MisInterpreting Life's Fallacies

“Did you hear what the human said about our Princess Celestia?” asked Carrot Top.

“This sounds like a juicy rumor, darling. I so want in!” answered Rarity.

“He called her....a MILF!” exclaimed Carrot Top.

“You don’t say? Do you know what it means?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Major Identified Life Form?”

“I simply must tell the girls! They should know immediately!” Rarity quickly trotted off to tell her friends and pretty much every pony in the town the new rumor.

The Crystal Fortress, the home of Equestria’s newest Princess. Inside this majestic structure sat six friends who were engaging in a lively debate.

“Maybe it means Majorly Intelligent Loving Family! After all, it seems that all the Princesses, including me, are known to be intellectual juggernauts!” said Twilight.

Rainbow Dash placed her tea back on the table. “Actually, it means Mainly I Love Flying! You should see Princess Celestia fly! She can give the Wonderbolts a run for their money! She’s almost as awesome as I am!”

Applejack gave her friend and longtime rival a boop on her nose. “Don’t want ta burst yer bubble there Dash, but you’ve seen the way the Princess eats her apples, 'ahm sure it means Must Immensely Love FujiApples!”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Applejack, that’s just cheating! You girls got it all wrong! I think it actually means Moonstone Inspired Luminous Fashion.”

Fluttershy then mumbled something but everyone was unable to hear her.

“Come now, Fluttershy, you must simply speak up my dear!” said Rarity.

Fluttershy 'Eeped!' but seeing as she was with her friends, she found the courage to speak up. With a blush on her face, she said the dreaded words: “Uhm, I think it means... Maybe I Like Furries.”

Everyone but Pinkie glared at poor Fluttershy, who now started hiding behind her mane once again.

“I GOT IT!!!” screamed Pinkie. She took a deep breath. “It means Must Indisputably Love Farties!!!” Confetti and streamers then exploded everywhere.

The rest of the Mane Six facehoofed.

“That there just sounds so wrong Pinkie” said Applejack.

“How sure are you that there’s no such thing as farties?” answered Pinkie in a sing-song voice.

“No, just...No, Pinkie. Please don’t make us drink brain bleach all over again. Please-“

The girls were interrupted by noises coming outside. It seemed that the rumor had spread like wildfire all across Ponyville.

“Must Improve Landing Foyer” shouted Cherry Berry, the town’s hot air balloon pilot.

“What do you mean Mattresses Is Likely Fun? They can’t compare to my sofas!” roared an angry Davenport.

There was Mayor Mare putting up posters about Municipal Improvements Likely Forthcoming.

The spa twins, Aloe and Lotus, were also putting up signs for their new service that guaranteed ponies would also be called MILF’s like the Princess. They called it “Mane Is Luxuriously Flowing.”

Sugarcube Corner also had signs advertising their newest concoction, the Macadamia Infused Layered Flan.

The Flim Flam brothers, trying their best to cash in on the latest craze were singing about their newest product, the Maximum Ionizing Life Fixer.

The town ampitheater was hosting a shouting match between the town’s resident musicians. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia were in a heated argument, with Octavia screaming “Musically Inclined Loves Fiddlers” while Vinyl countered with “Musically Inclined Loves Funk.”

Near the town fountain, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were singing a song about “Maybe It’s Little Flanks” while Babs Seed was shouting something about a Mix-up In Little Fillydelphia.

The Great and Powerful Trixie was going crazy about a Most Inconceivable Levitation Force.

Somehow Screw Loose had gotten out of the asylum and was wildly shouting Rodents Of Unusual Size. She stopped her mad cackling when Thunderlane swooped down and embraced her saying that he never made a Mistake In Loving Fools.

Daring Doo was flying around looking for a Mayan-Incan Lava Fuel while her cousin Derpy was shouting “Muffins Is Life Forever.”

Lily, Lilac, and Rose were certain that it meant Moonshade Ivy Lavender Flowers and were madly dashing around to stock those for their store.

Lyra was sipping her hayshake thinking about Magic In Little Fingers, while Bon Bon, who was laying on Lyra’s lap was simply thinking “Maybe It’s Licorice Flavor.”

There was Spitfire, Soarin, and Fleetfoot, out on their daily patrols, talking about Multiple Inverted Loop Flight.

On the outskirts of town, there was Shining Armor, the Captain of the Royal Guards shouting “Mobile Infantry! Left Flank!” to the new recruits.

There was Doctor Hooves, who was fixing a strange blue box, muttering something about “Maybe its Linear Fluctuations.”

Zecora, who was initially taken aback by the silliness around her, was now smiling. “Most Inspiring, Letters Flowing” said the wise Zebra.

Near the schoolyard, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were being scolded by Cherilee after she heard the two of them calling the rest of their classmates Miniscule Impotent Little Foals.

There was Caramel, who was singing Maybe I Love Fields while trotting towards Sweet Apple Acres. He was approached by Filthy Rich who was now selling Minimum* Interest Loan Futures (Minimum Interest Loan will be compounded 500% daily for a period of one year. Simply saying, you will pay 1435 bits over 1 year for a 10 bit loan).

Featherweight was fluttering everywhere, taking pictures with his Maximum ISO Large Field camera.

There was Colgate, drinking her Mint Infused Lightly Fluorinated drink.

The Illuminaughty, trying their best to recruit new members, were chanting a hymn about Merriment In Luna’s Followers.

