The Great Derpsby
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Knowing Scootaloo she'll find a boyfriend as well and I know who.
5683122 she surely will be as desperate as Apple Bloom if his boyfreind is Snails.
This is 100% pure innocent questioning. If something completely Stepford-level evil has happened how did no one notice on the periphery? Clearly there was a borderland of the effect and Scoots was outside of it. And if Leash Day is a thing it must be new so how did information about it disseminate?
5683122
You think so? I'd like to know who you think it'll be, please
5683388
The speed demon and the slow guy... Truly a match made in heaven. Or at least somewhere.
5684831
That truly depends on what's happened and how obvious it was, no?
5687260 Rumble.
5687378
Any particular reason why him?
Thank you for the answer
5687489 Those two are an awesome couple and have loads of fun.
5687260 you know everything is relative
Very true! Very true indeed. But that also requires the old "escalating bodycount gag." Character one kills someone and then notices character two saw them. They kill character two and then notice character three. And so on and so on. Always assuming Character X has no modern devices that have made things harder on secrecy like a cell phone or transmission-capable camera.
Is this a kind of "Scoots is Legend" where she has some protection (otherwise it would be a bit too obvious) or just a "Resident Evil" situation (RE4 in particular; this Stepford-Smiler town could very well be victims of Las Plagas)? I'm quite hooked.
5687260
Interesting setup.
5688771
Thank you
I seem to remember this premise, you were talking about this in one of the MC groups threads, yes?
I'm excited to see it be published, looks like it'll be lots of fun!
5696271
Maybe
Thank you, I hope it won't disappoint!
I'm also giving the first chapter some polish over the next few days before moving on to chapter two.
Well, you've caught my interest. I'm wondering if the effect is merely mental, or if there has been a bit of a reality shift centered around Ponyville. The whole town has been shifted slightly toward the perverse, which is why no one local notices the pod ponies. They are all influenced. Either by being part of what is happening, or by seeing it as perfectly normal.
5748014
Thanks
With a little luck, chapter two should be out before the end of the week.
5816074
You're right, and I'm sorry about the delay. I'll try to make it up to you and your fellow readers!
You have caught my interest...
Oh I am totally going to add your story to my favorites.
I know I shouldn't ask plot questions, but... are they in essence dead? I want to know if I should keep reading or if this is RooshV/Marjan Siklic/Asshole MRA stuff.
5888991
I don't know if I can give you an answer to that. Not because I don't want to, but because you and I think very differently. We've seen that in past discussions.
If you want me to, I can send you background information via PM and you can make your own call. That might be for the best since, again, we'll probably come to very different conclusions.
5888567
Thank you!
When dose the tide turns? AAARG!!!
I'm with Scootaloo....What the buck happened??!!
While she was gone, her best friends got coltfriends (or in the case of Sweetie Belle, a drakefriend), the dumb and dumber duo apparently shaped up enough that they got fillyfriends of their own (Snails and Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom and Snips). Diamond Tiara isn't around anymore, Twist and Truffle are DEFINITELY a very happy couple, and Rumble apparently has a crush on Scoots but can't either show it or say it, making him a bit of a tsundere.
I get that it's supposed to be a month roughly while Scoots was visiting family but that month seems more like summer vacation.
this is looking to be pretty cool
5891122
Thank you!
5890158
Things changed pretty quickly, eh? I hope it'll make some sense as the story goes along
I am loving this story right now. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Oh please do, thank you! I usually like future CMC stories, but the distinct lack of lesbians makes me sad. And the lack of gays. And the lack of guillotines. Or any explanation for this Villain Sue that seems to be going on.
5889132
Seeing as how I'm just as much in the dark as Scootaloo I can't really comment too much. You need to have some sort of reveal, even if only a little one, to let us have some idea of what is going on.
I'm wondering if Snips and Snail's got their hands on an artifact. Their situation seems pretty wish fulfilling. The rest of the situation is collateral damage maybe?
Most puzzling aspect of this is why the 'mature' Scootaloo and the rest of them are in school? I realize it makes it easier to set up, but it seems like you're writing them as if they are still foals, but aging them up to get past the restrictions without actually changing their situation.
5896966
It's a little more complicated than that.
I've always seen them as being somewhere between fourteen and sixteen; much like their Equestria Girls counterparts, who appear to be in their high school freshman years. They'd still be mostly the same when they do come of age. Some changes would've have happened, of course!
