Dear Twilight Sparkle
“Dear Twilight Sparkle”
by Donny’s Boy
dedicated to DerFurShur
Thursday was Applejack’s favorite day of the work week. On Thursdays Applejack worked the western fields of the orchard, and on Thursdays Twilight Sparkle practiced her flying in the eastern fields. On this particular Thursday, Applejack happily trotted down the rows of trees, long straight lines, as neat and tidy and organized as any orchard could ever wish to be, but her eyes kept skyward.
Applejack had never once wished to be anything but the earth pony she was. Nor could she imagine losing that magical and instinctive connection to the ground and plants and nature that all earth ponies felt. Even so, she’d always enjoyed watching pegasi as they soared through the clouds. It was like watching dancing, except way high up in the air. And despite Rarity’s accusations to the contrary, Applejack could appreciate a bit of prettiness here and there in life--a bit of sugar and cinnamon to spice up the apple pie.
But watching Twilight wasn’t like watching Fluttershy or like watching Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy was all grace, her wings tilting in fluid, languid motions, a gentle ballet. Rainbow Dash was precisely the opposite, all brute strength and sudden movement, her wings beating against the air like a drummer on her snares. But Twilight? Twilight had neither grace nor power. Her wings flapped awkwardly, almost haphazardly, and she moved through the air in fits and starts. More than once that afternoon, the poor alicorn crash-landed in the branches of one of Applejack’s trees.
If Applejack had watched Twilight’s practice sessions for aesthetics alone, then surely she would have been disappointed. But Applejack didn’t. She watched for what happened after Twilight would crash. What happened after every time Twilight crashed. What was happening right that very instant, in fact.
With a groan loud enough to be heard in the western orchards, Twilight picked herself from the branches and leaves of the tree in which she’d found herself, and she gave her wings a brisk shake. Then, hopping down to the ground, she began her post-crash checklist--first Twilight lifted and rotated her left fore leg, then the right fore leg, followed by her left and right hind legs, always in that exact same order. The wings came next, with Twilight carefully extending her left wing for inspection before moving on to her right. Only after these procedures had been completed did Twilight give a tiny but satisfied nod of the head.
She crouched down low and flared her wings, ready to take off, ready to try again. But then she paused. She glanced up at the sun, wearing a thoughtful frown, and then turned west. Almost as if by magic, Twilight’s gaze landed directly upon Applejack across the long rows of trees. Applejack felt her cheeks heat up a bit, at being caught staring, but she shook it off easily enough when Twilight beamed at her. Neatly tucking her wings against her sides, Twilight took off in Applejack’s direction at a canter.
“Good practice?” asked Applejack, once Twilight was in speaking range.
“I think so.” Without hesitation, Twilight stepped up to one of the baskets that Applejack had filled with trimmed branches. She levitated it onto her back as she added, “I still have to work on my turn radius, but it’s getting easier.”
Applejack scooped up the remaining basket. The two ponies began towards the barn at a slow, easy pace. Both of them were tired from long days of hard physical work, after all. Besides, at least as far as Applejack was concerned, there wasn’t any rush. The sun was warm and bright, a cool breeze blew through the trees, and Twilight walked close enough that Applejack could smell the wind and dirt in the other pony’s mane.
It was a nice day. No rush at all, really.
“How are the trees?” asked Twilight after a few moments, breaking the companionable silence.
“Trees are doin’ fine.” Applejack glanced over to the nearest tree, unable to entirely suppress a proud smile. “Didn’t have to do much pruning today. Ought to be a good harvest this year.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Twilight replied, and Applejack could tell she meant it. Twilight always meant it.
Once inside the barn, they hauled their baskets to the back corner and set them down. Later, Applejack would sort through the wood to see if any of it could be reclaimed, for use in furniture or for the stove come winter, but that could wait. For right now, there were more important matters at hoof.
Applejack took off her hat and wiped her sweaty brow with a foreleg. “Thanks for lending a hoof with the baskets, Twi.”
“I’m happy to help. I mean, really, I’m the one who should be thanking you, for letting me practice flying in your fields.” Twilight chuckled. “Apple trees make for much softer landings than buildings.”
“Aww, hey, you only crashed twice today. That’s gotta be a new record, I reckon.” Applejack paused and gestured toward the farmhouse. “So! You wanna come inside and rest a spell, maybe have a cold mug of cider?”
Twilight giggled. “Why do you always ask that, Applejack? I always stay for cider after practice.” Leaning forward, she added in a loud, conspiratorial whisper, “It’s even on my calendar. Three o’clock, flight practice. Four o’clock, cider with Applejack.”
Applejack grinned. She could tell the grin was probably a bit too broad and a bit too silly, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to care.
“Sure, but it ain’t proper to assume. You know what they say about assumin’.”
Twilight returned Applejack’s grin with one just as wide and just as happy. “Well, in that case--yes, I’d love to stay for a visit.”