There were MILF’s everywhere, and each pony had their own definition of what it was. Amidst it all sat Discord watching everyone. “Man I Love Fun!” he said. He did not need to create chaos this day for it manifested itself thanks to this rumour.

The chaos died down however, when the town’s resident human, Doctor Quack, stepped out of the reconstructed Ponyville library.

There was a moment of silence as everyone turned to look at the human. The silence was shattered when, in unison, the ponies asked:

"WHAT DOES "MILF" STAND FOR?!"

Seeing everypony in town looking at him was unnerving for the good doctor. He had no way out, it was either answer them, or face death by cuddling. He cleared his throat and tried his best to answer in a cool, calm, collected voice.

“It means Monarch I Love Following.”

There was a chorus of “Oh” and then everypony returned to what they were doing before this MILF fracas.

Deciding that it would be better to hide than show his face around time for the time being, Doctor Quack returned to his abode. “All this nonsense about MILF’s...Man, I love fuckups...” muttered Doctor Quack.

Unbeknownst to him, there was a pony who heard his muttering. She quickly turned around and asked the nearest pony to her.

“Hey Lyra, you’re the expert on humans! I heard him say something about “loving fuckups.” Any idea what it means?”

Author's Note:

A silly story written in an hour or so. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

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JohnIsOffline

JohnIsOffline #1 · Feb 14th, 2015 · 2 · 3 ·

"WHAT DOES "MILF" STAND FOR?!"

I will explain to you.

Mothers
I would
Love to
F.........

Mother I'd Like to Fuck♥

Watcher Pumpkin

Watcher Pumpkin #2 · Feb 14th, 2015 · 10 · ·

Aww, such a young and innocent race the pony race. This guy, is the luckiest bastard ever.

Soft Shell

Soft Shell #3 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 1 · ·

My Interesting Little Friend.

1stChosenStar

1stChosenStar #4 · Feb 15th, 2015 · · ·

SO MANY MILF PUNS I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HalflingPony

HalflingPony #5 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 4 · 4 ·

I'm sorry, but... there's just not enough story to make this interesting to me. There's no narrative here, just a bunch of one line misinterpretations of "MILF". You could have formatted this as a bulleted list with the name of the pony followed by their interpretation and it would have had the same entertainment value.

The concept itself isn't necessarily "bad" per se, but it drags on for far to long with no framework to give it substance or keep it fresh. I got bored halfway through and skipped to the end to see if you were actually building to anything and, well, you weren't. There's no payoff, no punch line, just simply a (dubious) explanation and moving on to the next round of pointless gossip.

I went back and reread the whole thing to see if maybe there were some gems buried in the portions I had skimmed and no part of it stood out as more funny or interesting than any of the rest. It all simply fell flat for me.

Others seem to have derived some enjoyment from this and I don't begrudge them that, but for myself, I have to give this a thumbs down.

arcanelexicon

arcanelexicon #6 · Feb 15th, 2015 · · ·

5627672
thank you for your input and I hope to someday see more of this on my other stories to help me improve. This story was never meant to have any meat on it and i am not the kind of author that has the skills to make a dramatic spiel. After seeing a lot of dark/gore/sad/tragedy in the newly submitted story list, i decided to might as well make something that can give a smile no matter how small to people. Now, if you'll please excuse me, i have to go maintain My Introverted Life Following

Damien Darkside

Damien Darkside #7 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 6 · ·

5627672 You must be so much fun at farties.

HalflingPony

HalflingPony #8 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 2 · ·

5627969 I'll have you know I can Farty as Hearty as anypony else, good sir. This particular story simply didn't strike my fancy and, as I have a rather strong aversion to drive-by downvoting, I felt it prudent to state why rather than simply leave the author wondering as to the source of said vote.

As I said, there's nothing "wrong" with a having a fluff piece like this. But if I prefer raspberry flavored Fluff rather than the traditional Marshmallow, that's no basis on which to be slinging aspersions at each other.

EbonHaste

EbonHaste #9 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 3 · ·

Applejack gave her friend and longtime rival a boop on her nose. “Don’t want ta burst yer bubble there Dash, but you’ve seen the way the Princess eats her apples, it means Must Immensely Love FujiApples!”

i flipped and lost it with how apple jack forced that cheap interpretation of MILF

With a blush on her face, she said the dreaded words. “Uhm, I think it means... Maybe I Like Furries.”

fluttershy not you too *ahem* we all know why that's your interpretation right *wiggles brows*

“I GOT IT!!!” screamed Pinkie. She took a deep breath. “It means Must Indisputably Love Farties!!!”

i died, i died, i'm dead, i died. Who knew laughing was lethal... farties *snickers* hooooo yeah.
Ten seconds later
i died, i'm dead, i died, i died

Lol!!! To many lol inducing moments, i can't comment on all of them

MythrilMoth

MythrilMoth #10 · Feb 15th, 2015 · · ·

This was exactly the kind of laugh I needed this morning. Have an upvote!

Need to fix a few little errors here and there, mind.

EbonHaste

EbonHaste #11 · Feb 15th, 2015 · 5 · ·

The spa twins, Aloe and Lotus were also putting up signs for their new service that guaranteed ponies would also be called MILF’s like the Princess. They called it “Mane Is Luxuriously Flowing.”

After a visit to the spa its easy to imagine the large number of milfs going about equestria

silverthorn