Dreamscape
Joined 7th Oct, 2012 ·
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yep
This happened, and I love it!
...WELP! Butterscotch is fucked. Quite Literally.
...And I am willing to bet either Dusk or Twilight are figuratively fucked since neither the CMC or Butterscotch will be going into the forest because sex.
Literally a contradiction. Be into whatever fucked up shit you want, but don't pretend it's right.
So this is a single-R63 self-insert story on top of that? One where the genderbent canon is so OOC that you should've just dropped the BS and used your OC?
Good start, no mistakes I could find, although I was so engrossed I was not looking. Can't wait to see what happens next.
5619677
I hate people who use the word "Literally" incorrectly.
5619834 But it isn't...?
I really should stop reading.
*looks away and covers eyes, hesitates before continuing reading
Maybe just for a few more minutes.
5619834 And I want to literally smack a crowbar upside their stupid head. Unfortunately, I can't, so I'll have to settle for figuratively whacking them in the noggin with a virtual server farm until they learn to write English like they took classes for it.
5619677
I don't think Butterscotch is as OOC as you think. Either way, its a clopfic, its not meant to be taken too seriously. Read it for the porn, if you're not into the material than go find something else. No fuss, no muss, talking shit to the author accomplishes nothing.
Moving on, a version of thisnfic where the CMC are rule 63ed, and Fluttershy isn't would definitely make an interesting read. My only gripe about this story is the fact that Butterscotch didn't fuck Sweetie Bell or Applebloom, would've been fun. But it is tagged incomplete, so I can dream. Not to mention a threesome between blitz, butterscotch, and scootaloo would be hot has hell.
5620145
Sorry to get your hopes up.
I may have forgot to switch it from incomplete to complete.
5620158
Noooooooooooo.
Oh well. No problem.
5619274 The forest was the first time, this is the second sleepover
5619829 It appears we are in opposite boats.
*Leaves to obtain a mop and new lower clothes*
5620542 yes he one of the best drawers ive seen and love his comics
Well that was... nice.
Missing closing quotation marks at the end.
And again.
Simply marvellous
Think I'm with Garuu on this one. It's more... uh. Let's go with heartfelt. Fuzzy.
5619677
You knew what you were getting into. The only reason for you to sit here and bitch about it is that you read it to the end and are feeling guilty over it. Either that or you're just a massive tool. If you don't like the content, stop reading and walk away. That's the mature and intelligent thing to do. Complaining changes nothing, you are not in control and you have no power or say. Certainly attempting to insult the work and the author accomplishes nothing but making you look like a twat. The best case scenario is that you are ignored. The worst case scenario is that you make such a big ass of yourself that you get shit-stomped more than you can handle and run off.
Bottom line, you are not this story's audience. You don't like it, so it is not meant for you. You have no right to complain about the content since you knew what this was and came to the comments and/or read it anyway, especially not to defend the 'rights' of fictional characters who do not exist.* (The inability to separate one's view of reality and fiction from one's judgement is oft-referred to as psychosis, or insanity.)
5620145
So, you think clopfics are all about the clop and have no story eh?
Then I DARE YOU to give one of these a read and continue to believe that
LINKS DELETED AS FURTHER TO PROVE MY POINT THAT I DID NOT POST THESE STORIES HERE FOR SHAMELESS PROMOTION.
And no, I'm not linking these here for "shameless promotion". Each of these fics has already gotten plenty of views and comments. The reason I'm daring you to read one of these is becuase my clopfics actually have a plot!(and not just the "ponybutt" kind either!)
Of course ! which tells me that Twilight and Spike must have the time of their life.
And now the only thing I can think of is a ScootaButterBlitz followup, that would tie up with Scotch on the Rocks...
Make it happen !
(please ?)
5621110
I think you misunderstand, I wasn't saying that no clopfic ever has a story behind it, I was saying that this one really didn't. So if someone were to read this, it would be for the porn.
5621137
Oh!
