Zane is your average, single father in a society of ponies, a man that has one child to raise in the world they cannot get enough of. Until one cruel mare starts to show a little more than an abusive friendship, and turns into something more.
... okay... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... no words comes to my head. What the fuck!? Why you pig! Kill Alex! Kill that monster! No, don't kill him. Torture him, break him, them give him hope, then take away that hope, break him more. Then cut him a hundred times and stop the bleeding with magic! then throw lemon juice at him, THEN burn him, but let him live... somehow. Then rape him, and then PLEASE kill him.
P.S. Moar! It have been so long since the last update! But I would have waited more, yet you put a cliff hanger like this hanging above the story!? Bro, I will die from heart attack just from waiting till next chapter xD.
7125059 So someone says something harsh and your sensitive feelings are hurt to that extent? Please say you're joking. The premise is rather bland. Nothing is really here to distinguish it from the rest of the human fics seeping from this site.
Well then, I officially have a new level of disrespect for this poor excuse of an existence (Alex) and is now one of the few whose life I would gladly end with my own hands. And I'm not a very violent person, so that's saying something.
7266818 What? I wasn't talking about where he said Saiyan's writing sucks, it was literally everything else he was spewing. How he was bashing on the guy relentlessly and pretty much the entire community. To me, he was just coming off as an ignorant asshole that thinks every person in this fandom fits the bad stereotypes to a T. Also, as for this:
So someone says something harsh and your sensitive feelings are hurt to that extent?
I will admit there was some exaggeration from the heat of the moment. My mind was a bit clouded with anger and annoyance toward the guy. So with that, I'd like to move on before this somehow becomes an unnecessary conflict.
Everything...... every horrible thing must happen to Alex until he's broken then give him Pinkie pie(given three monsters and espresso's), Discord, and Deadpool and let them do what they want with him. Add the mirror mirror pool for their fun.
this shit just got so real. Oh I cannot wait for the reveal. I cannot wait to see Alex, Celestia, Luna and Cosmica faces when they hear this. Dude, please add changelings to the council so they can convey the pure rage that zane will unleash.
Well let's remember that over 400 people follow me. Not to brag or be arrogant, but the numbers speak for the story. And I will repeat the same thing to every reader who accuses my writing being bland.
"If you can do better, then let us see you do better."
Not to intimidate or be rude, but people who haven't written a story and accuse with the word 'bland' really get under my skin. So please, if it's bland, then do better than me.
Ok, seriously, why the Hell did Alex became an Alicorn and what the hell is his obsession to hurt his brother? Damn, why the hell did Celestia, Luna, and Cosmica are so taken by this guy if this chapter alone demonstrated that the guy is undeserving by his actions towards Sophia? Seriously, I'm starting to think Terra is the only sane guy of his family.
7266936 I have. Three for 40k, and one of each for Idiocracy and the Office. Three of these were submitted to an English professor for grading, with the only issues being an "overly nihilistic atmosphere" (Commissariat Duty) or "slightly incendiary overtones" (Camacho's Campaign Race). None of my OCs screwed a canon character or became Sues. I didn't write myself into any of the fics. Neither canon nor characterization was butchered to serve my interests. So as much as I'd like to violate Site Rules and upload my fics to placate an amateur writer after already proving my ability to a licensed professional, I think I'll pass. Numbers really don't mean much when discussing quality. Look at displaced fics, kudzuhaikou, Stephanie Meyer, Jussonic, and Dan Brown for stellar examples (kek) of this.
P.S. This comment has been screen capped in case of block/comment deletion. 7266838 I'm not saying the entire fandom is repellent, but considering the displaced "genre", the twisted fetish fics that pop up here, along with more than a few of the author's (several being " high profile") being themselves... It's an understandable impression to a newcomer.
Don't mean to rain on your parade, but my novel is already three chapters in and tagged by professional editors, along with two publisher calling me. Plus, hate to break it to you, but college is something I've already done. Master's degree accomplished.
But guess what, nobody cares about that or your professional licensed professor or my novel. I'm talking about this site. And as for mediocre, you wished.
But hey, you might be better. But there is no proof of that on this site.
Still, no one gives a crap what we accomplished, only stories for Fimfiction. So drop the professional writer B.S.
