Okay so when we were younger my brother would never leave me alone and follow me around like a lost puppy all the time. Well being his awesome older sister who can blame him. Though I got sick of it and told him to back off, but him being a little kid at the time he didn't listen to me at all. He was so annoying.
Well he was.....
It seems that I did finally get my wish after all. Now I think I might....no, I know I didn't really mean that. Lately he hasn't really spent much time with me in years as he use to. Often times I find myself talking to an empty room with out him. It's been way too long since we did anything together, so tonight we're going to do something. And if he doesn't want to I'll force him.
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Spike is the younger brother of Rainbow Dash not Twilight. They are human and they are in a similar lifestyle as teen living with their parents.
Third person point of view told in present tense.
Limited gore does not pertaining to the main character nor what actually happen to them.
Atrist: http://sakuranoruu.deviantart.com
Written for the Fifth SpikeDash Competition: Alternate Universes.
Awesome job. I always enjoy seeing how Spike and Rainbow would interact with each other. And this was a new way to see how they'd be if they were siblings.
that was great, great job man. I think you should do a follow up story or a sequel
Abusing goodfic groups is pretty messed up.
I am of confuse.
6948565 why
6948663 Super abusive older sister, and yet he still stays around her.
For some reason, I feel as though the story didn't flow very well. Dash's behavior was too erratic. One minute she's fine and then the next she's not, and she was like this through most of the whole story. The dynamic where Spike does something and Rainbow reacts in a excessively violent way kinda got old after a while too.
The dialogue also felt detached and almost mechanical at times like when Dash is talking here for example: "The cold weather made my wings all stiff, making it almost impossible for me to get home." It just sounds weird.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to write this story.
Heh heh. I swear to god, your the king of teases
(and blue balling). I think that Rainbow Dash should of AT LEAST given him a footjob or something, but that may just be me. Also, I'll say it again: PLEASE put some actual sex scenes in your stories. The opprotunity for Dash to DO something( not just tease Spike) was RIGHT THERE. Yet every time they seem to get close to second- base, you make Dash act like a scared schoolgirl. SHE'S PRACTICALLY A FREAKEN AMAZON. What does she have to be nervous about? You write very well, but the bluballing is getting VERY predictable. If your not going to have an actual sex scene, why do you keep putting the 'sex' tab front and center? I'm going to guess that the next story is going to be just as predictable as this one, where some girl keeps giving Spike the all clear to GO FOR IT, but he's to FREAKEN DENSE to understand. COME ON!
Where can I find the other entries?
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Well as to answer all that I wanted to get this is for an entry for Spikedash competition i was in a rush. The rules of the site state that it's strictly forbidden for under age to have sex of that nature. I didn't know to well how to use the sex tab plus I like to tease i wear the crown with pride. Ans don't you Spike being somewhat dense is like him.
I do plan a fimfiction version and a cleaner dialog fix, thanks for pointing that out. And alonger series for this along with custom art.
6951016 look at the Spikedash group folders
A sequel to this would be the cats pajamas!
After rereading this story, I find that it's a good example of a 'slice-of-life' with little dabs of possible* romance in the future(*or just more blue balling). That said, the more mature, sexual parts of the story feel very forced and seem to not have any big effect on the ending, where Spike just seems to brush off ALL of the obvious sexual actions made by Rainbow Dash. If there is one constructive thing that I can say(I know I rant a lot) is that Geoice REALLY needs to make Spike less dense, aware of advances, and have some more self esteem. In many of the stories, Spike almost always second guesses himself about being with a girl when the girl obviously wants to be with him(I.e. Dash).
6951087 good read good job man
6974520 thanks
A sequel plz do a sequel that would be AWESOME!!!
This is kind of a rough read. Maybe if you put hints of Spike understanding what Dash was doing, it would make more sense. Otherwise it's hard to imagine Spike NOT getting upset with his Sister being so forceful. Especially after that one scene (you know the one.)
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Yeah, plan on doing a rewrite of this soon.
I'm sorry if I come off as agitated while writing this but I gotta get this off my chest.
Where is the love?
You can 'say' that she loves him but it never is shown that she cares. She can say she does but that doesn't excuse the blatant abuse. This doesnt need a rewrite, this needs a new premise or you need a better understanding of how aggressive siblings are.
As someone who has that kind of relationship with his siblings, I have a serious problem with how this is written. All of the abuse and threats are meant to be playful, and both sides are meant to know that. If RD just shouts and hurts Spike without letting him know she doesn't actually mean him harm then it's abuse plain and simple.
And Spike's attitude to all of the abuse screams abuse victim and not little brother. He should be furious at her, no matter how forgiving he is.
Reading this put a bad taste in my mouth. Its written well but the forced sexual incidents and the constant abuse and then pretending like theyre all friendly made this an awful read.
oh, goodness this isn't what I was expecting.