Twilight was doing the best she could to become a princess of which everypony could be proud. With only a few teensy little bouts of self-doubt, she was hitting the books like a pro, learning the ropes from the elder princesses, and easing into the job at a cautious, steady pace. Steady, that is, until a certain power-obsessed centaur threw all of her timetables and checklists into the air – along with most of her house.
So with T-wreck now back in the slammer, all she and Spike have to do is get used to living in a new house castle as well as cope with changed circumstances, responsibilities and expectations. Easy-peasy, right?
The events of this story happen in parallel to and intersect with events in Outland, although each story can be read independently.
Nice.
Consider this liked and tracked.
--Spade
lol he he
Twilight. There is a reason you are Best Pony!!
That last part, Oh. My. Celestia! She trolled them perfectly, my grin just won't stop. You're getting a fav and upvote for this my friend.
I might take a look at this later but OH GOD. Freaking MS paint on that picture. HOly crap that's bad.
I can tell you wanted to make the sign look like it was freshly painted but jeez. At least make the paint you added the same color.
My Luna! The Princess Burger. That's it, I'm faving this.
Haven't even read yet, but upvote purely for 'T-wreck'.
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You are right. I included the wrong version of the picture into my finished composition. Fixed. And thanks for letting me know!
Wow, Twilight! Way to handle that like a boss!
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/078/c/d/twilight_sparkle_by_hopskocz-d4t8kpt.png
You know what, Twi? This isn't really for your benefit. This is for their benefit. So that they can tell their grandfoals that they once waited at the table of the Princess of Friendship! So, give them their little bit of entertainment. It is only slightly irritating and it makes sure that you get your order faster!
As for Pinkie...? Well, as Celestia said, "What is a Princess of Friendship without her friends?" I think that they all have their part in keeping Twi grounded, happy and functional.
As for rubbing shoulders? Well, I doubt that that will happen much except at Royal balls and other public occasions. I'm afraid that you're going to have to get used to it being mostly during The Court of Friendship.
Something tells me that Zecora is on a special mission and Spike has the job of covering her trail.
Okay, Pince Nez, sit down. There is clearly something you haven't realised - The Rainbow Friendship Kindom is one of the city-states of the Equestrian Federation. As such, there are no border issues (unless it was a law enforcement issue - I imagine that Twilight would probably need to notify the governor of the region in question if she wanted to pursue a fugitive there). More importantly, there is a person potentially in distress. There are times for bureaucracy and this is not one of them.
I don't like this guy. He looks like he's trying to build a bureaucratic empire on the back of Twi's ascension. If I were her, I'd ask Celestia for the loan of a few senior and junior clerks to help out the Mayor, a platoon of Guardsponies to help with security (and as muscle for dealing with people like Pince Nez) and maybe a few housekeepers to help her keep the castle tidy.
Now, she's going to have to purée the franchise owner of Hay Burger for using the Royal Likeness without permission.
I've got the feeling that Twi needs to make use of her friends' abilities to help her keep the town working smoothly. Maybe even make them Ministry Mares?
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i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t510/lmclecm/3e293aa0006ad27f24bf260eca7ec726_zpse0643a4d.jpg
They're going to have to find something better to do with those thrones than just warm the seat cushions, don'tcha think?
You improve as a writer with each work, Daf. This chapter was planned and executed flawlessly, and this work certainly has my upvote!
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Say, have you noticed that a lot of the same folks favorite both of our stories?
I read this just for the deja vu.
Keep up the good work.
If the Burgers and Fries are made of the same thing then what's the point?
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Dude, ask anyone who cooks, it's not the ingredients but how they're put together. Just look at how many different ways there are to eat potatoes, or even more, tofu!
Besides, a Hay Burger™ is broiled to juicy perfection then charcoal kissed to sear-in that smoky goodness, whereas Horseshoe Fries™ are deep fried to that special crispy golden crunchiness that floats on your palate, just waiting to be washed down by a huge refreshing gulp of Colta Cola™!
By the stars this is a great story hope more soon
is this going to be a spike/harem? please say yes!!