Dear Twi,
Naw. Too simple. Sounds like every other letter I’ve sent her. Well, not that I’ve sent her all that many letters--she’s just down the road, so usually I just drop by the library--but the ones I’ve sent, they’ve all started like that.
My dearest Twilight,
Oh, lordy, no. It’s like Rarity’s gone and possessed me or something. Sure, the gal’s got a way with words, I’ll give her that, but it ain’t Rarity writing this here letter. It’s me. Oughta sound like me. Just a better, cleaned-up, more thoughtful-like version of me, maybe.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Dang it. I don’t think this is going so well.
With a small, apologetic smile, Twilight stood up from the table. It was a large, round table heaped filled with all manner of bowls and platters and dishes, tucked away in a back corner of the outdoor patio at Gustave’s Cafe. At least once a month, Applejack and the other girls would meet at the cafe for lunch and catching up. Not only was the food excellent, but Gustave usually gave them discounts, since he and Pinkie were on such good terms.
“Sorry to leave so early, girls,” Twilight was saying, as she levitated her napkin and placed it over her now-empty plate. “The Saddle Arabian delegation is visiting Canterlot again tomorrow, you see, and I have to go over the meeting agenda and--”
“Twilight, say no more,” Rarity interrupted, with a smile of her own. “We all understand that the demands of princesshood come first.”
Murmurs of agreement went around the table, and they all waved as Twilight left the cafe and trotted off toward home. If Applejack waved a little harder and stared for a little longer than the others, well, maybe that wasn’t the very worst crime she could commit.
“Um, Applejack?”
Giving her head a brisk shake, Applejack turned back toward the table and found all of her remaining friends staring straight at her, wearing odd smiles that she didn’t like the least bit. Just a little too big and a little too bright, like Apple Bloom trying to pull a fast one after some crusading mishap or another.
Immediately, Applejack frowned. “Why in tarnation are y’all lookin’ at me like that?”
“Isn’t there something you’d like to share?” Rarity asked, smile unwavering. “Perhaps something you’ve been keeping a secret for some time?”
Fluttershy nodded. “We’d be very happy to Pinkie promise not to tell anypony. If, um, you’d like us to. Not that we’d tell even if we didn’t Pinkie promise, of course …”
“Well, I dunno.” Applejack reached up to scratch at her snout. “We’ve been workin’ on a new cider recipe over at the farm, but it ain’t quite ready for taste-testing yet ... ”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What Rarity and ‘Shy are trying to get at here is--”
“We think you wanna have smoochies with Twilight!” Pinkie exclaimed as she tossed her hooves in the air, sending her water glass tumbling off the table.
“Basically, yeah.” Dash gave a nod of confirmation. “And we’re pretty sure Twi’d be into that, too.”
Applejack gaped. She worked her jaw a bit, but suddenly her tongue was too thick, and her throat was too tight, and she couldn’t quite make the words come out.
“Oh, honestly!” Rarity directed a glare in the direction of Pinkie and Dash as she simultaneously levitated the fallen glass back to its former spot besides Pinkie’s dinner plate. “Do you two have no sense of romance? Or even basic decorum?”
Pinkie happily shook her head, while Rainbow Dash offered up a noncommittal shrug.
For her own part, Applejack barked out a laugh. It wasn’t even that laughing seemed like the thing to do--though it did--so much as the laugh simply burst straight out of her mouth.
Pinkie frowned at her, her face contorted into an expression of grave doubt and suspicion. “What? Does that mean you don’t wanna make smoochies with Twilight?”
“Though that isn’t quite how I’d phrase the question,” said Rarity, “I must admit that I, too, am a bit curious as to your reaction.”
Applejack looked around the table at each of her friends in turn. Pinkie and Rarity were staring at her with rapt attention, of course, but even Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were looking at her, too. All of them just staring and waiting. Applejack drummed her hooves on top of the table, just to give her legs something to do. They were itching to move, to run or kick or just do something, and the fidgeting helped, if only a little.
“I like Twilight,” Applejack finally said. She bit back a sigh. “Dunno if there’s much more to say, really.”
“Well, are you going to ask her out?” asked Fluttershy, leaning forward eagerly, her eyes shining as though the fate of the whole universe hinged on the answer to her question.
Applejack sat back a little. Mostly just to regain a bit of personal space but also, honestly, maybe a little because she was intimidated by the look in Fluttershy’s eyes. “Uh …”
“What? You mean you’re just gonna lead Twilight on?” Nearly growling, Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs across her chest. “That’s totally bogus, A.J.!”
“No!” Applejack shook her head so quickly that her hat nearly flew off. "I ain’t said that at all!"
Dash frowned a little harder and looked about ready to argue the point, but Rarity leaned across the table and laid a gentle hoof over Rainbow's. And though Rainbow didn't quite lose her frown, she blessedly kept her mouth shut.