And as for blocking you, really?
Lol. Wow. You must think I'm some kind of butthurt soft heart. Back to what I said previously; do us all a favor and write a story for Fimfiction. If you won't, then your statement is invalid.
Not to be rude, but I will believe you are better when I actually see a story on this site that is your own imagination and skill.
7267111 "Don't mean to rain on your parade, but my novel is already three chapters in and tagged by professional editors, along with two publisher calling me." You forgot to pluralize publishers by the way. Now, "writing a novel" isn't unique to yourself here, as other amateurs here have done the same (LightningSword's cringefest of a pity parade for one) not to mention the countless literary muck that is published and available for retail. ----- "But guess what, nobody cares about that or your professional licensed professor or my novel." I don't think you understand the difference between licensed and professional. Would you like me to patiently explain it to you? ----- "And as for mediocre, you wished." I think the word you're looking for is wish. That being said, I'm not the one writing Human/Magical Horse fics to appeal to the fandom's lowest common denominator. Just for the record, none of my 40k stories were Human/Eldar or anything twisted like that. ----- "And as for blocking you, really?
Lol. Wow. You must think I'm some kind of butthurt soft heart." I've never blocked anyone in my life (online environment anyway). Be it for slights to my race, political affiliation, Culinary practices, or any other issue, I've never taken action because random words hurt my Special Snowflake sensibilities. Can you say the same? ----- "Back to what I said previously; do us all a favor and write a story for Fimfiction." Already did. Slice of life centering on random character's work lives and the inherent routines and problems. No shipping, clop, wangst, or action. I just didn't upload it because writing for this franchise doesn't interest me. ----- P.S. This comment screen has been screen capped in case of block/deletion.
I'm sorry, but I told you what to do. And well, the results are still the same. You're still trying to prove something that has yet to be seen.
And correcting my own comment, lol. Seriously, it took you that long to comment.
And what's with this p.s.?
Are you a five year old still learning about writing letters?
And you screen capped my comment, okay. Lol. Should I be intimidated or worried?
What will you do, message the developers of this site?
Also, horse fics and lowest denominator. You do realize you're discriminating those who write this stuff and those who read. I hope you know that.
Now I will be honest and tell you that I am blocking you, because you're making this way too easy. You're still using the college mentality as an excuse to attempt one-upping me. But the fact remains, you have no firepower to back yourself up. You're just a degrading, college minded, narcissist who believes it would do him/her some good by boasting about these stories that probably do not exist.
Hey, if you don't like that statement, then get over it. You can call the butthurt hotline to make yourself feel better.
Anyway, I bid you adieu and wish your day to be bright.
SaiyanUltima: Have Discord transform Alex into a Mare and get rape by thirteen stallions (with one of them looking like him). Have the pleasure nerves transmit pain also make it so the brain can’t dull the pain over time, after being a Mare transform him into a human female still getting rape. Until he is broken. Like Betoran said.
Force Cosmica, Celestia, and Luna to see and feel what Sophia went through that day.
After thoughts: Have Umbra make the decision into becoming an anthro (just a temporary thing), so she and Zen can have a baby (or more) and give Sophia a sibling. The council elects to remove Cosmica, Celestia, Luna, and Alex from power and have Umbra and Zen crowned Empress and Emperor of Equestria.
Wow, if I didn't hate Alex before, you've ensured that I do now. Personally I'd like to see him exposed for the... the... thing he is and abandoned by his so-called loved ones before Zane, Umbra and Terra take their vengeance on him, followed by revenge on Cosmica, Luna and Celestia (but to a lesser degree, since I'm assuming they don't know Alex's true motives)
I hope you'll have Zane forgive Terra because he seems to be a good stallion if a bit manipulative but feel free to make him squirm under Zane's annoyance for a while
Overall, I'm still thoroughly enjoying it and hoping to see more soon.
Real talk for a sec - wouldn't it be more effective to simply publicize Alex's log? I mean, no matter what the public thinks of him now, if they kew what he was doing, they'd fucking overthrow the bastard themselves, wouldn't they?