5504835 I despise that word. What word? Oh, harem. It is extremely degrading, implying that group being referred to as such is subservient and exist only to serve the one individual... you know, the one to whom the harem 'belongs'? Like an object belongs? In your comment Spike would be the trash that treated others as property for his own amusement. Harem does not reference a relationship between equals. And really inappropriate for equines who's herds are female dominated and in which the numerically superior mares are essentially sharing the male. Making it the exact opposite power dynamic of a harem... you know, in non-sapient equines. I imagine given sapience they would likely end up with the same bias against that sort of thing that we have towards harems.
Sorry, got kind of ranty... I was in a right rage earlier and read this to cool off enough to get to sleep and I'm still rather annoyed.
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Hello gents,
To be perfectly honest I generally don't do shipping, although I do try to portray the depth of relationships and real feelings between the characters in my stories. I also try to keep this realistic to the show, so no harems and such.
However, this story meant as a comedy, so I do hope the yucks will keep you entertained!
5523883 it will for me
5523883 Oh, my comment had nothing to do with the story and just that word in general. If I was going to reference your story in particular I would have pointed out that as the main protagonist Twilight would be at the heart of any romance not Spike and furthermore that this story is not tagged romance. But then that could be taken as an insult; "What? You saying I'm too stupid to identify the primary protagonist or read the tags?!"
Suppose I should be talking about your story in the comments of your story though, so here goes:
Firstly, OC#1 is a complete tool. Hopefully Twilight will banish him from her kingdom, i.e. the Ponyville town limits, soon. But then I'm pretty sure he is suppossed to be a tool.
Secondly, the title itself does imply some sort of poly amorous relationship revolving around Twilight. That is how 'herd' is interpreted most often, especially in this community. There is not any indication of romance in the description or the tagging which was a bit disconcerting at first and required an adjustment of reader mindset to disassociate 'herd' with romance.
Thirdly, between the vagueness of the description and the shortness of the story so far there isn't really enough to tell just what this story is all about yet... comedy is just a general theme or mood not a story line in and of itself.
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One of the hardest things to do when writing a story is to choose a title. Since FIM fiction has a global membership there is a very wide scope for alternate interpretations of pretty much anything an author could imagine. And of course my own social biases (50+ year old white male French Canadian) aren't likely to overlap with those of the vast majority of readers on this site!
Still, part of the fun of sharing stories with a community like this is finding out out about one's own biases, blind-spots and assumptions.
This is awesome. Great chapter. I can't wait for the next installment.
Spike has a task that requires him to go to multiple cities? Fancy.
Pince Nez is sorta all over the place. Doesn't understand patient confidentiality, then when the veterinarian gives him published scientific papers he just gets contemptuous, when knowing there's someone who is scientifically known in their kingdom should make him happy, even if it didn't help him here.
I guess we'll find out what's going on with the sneer, too.
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Hmm. What is Pince Nez's motivation here? What is he trying to do? How does he see himself in relation to the good mares and stallions of Ponyville? There have been multiple clues dropped so far.
And, yeah, what's the deal with that sneer?
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If we're talking about "in relation" it's clear the relation is that he thinks he is above them. But... while there are hints, and a general feeling from it, I don't think I have the full picture of what he really wants yet. I guess it could be as simple as wanting the rubes of this town to affirm that his better training and knowledge of how to treat royalty makes him better than they are, but the sneer seems to indicate it goes even deeper.
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As the expression states: the devil is in the details.
Yeah, I thought that Pince Nez was trouble! Did Fluttershy use the Stare on him, maybe? Or maybe Discord was there and offered to help as "Dear Fluttershy's loyal friend and assistant"? It is possible that this Pince Nez is about fifty years older than the one we met in the previous chapter and has spent the last half-lifetime crashing through dozens of universes of random insanity for the amusement of the God of Chaos.
He still got the information that he requested. Because Discord promised and he keeps his promises... unfortunately.
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Yessiree!
LOL! I just might use that idea!
Update! :-)
HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great chapter. I was dying of laughter at Spike's last comment. Great chapter. That was awesome.
Is that... the same thing that Spike calls Twilight's mom in The Descendent's stories?
... Only so far I haven't seen her ever being affectionate with Spike in TD's stories, but the only one I remember her being mentioned in was the one where his "not technically her family" status was being played up.
Anyway... I'm pretty sure that Pince Nez has something to do with Twilight's image being suddenly licensed everywhere. But we'll see.