"Darling?" Rarity began, facing Applejack, those piercing blue eyes boring right into the farm pony. Applejack almost wished Rarity had just let Dash say her piece. "If that’s not what you’re saying, then just what are you trying to say?"
"I ..."
The rest of whatever she'd been about to say evaporated into the air, because it was right about then that she realized her heart was beating a little too fast, and her mouth was a little too dry, and her breathing was a little too shallow. And just when had her legs started shaking so bad?
"I ... I don't know."
And Applejack realized, with a sinking heart, that she’d spoken the honest to Celestia truth. That was the problem, right there. She didn’t know just what exactly she was trying to say.
Dear Twilight,
Your eyes are like orbs of
Orbs is a funny-sounding word. Sounds weird. Wrong. Kind of like ogres, and ogres ain’t a good thing.
Your eyes are like
Like water? Nah, that’s too trite, and besides, they ain’t really much like water unless you’ve been crying. And goodness knows how I hate to see you crying.
Like gems? Well, they sparkle plenty, so I reckon that works. But gems are awful hard, and you only get that hard look in your eyes when you’re facing down some ugly critter that's aiming to hurt us or something like that.
Like fire? They kind of are, because of how passionate you are and how much you care about everypony and everything. Still, fire can destroy a whole bunch of stuff and kill a whole bunch of ponies, so I don’t know if you’ll be too keen on that comparison.
Maybe I ought to forget similes and metaphors for right now. Just leave all that to the poets and that stash of books Fluttershy don’t think we know about.
Your eyes are so pretty.
By the Moon and Sun, that sounds so stupid and simple-headed. I mean, your eyes are pretty--prettiest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen, though I’ll admit I’m probably biased on that--but it just seems like a letter like this deserves something a bit better. A bit more … I don’t know … more zap apples, less regular old Red delicious.
Maybe I’ll try with the similes again.
Applejack smiled as she stared down at the framed photograph held between her hooves. Her friends smiled back up at her, and behind their smiling faces hung a large “Welcome home, Princess Luna!” banner. To this day, Applejack didn’t know how Pinkie Pie had made the sign on such short notice, but in the here and now, that wasn’t what drew her attention.
No, what drew her attention were five necklaces and a tiara, glittering and shining from the photograph, just as she’d remembered them. And it was so, so easy to remember them, to remember how she’d felt that day, powerful and connected and more alive than she’d ever been.
“You’re still missin’ it.”
Applejack didn’t jump, didn’t yelp, didn’t even bother to turn around. She’d lived too long in this house to get spooked by the sudden intrusion of that quiet, deep voice.
Instead, she sighed. “Yeah. Reckon it’s a mite bit selfish of me, but I do. It’s just …”
Big Macintosh didn’t speak. He simply waited for her to finish her thought. That was one of the good things about Mac. One of the bad things, too.
“I dunno,” she finally muttered. She shrugged and set the photo back on her bedside table. “It’s hard to describe to other ponies how it felt, wearin’ them shiny little doodads. I could feel the others, Twi and all of ‘em, when the necklace was on. The way I can feel my own hoof or heart right now.”
“They’re still your friends, A.J. Even better friends now than they were then.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. It was rude, and Big Mac didn’t deserve it, but she couldn’t quite help herself. “I know that! That … that ain’t the point I’m gettin’ at.” She shook her head. “I got a good life. A real good life. Good family, good friends, roof over my head, food in my belly. Got nothing to complain about, and so I don’t complain. But those necklaces …”
The soft clop of hooves against well-worn wood. A gentle warmth against her side.
Her eyes stayed on the photo. There they all were, so much the same and yet so different. A seamstress and a weather pony. An animal warden and a baker. A farmer with hooves still caked with dirt from the fields. And there in the middle of them all stood a pony who’d traveled all the way from the shining capital of Equestria, a pony full of ancient knowledge and arcane magic, a pony destined to conquer the greatest of evils and to pass the most difficult of challenges.
A pony destined to become a princess.
“We were special, Mac,” Applejack confessed, her voice quiet and ashamed. “Just for a while, I was the Element o’ Honesty, and I was special. ‘Cause of … ‘cause of her. ‘Cause of them.”
Big Mac made a thoughtful humming noise in the back of his throat. “A.J.? You ever reckon you weren’t special ‘cause of the Elements?”
“You mean ‘cause everypony’s special in their own way? I know that. I do. I was just--”
“Eeenope. Not what I meant at all.” He wrapped a foreleg around her shoulders. “Just meant that maybe the Elements chose ya ‘cause you were special all along, instead of the other way around.”
Applejack simply sat there for a few minutes, silent, dumbstruck by her brother’s suggestion.
“No,” she said at last. “I don’t reckon I ever did think o’ things that way.”
Macintosh gave her shoulders a squeeze before standing up. Applejack could hear his joints pop as he stretched, followed by his hooves heading away. The hoofsteps paused near the doorway, and Applejack’s ears gave a flick. She could tell her brother had something else he wanted to say, and she waited for whatever might come next.
