Zane is your average, single father in a society of ponies, a man that has one child to raise in the world they cannot get enough of. Until one cruel mare starts to show a little more than an abusive friendship, and turns into something more.
Wow, Zane really had a tense atmosphere at his home with having to explain why he's dating Umbra , preventing a fight between Cadence and Umbra, and then gently rejecting Twilight. Meanwhile, it seems Luna isn't as heartbroken about Zane's leaving her and even blames him for not choosing to become an Alicorn, which apparently is her justification for cheating on Zane with Alex (what a bitch). On the other hand, it that the Queen herself is more traumatized by Zane leaving the family and is desperate to have him back by inviting him to the Gala. I really am excited to see how Zane will react to the invitation and if he'll have a confrontation with his brother, along with finding out why the Queen wants Zane to return or why she turned an asshole like Alex into an Alicorn that tormented Zane. Forgot to add, will the next chapter come soon?
6670090 I have to agree with you there, why the hell did they even take his brother when they got there? Was it an accident in the form of an AOE and he got caught in or or something else, cause there would be no way in hell they would let an asshole like him even become royalty. I just hope Zane either gets some form of payback or revenge on his asshole of a brother, that dickhead deserves it. And I hope Zane rejects the letter and writes one back saying he doesn't want to be near the ones who betrayed him, broke his heart and ruined his life. Oh that would make the queen break down even further, hope it happens.
Something of a problem here: Twilight drops into the first section out of nowhere.
Thankfully the Princess of Friendship took a seat next to her
Seriously, where did she come from? No mention of her before she's sitting down inside the house, because it was only Cadence and Shining Armor at the door.
The previous chapter says that Cadence met a pegasus who Zane would like. From this chapter, it seems that pegasus was actually Twilight the alicorn. What?
And how is Cadence saying she "met" Twilight? They've known each other for some time now! I'd say that Cadence is doing that intentionally, but when it's right next to a couple of other things which appear to be mistakes, it makes me think the "met" part is also a mistake. Perhaps you might want to take another look at the beginning of this chapter and the end of the previous one?
Umbra walks up to Luna " So, how does it feel to know I am dating your ex?" " what?" " I thought you heard, I'm dating Alex now." " Start operation lunar scythe."
Well, this story is certainly interesting. I was definitely not expecting all the fucked up shit that there is when I started either. This fucking pathetic excuse for a human being named Alex that is in fact a despicable individual less than scum, is the worst kind of person, and infuriates me to no end. I personally wouldn't mind putting him in his place like the garbage he is at all. Now I really want to know what happens and I hope he gets what he has coming to him ten times over.
Sorry if it sounded like I was ranting, which I probably was, but seriously, Alex pisses me off more more than any other character in a fanfiction I've read yet, not to mention this version of Luna! HOLY FUCK!
Quick would mean the work is mediocre and poorly designed in grammar. As much as it pains me to make everyone wait for more chapters, I have to take my time; especially when I fired my editors last week for some sick stuff they introduced to me.
I'd thought some art was disgusting, but for artists to take the upcoming revelation of Flurry Heart (Cadance and Shining's Foal) and turn it into something sexual made me vomit. Literally.
For god's sake, is there no consideration or decency in this world anymore.
Sorry, I'm fuming because I planned on adding Flurry Heart into The Princess' Sin as an alternate timeline of Cadance having Skyla first and then Flurry Heart years later.
Now I'm not so sure after what my former editors drew and posted on their tumblrs.
interesting story cheaters will always be cheaters, after what he did alex shows that it is not a person to be trusted, it is naive to think that will be faithful I can imagine sleeping with several servants, unbeknownst to celestia, and is repenting discarding Zane
Holy cow! This story has captured my interest in a way that I haven't felt since I firs read Past Sins and Fallout: Equestria the firs time. I'm glad I found you on here since I finally got back to where I can get on here and found you removed all stories from fanfiction. Keep up the outstanding work, and I look forward to reading more of your stories as they come out.