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Yep, you called it! I like the statement it makes regarding Spike's rather complex sense of identity, relation to Twilight Sparkle (mother-sister), Celestia (mother-aunt) and my own head-canon is that Twilight Velvet has played a very important part in Spike's emotional life (more of a grandmother who was the most constant source of affection in his early life). I've also used the expression before in another story of mine, Alone.
Somehow, I missed this update, but I'm glad I checked back. This was great!
... also, as a friend of The Descendant's, I wager he's more than a little flattered by your nod to his work. And the more I read, the less I like Pince Nez. I'm waiting for when Twi finally has enough and drops her first Royal Decree right on his head.
My first thought was, 'how the hell could she cork the bottle if she's already made that big green beast swallow it?' You should be a little clearer about how information gets across.
What in fuck's name did Dash figure out that I didn't? The ring isn't "for" anything. It just shrank! After being taken from a random creature in the wild! What was it doing on the creature?
From your blog, it seems like you got caught up in Obsolescence's OC Slamjam Contest when you were part way through ‘A Herd of my Own’, and haven’t come back to it yet. I believe that a writer should spend their creative energy on what moves them. But, I think ‘A Herd of my Own’ is an extremely good story, and I would love to see you continue it.
Part of the reason I like the story is that it deals with issues that are still under addressed on fimfiction, and un-addressed in canon:
- What is Princess Twillight’s real position in Equestrian society?
- How does she choose and deal with new responsibilities?
- How does Twilight react and shape the changes in the way other ponies treat her?
- How does she interact with ponies who want to help her as well as exploit her?
- Ultimately, what does Twilight want from her life, and how does she proactively make that happen?
These are big juicy issues, with corresponding big consequential choices. And interesting choices help make great stories. You have framed the issues well in the story so far. Now comes the time when characters make decisions and live with the consequences; that is the heart of the story.
I love the ‘voice’ you have for different characters. Your writing treads the fine line between feeling like something that could be from canon, but also feeling deeper than a kids show can go. This is a great gift. Part of what works so well is your ear for the type of humor that is a part of the show, but also appeals to the more adult readers.
Also, though I love the images in this story, do not feel that each new chapter has to include an image. You have done a fine job setting up dilemmas. The pictures helped with that. Now you can move on to how the characters react to those dilemmas, and the consequences of those decisions. The images are no longer required.
Please, work on what moves you. But if you are looking for a vote, I would vote that you continue ‘A Herd of my Own’.
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Thanks for this great feedback and encouragement! I've been slow to get back to this story partly because of devoting my limited time for writing to participation in contests, and partly because my muse seems to be having all these ideas for other stories. The OC Slamjam was essentially a writing marathon – a big, intensive, gloriously fun but majorly exhausting experience.
I'm usually loath to start a new project before my current one is complete, but by the same token I find it really hard to get back into a project once interrupted, but it is indeed my intention to get back to it this summer. Your comment shows that at least someone else cares that finish the story, so now it's back on my mind! Thanks!
More please
Seems to me that there's a bit of a power struggle here. For whatever reason (probably perceived seniority), Pince Nez wants to undermine Twilight and impose his own will on the new kingdom.
Maybe Nez is just jealous and thought that his long and bureaucratically flawless service meant that he should certainly have got his own independent city-state before a magically jumped-up librarian (previously, massively further down the civil service chain from he). What he doesn't know, of course, that it's the fact that Twilight was magically made a God-Princess by the fundamental forces of magical nature itself that gives her greater qualifications.
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Twilight grew up surrounded by the bureaucrats and nobles of Canterlot, although being Celistia’s personal student she was likely sheltered from the more competitive aspects of their petty rivalries and power games. She can be somewhat naive sometimes, but she is a fast learner.
Still, learning often involves making a few mistakes...
Who else wants to see Pince Nez get run out of town?
Wow, Pince. Just... wow. Trying to separate Zecora from Shad with the primary justification that Zecora doesn't belong with a pony, being a zebra.
... Yes. This definitely is in line with his previous statement's about Spike, isn't it?
Is this enough to fire him? This seems like enough justifications to eject his flank out of public service so fast... If the going behind the back for organizing the government, if the unaware image licensing, if his bullying of medical professionals was not enough, perhaps attempting to physically remove someone from being able to care for a child for clearly racist reasons is.
Glad to see this again, though.