“A.J.?”
“Yeah, Big Macintosh?”
“The way I remember you tellin’ it, the Element of Magic only popped up once the rest of ‘em were found first. Just somethin’ to keep in mind for when you finally ask her out.”
Applejack gave silent thanks for having her back turned to her brother, because she could feel a blush burning on her cheeks hotter than the sun in August. She cleared her throat and then, for lack of a better plan, cleared it again.
“I … uh …” Applejack chuckled weakly. “That obvious, huh?”
Big Mac let out a snort.
Dear Twilight,
I wish I was good enough for you.
Big Mac would kick my flank if he caught me writing that. Besides, that ain’t really it, is it? That I think I ain’t good enough? I mean, I don’t have the same pedigrees that some of them noble ponies in Canterlot got, but the Apple family name is a known quantity, you might say. It’s a good name. A respected name.
Could be that I don’t have the book-learning you do, but heck, you just love learning for the sake of learning. Other ponies not knowing something you know just means you get to teach them something new, and your eyes always light up like fireworks at the Grand Galloping Gala whenever you get the chance to share a little of what you know. Could just ask you to explain all about magic theory and whatnot, and you’d be happy as a pig in mud as long as I listened, and you know I would. So I don’t reckon that’s it.
Dear Twilight,
I wish I could just
Just what, now? Tell you how I feel? Ask you out? Plant a big one right on you the next time I see you around town?
Heck, I don’t know. Something, though. Anything.
I ain’t exactly what you’d call a thinker or a planner. Got a good enough head on my shoulders, I like to think, but chess ain’t really my game, if you catch my drift. I’m better when I’m doing--running, jumping, hauling, bucking. Now just look at me. Can’t even finish writing one simple little letter to one of my best friends. Can hardly even finish a single dang sentence.
Sad.
Dear Twilight,
I wish I knew just what I wanted to say to you.
There. That’s at least a little closer to being something what’s true.
The sun beat down from above, and Applejack had to shield her eyes against it in order to see Twilight. Even then, high above the earth, Twilight was little more than a silhouette, a dark, tiny dot dancing among the clouds.
She was higher up than she usually dared to go, and Applejack felt a ridiculous twinge of worry, a slight cramp in her stomach. Surely Twilight could take care of herself--had done exactly that, on more than one occasion, as well as taking care of all Equestria--but still Applejack found herself wishing Twilight would fly a little lower. Just a little. A smidge.
Applejack forced herself to look away, to turn her attention back to her trees and all the work she had to do that afternoon. Not that there was really all that much work, to be honest. Last week had taken care of all the pruning, and it wouldn’t be until a few weeks more that she would need to--
“Whoa!”
Instantly Applejack’s ears swivelled, and a split-second the rest of her followed. She was halfway across the orchard before she even consciously registered that it had been Twilight who’d let out the yelp.
Up above, Twilight was hurtling downward. Hurtling down toward the ground below far too fast and with her wings askew at entirely the wrong angles. Applejack felt her heart leap into her throat, and she galloped even harder.
The alicorn’s eyes went wide as soon as she spotted Applejack and the collision course they were on, and Twilight shouted some words that might have been a warning or perhaps a command to get out of the way. Applejack couldn’t quite tell. She couldn’t hear much over the rushing of the wind past her ears or the pounding of her heart against her ribs.
And then, just a hair’s moment before Twilight was due to crash, there came a flash of blinding light.
Applejack’s entire field of vision exploded into a million shades of violet, and the world gave a sickening lurch as that same light faded as suddenly as it appeared. Applejack felt herself go into freefall, but before she could even try to get her legs beneath her, she hit the ground and rolled, end over end, finally coming to a halt when she smacked up against something large and none too soft. Sweet Apple Acres’ barn, if she had to guess, by the size and the solidness.
Panting hard, she simply lay there for a few seconds with her back against the dirt as she tried to regain her bearings. It took her a few seconds more to realize that part of the reason she was having trouble getting her breath was that something heavy and purple--or, rather, someone heavy and purple--was sprawled right across her chest.
For her own part, Twilight was gazing down at her with eyes as focused and urgent as any Applejack had ever seen. Tiny sparks of lingering magical energy crackled all around Twilight, like a fearsome and holy halo, and suddenly Applejack found it hard to breathe for an entirely different reason.
“Are you okay?” Twilight gasped out, breathing hard herself.
Applejack managed a somewhat shaky nod. “Yeah. How ‘bout you?”
“I’m all right. I think so, anyway.” Twilight let her head droop a bit, and her chin grazed the fur on Applejack’s chest. “I lost control in a thermal, and it … it took me longer to remember I could use my magic than it really should have.”
“You don’t say, now,” replied Applejack, her tone as dry as dust.