*looks over chapter* ....*makes phone call* Hello, yes? I'm here to make a order kill on a sick perverted abomination named Alex? Yes that's right...yes I would gladly enjoy the premium package of torture before death. Yes, a permanent death is good. A idiot punishing stick? Yes on Celestia, Luna, and a little on 'mommy' alicorn of those two.... A 'rub salt into wounds' payment? ....Yes I would like that dearly.
I think it might not be so simple as publicizing the journal. From the impression I'm getting from this story is that Alex is the proverbial "Golden Boy" that can do no wrong in the public eye. Now add to this that he has the blessing of the Queen, and the two reigning princesses whom are adored by the public at large. Considering that Zane is publicly hated for "Abandoning" his family, along with consorting with Umbra, and to an extend Terra gives the impression that he is not popular among his pony as well. The public is more likely to believe whatever story that Alex, Celestia, Luna, and Comica come up with rather than the story's protagonists. Which would most likely result in Sophia being put into Alex's custody in the end.
So I can understand Terra keeping that dark secret from Zane, and for the very reason he stated. Zane would have probably not succeeded in his attempt against his brother at this point, and would have lost Sophia anyways. So Terra was planning far into the future to give Zane the best opportunity to strike down his Brother, and possibly his sisters, and Mother without jeopardizing his Family.
7267311 I hope this doesn't get under your skin SaiyanUltima, but this story is a little bit bland because it has a very similar premise than (Short Story Chronicles 2) My Love Bug in the sense that: the human living in Equestria is in love with a "villain" while suffering from discrimination and unfair hatred coming from the common folks as well as other members of royalty having feelings towards him and having a very strenuous job. However, the fact that th scenarios are very different as the interactions between the human and Umbra (in this story) and Chrysalis (SSC 2 My Love Bug) makes those stories captivating and very entertaining to read over and over (I am speaking for myself).
If you have time in your schedule, I would really appreciate if you could read a story I wrote with an acquaintance of mine in Fanfiction (The Rise Of The Homunculi) to help me improve as both, a writer and author, which I admit, I have a lot to learn before I reach your height.
On another note that has nothing to do with the previous subject at hand, it doesn't really matter if you have or not an editor (professional or not) or how many followers you have, you should write without having a "I'm better mentality than you" write because you enjoy writing and want to become better while having fun, ignore those who criticise you without any reason (I think they're called flamers, or was it haters? I don't know, but you get what I mean) accept valid criticism from those who point out your mistakes and try to help you improve while not being a total douche.
And I agree with you SaiyanUltima, if Hamster_Master wants to prove that he's "better" than you, whoever Hamster_Master really is must publish a story in here to see if Hamster_Master can gain followers in his stories; I for one, am willing to give him a chance and read whatever story he writes and I will give him, just like I'm giving you, my opinion regarding the story I read.
7310003 I'm not offended, but the mentality of being better is false. Reason is I do not challenge others when they make accusations. It's faith in myself and mainly my fans.
I let my followers determine where I stand in my skill of writing.
How the heck was Alex in range of whatever wish magic Sophia tapped into to get them zapped to this Equestria? Even before knowing he was a child molester, he doesn't exactly sound like someone Zane would want around his kid in the first place.
Second, just how old were the humans when they all got zapped there? Zane was old enough to have had, and been dumped by, a wife, and if Alex is stealing his girlfriends, they can't be that dissimilar in age, but both seem to have(or had) a parental relationship with the heads of the royal family and Sophia is young enough to have latched onto two mares as a mother figure since they've been living there, which says a lot about how close she and Umbra must be. Considering what happened with Luna and her biological mother, it's amazing she wants her dad dating at all, let alone be willing to trust Umbra as a mother.
Third...are all the females in the royal family (maybe) sans Cadance morons? Ok, Alex is up for the throne of Equestria since he's herding with the sisters and Terra apparently abdicated when he walked out, that's just line of succession there...but they want to actually elect him to a position higher than that? I get that they don't know what a creeper he really is, but he can't have been in Equestria more than a few years. What the heck kind of qualifications does he have that anyone would think it was a good idea to put him in such a position? Bad enough that he'd have a major say in running a country, but to actively be placed to have a ruling voice for the entire world? The only thing keeping them from looking like total morons is that Alex would be sharing the position...except they seem to be going out of their way to bend the rules to get him that much since it's apparently NOT normally a shared position. Either the sisters and their mom are morons in this universe, or when he was made an Alicorn, Alex apparently raided the mind control section of the Canterlot Archives.