But, this does tell me I've done a poor job of conveying that. They're not supposed to come across as children
And it hasn't been mentioned yet, but this will also be their graduation year. Thank you for bringing these issues to my attention! I need to keep them in mind for future chapters.
As for the other two parts... We'll see
Alright now a picture is being painted; albeit a vague one. The whole town (judging from the reactions Twilight and Spike had in this chapter) is under the affect of some sort of enchantment. One that makes mares listen/obey/believe stallions/males (Again, a guess from the chapter. Might be false or true), and also causes them to not question the sudden new 'Leash Day'.
Perhaps it's a background pony pulling the strings?
To me it seemed like Twilight and Spike were not affected by whatever is going on,until Twilight dropped that remark about Leash Day.
Light Mask might have a point about part of the effect of whatever is going on is to make them take whatever it is as perfectly normal and natural.
5904369 well, a lack of relationships might mean it had no way to affect them. After all, everyone is paired up, it's not all stallions over all mares
5904421
Perhaps it's based off the relationships between ponies then? If that's the case I forsee Zecora as being unaffected....
5904421
Yes, but if this leash day is now part of Spike's mental landscape I would have thought he'd at least have been daydreaming about engaging in it with Rarity while he was thinking of her.
5904151
And to add to what you said, I'm going to guess that whatever caused this change to the town was a one-time thing, like a spell.
Anyone within an unknown radius of the town was changed, and remains changed. Scootaloo hasn't yet been shown to be affected. Too early to tell if whatever is happening will change her over time though.
5904914
So far it appears as if it was a singular event that caused the change, and I only have two theories as to what happened. The first is a spell, but that would require a very high level unicorn, and the second is some sort of artifact/potion.
What is this "leash day?"
*is reading intrestedly* *Enter Twilight* Mind = "OH great! Leash day will be an 'evil' thing that Twilight and Scootaloo will stop!" *read the ending* mind = "OH SH*T NOT EVEN TWILIGHT ESCAPED! THEY'RE DOOMED! DOOOMED!!!"
I like it!!!
Fantastic so far. I'm truly hoping for some really dark twists in order to explain this whole leash day weirdness.
5941963
I'm currently working in the second part of "First Day of School", hopefully it won't take as long as the last one!
Thank you!
5947757
It's been five days already, I'm starting to lose hope. :(
So Rainbow is really Shia Leboeuf? Interesting.
First of all a disclaimer. This isn't a genre I'm really used to reading, but I do feel giving you feedback is the least I can do, after all the helpful comments you left on my own fic. Just something to keep in mind.
I admit, from the description, I expected something a bit more cloppy, and was pleasantly surprised that the story focused more on the relationships between characters. Using Scootaloo as an outsider pov character is a good choice, and creates a good air of mystery. The writing is also pretty good, although I find you have a tendency to give too much exposition, rather than just showing us stuff. A good example would be the entire backstory of how Scootaloo likes to stretch. Sure, it says a bit about her character, but it takes us away from the story. Something I felt I'd point out.
The big thing I feel I should comment on are the clothing descriptions. I get that the girls dressing like hookers (sorry, couldn't think of a better word, haha) is a plot point, but having every single outfit described gets tiresome after a while. It's justified in the situations when Scootaloo is shocked by it, but eventually we're left to wonder why so much energy is spent on these descriptions.
The story is still early, and the mystery elements do work. I was curious about why the characters all acted this way, and what the hell leash day is, and why even characters like Twilight seem to go along with something that sounds like a BDSM party. Either way, good work on your first fic. I really don't have much more to say regarding the early stuff. It drags on a bit at times, but otherwise you seem to be on the right track.
6157148
That's some of the most useful feedback I've ever gotten!
Hey, thank you very much for the review!
6157650
It's the least I can do, I'm happy to help.
Oh man, is Scootaloo walking into a trap? Will she fall under the same spell that's afflicted the others? I bet Diamond Tiara has some "plans"...heh heh.
This is pretty great, but it's been a while - I hope you've been able to work a little on the next chapter! You built a great setup here and I for one am dying to see where the story goes next.
Was this written after Bloom and Gloom?
6579201 The chapter, yes. It seemed like a fun addition. I'm not going to incorporate every new episode in the story (that just wouldn't work) but if it's not really damaging to the plot, why not?
6968255
Yes, I do plan on continuing soon. I know it's been a long time now, and I'm sorry for the wait. Had a case of rather horrible writing block coupled with a lot of real life shenanigans.
7396773
You're right. You deserve better than this.
I'll get a chapter out before next weekend is over if it kills me.
Thanks for giving me the kick I needed!