“Well, what about you? What were you thinking, getting in the way like that? I almost …” Twilight swallowed. Her eyes softened. “I mean, I could have ...”
Almost despite herself, Applejack chuckled. “None of that, now, missy. I didn’t save you from tumblin’ off a cliff in the Everfree just to lose you to a … a thermos or whatever you called it.”
“A thermal,” said Twilight, smiling through a sigh. “It’s a column of air that rises due to convection and …”
It was a perfect moment. Twilight was laying right there, warm and soft and babbling on about aerial physics in that excited way of hers, and all Applejack would have had to do was lean forward a little. If this had been a fairytale, she supposed she probably would’ve. She’d have stolen a kiss from her beautiful princess, like a valiant and worthy knight of yore, and then they’d get married and live happily ever after and probably adopt a whole bushel of foals.
But, of course, life wasn’t a fairytale. So instead of leaning in for a kiss, Applejack reached up with a hoof and gave Twilight a gentle poke in the side. “Sugar cube? Don’t mean to interrupt the flying lesson, but it’s startin’ to get a bit hard to get a good, deep breath in the old lungs here.”
“What?” Twilight blinked and then glanced around, as though just then realizing the position they both were in. “Oh! Oh, sorry, Applejack!”
Quickly Twilight scampered back onto her hooves. Blushing, she offered a hoof to help Applejack up next. Applejack accepted with a grateful grin and a nod.
“I reckon it’s not quite four o’clock yet,” said Applejack, as she dusted herself off and slapped her Stetson back atop her head, “but how would you feel about a cider anyhow?”
“I have to say … a cider sounds perfect right now.”
Together the two ponies began ambling toward the Apple family’s farm house. Applejack could feel Twilight’s gaze linger upon her as they walked, and she turned to the alicorn with an eyebrow raised in silent query.
“That was still a completely stupid thing that you did back there,” Twilight began, her voice stern.
Applejack frowned and opened her mouth to protest. But then, as Twilight’s sternness melted into a warm smile, the farm pony paused.
“Completely stupid,” Twilight repeated softly, “but completely brave and completely selfless.” She brushed shoulders with Applejack and gave her a brief nuzzle. “Thanks, Applejack.”
“Weren’t nothing,” Applejack lied through her teeth.
Dear Twilight,
Once upon a time, you came into my world and made the stars align.
I love you.
Yours,
Applejack
Applejack waited.
She was good at waiting. If she hadn't always been--and she hadn't, not as a young filly, anyway--the years had forced her to learn how to be. All those weeks of endless crying, back when a tiny Apple Bloom had colic and nothing and no one could comfort her. All those months of heavy, hurtful silence back when Macintosh, never the chattiest of colts to begin with, gave up speaking altogether as he kept a lonely vigil for ponies who never would make it back home. All those springs spent sowing and preparing in hopes of a healthy harvest come the fall.
All those endless dark hours, after the Element of Magic had exploded like a bomb, just seconds after the completion of old Starswirl's spell, and not a one of them knew whether the crown's bearer would ever be returned to them.
Applejack was good at waiting. She’d had to be. And so she waited.
It was Thursday, and she sat in the orchards, her eyes fixed unseeing upon the prize tree of the season. The air around her thrummed with the lazy heartbeat of early summer, still and warm, and yet the sweat trickled icy-cold down her back. Finally, after what might have been minutes but could have been hours, she heard it--the distant beat of wings against the air. Wingbeats far too quiet to belong Rainbow Dash and too clumsy to be Fluttershy.
Applejack swallowed.
The landing wasn't as hard or as loud as Applejack had expected, and she felt tempted to smile. All those Thursdays of practice had paid off, it seemed.
"I got your letter," came that voice Applejack knew so very well, quiet and yet as commanding as a thunderclap, as demanding of Applejack's attention as a bolt of lightning.
In response, Applejack gave a stiff nod. "Reckoned you would’ve by now."
It was a dumb thing to say. Too dumb and too simple, even for a pony like Applejack. But before she could begin to think of something else to say, something better and something that actually meant something, she felt a hoof fall soft upon her cheek.
She turned, more on instinct than anything else. Twilight Sparkle's face hovered just centimeters from her own. Those purple eyes sparkled under the sun like an entire universe of stars, and Applejack felt her throat tighten.
Slowly, deliberately, Twilight leaned toward her, and yet somehow Applejack was still caught by surprise when their lips actually met. When she found herself actually kissing Twilight.
Applejack returned the kiss, gingerly at first, all while trying to memorize every single thought and every single sensation. The roughness of Twilight’s lips, chapped from so much flying practice, no doubt. The slight bitterness on Twilight’s tongue, the taste of those awful herbal teas the alicorn so loved to drink. The distinctive scent of magic, acid and metallic, that always lingered in Twilight’s mane. The warmth in Applejack’s own chest, which expanded out like rays from the sun, to the extent that Applejack felt certain she’d burst right open.