Even though there is a next chapter for me to read on. I have something to day to you SaiyanUlimate. This story has lit a fire in my heart that I've never felt before, this fire is both scary and of so satisfying Were I could direct this 'passion' I dont know but I think you my friend have created a monster. If this keeps up I'm going to have to build myself a cage. Anyway great story, I dont day that lightly. Keep up the amazing work.
*After the plot is revealed* EXTERMINATUS! EXTERMINATUS NOW!!! *Smashes button over and over*
*Ahem* Sorry
What the flying fuckle did I just read? We got a lot of foal abuse and rape scenarios out there on this site for stories but never have I heard that a human child was the target. While it would seem I'm being exceptionalist about this, make no mistake, no I'm not, holy fuck the emotional baggage I'll be carrying for a bit...
Alex is lucky I'm not his brother cause if I was ever elected in a position higher than him? Then I will definitely do thing's, terrible thing's to him.
Nothing permanent or crippling since I'm far too tame to do that but I will make sure the information "stay the fuck away from my precious daughter" will be the only thing he will be thinking the moment he see's me and if he is still stubborn on trying to get my daughter?.
Then i'll do anything and everything in my power to get him a capital punishment, to hell with my previous moral's.
... okay... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... no words comes to my head. What the fuck!? Why you pig! Kill Alex! Kill that monster! No, don't kill him. Torture him, break him, them give him hope, then take away that hope, break him more. Then cut him a hundred times and stop the bleeding with magic! then throw lemon juice at him, THEN burn him, but let him live... somehow. Then rape him, and then PLEASE kill him.
P.S. Moar! It have been so long since the last update! But I would have waited more, yet you put a cliff hanger like this hanging above the story!? Bro, I will die from heart attack just from waiting till next chapter xD.
7125059 So someone says something harsh and your sensitive feelings are hurt to that extent? Please say you're joking.
The premise is rather bland. Nothing is really here to distinguish it from the rest of the human fics seeping from this site.
Well then, I officially have a new level of disrespect for this poor excuse of an existence (Alex) and is now one of the few whose life I would gladly end with my own hands. And I'm not a very violent person, so that's saying something.
7266818
What? I wasn't talking about where he said Saiyan's writing sucks, it was literally everything else he was spewing. How he was bashing on the guy relentlessly and pretty much the entire community. To me, he was just coming off as an ignorant asshole that thinks every person in this fandom fits the bad stereotypes to a T. Also, as for this:
I will admit there was some exaggeration from the heat of the moment. My mind was a bit clouded with anger and annoyance toward the guy. So with that, I'd like to move on before this somehow becomes an unnecessary conflict.
Everything...... every horrible thing must happen to Alex until he's broken then give him Pinkie pie(given three monsters and espresso's), Discord, and Deadpool and let them do what they want with him. Add the mirror mirror pool for their fun.
this shit just got so real. Oh I cannot wait for the reveal. I cannot wait to see Alex, Celestia, Luna and Cosmica faces when they hear this. Dude, please add changelings to the council so they can convey the pure rage that zane will unleash.
Damn... Thats some fucked up shit right there
7266818
Bland, eh?
Well let's remember that over 400 people follow me. Not to brag or be arrogant, but the numbers speak for the story. And I will repeat the same thing to every reader who accuses my writing being bland.
"If you can do better, then let us see you do better."
Not to intimidate or be rude, but people who haven't written a story and accuse with the word 'bland' really get under my skin. So please, if it's bland, then do better than me.
Ok, seriously, why the Hell did Alex became an Alicorn and what the hell is his obsession to hurt his brother? Damn, why the hell did Celestia, Luna, and Cosmica are so taken by this guy if this chapter alone demonstrated that the guy is undeserving by his actions towards Sophia? Seriously, I'm starting to think Terra is the only sane guy of his family.
I feel a little naughty that I gobble this drama up like it's breakfast.