The silence between all five of us was very awkward, and I kind of liked it since the most silence I get is in bed. Those of us who had not understood the meaning behind gossiping—that being me and Shining Armor—we loved seeing the girls act so weird and cute, watching the slightest cough or glare as they peered at one another. I wondered how I would explain to Cadance that I had interest in Twilight being a potential marefriend but got the Unicorn Queen instead without hurting anyone's feelings.
You need to add that word, unless you actually want to hurt everyponies feelings and have that poor man get destroyed by an angry Umbra.
"He made his choice," I said neutrally, though I should be grieving with her. But why should I when it's his fault? He decided to stay human.
I have to say... this is the first story that has make hate Luna (she's a bitch in here).... yeah, fuck her and Alex and also Celestia, like Paxton Fettel would say, "They all deserve to die"
Okay, a very shaky start for MC and Umbra, a very high and palpable degree of adult maturity and seriousness. No wishy washiness like other MCs out there, very rare grounded and thought out, is willing to stick to his guns, and not willing to make compromises on declaration. Stating his intent and seriousness in being monogamist, despite the literal narrow miss on Twilight's part to confessing or asking him out.
My mind had reached a consensus, the story is fine, identification of unease has been found, the absolute asshattery of the driving plot to his current state of mind, position in life and outlook. The very existence of the royal family and the all encompassing presence they have to his day to day life, will always be a constant stone upon his shoulders, the eternal bullshit of his brother, the ever present pain his ex-wife brought him and his daughter and the fact that he could not have a break for peace till now. I guess the tipping point for me as a readers, and probably others, is that we start into the story right into the thick of the MC's despair, and being an empathic reader, swallowed me into the drain with him.
Wow, Zane really had a tense atmosphere at his home with having to explain why he's dating Umbra , preventing a fight between Cadence and Umbra, and then gently rejecting Twilight. Meanwhile, it seems Luna isn't as heartbroken about Zane's leaving her and even blames him for not choosing to become an Alicorn, which apparently is her justification for cheating on Zane with Alex (what a bitch). On the other hand, it that the Queen herself is more traumatized by Zane leaving the family and is desperate to have him back by inviting him to the Gala. I really am excited to see how Zane will react to the invitation and if he'll have a confrontation with his brother, along with finding out why the Queen wants Zane to return or why she turned an asshole like Alex into an Alicorn that tormented Zane.
Forgot to add, will the next chapter come soon?
You mean he
I hope Zane will accept the invitation and show Luna he moved on. Also thanks for the update!
No forgiveness man.
6670090 I have to agree with you there, why the hell did they even take his brother when they got there? Was it an accident in the form of an AOE and he got caught in or or something else, cause there would be no way in hell they would let an asshole like him even become royalty. I just hope Zane either gets some form of payback or revenge on his asshole of a brother, that dickhead deserves it. And I hope Zane rejects the letter and writes one back saying he doesn't want to be near the ones who betrayed him, broke his heart and ruined his life. Oh that would make the queen break down even further, hope it happens.
Something of a problem here: Twilight drops into the first section out of nowhere.
Seriously, where did she come from? No mention of her before she's sitting down inside the house, because it was only Cadence and Shining Armor at the door.
The previous chapter says that Cadence met a pegasus who Zane would like. From this chapter, it seems that pegasus was actually Twilight the alicorn. What?
And how is Cadence saying she "met" Twilight? They've known each other for some time now! I'd say that Cadence is doing that intentionally, but when it's right next to a couple of other things which appear to be mistakes, it makes me think the "met" part is also a mistake. Perhaps you might want to take another look at the beginning of this chapter and the end of the previous one?
6671969
You're right, and I blame alcohol.
Sorry, I was a little drunk writing this. I'll fix it Saturday.
6672252 Thanks! I'm interested to see where this story is going.
I have feeling that this is Queen plan everything to get Zane, but something go wrong.
6684166
You're right, and it will make a certain unicorn angry. Very. . . angry.
Oh I hope this goes a little quicker. I can feel my anxiety rising at the outcome of their stupid decision.
I hate to push you Saiyan but the anxiety to know what happens in the last two chapters is killing me here.