I actually read this hoping for a plot, I'm not a big fan of alt-universe genderswap fics.
5621093
Not the one writing paragraphs in response to a couple sentences.
Indifferent to cheese pizza and did, it's just hard not to glance and post quick thoughts about something on the front page.
I know.
Didn't.
Nope.
Not doing that.
Brother, if I could give less of a shit about foalcon mankind would transcend the need to dispose of waste. I just can't stand when cowards into hardcore shit pussy out and slap on a "NU-NU IT'S JUST FANTASY" sticker, like that's somehow gonna make it tolerable in the eyes of society and spare them scorn. Godtier copypasta though, will save for next time a certain SJWeen goes on a crusade against rapefics.
5620113 ur triggerin me
Not a fan of foalcon, and definitely dislike r63 stories with a passion, so I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here. Nevertheless, I still have to admit that was quite good.
5621110
Don't forget the amazingly awesome Romance Reports, where the story is so good and emotionally powerful that you completely stop caring whether it's a clop fic or not. It's not even that the clop scenes could be cut out completely, since they are actually woven in to the character building. Definitely one of my top favorite fics. Not clop fics, fics period.
5621110
Yeah, but you kind of fuckin' are, though.
I mean, far be it from me to say you can't plug three of your own fics in someone else's comments with the flimsiest of excuses, but at least own it, dude.
Also, 5621175: I understand your objections and sympathize with your desire to beat your head against this particular brick wall, but I have done so before and can assure you there is nothing but sadness on either side of said wall. Save yourself the headache.
5621113
You mean Dusk Shine and Barb. Even better!
5621182
I think we're all forgetting A Mare Worth Fighting For.
Do people even comment on clop-fics?
Like...what do you say without it sounding awkward? That'll do, pig?
SOME GOOD OL' FASHIONED WRASSLING.
5621558
We all know what this is for so just say what you think of it. You find it hot, say it's hot. You think it's well done, say it's well done.
Granted, for clop stories that feature subjects like this it's a little more iffy, but no one is here to judge.
Shitstorm in the comments from some edgy faggot with a pone with blood all over their muzzle. Not surprised one bit, really.
Anyhow, I'll give this a read sooner rather than later.
It's like a nightmare. A well written, emotive nightmare of morality fighting, and losing to lust. I just imagined the ending, or start of next chapter would show Butterscotch being more reluctant again following his "release." Like he might regret what he's done. But then I guess that would be over-thinking the purpose of this story as a clop-fic or whatever.
Having now read the story, I can safely say that you've got a good base, but you need to form some better writing habits for readability. You need to start separating paragraphs with an extra space, and separating dialogue bits from other, longer paragraphs if you can help it. I didn't see any major sins against writing here, but you definitely need to work on making your writing more engaging. Don't be afraid to get a little bit purple at times. A style editor can help you keep your writing from getting overwrought but keep your prose comfortably purple.
I'd also like you to experiment with style itself more. You need to play with perspective, with how you present that perspective, and the stylistic choices you make. As it stands, this is pretty bland work and could use a greater deal of descriptive language. Your characterization is pretty good for a clopfic, though I could do with more resistance from Butterscotch considering that was the fic you wanted to write seemingly. Delve into his perspective. Don't just tell us what he sees or what he tastes or what he smells, but give us a little insight into what he's thinking in that very moment. Explore a little bit more. Read various authors from various eras and try to emulate their styles. Stay far, far away from the YA section of the library and go into the classics. Try to write clopfics emulating Hemingway or clopfics emulating Fitzgerald. Get a short story collection of some of the famous authors of the early and mid 20th century, and see what they do to get a distinctive style. Get bold. Get intimidating!
As it stands, however, you're risking meeting the TittySparkles (rip in peace) problem– you're writing is competent but it certainly isn't very engaging or interesting. Experiment. See what kind of stuff these older writers did and try to at least have the pretense of emulating that style. Just my two cents. You're a competent writer, but competent doesn't equal good juuuuust quite yet. You have a long way to grow but as far as I'm concerned you can certainly go on up.