7266936 I have. Three for 40k, and one of each for Idiocracy and the Office. Three of these were submitted to an English professor for grading, with the only issues being an "overly nihilistic atmosphere" (Commissariat Duty) or "slightly incendiary overtones" (Camacho's Campaign Race). None of my OCs screwed a canon character or became Sues. I didn't write myself into any of the fics. Neither canon nor characterization was butchered to serve my interests. So as much as I'd like to violate Site Rules and upload my fics to placate an amateur writer after already proving my ability to a licensed professional, I think I'll pass.
Numbers really don't mean much when discussing quality. Look at displaced fics, kudzuhaikou, Stephanie Meyer, Jussonic, and Dan Brown for stellar examples (kek) of this.
P.S. This comment has been screen capped in case of block/comment deletion.
7266838 I'm not saying the entire fandom is repellent, but considering the displaced "genre", the twisted fetish fics that pop up here, along with more than a few of the author's (several being " high profile") being themselves... It's an understandable impression to a newcomer.
7267080
Licensed professional, okay then.
Don't mean to rain on your parade, but my novel is already three chapters in and tagged by professional editors, along with two publisher calling me. Plus, hate to break it to you, but college is something I've already done. Master's degree accomplished.
But guess what, nobody cares about that or your professional licensed professor or my novel. I'm talking about this site. And as for mediocre, you wished.
But hey, you might be better. But there is no proof of that on this site.
Still, no one gives a crap what we accomplished, only stories for Fimfiction. So drop the professional writer B.S.
And as for blocking you, really?
Lol. Wow. You must think I'm some kind of butthurt soft heart. Back to what I said previously; do us all a favor and write a story for Fimfiction. If you won't, then your statement is invalid.
Not to be rude, but I will believe you are better when I actually see a story on this site that is your own imagination and skill.
I'll be waiting. Until then, have a nice day.
Alex really needs the mother of all ass whoopings.
7267111 "Don't mean to rain on your parade, but my novel is already three chapters in and tagged by professional editors, along with two publisher calling me."
You forgot to pluralize publishers by the way. Now, "writing a novel" isn't unique to yourself here, as other amateurs here have done the same (LightningSword's cringefest of a pity parade for one) not to mention the countless literary muck that is published and available for retail.
-----
"But guess what, nobody cares about that or your professional licensed professor or my novel."
I don't think you understand the difference between licensed and professional. Would you like me to patiently explain it to you?
-----
"And as for mediocre, you wished."
I think the word you're looking for is wish. That being said, I'm not the one writing Human/Magical Horse fics to appeal to the fandom's lowest common denominator. Just for the record, none of my 40k stories were Human/Eldar or anything twisted like that.
-----
"And as for blocking you, really?
Lol. Wow. You must think I'm some kind of butthurt soft heart."
I've never blocked anyone in my life (online environment anyway). Be it for slights to my race, political affiliation, Culinary practices, or any other issue, I've never taken action because random words hurt my Special Snowflake sensibilities. Can you say the same?
-----
"Back to what I said previously; do us all a favor and write a story for Fimfiction."
Already did. Slice of life centering on random character's work lives and the inherent routines and problems. No shipping, clop, wangst, or action. I just didn't upload it because writing for this franchise doesn't interest me.
-----
P.S. This comment screen has been screen capped in case of block/deletion.
7267179
I'm sorry, but I told you what to do. And well, the results are still the same. You're still trying to prove something that has yet to be seen.
And correcting my own comment, lol. Seriously, it took you that long to comment.
And what's with this p.s.?
Are you a five year old still learning about writing letters?
And you screen capped my comment, okay. Lol. Should I be intimidated or worried?
What will you do, message the developers of this site?
Also, horse fics and lowest denominator. You do realize you're discriminating those who write this stuff and those who read. I hope you know that.
Now I will be honest and tell you that I am blocking you, because you're making this way too easy. You're still using the college mentality as an excuse to attempt one-upping me. But the fact remains, you have no firepower to back yourself up. You're just a degrading, college minded, narcissist who believes it would do him/her some good by boasting about these stories that probably do not exist.
Hey, if you don't like that statement, then get over it. You can call the butthurt hotline to make yourself feel better.
Anyway, I bid you adieu and wish your day to be bright.