Reluctant as she was to end the moment, to end the kiss, Applejack was the first to pull away. To pull back and reestablish a bit of space between the two of them. Still Twilight was staring straight at her, straight through her, and Applejack couldn’t help but tremble slightly at the intensity of the other pony’s gaze.
“I’m glad you sent the letter,” Twilight finally said. She extended a wing and laid it across Applejack’s back, lightly, almost delicately.
Applejack smiled. Twilight smiled back.
Applejack thought about explaining herself. She thought about telling Twilight about all the letters she’d written and then rewritten and then thrown away. About describing how hard she’d struggled to find the words to say what she wanted to say, to say what she meant, because a pony who was a librarian deserved only the very best words. She thought about talking about everything Twilight meant to her and everything she felt for Twilight.
But all Applejack ended up saying was, “I’m glad I wrote the letter.”
The End.
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Very sweet. I love the unsent letter pieces.
I am very sorry but i did not like this story!
I enjoyed this. I really liked how it went.
You're alive! Also a lovely story, even if it's not Ye Olde OTP.
5451584 Hint: explain.
5451577
Oh, yay, I'm really glad you liked that. The letter-writing segments were my favorite part to write. :)
5451584
Nothing to be sorry about! You like what you like, and you don't what you don't. If you have any specific feedback about what you didn't like in this story, though, I'd love to hear it. No pressure, of course.
5451700
Thanks!
5451723
And so I am! Glad to see you are, too, by the way. :)
5451752 Well, the reason is I'm a very young writer (I'm 11 years old) honestly its the ending I did not like.
Hee hee, very cute! I particularly enjoyed the way you portrayed AJ's musings. The way she admired Twi's tenacity and hard work, and their little get-togethers, and all the little interactions between them that she so cherished which were, for all intents and porpoises, banal but for the fact that they were with Twi. It all worked to help build the ship and make it more believable, draw the reader in.
Simple and delightful, and I too enjoyed the unsent letter snippets.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
5451813 Donny, that you for not cursing me out, when I say what I think about something people curse me out, that's why I said sorry, and its the ending I did not like very much, its very hard to explain how I feel.
I think one of these words should probably be a different word.
I really missed reading sweet, sappy shipfics like this from you.
5451813 I tossed it in the TwiJack group for you
That was cute.
5451888
Aww, I'm glad ya liked it. And yeah, it's definitely "slice of life" in that sense of banal you were talking about, but I kinda see TwiJack as running along those lines. Lots of joy in the simple things in life, etc. :)
5451902
Ugh, sorry--should be fixed now. I always do at least two read-throughs before publishing, but at least one dumb thing like this always seems to slip through.
And thanks! I missed writing sweet, sappy shipfics. :)
5451919
Much obliged!
5451938
Thanks!
5451889
First off, people shouldn't be cursing you out just because you don't like a story, and I'm sorry that you've experienced that. That is seriously Not Cool. (If anyone gets really, really nasty, don't be afraid to block them, by the way. And if you don't know how to do that, just let me know, and I can explain how.)
Also, thanks for providing a bit more detail. I really appreciate it, and I'll do some thinking about the ending of this story and whether it has some problems with it. As a general rule, when writers get feedback that someone doesn't like a story, we like to hear WHY the reader doesn't like it. That way, we can maybe fix the story or just keep it in mind for the next story we write. Readers don't HAVE to say why they don't like a story, but it's really nice when they do. Just so you know. :)
Anyway, I hope the next story you read is one you really, really like!
And once more, Donny proves that he is Quite Excellent at this writing thing.
5452001 Do you make FlutterDash stories, I love my little pony ships and that is my favorite one! I saw on your profile it said "You like to ship ponies"
This is very sweet.
5452004
Aww, you're gonna make me blush. :) This is just a fluffy lil thing, but hey, sometimes fluffy little things are just what you want to read, y'know?
5452124
Oh, yay, I'm especially happy to hear you liked that bit! I've been trying to get better at writing scenes where more than two characters have a conversation together, and I was pretty pleased about how that scene turned out. :D
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:) :) :)
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I do indeed like shipping ponies! "We Can Be Heroes" is a story about little Fluttershy meeting little Rainbow Dash for the first time, and it's not super shippy but it kinda is. (There's a little bit of violence at the beginning, just so you know. Nothing too, too intense, though.) "Perfect" is a FlutterDash story where both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are adults.
Also, here are some FlutterDash stories written by other folks that I've really enjoyed: "Flying in Place" by atosen, "Wingmares" by Couch Crusader, and "Torrents of Slow-Falling Rain" by Stereo_Sub.
Lol Applejack can't write
Pretty sure I now have diabetes due to how adorably sweet this story is.
Still, ya gotta love it when a story makes ya feel all warm 'n' snuggly inside, which this story did masterfully.