This is good, really good
......mooorrreee pllzzz
Umbra walks up to Luna
" So, how does it feel to know I am dating your ex?"
" what?"
" I thought you heard, I'm dating Alex now."
" Start operation lunar scythe."
when will this be updated I must know please also this fic has got me thinking on one of my own so thank you
6789281
I'm working on it right now, but I will be taking a break to see The Force Awakens tonight.
6792182 yay thank you thank you can't wait to see it
6830827
Someone actually chewed me out for that one. I was trying to be humble by pointing out my own flaws.
God I'm hoping so hard to see some retribution here. This is g.r.e.a.t. stuff, and I pray to see more soon.
Well, this story is certainly interesting. I was definitely not expecting all the fucked up shit that there is when I started either. This fucking pathetic excuse for a human being named Alex that is in fact a despicable individual less than scum, is the worst kind of person, and infuriates me to no end. I personally wouldn't mind putting him in his place like the garbage he is at all. Now I really want to know what happens and I hope he gets what he has coming to him ten times over.
Sorry if it sounded like I was ranting, which I probably was, but seriously, Alex pisses me off more more than any other character in a fanfiction I've read yet, not to mention this version of Luna! HOLY FUCK!
6865808 The wait's driving me nuts though, if it's short you'd figure it to be done quickly. No offense to the author of course.
6902692
Quick would mean the work is mediocre and poorly designed in grammar. As much as it pains me to make everyone wait for more chapters, I have to take my time; especially when I fired my editors last week for some sick stuff they introduced to me.
I'd thought some art was disgusting, but for artists to take the upcoming revelation of Flurry Heart (Cadance and Shining's Foal) and turn it into something sexual made me vomit. Literally.
For god's sake, is there no consideration or decency in this world anymore.
Sorry, I'm fuming because I planned on adding Flurry Heart into The Princess' Sin as an alternate timeline of Cadance having Skyla first and then Flurry Heart years later.
Now I'm not so sure after what my former editors drew and posted on their tumblrs.
6904357 That I can agree with you on, that made me sick all the way down under. I'm actually surprised I didn't vomit myself.
I bet Alex is gonna try to "woo" Umbra to bed and it backfires lol.
interesting story
cheaters will always be cheaters, after what he did alex shows that it is not a person to be trusted, it is naive to think that will be faithful
I can imagine sleeping with several servants, unbeknownst to celestia, and is repenting discarding Zane
6965374 No, this name does not show how disloyal she has been. My original name still stands.
Holy cow! This story has captured my interest in a way that I haven't felt since I firs read Past Sins and Fallout: Equestria the firs time. I'm glad I found you on here since I finally got back to where I can get on here and found you removed all stories from fanfiction. Keep up the outstanding work, and I look forward to reading more of your stories as they come out.
You need to add that word, unless you actually want to hurt everyponies feelings and have that poor man get destroyed by an angry Umbra.
6868849 Well then, sign this petition form, and she will be renamed " That black, disloyal pony bitch."
I know it's not the same situation exactly, but I can't help but think this to the perfect song to describe the story thus far.
I have to say... this is the first story that has make hate Luna (she's a bitch in here).... yeah, fuck her and Alex and also Celestia, like Paxton Fettel would say, "They all deserve to die"
Okay, a very shaky start for MC and Umbra, a very high and palpable degree of adult maturity and seriousness. No wishy washiness like other MCs out there, very rare grounded and thought out, is willing to stick to his guns, and not willing to make compromises on declaration. Stating his intent and seriousness in being monogamist, despite the literal narrow miss on Twilight's part to confessing or asking him out.
My mind had reached a consensus, the story is fine, identification of unease has been found, the absolute asshattery of the driving plot to his current state of mind, position in life and outlook. The very existence of the royal family and the all encompassing presence they have to his day to day life, will always be a constant stone upon his shoulders, the eternal bullshit of his brother, the ever present pain his ex-wife brought him and his daughter and the fact that he could not have a break for peace till now. I guess the tipping point for me as a readers, and probably others, is that we start into the story right into the thick of the MC's despair, and being an empathic reader, swallowed me into the drain with him.
I believe I shall continue