SaiyanUltima: Have Discord transform Alex into a Mare and get rape by thirteen stallions (with one of them looking like him). Have the pleasure nerves transmit pain also make it so the brain can’t dull the pain over time, after being a Mare transform him into a human female still getting rape. Until he is broken. Like Betoran said.
Force Cosmica, Celestia, and Luna to see and feel what Sophia went through that day.
After thoughts: Have Umbra make the decision into becoming an anthro (just a temporary thing), so she and Zen can have a baby (or more) and give Sophia a sibling.
The council elects to remove Cosmica, Celestia, Luna, and Alex from power and have Umbra and Zen crowned Empress and Emperor of Equestria.
this has both ruined and made my day (in a good way)
the first half of the chapter made me pissed and the last part was sweet.
Wow, if I didn't hate Alex before, you've ensured that I do now. Personally I'd like to see him exposed for the... the... thing he is and abandoned by his so-called loved ones before Zane, Umbra and Terra take their vengeance on him, followed by revenge on Cosmica, Luna and Celestia (but to a lesser degree, since I'm assuming they don't know Alex's true motives)
I hope you'll have Zane forgive Terra because he seems to be a good stallion if a bit manipulative but feel free to make him squirm under Zane's annoyance for a while
Overall, I'm still thoroughly enjoying it and hoping to see more soon.
In the first paragraph you wrote Zane's name down instead of Alex's.
Good chapter if a bit dark. You really like making sure we hate the characters you want us to hate. Doing well and hope you get the next one out soon.
Basically, that journal entry is a confession.
IF you wish to get away with something...eliminate all witnesses, kill the survivors, destroy every trace of you being there.
Alex is truly doing this out of spite...out of hate, so much that he's leaving evidence in plain sight.
Umbra will make sure that Sophia is safe no matter what from what I read, but her fury...I don't feel sorry for Alex whatsoever...not even one bit.
Now...about Celestia, Luna, and Cosmica...a PR crisis awaits...plus probable impeachment.
Wow..... The more I hear about Alex, the more I want to make horse-burgers and glue out of him.
Real talk for a sec - wouldn't it be more effective to simply publicize Alex's log? I mean, no matter what the public thinks of him now, if they kew what he was doing, they'd fucking overthrow the bastard themselves, wouldn't they?
Amazing story keep up the good work and please update soon!
*looks over chapter* ....*makes phone call* Hello, yes? I'm here to make a order kill on a sick perverted abomination named Alex? Yes that's right...yes I would gladly enjoy the premium package of torture before death. Yes, a permanent death is good. A idiot punishing stick? Yes on Celestia, Luna, and a little on 'mommy' alicorn of those two.... A 'rub salt into wounds' payment? ....Yes I would like that dearly.
7281933
I think it might not be so simple as publicizing the journal. From the impression I'm getting from this story is that Alex is the proverbial "Golden Boy" that can do no wrong in the public eye. Now add to this that he has the blessing of the Queen, and the two reigning princesses whom are adored by the public at large. Considering that Zane is publicly hated for "Abandoning" his family, along with consorting with Umbra, and to an extend Terra gives the impression that he is not popular among his pony as well. The public is more likely to believe whatever story that Alex, Celestia, Luna, and Comica come up with rather than the story's protagonists. Which would most likely result in Sophia being put into Alex's custody in the end.
So I can understand Terra keeping that dark secret from Zane, and for the very reason he stated. Zane would have probably not succeeded in his attempt against his brother at this point, and would have lost Sophia anyways. So Terra was planning far into the future to give Zane the best opportunity to strike down his Brother, and possibly his sisters, and Mother without jeopardizing his Family.
That is my take on all this at least.
7267311
I hope this doesn't get under your skin SaiyanUltima, but this story is a little bit bland because it has a very similar premise than (Short Story Chronicles 2) My Love Bug in the sense that: the human living in Equestria is in love with a "villain" while suffering from discrimination and unfair hatred coming from the common folks as well as other members of royalty having feelings towards him and having a very strenuous job. However, the fact that th scenarios are very different as the interactions between the human and Umbra (in this story) and Chrysalis (SSC 2 My Love Bug) makes those stories captivating and very entertaining to read over and over (I am speaking for myself).