This story is very sweet and I'm very much happy to have read it!
thank you
This one thoroughly charmed me! Applejack's and Twilight are my two favorites among the main characters, partly because their friendship often seems to be the core of the whole group's... especially in the "big" episodes. They really seem to keep each other, and the rest of the group, going. But it's never something that I see as particularly "shippy". They're both pretty level-headed characters, and that makes it hard to wring the passion out of their relationship to push it into the usual shipping tale. Everyone now and then, though, someone manages to hit upon the right mix of quiet and heartfelt devotion to really sell a romantic side of it. This one did it beautifully.
I especially enjoyed (and was frustrated by) the fact that Applejack's always unwritten self edits said everything she could ever want to say to Twilight, but at least they did an excellent job of showing the readers how and why she had fallen for the clumsy princess. It was a very sweet format to use. The seeming inevitability of the relationship if AJ would just take the plunge (with the assurances of her friends that Twilight was pretty into her as well) kept it light and drama free, which again suits the pairing. It allowed it to be about the effort to find the truth of the matter to Applejack and to do the difficult job of expressing it as well as she could... And what could be more fitting for the hard-working, honest mare?
Really nicely done... Thanks for sharing it!
it was really nice, but i still feel like this would be just a wonderfull prolog for the real story.
Brilliant work. Truly brilliant work, dude.
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Geeze... Starting to make me look bad! (I kid)
~Skeeter The Lurker
Yeah, a pony like Applejack would have a hard time finding the words and the courage, wouldn't she? Who is she to woo a Princess, the Goddess of Friendship, no less?
Of course, Twilight Sparkle has never been impressed by those who would treat her as some kind of unapproachable ideal. Leave it to her to simply ignore Applejack's self esteem issues and just cut to the chase. She wants AJ and AJ wants her. The end.
Starting the morning off right with some TwiJack.
Great story, I loved reading it.
Oh god, the subtlelty is killing me !
It's been too long since I've read some good not-too-serious TwiJack. I'm happy to see that it's still a thing.
Thank you for this story sir, you just made my day
I liked this a lot. The structure of it, working off of Applejack's many failed attempts to put her feelings down into words, is very clever and gives the story a nice, easy-going momentum that makes it very readable and fun. It's also rich with great details and character choices; the notion of Applejack inviting Twilight to post-training cider so often that Twilight scheduled it into her checklist is just perfect, and I also liked your brief but effective exploration of Applejack's anxiety over losing the Elements of Harmony, especially since the show's handling of it left me more than a touch unsatisfied.
I think my favorite touch, though, is how you handle the actual way Applejack tries to write her letter; after all, on the surface, it should be the easiest thing in the world for her, blunt and honest as she is. But you do a great job of making it feel believable that she would actually struggle with that very fact, of finding the right point between the honest truth of her feelings and the necessities of communicating them to Twilight that will make them come across the way she wants them to. It's a really strong hook for the story, and you make such great use of it both as a structural tool and as a character-building exercise, it's really great.
The whole thing is great, in fact. Fun, and pleasant, and intriguing, it's exactly the sort of Slice of Life I love most. ^_^
This was a very cute, enjoyable read, not to mention the first story I've read in 2015.
Safe to say that my reading's off to a great start this year.
I like how you showed a different side of the whole love process... the difficulty in actually getting it said, making it known... even when you suspect the other feels the same.
5451879 Don't you have to be thirteen to join?
5451879
You have to be 13 to join. Reported.
Textual note:
The shift into the passive voice here bothered me a bit, as did the extraneous-feeling commas.
I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
As a whole, I thought you nailed it. There were some small errors here and there, but they didn't really detract from the story. Simple, sweet, and well done. 5/5
5451889
Not entirely to be condescending, but you're eleven years old. This isn't something you're even going to understand for awhile. When I was eleven, I thought I got pretty much everything. I got more than most, to be sure - I was a precocious little shit after all. But the intervening years showed me that until you experience the depth of a situation, and all that is attached to it - you never really know how to feel about it or its value. This ending speaks to people who've been in romantic relationships... granted, I was never the one to confess first, but it's honestly a bit more for an audience who's 'been there'. That might be why you aren't exactly getting it.
This is the only line I like of that song ^^
Anyway, very sweet story. Good pacing. I love it.
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Thanks very much, all y'all!
5453921
I tend to think of Twi and AJ as kinda the unofficial first- and second-in-command of the Mane Six, and I think that might show through a bit in my writing. I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
5454021
You think so? Something like, I dunno, Twi and AJ exploring a romantic relationship or maybe having adventures or something like that?
5454085
I based a lot of the story around the idea that AJ's not so great with words and KNOWS she's not so great with words. But Twi's all about words, so AJ tries her best. (At least, that's what I tried to do.)
5454898
Aww, I'm glad you liked it so much. What a lovely and in-depth review, too. Thank you!
5454966
I am glad you found my story a fitting start to 2015. :) Happy new year!