Keep writing. You're getting there.
5621311
Who died and made you my mind, motive, and goal?
You want proof I didn't post these here as a shameless plug? FINE! Consider the links to the fics in the previous post deleted.
What now pal? oh that's right, your fuel to flame and make me out to be a shameless promoting bitch to attempt to get more story views just went up in smoke!
Oh and one more thing: I'm a woman. So your wrong on two accounts pal.
care to go for strike three?
5621951
Eh, "dude" is genderless in my book. As is "overreacting". Seriously, you kind of freak out when you're caught in the act, bro.
5622010
Yep, I'm done here. Can't believe I fell for trollbait.
This is your last serving of feed so enjoy it.
5622037
I highly doubt that.
5619677 Except people who are underage can give consent.
5619677
How to be a Little Faggot by PoniPrinceofPleasure
Step 1. Find something you don't like, bonus points if it's completely fictional and doesn't affect you at all.
Step 2. Instead of simply ignoring this thing that makes your butt boil, go out of your way to comment on it.
Step 3. Be as abrasive as possible, try to present your retarded opinion as though it were a fact(bonus points if you're a huge douche about it).
Step 4. Don't forget to feel like you accomplished something(even though you didn't).
Congratulations! You've achieved your goal of becoming a little faggot.
Now you can be the retarded, annoying, rude man-child you were born to be!
5621763 You have a very descriptive way for criticism and words of advise. Seems very knowledgable and I would actually love to have somepony like you actually read one of my work if it suits your interests. Its an incomplete work, but there are a lengthy amount of material inside to keep one occupied and I'm still trying to finish it up but am only have way there. But I feel I'm lacking the motivation to proceed. I still write, but I feel its slightly losing its spark and I want to pick that back up. If ever you free to and if you are interested, would you give my work your honest critic, it'll help me to aim to making a better story and reaching my goal in finishing its tale.
Sincerely, Swiftriff
(Keep it Jammin'!
Hmmm... a good clopfic overall, but I found this last chapter rather lackluster. Don't know why, but just did.
GG, Id like to see more of this
I came thrice over. Fucking awesome story bro, nice work.
5622037
Contrary to everyone else's opinion, I wouldn't have really cared about you linking some stories (whether it was self-promotion or not). It's not like it would have hurt me in any way. They most likely are better than this story here (it's not like I poured my heart and soul into this one or anything. It was just for fun). I'm even sorry I disappointed you by not having much of a plot in this one. If you are interested in reading some of my clopfics that do have a plot in them though, I'd be glad to provide.
You mentioned you didn't enjoy genderswap fics that much, but I really liked how this one turned out :
Scotch on the Rocks
This one is fairly fetish driven but also contains a lot of emotion and plot relating to marriage:
Easing the Pain
And finally this one is a much more of a story with clop in it rather than vice versa:
Shared Feelings
5621763
I don't understand why this was downvoted considering the fact that this is real criticism rather than baseless hate. Along with that, it's full of advice too. My writing style tends to change slightly by what exactly I'm focusing on. If you've read some of my other stories, I tend to focus much more on emotion, thoughts, and scene description, but for this I simply wanted to focus on dialog, a bit of thought, and mainly, the description of the clop since it is a clopfic. Considering the fact that I am currently in college for a degree in English, I do read stories from older more classical writers nearly every single day, but I also know that they can't be the basis for everything either. Yes, it is good to have knowledge of past styles of writing, but English changes with time like everything else. It's good to read more modern works too or even try creating something completely new yourself. The degree I am working towards is called English for New Media, and I'm sure you can tell by its title that I have to balance the old with the new every single day I go to class.
The CMC have NOT been genderswapped.
NOT been genderswapped
You had one job Dreamscape.
5622610 Still, it's good to have a knowledge and understanding of what classic authors did and how they told stories. It's worth a try.