If you have time in your schedule, I would really appreciate if you could read a story I wrote with an acquaintance of mine in Fanfiction (The Rise Of The Homunculi) to help me improve as both, a writer and author, which I admit, I have a lot to learn before I reach your height.
On another note that has nothing to do with the previous subject at hand, it doesn't really matter if you have or not an editor (professional or not) or how many followers you have, you should write without having a "I'm better mentality than you" write because you enjoy writing and want to become better while having fun, ignore those who criticise you without any reason (I think they're called flamers, or was it haters? I don't know, but you get what I mean) accept valid criticism from those who point out your mistakes and try to help you improve while not being a total douche.
And I agree with you SaiyanUltima, if Hamster_Master wants to prove that he's "better" than you, whoever Hamster_Master really is must publish a story in here to see if Hamster_Master can gain followers in his stories; I for one, am willing to give him a chance and read whatever story he writes and I will give him, just like I'm giving you, my opinion regarding the story I read.
7310003 I'm not offended, but the mentality of being better is false. Reason is I do not challenge others when they make accusations. It's faith in myself and mainly my fans.
I let my followers determine where I stand in my skill of writing.
How the heck was Alex in range of whatever wish magic Sophia tapped into to get them zapped to this Equestria? Even before knowing he was a child molester, he doesn't exactly sound like someone Zane would want around his kid in the first place.
Second, just how old were the humans when they all got zapped there? Zane was old enough to have had, and been dumped by, a wife, and if Alex is stealing his girlfriends, they can't be that dissimilar in age, but both seem to have(or had) a parental relationship with the heads of the royal family and Sophia is young enough to have latched onto two mares as a mother figure since they've been living there, which says a lot about how close she and Umbra must be. Considering what happened with Luna and her biological mother, it's amazing she wants her dad dating at all, let alone be willing to trust Umbra as a mother.
Third...are all the females in the royal family (maybe) sans Cadance morons? Ok, Alex is up for the throne of Equestria since he's herding with the sisters and Terra apparently abdicated when he walked out, that's just line of succession there...but they want to actually elect him to a position higher than that? I get that they don't know what a creeper he really is, but he can't have been in Equestria more than a few years. What the heck kind of qualifications does he have that anyone would think it was a good idea to put him in such a position? Bad enough that he'd have a major say in running a country, but to actively be placed to have a ruling voice for the entire world? The only thing keeping them from looking like total morons is that Alex would be sharing the position...except they seem to be going out of their way to bend the rules to get him that much since it's apparently NOT normally a shared position. Either the sisters and their mom are morons in this universe, or when he was made an Alicorn, Alex apparently raided the mind control section of the Canterlot Archives.
Even though there is a next chapter for me to read on. I have something to day to you SaiyanUlimate.
This story has lit a fire in my heart that I've never felt before, this fire is both scary and of so satisfying
Were I could direct this 'passion' I dont know but I think you my friend have created a monster. If this keeps up I'm going to have to build myself a cage.
Anyway great story, I dont day that lightly.
Keep up the amazing work.
*After the plot is revealed*
EXTERMINATUS! EXTERMINATUS NOW!!! *Smashes button over and over*
*Ahem* Sorry
What the flying fuckle did I just read? We got a lot of foal abuse and rape scenarios out there on this site for stories but never have I heard that a human child was the target. While it would seem I'm being exceptionalist about this, make no mistake, no I'm not, holy fuck the emotional baggage I'll be carrying for a bit...
Continuing forward
8409889
As messed up as it is, gotta try darker themes to the story. Not just for a taste of difference, but to broaden my writing.
Alex is lucky I'm not his brother cause if I was ever elected in a position higher than him? Then I will definitely do thing's, terrible thing's to him.
Nothing permanent or crippling since I'm far too tame to do that but I will make sure the information "stay the fuck away from my precious daughter" will be the only thing he will be thinking the moment he see's me and if he is still stubborn on trying to get my daughter?.
Then i'll do anything and everything in my power to get him a capital punishment, to hell with my previous moral's.
8528525
I'm not. I would make him suffer!!!
8558917
clearly ya'll are waiting to have power before killing him.