see how I failed to fully lay the base for the ideas I have in store for him, but I can only hope that what is to come can help resolve some of the outstanding issues surrounding him. To be honest, describing him as
was not fully intentional but actually quite fitting. I'd explain more but that would be spoilers. I hope you continue to read, even if it seems a bit off-putting at the moment.
The doorway thing though, you got me on that. Did not think of that. I may have to come up with an edit for that one.
Honk honk!
The Pink shipping Co full sail ahead!!
Wait, did Rarity just say that Pinkie is acting the same way that Sweetie Belle does sometimes? Does this mean that Sweetie Belle has been pretending not to be able to see dead people?
That would be an awesome plot twist!
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As much fun as that could be, I'm gonna have to shoot you down. It was a rather subtle reference to an episode from season two, actually. Just pay attention to what Charlie and therefore Pinkie said.
This needs to be finished. It's too good.
Twilight needs to make a ghost seeing spell for her and the other three(or four). Though, I think it would be considered dark magic and she won't use it. I can just feel the inner pain of not being noticed...by Pone-senpai~.
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That picture...
i.stack.imgur.com/2PeMcm.png
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Lol, it seemed like a nice picture since it is about the Ponk and her noticing in alien ghost senpai.
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Thanks for reading, yo! To be clear though, yes, some ghosts can morph. Charlie is more the "Spirit stuck on the mortal plane due to lingering issues" kind of ghost, though. So, for the most part he just kinda has to deal with not being able to touch most things or be affected by physical properties. I do intend to address some of the inconsistencies in his ghostly abilities, but as of now he's like a platypus, he doesn't do much.
Thank you, this is a very amusing story, and I can't wait till the next chapter.
No romance tag? there goes my hopes of a human x pinkie fic.
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I mean, I'm with ya, but the whole ghost thing kinda puts a hamper on the kissy-times. Sorry.
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pfft Death is nothing magic can't fix!
buck you ask for someone, and you got someone