5455782
Thanks for linking and for such detailed feedback! Really appreciate it, though of course I'm sorry to hear you found the story disappointing. I can definitely see a lot of your points. Need to think a bit on your comment about Twilight only showing she was receptive to AJ's feelings toward the end, because I'd actually tried to indicate AJ's feelings were reciprocated very early on. Hmm.
5455921
I really dig the whole song, but that's my fave line from it. It's also a line that is, as DerFurShur pointed out to me, rather TwiJacky, what with AJ being the singer and the talk of stars. :)
Perfect characterization, Perfect Pacing.
I have no words for how moving this story was to me. Right in the feels this one.
-T
Commence read.
Another cute story.
Anything that can still make me smile and feel that warm fuzzy feeling is worth a thumbs up.
Good story! Thank you.
Maybe now people will understand my love of TwiJack.
Great story!
5456340 As ever, happy t'be of service. ^w&
I think this is the first story I've very seriously considered recording myself reading aloud.
It may be a while before I get myself around to doing it and the quality may not be too great but I fully intend to try my hand at this Dramatic Reading thing.
My current uploads don't really have much in the way of varying voices but if you feel like hearing some of what I've recorded previously before I get this done search "Musings in Darkness" on Youtube.
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Excellent piece, Good Author,
Succeeding is getting up one more time than falling down, and the final letter was the success.
Alright. I've had time now for the story to sink in, and clearly sleep is not in the cards for me tonight, so I think I'll dig a little deeper this time and tell you what I liked and what I was a little ambivalent to.
What I liked most will echo what many other people have said; the letter fragments are wonderful. Each iteration on what Applejack tries to write, and her way of stopping and working out why it doesn't work, the Applejack-ness of her reasoning in each scrapped letter, and the whole process itself being a subtle indication of the ways Twilight's rubbed off on her. It's beautiful. And it's a very good thing that this is the strongest part of the story, since it is sort of the main feature, being the source of the title and everything. I hesitate to use the word, 'gimmick,' but in my current state I lack the vocabulary to come up with a word that more accurately indicates the thing that most makes this story unique, so... uh, it is a good gimmick, and used well.
The weakest part of the story for me was the scene at Gustav's cafe. I don't know, it just doesn't feel like proper Mane Six banter to me. It has individual lines that shine, certainly, and the dialogue flows well enough, but... hm. I don't know what loses this scene for me, actually. It just feels off. Maybe it's that Applejack hadn't yet done anything that seemed quite overt enough to tip off the others as to her feelings. On that note, there'd been nothing, overt or not, from Twilight that felt like it could justify Rainbow's assessment that "Twi'd be into that, too." Yeah, thinking on it, I think most of my problems with this scene stem from the reMane Four making assumptions based on information we haven't seen them collect. Some amount of rumor-milling before they corner AJ on the issue would have done it some good.
All in all, the good points far outweigh the bad. You'll note that my favorite part of the story was a sweeping, systemic thing while the part that was a little off was just one isolated scene, so that should be an indication of just how much outweighing is going on. I stand by my first comment; I missed reading sweet, sappy shipfics from you.
5456340 Well, i like Slice of life and adoption stuff the most, but a few chapters for them having dates and stuff and later an adventure or Twilight illness and Applejack take care of her or something like that. I can´t think of something for an adventure right now, but i liked that story.
A story like that would be probably not that rare, but i liked the nervous Applejack, well if i can call that nervous.
Long story short, even if i can´t think of something right now, i would say this could be a big story, i don´t know if it should be a sequel or a Prequel, or you take that story as a pattern for the big story.
Well even if this already sound like you would do a sequel, i just wanted to actuating what i said, and yes i think i would like to read more about them.
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Aww, yay. Thanks. :)
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I'd be honored if you did a reading!
5457709
Yup! Definitely the kind of view of success I could see AJ having--one that I tried to have Twi display here, too.
5457962
Gotcha. Thanks for explaining a bit further. Probably this won't be expanded or get a sequel, but I appreciate the feedback!
5457883
I'm glad you liked the letter-writing segments. And I know what you mean--I'm not sure gimmick is the exact word I'd use for it, but yeah, the story really does hang on those segments and was designed to do so. *nod*
And I just realized, based on what you said, that while I'd tried to hint at the beginning that Twi felt the same, perhaps unsuccessfully, even then that wouldn't let the readers know that the Mane Six knew too. I'm wondering if I couldn't have improved that section even just by adding some bit of talk at the beginning where the non-TwiJack portion of the Mane Six point out that Twilight and Applejack have been spending an awful lot of one-on-one time together lately, what's up with THAT, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Thanks muchly!
For the longest time I've been struggling between the opposing powerhouses of Rarijack and Appledash, and now you have to go and throw this Twijack into the mix? Are you trying to kill me? I cannae take it! She's breaking up!
Seriously though, I adored this. It's beautiful. Great job. ^^